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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

04/30/2012 new

(Quote) Roystan-340472 said: Will this be letting an elephant into the matrimonial home? And it lives for such ...
(Quote) Roystan-340472 said:


Will this be letting an elephant into the matrimonial home? And it lives for such a long time too, as long as a long marriage perhaps, and it remembers every thing that slights, nicks and pricks. Or will it be letting in two elephants, one for each spouse? Will there be a need for elephant whispering during those F2Fs before anything settles down, "What is a hero? Are there grades of hero? What size hole-in-the-soul does a hero leave? Can it be filled? Must it be filled? Are you a hero? Does it matter?"

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Some thought provoking questions Roystan. Do you feel this Linda? scratchchin

05/01/2012 new

(Quote) Susan-814299 said: Yes yes now go to bed.
(Quote) Susan-814299 said:



Yes yes now go to bed.

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faint cloud angel Harp heartbeat ok

05/01/2012 new
(Quote) Susan-814299 said: Linda I know what you mean as far as feeling like a freak of nature. I was 46 when I became a widow...
(Quote) Susan-814299 said:




Linda I know what you mean as far as feeling like a freak of nature. I was 46 when I became a widow after 20 very loving years with my Chris. He was 3 years younger than me and held his age beautifully. I do not understand this dating thing at all. Before I was married I never dated much, certainly not like my two sisters or friends did. So I will stumble along. I am finding out that I am considered a fairly young grandmother of 3. So many of the men my age have children at home and I am not so sure I want to relive going through the trials of raising a teenager again. My husband did not die a heros death like yours did but he died a victims death so I had anger issues to resolve. I am not sure what you mean by pariah?

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On a military post, I am a visible reminder as to what can happen, thus most steer clear of me. I am older than the average and I do not have children with me.
05/01/2012 new
(Quote) Roystan-340472 said: Will this be letting an elephant into the matrimonial home? And it lives for such a long time to...
(Quote) Roystan-340472 said:


Will this be letting an elephant into the matrimonial home? And it lives for such a long time too, as long as a long marriage perhaps, and it remembers every thing that slights, nicks and pricks. Or will it be letting in two elephants, one for each spouse? Will there be a need for elephant whispering during those F2Fs before anything settles down, "What is a hero? Are there grades of hero? What size hole-in-the-soul does a hero leave? Can it be filled? Must it be filled? Are you a hero? Does it matter?"

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I am nobody's hero, but my life will forever be tied to the man that was in terms of military service. The best gift he gave me was in his last conversation with me before he deployed. He wanted tonhave that what if talk. I wanted nothing to do with it. I changed the subject and made jokes. He asked one simple question. "would you want me to be happy if you died first?". Of course the answer was yes. He looked at me and said, " I love you so much that I would want you to find the fairy tale again.". Will it be an elephant? No, I am a different girl than I was. I will love differ fly because whoever it is will be different. Having said that, I will probably be involved in military outreach in terms of the gold star wives, the tragedy assistance program, and family services. My background spans that and I am living it. I have knowledge that is used. I will probably get my book published on this (two publishers are interested)', so the key is communication and compassion. I will love differently, but no less than I loved Phil. I see it, but I do not know who or when. I am open and trusting the Lord.
05/01/2012 new
My I pad is doing weird things to my words. I am not sure why differently is weird, but, alas...
05/01/2012 new

(Quote) Linda-756196 said: On a military post, I am a visible reminder as to what can happen, thus most steer clear of me. I am old...
(Quote) Linda-756196 said: On a military post, I am a visible reminder as to what can happen, thus most steer clear of me. I am older than the average and I do not have children with me.
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So you probably feel that you personify what they fear for themselves?

05/01/2012 new

Yes, and my children are grown up and I am one of the oldest people on the base. The people near my age are married, thus, it can be very lonely. I love Germany, but I will be leaving this area at least after my second year (one more year).

05/01/2012 new

One more component. If the unthinkable can happen to 9 AF officers, then it can happen to the army men and women who walk a very dangerous path.

05/01/2012 new

(Quote) Linda-756196 said: I am nobody's hero, but my life will forever be tied to the man that was in terms of military servic...
(Quote) Linda-756196 said: I am nobody's hero, but my life will forever be tied to the man that was in terms of military service. The best gift he gave me was in his last conversation with me before he deployed. He wanted tonhave that what if talk. I wanted nothing to do with it. I changed the subject and made jokes. He asked one simple question. "would you want me to be happy if you died first?". Of course the answer was yes. He looked at me and said, " I love you so much that I would want you to find the fairy tale again.". Will it be an elephant? No, I am a different girl than I was. I will love differ fly because whoever it is will be different. Having said that, I will probably be involved in military outreach in terms of the gold star wives, the tragedy assistance program, and family services. My background spans that and I am living it. I have knowledge that is used. I will probably get my book published on this (two publishers are interested)', so the key is communication and compassion. I will love differently, but no less than I loved Phil. I see it, but I do not know who or when. I am open and trusting the Lord.
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Linda you articulate well what many widows feel. I know I had to be very careful and really evaluate my feelings for my late husband so that I could love someone else just as much. I refrained from any dateing at all until I was at peace with it. It sounds like you are grieving in a healthy way and you just need a change of location. You are difinately not a freak and 50 is not that old, it's just the community you are in.

05/01/2012 new
(Quote) Helen-450889 said: I was 38 when my husband passed away. We had a relationship that spanned 22 years.
(Quote) Helen-450889 said:



I was 38 when my husband passed away. We had a relationship that spanned 22 years.



I had 1 boyfriend prior to my husband, and 1 courtship since his passing 4 years ago. He was unable to have children.



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This should have read that my husband was unable to have children.
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