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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

I got a question for all of you. Went out last week. When I met my date she didn't look at all what she had posted on the site. She admitted that the picture was 10 years old and she asked me if I was mad. I told her that I was frustrated in that she didn't look like what she posted on the site. I told her that I don't like it when people are not honest. However we ordered our dinner and I made the best of it.

A couple of days later she called me up on the phone and wanted to know if I wanted to get together again and I said, "no, I didn't think it would be a good idea." She asked me why, as if we never talked about the fact that she wasn't honest. She told me that she was upset and that I am obviously afraid of committment and obviously, "hate women." Although I am not currently looking to get involved in full blown relationship, I don't hate women. She made the comment, "you obviously have been hurt and need therapy." Actua

Now I am at Church the other day and one of her male friends approaches me and says, "Hey I am a friend of "so and so" and she really likes you. Why don't you want to go out with her again?"

Don't worry it is nobody from this site, and although the gal is a professing Christian, I was not physically attracted to her and I especially don't like it when people are just dishonest from the get go. What do I do. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to go out with her again. I don't think that I need therapy because I don't want to go out with her again.

Thanks,

Keith

06/14/2012 new

Don't you hate it when that happens? I would jsut say that you aren't interested. Integrity should be key in any relationship. I know for me that it is a deal breaker. If a person lies about something small at the start, what are they going to lie about later? Sins of omission are still lies. You do not have to explain why you haven't called or why you aren't interested--just that you aren't. If you want her for a friend, then it is different, but that isn't what I see in your words.

06/14/2012 new
(Quote) Keith-733524 said: I got a question for all of you. Went out last week. When I met my date she didn't look at all what she had...
(Quote) Keith-733524 said:

I got a question for all of you. Went out last week. When I met my date she didn't look at all what she had posted on the site. She admitted that the picture was 10 years old and she asked me if I was mad. I told her that I was frustrated in that she didn't look like what she posted on the site. I told her that I don't like it when people are not honest. However we ordered our dinner and I made the best of it.

A couple of days later she called me up on the phone and wanted to know if I wanted to get together again and I said, "no, I didn't think it would be a good idea." She asked me why, as if we never talked about the fact that she wasn't honest. She told me that she was upset and that I am obviously afraid of committment and obviously, "hate women." Although I am not currently looking to get involved in full blown relationship, I don't hate women. She made the comment, "you obviously have been hurt and need therapy." Actua

Now I am at Church the other day and one of her male friends approaches me and says, "Hey I am a friend of "so and so" and she really likes you. Why don't you want to go out with her again?"

Don't worry it is nobody from this site, and although the gal is a professing Christian, I was not physically attracted to her and I especially don't like it when people are just dishonest from the get go. What do I do. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to go out with her again. I don't think that I need therapy because I don't want to go out with her again.

Thanks,

Keith

--hide--
You've already explained your problem with her honesty. And she says you hate women but sends a friend to try to get you to ask her out again? I'd just ignore her. No sense trying to keep being rational with her if she doesn't want to listen
06/14/2012 new

Honesty is foremost, right after God, in the success of any relationship. I have had two coffee dates with similar results. If someone is not going to be honest with a picture, when they are planning to meet someone, how would you ever trust them with major issues???

That's simply a no brainer for me. No, I don't think that you need therapy. I think you have used good judgment. If her friend approaches you at church again (kind of rude!), I would just answer that the topic was between you and the person you went out with. I decline to be involved with gossip regularlary so it wouldn't be a major malfunction!

06/14/2012 new

I think we meet some of the same people :) When you find out how to tell them apart from the rest of the human population.....give me a ring.

06/14/2012 new

So did you think she just looked good for her age? scratchchin

06/14/2012 new

And in my experience, it is always the people who don't see a misleading picture as lying that think everyone else has the problem. All you can do is say a prayer for their peace of mind and don't get sucked into any confrontations.

