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06/25/2012 new

Marissa:


You're brave to share this. There are much better drugs to treat your condition than in previous years. You're intelligent and lovely with a strong character. Love and marriage are not beyond your reach. It may take a little more effort and patience on your part, but don't despair.


rose

06/26/2012 new

To piggyback a little on David's comment, sometimes meds need to be adjusted over time. I hope you have a good primary care and a good provider network. Also, do you keep a journal, wherein you write daily reflections, but also general physiological/medical notes, such as when you took your meds, what you ate, physical activity, and anything else that might be worth identifying?

Hope you're able to get some much needed rest!
Praying

--Bill


06/26/2012 new

Bill - the journal idea is a good one, and very important when taking psychotropic medications. My best friend suffers from bipolar II, and has some of the same problems you have. Take heart, and know that just because God gave you a specific medical condition, that doesn't mean that you can't move forward with marriage and possibly children!

06/26/2012 new

Thanks.....ahhh yes, the dreaded journal :) I say that because it's one of those things I HAVE to do, because it does help so much, but I don't really WANT to do. I suppose it's like exercising, we all want the benefits without the bother. :)

06/26/2012 new

(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: Thanks.....ahhh yes, the dreaded journal :) I say that because it's one of those things I H...
(Quote) Marissa-529206 said:

Thanks.....ahhh yes, the dreaded journal :) I say that because it's one of those things I HAVE to do, because it does help so much, but I don't really WANT to do. I suppose it's like exercising, we all want the benefits without the bother. :)

--hide--

It doesn't have to be. I started in high school with a few very dry spells. I need it to keep track of eating when I am changing my eating habits. It's my reminder that I tend to go overboard. Whenever I start a new journal, I work daily from the front, gratitude from the back. There are ways to keep it light and interesting for the purpose of your meds. The darker stuff - I would use a different notebook for. I generally burn that stuff in a few months.

I really wish more people that struggle would have your healthy attitude and willingness to share. In sharing our experience, reaching out to others, we find healing for ourselves.

hug hersheyskiss

06/26/2012 new
(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: Probably many people have not read my profile. In it, I include that I have an illness. For awhile I have c...
(Quote) Marissa-529206 said:

Probably many people have not read my profile. In it, I include that I have an illness. For awhile I have considered myself as barely suffering from this. Now I am not so sure. In fact, I have begun to doubt if, for me, marriage is even an option. I like to think it is an option. Frankly, I'm petrified of the opposite being true, but I'm going to ask the question anyway.

My illness is schizoaffective disorder. Which has symptoms of schizophrenia and depression(so yes, if you think you have trouble attracting the opposite sex, just wait until you say THAT on a date ) However, it has been a very long time, over a year and a half since I have had schizophrenia symptoms). I thought I could tell what was a symptom and what was "me". but now I'm not so sure what I'm fighting....sometimes I'm not even sure how to fight things. Last night....I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted but didn't sleep. My medication is soooo strong that usually it knocks me out an hour after I take it....so clearly this is not something that happens. But for me to stay on top of my disorder, I have to ask the question..."Is this me simply not able to go to sleep?" "Am I starting to exhibit symptoms of something else?" "Am I experiencing anxiety?". If I eat and I feel sick, the answer isn't always either you "Ate to much" or "you have food poisoning".....it could be...."Are my levels of potassium to low? Did I accidently overdose?" I keep potassium and magnesium EVERYWHERE. I can't be in the sun for a long time. My life is sooo tightly regulated. If it gets over 90 and I'm outside I'm prone to fainting(being a farm person and a horse person you can imagine how careful I am). Of course, I'm really pretty good at regulating it, but really, all it takes is for me to mess up once, and I can end up in the hospital. I keep improving, but I keep thinking....will I really ever improve enough to be able to have a family depend on me?

I experienced a very difficult week. I struggle through it. But I finally have to ask....can your life be this regulated when you have a family? Will my problems be to much for a spouse to handle? I don't want my children to be those kids who were really the parent....of course, that's pretty extreme....I'm a mature person....but sometimes....I feel soooooo weak. I know that for ME to be married would be healthy. I improved so much in my parents house, and frankly, they almost never know when I am struggling. But children require extra time, extra attention. I do believe in families where one spouse stays home with the children. If it's a full time job, then one parent should try to be home at least PART time. And it's economically easier if that person is talented at domestics and cutting the budget. But I don't want to turn into a second child that my spouse has to take care of. I am very good at taking some criticism as long as it is on my ideas and not my person. And please remember that for me, this is a very difficult issue because I'm already confused as to where my illness ends and I begin. Even if you don't know the answer....I would appreciate some advice on how perhaps you have come through difficult periods. It seems all the things I learned growing up....such as who I am and understanding myself and how to regulate my own life have been drastically altered. Things which used to be "old hat"....such as finding a job.....now require me to do deep self-analysis and prepare as though I was a teen going in for their first job interview.

