August 15th, 2012 - Trent-693243 said:
i had this discussion with my daughter and i expect her future husband to ask me. This is a sign of respect and if he has the courage to ask me then i figured he is mature enough to be responsible to take care of the most precious gift that he will be responsible for my daughter. This will also give me the opportunity to share with him Gods expectations for marriage and what his role as husband should be.
December 20th, 2011 - Jennifer-603810 said:
It is so appropriate. If someone asked my parents permission, they wouldn't tell me. My little brother asked his fiance's parents and then set up a romantic date on Christmas Eve. People may think it is old fashioned but I think it shows character and respect for not only your future spouse but for her parents!
February 6th, 2011 - Quentin-43809 said:
My youngest daughters husband called me to ask for her hand in marriage. I was so surprized that I couldnt give him an answer so I told him I would call him back in a few days with the answer. He said "ok" and hung up. About 45 mininutes later my daughter called and said "Hi Daddy" in the same tone that she use to call when she needed money in college. But after a short pause she said "What the heck is going on down there, He is asking for my hand in marriage. Make a decision" then I told her to pput him back on the phone and told him I was sorry but he caught me at a time I just was so startled that I could hardly think, Anyway they got married and so far have had one great grandchild and are expecting another.
January 26th, 2011 - William-551581 said:
It's appropriate, but not needed - I asked for permission before proposing and both her mom and dad said, "no." I did so anyways because I try to keep true to myself and whoever I'm dating, that I'm a man of my word and we were only engaged for a month and a half before her parents found out and "forced" her to mail the engagement ring back to me. I got the ring back in the mail 2 days after Valentine's Day with a 5 page letter of how bad a person I am. It's rediculous.
January 11th, 2011 - Peter-44842 said:
It had its time and place. But different assumptions about women and their decisions make actual pre-consent a bit quaint. (Turn poll question around and ask why shouldn't women get permission from the guy's father, grandmother etc.) With others, I agree you should inform parents as things unfold, and generally communicate one is serious. Family opposition on either side usually means problems down the road. Plus individual or odd circumstances can affect how to approach things.
January 8th, 2011 - Nicholas-209319 said:
It is usually appropriate. However, there are circumstances in which your fiance has much better judgement than her parents, she has a non-existent relationship with her parents, or a number of other reasons. Therefore, it is preferable, and if you can, you should; but there are exceptions.
January 4th, 2011 - Brett-658095 said:
Well when I asked the ex-wife to marry me I did not tell the parents first. They were mad that I didn't. They were more old fashioned than I was brought up. Her mom was mad but I don't think it bothered her Dad. But in retrospect I think it is a good thing to do. I would inform with the opportunity for them to give opinion. But I don't really think you should ask for permission. That cuts the daughter out having a say in the ordeal. My ex never had a problem with it. Most people I know didn't ask first.
January 2nd, 2011 - John-631631 said:
I think it is absolutely appropriate. It shows the family that you are a True Gentleman. Keep Chivalry alive! The family will gain a new respect for you. It also lets the Family know of your intentions. You can't go wrong asking permission. CHIVALRY LIVES!
January 1st, 2011 - Paul-91858 said:
This question needs to be more specific. Asking permission of who? It is implied that it is of the parents but it doesn't explicitly say that. It should say "Asking permission from the parents before proposing is ....? It that is the question, I think it is appropriate. It sends the message that there will be something significant occurring in the familial relationship in the future and shows a sign of respect to the parents of their child that they brought into this world. I think the comments about asking the kids for permission is going a bit too far. It gives a child some power over an adult that they otherwise would not have. Would you ask a child permission to discipline them??? Would you ask them if you should drink alcohol? Let the kids be kids and not give them a power that should be exercised by adults. It is treating kids as adults which in my view is inappropriate. Yes kids will be impacted by the decision and will have opinions on it but to give them veto power over an adult decision is conveying to them far more authority than they deserve to have.
December 31st, 2010 - MaryBeth-382377 said:
I am widowed. It really touched me to see how my husband was a bit nervous asking my father. I could see the seriousness he realized it was to enter into marriage. He really wanted to be proud to be my husband and for my father to be delighted, which he was. RIP dear husband and father. I hope to meet another good man someday.
December 27th, 2010 - Yvonne-616339 said:
It's appropriate and formal, showing respect to your bride to be, and her family which is your coming family in the near future. It is one way of knowing them and starting to get close to them. Parent's approval is very important even if you and your girlfriend are already in the right age. You could also have their blessings.
December 26th, 2010 - Cathie-627585 said:
I believe that it is absolutely appropriate if you have never been married before and are young. I don't believe however that anyone that is over 40 or has been married before that it is necessary. It can and should be done as a courtesy if the situation warrants that kind of familial approval.
