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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Tonight is another one of "those nights" . My life consists of getting ready for work, working, eating dinner, watching TV and answering email, sleeping and repeat ad infinitum. That's it. I go to Mass on Saturday afternoon and the rest of my weekend is lying around.

The loneliness is horrible--I sleep very little and I'm relieved when it's time to get up so I don't have to lay there anymore and think about how I'm all alone. Sometimes I roll over and go to throw my arm around someone --and he's not there so my arm hits the bed, I startle awake and then cry. I hate nighttime. My friends are all married so they have families and I am feeling like the only person who lives alone on the entire planet. --I'd laugh at tha but I'm bummed.

How do you get out of the loneliness. Sadly I'm financially strapped so I really don't have $$ to go out. I'm just needing to adjust my attitude but not sure how. I'm sick of crying and feeling cruddy. Being alone isn't always bad, I just sink into this loneliness, heck I talk to the characters on TV...no one to laugh or chat with. I am glad I stopped drinking because that was going nowhere...but what helps you when loneliness creeps in?

Lorrie weeping sad wide eyed

06/04/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: Tonight is another one of "those nights" . My life consists of getting ready for work,...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

Tonight is another one of "those nights" . My life consists of getting ready for work, working, eating dinner, watching TV and answering email, sleeping and repeat ad infinitum. That's it. I go to Mass on Saturday afternoon and the rest of my weekend is lying around.

The loneliness is horrible--I sleep very little and I'm relieved when it's time to get up so I don't have to lay there anymore and think about how I'm all alone. Sometimes I roll over and go to throw my arm around someone --and he's not there so my arm hits the bed, I startle awake and then cry. I hate nighttime. My friends are all married so they have families and I am feeling like the only person who lives alone on the entire planet. --I'd laugh at tha but I'm bummed.

How do you get out of the loneliness. Sadly I'm financially strapped so I really don't have $$ to go out. I'm just needing to adjust my attitude but not sure how. I'm sick of crying and feeling cruddy. Being alone isn't always bad, I just sink into this loneliness, heck I talk to the characters on TV...no one to laugh or chat with. I am glad I stopped drinking because that was going nowhere...but what helps you when loneliness creeps in?

Lorrie

--hide--

06/04/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: Tonight is another one of "those nights" . My life consists of getting ready for work,...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

Tonight is another one of "those nights" . My life consists of getting ready for work, working, eating dinner, watching TV and answering email, sleeping and repeat ad infinitum. That's it. I go to Mass on Saturday afternoon and the rest of my weekend is lying around.

The loneliness is horrible--I sleep very little and I'm relieved when it's time to get up so I don't have to lay there anymore and think about how I'm all alone. Sometimes I roll over and go to throw my arm around someone --and he's not there so my arm hits the bed, I startle awake and then cry. I hate nighttime. My friends are all married so they have families and I am feeling like the only person who lives alone on the entire planet. --I'd laugh at tha but I'm bummed.

How do you get out of the loneliness. Sadly I'm financially strapped so I really don't have $$ to go out. I'm just needing to adjust my attitude but not sure how. I'm sick of crying and feeling cruddy. Being alone isn't always bad, I just sink into this loneliness, heck I talk to the characters on TV...no one to laugh or chat with. I am glad I stopped drinking because that was going nowhere...but what helps you when loneliness creeps in?

Lorrie

--hide--


Lorrie, although I got divorced a long, long time ago, I do think some of the things that I did to get past the loneliness might still apply. And, I think probably the most important for me was to start making new friendships (or at least acquaintanceships, since friendships take time). As for where: to make acquaintances/friends - some suggestions: Church, divorce support groups whether at church or other, classes (anything from tennis to knitting to whatever) - and many communities or jr. colleges will have low-cost options, meetup groups ( http://www.meetup.com), meeting friends through other friends, and if you've stopped drinking I think a good source might be AA groups. The main thing with all of these though is that you have to put yourself out there, and talk to people (and many times they won't talk back), but every once in a while someone will talk back and a friendship begins to form. I also found that I made friends more easily while on vacation somewhere or in a vacation setting such as the beach. And, even to just go out by yourself to your local coffee shop and have a cup of coffee - I know friends that have met both other friends and people they started to date this way. The main thing is to just start getting out there - not every night - and not a huge event, but to start doing things even if you're by yourself. There are lots of places to go where you don't have to spend money. A library, a church, a store (window-shopping), a college campus (wander around), a park, etc. It takes courage and effort, but as you start doing things, the next time it takes a little less effort, and then even less effort, and soon you might find that you're actually enjoying yourself! I hope this helps - if even a tiny bit. Remember, it just takes time!

06/04/2012 new

Thanks so much, you gave me some good suggestions. I know the institute of arts is free on Saturdays maybe I'll check that out. I have also been wanting to learn how to make all those cool cupcakes, and they have classes through the school so maybe that too...it's not terribly expensive. Thanks for the suggestions.

Oh, I am starting a class at a local church on St Ignatius--it's a discernment class. I am eager to meet new people there too.

