In anticipation of Valentine’s Day, I’ve distilled the best advice from my book, How To Get To ‘I Do,’ into five golden nuggets. Here are some traits that I think will make you a better love attractor.
1. Spontaneity
We Catholics like our scripted romances, checklists, and rulebooks. But you have to be willing to catch the ball when someone throws it to you.
For instance, I normally waited a few weeks before meeting a man in person once we made contact through a dating website. However, when my husband contacted me, he was on the verge of leaving town to visit family over Easter, so I accepted his invitation to meet sooner.
You want to be careful with new people, but also let relationships unfold in their own time. It’s like how some people have slower or quicker heartbeats. Relationships have slightly different paces and being open to that variation tends to attract and create the most positive experiences.
2. Clarity of purpose
A single who is confident about his or her vocation to marriage is more attractive! Devout Catholics are inclined to give religious vocations a good look before jumping into marriage. That’s great, but to make a relationship work, you need clarity of purpose.
If you say, “I’m still trying to figure out my vocation” when someone is falling for you, she might hit a concrete floor. Or if someone is committing himself to you, and you bring up vocational confusion out of nowhere, you could hurt him immensely.
When you are clear about your life purpose, you give prospective spouses a green light to fully explore a relationship with you. They don’t have to fear that a rug will be pulled out from under them.
3. Compassion
You will attract a wider range of people if you are compassionate. If you think your date is perfect and could not possibly be offended by your snarky comments, think again. They could have loved ones who would be hurt or offended or a back story you are not privy to yet.
Let’s say you make a sweeping judgment on all people who are fighting addictions. You think, “This person I am sitting across from is so divine that this must be a safe bash.” Well…what if he has a close relative battling addiction? What if she is a recovered or recovering addict herself? Be judicious about harsh comments because nobody is perfect, and singles are looking for someone they can feel safe with and open up to.
4. A living spirituality
It’s not enough to go to Mass, confession, and recite your prayers every day. Talk to Jesus, the angels, your favorite saints, and develop your human virtue.
If your parish is not feeding you enough, find something that does. We enhance our physical vitality when we maintain a good diet, exercise, and get enough sleep. A healthy spiritual vitality is important too and causes others to trust you more and reveal their true selves faster.
It will also make you a better date and mate. We don’t necessarily need spouses for survival anymore. People are looking for spiritual partners and want to see an authentic spirituality that will lead to daily discoveries and growth.
5. Active pursuit
When we say the word “attract,” it might sound as if we can send out a sunbeam and draw people to us without any effort.
Some people have good fortune and bump into their spouse without any significant action. Good for them!
These days, I don’t recommend that you assume you’ll be so lucky though. I’m reminded of the old adage, “God helps those who help themselves.”
Actively seeking others includes going out to events where you can meet at least one new person. Also, joining an online dating site or an in-person dating service. These things are not wastes of money. Everyone my husband and I know who has found a successful match recently has met online.
When you are busy and tired, these can seem like Herculean tasks, but seeking others should be incorporated into your schedule. You can’t attract someone if there is nobody of interest in your orbit.
I highly recommend 4, 3, and 5, in that order.
Great article…..
Wonderful and inspiring.Thank you
Nice!
This is really good, thank for the great article!
What should I do when I live with a 95 years old father who has been sick and in Emergency room three times since New Year`s Eve. Also I`m taking care of my granddaughter from Monday to Friday most of the times. My sister try to help sometimes and my ex-husband, who lived in same building that I do help me too….but only sometimes. We`re best friends and he wants me to go out, but how. I`m in CM, because my daughter put me here. I told her, that it will be worse for me recieving invitations from nices people and not been able to do it. So this is what everyone wants me to do: When you have a date, don`t worry, we take care of dad…or my granddaughter. It sounds great. Then if US…BOTH OF US, really like each other, what is going to happens, because once there is something serious, WE…specially men wants to see you more and more.
That`s why I wrote down on my profile about my dad, but my doughter told me it was too dramatic, and most people will not repond to me. Then I mention it at the end, when ask if I`m flexible to travel or going away for a weekend. What should I do? I`m afraid to meet someone really nice and not been able to be there for him…….then he`ll think, I`m not really interested on him…you know men and their ego, well women will feel same way. Please help me!
Contact your local elder care, day care community resources to get your father out to play cards and spend time with friends his own age. Socialization is important for him as well. Ask your hospital if they provide volunteers for respite care. There are CareGivers support groups who network and run errands and have lunches with elder care training groups to assist you with breaks. Read about CareGiver statistics and how their emotional health suffers due to elder care. Always check with your parish Priest who may be able to guide you to resources that assist with your fathers care.
Start by “dating yourself” tell the family that you have a date and can they make a commitment to give you a break on your date night, just to test the waters. If they ask with whom,,a good answer is :someone I have not seen in years, someone I would like to get to know better, someone interesting and delightful. Me, Peace be With you,,,,always,,,Carpe Diem,,Adoria
I’ve been very happy with my experience with CM. I made a great friend. I hope that we can always be friends. He’s coming to see me super soon. I can’t wait!
thanks
These habits are practical and common sense. If one is loving and compassionat
yes
Thank you. That was enlightening.
These suggestions helped, thank-you CM.
I am learning a lot from all these CM articles…it reinforces the values that I have with clarity. Thank you so much!
I like the idea of “spiritual Partner.”…thank you
#3 and #5…don’t open your mouth until you know the other’s story completely…go slow and learn before letting loose your snarkies; i believe in the old Russian proverb: pray to God but keep rowing to the shore. “Active pursuit”…I just love the word. Way to go but be subtle about it…
Really nice article – thanks for writing it.
I loved this….thank you
Loved that article and its points. Thank you
thanks
nice to read but….
This is nice and good but it doesn’t necessarily work. For example, I’ve been actively looking but notihng happened. However, I think that this article gives a good foundation.
this is interesting, -active pursuit,#4 and #3,
I wonder, if this is true…why do I love my boyfriend and he does not love me?
I am spontaneous (like when I drove 3hrs to bring him a cake on his birthday), he is not..
He said he found it “interesting” I put on my CM profile I was looking to get married and ready to settle on that course; he told me he wanted the same, then said he was considering priesthood, now admitted after over a year of dating that he will not be ready to get married for a long time.
Otherwise, he lacks compassion, his faith life is suffering, and he does not pursue me because he says he is not attracted to me, but is working on it…
So how is it that I love him if he is none of these things, and he doesn’t love me when I am all these things? :<