Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Singles discussion related to wedding planning, engagement, and married life should be posted in this room.

Saint Valentine is patron saint of love, young people, and happy marriages.
Learn More: Saint Valentine

06/27/2012 new
(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: Probably many people have not read my profile. In it, I include that I have an illness. For awhile I have c...
(Quote) Marissa-529206 said:

Probably many people have not read my profile. In it, I include that I have an illness. For awhile I have considered myself as barely suffering from this. Now I am not so sure. In fact, I have begun to doubt if, for me, marriage is even an option. I like to think it is an option. Frankly, I'm petrified of the opposite being true, but I'm going to ask the question anyway.

My illness is schizoaffective disorder. Which has symptoms of schizophrenia and depression(so yes, if you think you have trouble attracting the opposite sex, just wait until you say THAT on a date ) However, it has been a very long time, over a year and a half since I have had schizophrenia symptoms). I thought I could tell what was a symptom and what was "me". but now I'm not so sure what I'm fighting....sometimes I'm not even sure how to fight things. Last night....I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted but didn't sleep. My medication is soooo strong that usually it knocks me out an hour after I take it....so clearly this is not something that happens. But for me to stay on top of my disorder, I have to ask the question..."Is this me simply not able to go to sleep?" "Am I starting to exhibit symptoms of something else?" "Am I experiencing anxiety?". If I eat and I feel sick, the answer isn't always either you "Ate to much" or "you have food poisoning".....it could be...."Are my levels of potassium to low? Did I accidently overdose?" I keep potassium and magnesium EVERYWHERE. I can't be in the sun for a long time. My life is sooo tightly regulated. If it gets over 90 and I'm outside I'm prone to fainting(being a farm person and a horse person you can imagine how careful I am). Of course, I'm really pretty good at regulating it, but really, all it takes is for me to mess up once, and I can end up in the hospital. I keep improving, but I keep thinking....will I really ever improve enough to be able to have a family depend on me?

I experienced a very difficult week. I struggle through it. But I finally have to ask....can your life be this regulated when you have a family? Will my problems be to much for a spouse to handle? I don't want my children to be those kids who were really the parent....of course, that's pretty extreme....I'm a mature person....but sometimes....I feel soooooo weak. I know that for ME to be married would be healthy. I improved so much in my parents house, and frankly, they almost never know when I am struggling. But children require extra time, extra attention. I do believe in families where one spouse stays home with the children. If it's a full time job, then one parent should try to be home at least PART time. And it's economically easier if that person is talented at domestics and cutting the budget. But I don't want to turn into a second child that my spouse has to take care of. I am very good at taking some criticism as long as it is on my ideas and not my person. And please remember that for me, this is a very difficult issue because I'm already confused as to where my illness ends and I begin. Even if you don't know the answer....I would appreciate some advice on how perhaps you have come through difficult periods. It seems all the things I learned growing up....such as who I am and understanding myself and how to regulate my own life have been drastically altered. Things which used to be "old hat"....such as finding a job.....now require me to do deep self-analysis and prepare as though I was a teen going in for their first job interview.

My doctors do not understand me....they say, "Well, marriage is fine, and if you are scared to have kids, then use contraception"....something I don't believe in.....I have actually been advised to live with a guy to "test it out".....so clearly, I cannot go to them for advice. I'm sorry if I sound a little depressive, but I've always wanted at some point to get married and so trying to work these things out is difficult for me.

Any information on what it "requires" to be married would be of help also....frankly anything would be of help since I'm pretty confused.

--hide--


We all have fears..my fear is trying to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope!!!
06/28/2012 new

(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: Probably many people have not read my profile. In it, I include that I have an illness. For awh...
(Quote) Marissa-529206 said:

Probably many people have not read my profile. In it, I include that I have an illness. For awhile I have considered myself as barely suffering from this. Now I am not so sure. In fact, I have begun to doubt if, for me, marriage is even an option. I like to think it is an option. Frankly, I'm petrified of the opposite being true, but I'm going to ask the question anyway.