Lorrie

06/04/2012 new

Hi Lorrie,

It takes some time to really get used to living alone after having shared a home with someone for a long time. I didn't have the challenges that you are struggling with, perhaps because in many ways my marriage was over long before we seperated. I was even a little worried at one point because I never thought about him after we split up. I still don't.

.

I still had to adjust to living alone though. I hardly ever eat at my dining room table...it's just too lonesome after all the years raising the kids, when we all sat down to dinner together. I sit on my couch and eat dinner, usually every night. You kinda have to make friends with yourself, because you spend so much time with yourself. You finally now, have the chance to do what you want to do. Resurrect an old hobby, I started doing needlework again and that keeps my hands busy. If I would be brooding or sad, I made myself get up and clean something. When your hands are busy, your mind is focused and soon you forget whats bugging you. Maybe if you took morning walks or afternoon walks.. that would help to allieviate the sluggishness that you are feeling. Excercise makes me feel better when I am blue. biggrin Reading is excellent for taking your mind off of everything, and when you put the book down, your mind is refresed and you are no longer thinking about sad stuff.

.

Oh, the arm hitting the empty bed! Yeah, that's rough. Try hugging a pillow when you drift off...I've heard that this works. Good Luck Lorrie!

I'm sorry that you are suffering. hug

Praying

06/05/2012 new

There's some great ideas here, and it sounds like you have started some already. Great idea on the class. I was in one that has now become a formation group. We get together and share a meal once a month now. Sometimes we have a topic, or a series of dvds currently, sometimes it is just to be together.

Ministry is good, Cursillo or BE that I can think off the top of my head. Another outlet for me is Al-Anon. I've gone on and off since I was a kid, and started back about 18 months ago. If nothing else, I talk to my sponsor daily, it keeps me in touch with reality. Doesn't hurt that she goes to church with me, too! I wandered into my library a few weeks ago and offered to help someone care her stuff in. It turned out to be a book club and I was invited to join. This month's book is Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried. That worked really well. I found out this week that it's a required read for my English class. One up on the game!!

The depression that makes you want to sleep is the worst. Chin up. You're in our prayers. Let us know if you come up with something really fun for us to look into!!

06/05/2012 new

I was just thinking the same thing today, except that I don't have issues sleeping. My loneliest time is when I am trying to do a project that requires someone's assistance. My exhusband and I were quite the "project people", always working together on something or another. We really worked well together (he would say the same thing). I miss the man I married so much it hurts. Unfortunately, because of mental illness, that man was replaced with someone I dont even recognize. But I still hung on, hoping that the man I married would someday return, but he never did. What is even more painful is that occasionally he would return for brief moments, only to return to his bipolar self eventually. It is during these brief moments that I had hope, but it wasn't enough to sustain a marriage. I miss the man I married so much it hurts and the loneliness seems so much more unbearable. I pray and the Lord heals.

06/05/2012 new

There are different things to look at doing. volunteer at your church, in the community . You could check out your local library to see if they have book club. It is hard being lonely. I was like that for me after my divorce many years ago. I spent time with family. Find things that did not cost a lot of money to do. Then I was able to find a catholic adult singles group to join in my area. Things do get easier. For me being alone really never bothered me.

06/05/2012 new

Well I found a video study at a church not far from work, waited until it was time to go (too far to drive home first) only to have no one show up. Talk about depressing. I do everything alone: live, work, eat, sleep, drive, entertainment, sit by myself at mass. It's just getting ridiculous. You start to wonder why you're even on this planet, it seems to be doing just fine without you. Most of the time no one notices I'm even here. I'm really down now, would have been better off not to go at all than to have no one show up.

Oh well,

Back at home,

Lorrie

06/09/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: Well I found a video study at a church not far from work, waited until it was time to go (too fa...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

Well I found a video study at a church not far from work, waited until it was time to go (too far to drive home first) only to have no one show up. Talk about depressing. I do everything alone: live, work, eat, sleep, drive, entertainment, sit by myself at mass. It's just getting ridiculous. You start to wonder why you're even on this planet, it seems to be doing just fine without you. Most of the time no one notices I'm even here. I'm really down now, would have been better off not to go at all than to have no one show up.

Oh well,

Back at home,

Lorrie

--hide--
Lorrie, I am so sorry to hear the video study at the church failed. Sometimes the crowds/attendance drops off for the summer. Perhaps you can check on-line for any Jeff Cavin's Bible Studies in your diocese. His programs are quite popular and do draw a crowd. Do you ever try Eucharistic Adoration? That is where I find my peace....it's when I have a little talk with Jesus about all that is on my mind. He does wonders in leading me in the right direction.....whether through the people he sends in my path, music, prayer groups, other inspirations of what I need to do to improve my life. I will keep you in my prayers that Jesus comes to your rescue soon with growing glimmers of happiness. Definitely pursue the cupcake idea! That sounds like a fun and playful outlet. Then you will need to determine who you will give your precious artwork to....whether it be a homeless shelter, a nursing home, a local convent, rectory, your neighbors or somewhere where the people will be thrilled to try your new found culinary talent. I wish you lived near me. I would love to take the class with you.

I too am lonely. It is no fun that's for sure. Take care and God bless you, Lorrie! hug

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