December 26th, 2010 - Clark-255461 said:
Although I'm about as old fashioned as a guy could be these days..this is one few traditions where I scratch my head and wonder. I mean, if she's out of college, has been living on her own for a decade...the thought of asking her father is a bit odd. Almost like we are pretending women do not leave home after high school, or are not really independent after they become adults. If she needs the permission...who am I marrying?..her or her parents? Seems a bit try-hard to reverse engineer an era of chivalry that simply cannot exist today. Asking permission from anyone other than the bride..means the bride does not have the authority to decide with whom she desires to share her life.
December 26th, 2010 - Robert-653432 said:
This answer for me was between absolutely appropriate and old fashioned. I believe that women today should demand this, however, chivalry should also be demanded. The death of chivalry is because a lot of women don't demand iit OR after dating a while they get complacent and let the men forget about it. I tell my ten year old daughter to stop and wait until the door is opened, the seat is pulled, and so on. So go for it ladies, wait for them to drive on with the chivalry. It is clearly a respectful practice for your gender.
December 22nd, 2010 - Theresa-110510 said:
Megan makes a good point in defence of the tradition; for different reasons than those of 'ownership passing from one man to another'; which is the reason it was used for. At least thereby giving good reason to show why she approves of it.
Myself, I suppose it's because I'm independent and run my own life; but I find it a turn off. Would a potential realtor for my parents call me up to ask my permission before selling the house I grew up in? Not likely and I know my parents would be annoyed if they thought their children's approval was required before they could sell.
This was required - back centuries ago - but I'll bet the women of the days it applied to would 100 x prefer to be financially independent and to make marital decisions solely on their love for the man, rather than their father's approval of his finances and dowry he could pay for her - making her feel no different than a child and property to both.
If this is all a man can do to show his respect for a woman's parents, he probably doesn't have much of it. Don't kid yourself, women. There are other ways to show it without the side effect of making the love of his life feel like chattel - if he can't show other ways he respects parents he likely doesn't have any or much for them; and at that stage of your relationship, you'll know if he's good to them and a catch or not.
Like I say - turn off! Any guy who knows me a few dates should be able to put that together - I believe women have the right to vote and to hold jobs too! I find Elizabeth Bennet a true kindred spirit. I also want to know that he's not so old-fashioned that our marriage will be like that of the 1800's.
December 21st, 2010 - Beth-583369 said:
My dad didn't ask my grandfather, which caused a bit of a scandal. But I second Marissa. If my significant other came and asked my father for my hand, he'd probably say, "Why don't you talk to Beth?" I know my dad will voice his concerns with me, so if he was truly concerned about the relationship and didn't think we should get married he would have brought it up long before a proposal.
December 20th, 2010 - America-312924 said:
It wasn't necessarly "asking for persmission" as it was an announcement.....and that was one of the most memorable moment in my life when my parents were elated with the news!! --each in their own way. But nonetheless, it just comes from respect and honor for the parents.
December 19th, 2010 - Debra-75553 said:
Asking first is a nice way for the soon to be son-in-law to show some decency and respect. It's a point in time that the guys will always remember...given that weddings are usually such a chick thing! Give the men their due...don't strip them of their masculenity
December 17th, 2010 - Roseanne-557920 said:
I think it's a bit old fashioned, ... back when girls went from home with mom and dad to home with hubby.... requesting permission was absolutely necessary... if you wanted to stay alive, you know. It was more of a request to free the woman from the father's grasp.... like guardian grasp...
December 17th, 2010 - Maria-304891 said:
Perhaps the more interesting question to ask is, whether or not you would marry someone your parents would not approve of or give their blessing to?
That being said, I think it is appropriate to ask for permission. Not only is it a sign of respect towards the man's potential in-laws, but it sends a loving message to the woman that he is embracing the responsibility of caring of her, a role previously carried out by the parents. I guess it is about as "necessary" as buying a diamond ring or getting down on one knee. There can still be a successful engagement without either, but they sure add to the experience. And it still depends on preference. :)
December 17th, 2010 - Tim-145391 said:
I think it's inappropriate. A woman's father does not possess her, and therefore this tradition has no place in the relationship between a man and a woman. I also object to a father walking his daughter down the isle for the same reason. One of my favorite weddings had the bride walk herself half-way down the isle and the groom meet her half way. They completed the walk to the altar together, hand-in-hand. I appreciated the symbolism.
December 16th, 2010 - Abbey-104305 said:
My mother couldn't keep a secret and therefore my whole family and all of her friends would know that I was getting engaged before I did. I truly want to be the first person to know that my future husband and I have committed to each other. And, I have no intention of marrying anyone that I know my parents would not give me permission to marry.
December 16th, 2010 - Linda-629540 said:
I am not fortunate to have living parents. In my younger years I think that would have been completely appropriate and a sign of respect for both my parents and me. Now, however, perhaps a chat - not requesting permission - with my adult children would be appreciated by them but not required.
December 15th, 2010 - Lisa-639883 said:
Sweet idea but for me unneccessary. I've been on my own for a long time now and can make my own decisions. Perhaps with younger people and if you know that your intended prefers this. For some people, leaving the parents out is a big no-no. Maybe I would feel differently if I were younger (I'm 31).