My illness is schizoaffective disorder. Which has symptoms of schizophrenia and depression(so yes, if you think you have trouble attracting the opposite sex, just wait until you say THAT on a date ) However, it has been a very long time, over a year and a half since I have had schizophrenia symptoms). I thought I could tell what was a symptom and what was "me". but now I'm not so sure what I'm fighting....sometimes I'm not even sure how to fight things. Last night....I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted but didn't sleep. My medication is soooo strong that usually it knocks me out an hour after I take it....so clearly this is not something that happens. But for me to stay on top of my disorder, I have to ask the question..."Is this me simply not able to go to sleep?" "Am I starting to exhibit symptoms of something else?" "Am I experiencing anxiety?". If I eat and I feel sick, the answer isn't always either you "Ate to much" or "you have food poisoning".....it could be...."Are my levels of potassium to low? Did I accidently overdose?" I keep potassium and magnesium EVERYWHERE. I can't be in the sun for a long time. My life is sooo tightly regulated. If it gets over 90 and I'm outside I'm prone to fainting(being a farm person and a horse person you can imagine how careful I am). Of course, I'm really pretty good at regulating it, but really, all it takes is for me to mess up once, and I can end up in the hospital. I keep improving, but I keep thinking....will I really ever improve enough to be able to have a family depend on me?

I experienced a very difficult week. I struggle through it. But I finally have to ask....can your life be this regulated when you have a family? Will my problems be to much for a spouse to handle? I don't want my children to be those kids who were really the parent....of course, that's pretty extreme....I'm a mature person....but sometimes....I feel soooooo weak. I know that for ME to be married would be healthy. I improved so much in my parents house, and frankly, they almost never know when I am struggling. But children require extra time, extra attention. I do believe in families where one spouse stays home with the children. If it's a full time job, then one parent should try to be home at least PART time. And it's economically easier if that person is talented at domestics and cutting the budget. But I don't want to turn into a second child that my spouse has to take care of. I am very good at taking some criticism as long as it is on my ideas and not my person. And please remember that for me, this is a very difficult issue because I'm already confused as to where my illness ends and I begin. Even if you don't know the answer....I would appreciate some advice on how perhaps you have come through difficult periods. It seems all the things I learned growing up....such as who I am and understanding myself and how to regulate my own life have been drastically altered. Things which used to be "old hat"....such as finding a job.....now require me to do deep self-analysis and prepare as though I was a teen going in for their first job interview.

My doctors do not understand me....they say, "Well, marriage is fine, and if you are scared to have kids, then use contraception"....something I don't believe in.....I have actually been advised to live with a guy to "test it out".....so clearly, I cannot go to them for advice. I'm sorry if I sound a little depressive, but I've always wanted at some point to get married and so trying to work these things out is difficult for me.

Any information on what it "requires" to be married would be of help also....frankly anything would be of help since I'm pretty confused.

--hide--



Marissa,

I just found this thread, and find it interesting, after having read your posts in another thread, which got pretty emotional! wink Give this over to God completely: Thy Will Be Done, not yours, truthfully. It's not what you think you want to do, it's what God wants you to do with your life. I am a mother, and as a mother, you need to be aware, 24/7. Your needs are secondary to your children's, especially when they are young.

I have had a heck of a year (since Oct.), medically. I thank my 15 year old daughter continuously for her patience, and also her independence (when needed). I also thank God that, even when I had my worst days, that it wasn't as bad as it could be. I'm now close to ending the treatments, and look forward to "getting on with life" again! biggrin

07/01/2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-99973 said: Marissa,I just found this thread, and find it interesting, after having read y...
(Quote) Kathy-99973 said:




Marissa,

I just found this thread, and find it interesting, after having read your posts in another thread, which got pretty emotional! Give this over to God completely: Thy Will Be Done, not yours, truthfully. It's not what you think you want to do, it's what God wants you to do with your life. I am a mother, and as a mother, you need to be aware, 24/7. Your needs are secondary to your children's, especially when they are young.