06/14/2012 new

(Quote) Keith-733524 said: I got a question for all of you. Went out last week. When I met my date she didn't look at al...
(Quote) Keith-733524 said:

I got a question for all of you. Went out last week. When I met my date she didn't look at all what she had posted on the site. She admitted that the picture was 10 years old and she asked me if I was mad. I told her that I was frustrated in that she didn't look like what she posted on the site. I told her that I don't like it when people are not honest. However we ordered our dinner and I made the best of it.

A couple of days later she called me up on the phone and wanted to know if I wanted to get together again and I said, "no, I didn't think it would be a good idea." She asked me why, as if we never talked about the fact that she wasn't honest. She told me that she was upset and that I am obviously afraid of committment and obviously, "hate women." Although I am not currently looking to get involved in full blown relationship, I don't hate women. She made the comment, "you obviously have been hurt and need therapy." Actua

Now I am at Church the other day and one of her male friends approaches me and says, "Hey I am a friend of "so and so" and she really likes you. Why don't you want to go out with her again?"

Don't worry it is nobody from this site, and although the gal is a professing Christian, I was not physically attracted to her and I especially don't like it when people are just dishonest from the get go. What do I do. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to go out with her again. I don't think that I need therapy because I don't want to go out with her again.

Thanks,

Keith

--hide--

I there there are 2 issues here.

1)Honestly....and that's where I completely agree with you she should have posted a recent picture at least within the last year. I've had guys do this too and they think nothing of it. One guy I met was a blond in his picture but actually had dark brown hair and didn't bother to tell me before we met so I was looking for a blond when I met him and didn't recognize him. It wasn't a big deal but really but it would have been nice of him to let me know he changed his hair color so I would know he was not a no show. We actually did date awhile but distance caused things to fizzle out.

2) Self Identity. I think from what you posted that this lady may really think her photo is an accurate representation of how she looks today. Some people don't see themselves clearly or think of themselves as the same person they were 10 years ago even if age has changed things. this is also very common among men too. I hear complaints about it from other women all the time. Just keep in mind that it's best not to have expectations of who a person is or what they look like before you meet in person. Even with recent pictures people still look different to me sometimes in person then they do in their photographs.

Hope that helps.

06/14/2012 new

(Quote) Keith-733524 said: I got a question for all of you. Went out last week. When I met my date she didn't look at al...
(Quote) Keith-733524 said:

I got a question for all of you. Went out last week. When I met my date she didn't look at all what she had posted on the site. She admitted that the picture was 10 years old and she asked me if I was mad. I told her that I was frustrated in that she didn't look like what she posted on the site. I told her that I don't like it when people are not honest. However we ordered our dinner and I made the best of it.

A couple of days later she called me up on the phone and wanted to know if I wanted to get together again and I said, "no, I didn't think it would be a good idea." She asked me why, as if we never talked about the fact that she wasn't honest. She told me that she was upset and that I am obviously afraid of committment and obviously, "hate women." Although I am not currently looking to get involved in full blown relationship, I don't hate women. She made the comment, "you obviously have been hurt and need therapy." Actua

Now I am at Church the other day and one of her male friends approaches me and says, "Hey I am a friend of "so and so" and she really likes you. Why don't you want to go out with her again?"

Don't worry it is nobody from this site, and although the gal is a professing Christian, I was not physically attracted to her and I especially don't like it when people are just dishonest from the get go. What do I do. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to go out with her again. I don't think that I need therapy because I don't want to go out with her again.

Thanks,

Keith

--hide--

From what you said, it sounds like you went out with an unstable, psycho chick. There is no advice or defense against that. Just hope she moves on in a couple of days.

06/14/2012 new

I liked the comments by Linda and AnneMarie.

Here's my take: If she was a woman of quality, your information that you weren't interested in going out again would have ended on a positive note, a word of thanks to you for the experience of dining with you and wishing you the best of success in your future.

My words on this one aren't walk away, but RUN.

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