My doctors do not understand me....they say, "Well, marriage is fine, and if you are scared to have kids, then use contraception"....something I don't believe in.....I have actually been advised to live with a guy to "test it out".....so clearly, I cannot go to them for advice. I'm sorry if I sound a little depressive, but I've always wanted at some point to get married and so trying to work these things out is difficult for me.

Any information on what it "requires" to be married would be of help also....frankly anything would be of help since I'm pretty confused.

--hide--


First off, check the web for any dating sites related to your illness. There is one in my area that is for people with Psychological problems. If you can find one it may give you some support while you continue to look here, or visa versa.

My first Psychiatrist diagnosed me as schizophrenic. After he stopped seeing me due illness, the next Psychiatrist said it was not the case. I have a little insight as to what you are going through though. I have bouts of depression, but my problem is more along the lines of phobias. How do you tell a potential date you can't go there, because you have panic attacks due to the wide open spaces? Not a really particularly impressive approach, would you agree?

You may very well be marriage material, but the type of guys are not the ones you should perhaps be contacting. Check out the web and look for a site tailored to your specific problem. They must exist, if they have one here there must be more. New Mexico is not exactly known for being that ahead of the curve for much of anything.

God bless you and keep at it,

Robert
06/27/2012 new

Welcome to the fora, Kelsey!

06/27/2012 new

(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: Probably many people have not read my profile. In it, I include that I have an illness. For awh...
(Quote) Marissa-529206 said:

Probably many people have not read my profile. In it, I include that I have an illness. For awhile I have considered myself as barely suffering from this. Now I am not so sure. In fact, I have begun to doubt if, for me, marriage is even an option. I like to think it is an option. Frankly, I'm petrified of the opposite being true, but I'm going to ask the question anyway.

My illness is schizoaffective disorder. Which has symptoms of schizophrenia and depression(so yes, if you think you have trouble attracting the opposite sex, just wait until you say THAT on a date ) However, it has been a very long time, over a year and a half since I have had schizophrenia symptoms). I thought I could tell what was a symptom and what was "me". but now I'm not so sure what I'm fighting....sometimes I'm not even sure how to fight things. Last night....I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted but didn't sleep. My medication is soooo strong that usually it knocks me out an hour after I take it....so clearly this is not something that happens. But for me to stay on top of my disorder, I have to ask the question..."Is this me simply not able to go to sleep?" "Am I starting to exhibit symptoms of something else?" "Am I experiencing anxiety?". If I eat and I feel sick, the answer isn't always either you "Ate to much" or "you have food poisoning".....it could be...."Are my levels of potassium to low? Did I accidently overdose?" I keep potassium and magnesium EVERYWHERE. I can't be in the sun for a long time. My life is sooo tightly regulated. If it gets over 90 and I'm outside I'm prone to fainting(being a farm person and a horse person you can imagine how careful I am). Of course, I'm really pretty good at regulating it, but really, all it takes is for me to mess up once, and I can end up in the hospital. I keep improving, but I keep thinking....will I really ever improve enough to be able to have a family depend on me?

I experienced a very difficult week. I struggle through it. But I finally have to ask....can your life be this regulated when you have a family? Will my problems be to much for a spouse to handle? I don't want my children to be those kids who were really the parent....of course, that's pretty extreme....I'm a mature person....but sometimes....I feel soooooo weak. I know that for ME to be married would be healthy. I improved so much in my parents house, and frankly, they almost never know when I am struggling. But children require extra time, extra attention. I do believe in families where one spouse stays home with the children. If it's a full time job, then one parent should try to be home at least PART time. And it's economically easier if that person is talented at domestics and cutting the budget. But I don't want to turn into a second child that my spouse has to take care of. I am very good at taking some criticism as long as it is on my ideas and not my person. And please remember that for me, this is a very difficult issue because I'm already confused as to where my illness ends and I begin. Even if you don't know the answer....I would appreciate some advice on how perhaps you have come through difficult periods. It seems all the things I learned growing up....such as who I am and understanding myself and how to regulate my own life have been drastically altered. Things which used to be "old hat"....such as finding a job.....now require me to do deep self-analysis and prepare as though I was a teen going in for their first job interview.