I have had a heck of a year (since Oct.), medically. I thank my 15 year old daughter continuously for her patience, and also her independence (when needed). I also thank God that, even when I had my worst days, that it wasn't as bad as it could be. I'm now close to ending the treatments, and look forward to "getting on with life" again!

--hide--



Thanks, yes, every once and awhile I lose my temper. After having worked in family court systems and being in the military, the one emotion I have trouble controlling is anger :) Still working on that. However I try to systematically reduce any emotions being used in decision making other than self-sacrificing love. Difficult to do, but not necessarily impossible, although sometimes I fail. I have decided to attempt to take on more stress to see if I can do it without becoming "sick". If I can't I suppose I will have to find something else to do with my life, although I'm running out of realistic options :). It's funny you point that out, I used to be accused of having no sympathy and no emotions. It was actually the opposite, I simply see where victims are usually found. It's hard to be in a court and having a person sobbing in front of you who has never done anything intentionally wrong but is there purely because he didn't realize he was slowly losing control of himself until he ended up hurting someone else by accident. I suppose that is why I ask these questions. I don't want to see me face the fact that in making a selfish choice I have hurt someone else. The most horrible thing is when parents blame each other for their childrens problems, when, from the outside it is obvious that they refuse to hold themselves accountable. *sigh*.....so my plan is this. I will add stress to my life, to make sure that for the most part I can handle said stress. Then I will adopt habits that would be normal for a parent. If I can do this with minimal change in nature(without becoming defensive or taking out anger on others and without putting any unnormal stress on others) and without becoming sick and needing care. Then I will consider a serious relationship. Until then, I'm going to become watchful. I suppose this is the best I can do(other of course than prayer, I asked God to not allow me to meet someone if I could end up hurting them unknowingly). A woman who works with families who have someone who is mentally ill told me I am actually in pretty good shape(I just had a conversation with her the other day). Even compared with people who have regular depression. Apparently the biggest problem is laying a persons illness at someone elses door. That's something I really work on because long ago I read of a saint who said we should try to make others happy when we ourselves are sad. So I try my best to smile and act happy for my family. It's funny how reading about a saint in highschool would turn out to impact major decisions in my life in my late 20's. I'm so happy I'm Catholic, otherwise I feel I would truly be a victim of my illness.

07/09/2012 new
From my perspective, that you doubt your readiness and confront your weakness is a greater sign of sanity and health than you realize. It is the people who are totally self-assured of themselves that often do the great damage that you observe. I believe Chesterton stated something in a similar vein.

Just be thankful and trusting in your loving Father day and night, and be ready to let His will work through you. Your own plans for yourself utterly pale in comparison to the abundant life that He has planned for you.

Sometimes it takes a great deal of courage to accept this. I have found myself in the past rebuffing the gentle coaxing of the Spirit by assuming such impulses were selfish, and I'd rather you not have to find that opposite heartache the hard way.
07/10/2012 new

+

JMJ

Praying

07/13/2012 new
I have a new meditation for you. 2 Cor 12:7-10.

Also, when G.K. Chesterton was asked, "what's wrong with the world?", he replied with two words.

"I am."
07/13/2012 new

That's a rather perplexing citation from Chesterton Patrick. I'm not sure how it applies here.

07/14/2012 new

(Quote) Brian-328251 said: That's a rather perplexing citation from Chesterton Patrick. I'm not sure how it applies ...
(Quote) Brian-328251 said:

That's a rather perplexing citation from Chesterton Patrick. I'm not sure how it applies here.

--hide--



Because the only person that you can truly change is yourself. Of course it's applicable here.

07/14/2012 new

If anyone thinks that changing yourself is as simple as changing your mind to do so, I submit they have little personal experience with that.

07/14/2012 new
(Quote) Brian-328251 said: If anyone thinks that changing yourself is as simple as changing your mind to do so, I submit they have little ...
(Quote) Brian-328251 said:

If anyone thinks that changing yourself is as simple as changing your mind to do so, I submit they have little personal experience with that.

--hide--


Who said anything about simple?
Posts 21 - 30 of 39