My doctors do not understand me....they say, "Well, marriage is fine, and if you are scared to have kids, then use contraception"....something I don't believe in.....I have actually been advised to live with a guy to "test it out".....so clearly, I cannot go to them for advice. I'm sorry if I sound a little depressive, but I've always wanted at some point to get married and so trying to work these things out is difficult for me.

Any information on what it "requires" to be married would be of help also....frankly anything would be of help since I'm pretty confused.

--hide--



hug Praying rosary You are not a mistake. God made you precious. A unique unreapeatable Human being . God Bless you for your courage to be honest and open here. I think if you are looking for someone to cure your illness that might be a mistake but to share your life and have support from another is healthy. Keep praying. God has a plan for each and everyone of us. My heart goes out to you and all suffering any type of anxiety disorder. No one is immune to disease. GOD Bless you. May we all be accepting and help each other carry our burdens. For our yoke is easy and our burden light when we unite it with Christ. Keep seeking HIM. theheart

Kathleen Praying

06/27/2012 new

Marissa,

I admire your courage in sharing this. I admire everyone who shared their stories following yours. The best medicine you have is your closeness to God. That will get you through the difficult times. God bless you and I will pray for you. rosary hug theheart

06/27/2012 new

Just over three years ago, I started suffering anxiety symptoms. I had had anxiety when I was a child and sometimes when I was a teen. in 2007 my grandmother had cancer and had passed away that summer. In the following year I was writing a lot of poetry. I was writing fully developed poems every 2-4 days. I was working out as well and working 40 hours a week and sleeping little. I was worked up about everything. I wasn't eating very well either and was drinking caffeine and muching on chocolate around the clock. In addition, I was taking Advil every day. It's easy enough to say I was started suffering anxiety symptom, in truth, I had a full scale physical anxiety attack. I'd been at work less than 15 minutes. At first I thought it was an isolated incident. I wrote it off and kept up the racing lifestyle every day. Then it hit again days later. Then it wouldn't pass. I tried more exercise. I blew my shoulder out. I couldn't lift much more than 2lbs for two weeks. The doctor told me to take more Advil. Didn't help with pain in my shoulder and side. I tried Tylenol. Worse, I was waking in the night with a start, physically freaking out and mentally terrified. I couldn't deal with people at work. Every encounter I felt like I was going to melt down. Finally, I quit the Advil, the caffeine, the chocolate, the poetry, the blogging, took a week off and started sleeping all the time. I wasn't even near normal yet. To make a long story short, I lived nearly three months that were a hell on earth. But in them, I found a deeper faith. I prayer more than I ever have in my life. I learned how to live again. I read the Imitation of Christ. I even discerned the religious life for a time. Yup, the priesthood and finally after years of thoughts and hints in the back of my mind I was sure. I am not called.


I don't have what Marissa has. Medically I don't even know where I am. I can't pretend to know what she goes through, but I know what it is like to go through something. I remember days -hoping to get through 2 hours, 4 hours, 8 hours. Each person I had to deal with was a personal challenge. How good was today, how good will tomorrow be? I can control the circumstances which trigger feelings of anxiety. As a friend of mine who also has anxiety issues (worse than mine) noted, the worse thing is not that people think they know what you're going through when they don't (which can be annoying). The worse thing is feeling alone. We all experience what we experience alone to a degree. I was never alone with God but I learned even to appreciate people. I am a solitary person in many ways still, but I now have a greater appreciating for the suffering of any kind. When John Paul II said that in the face of the suffering person is the suffering Christ, I think now more than ever I understand what that means. Not every person who suffers looks like they are suffering. Not all wounds are apparent. Crosses in the spiritual sense take all sorts of shapes and weights. We all have crosses. Some of them are immense. For all I went through, I was grateful for the size and weight of mine. I learned how to live again. I learned how to appreciate again. I became a baseball fan again. I write less poetry now. I now realize my importance in the world is not how much I create. I write better poetry. I think I have more friends. I listen more. Everything is a blessing from God, even and especially suffering. Marissa, I don't think you'll do just okay despite your illness. I think you will do better maybe even because of it. You know who you are and all that God has given you and expects of you. Jesus says to us, perhaps more than any other thing in scripture, "Do not be afraid". Do not be afraid.

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