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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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There have been a few fun threads dealing with fantasizing about proposal/wedding/etc and dream house. The question I have here though is - for most of the over 55 crowd is this just a dream? I think more women are serious about finding a marriage partner/soulmate, but don't know the male point of view on this as much. On the secular sites, it appears to me that most men are just "browsing" so to speak. (Obviously I don't know what women are doing there). On this site, I've seen a couple over 55 men state they want to marry, but I haven't heard of many of the over-55 women ending up in serious relationships here leading to marriage.

I guess the real question I would ask then is do you really want to get married, and when do you see that happening? Are there obstacles that are keeping you from finding/connecting to that special someone? How much effort/energy are you putting into it? And, does it make a difference, if you are never married, divorced/annulled, or widowed?

More people in these older years are now widowed. And, although, I've talked to several widowers and even met/dated two in the last couple years, I get the impression that they are more "testing the waters" so to speak - not really ready or wanting to get into a serious relationship leading to marriage - perhaps still grieving their loss. Some have actually said that to me. So, Is that impression true or is it just the men I've talked to? (Obviously, I don't know what's happening with the women that are widowed.)

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07/15/2012 new
Very good question. For me, I suppose that it would depend on meeting someone that I wanted to risk it all again on. It is much more difficult at 51 than it was as a 20 year old. As a widow, I think about merging two homes, children, assets, insurance, military benefits, and jobs. I suppose that is why I know that if I do meet the guy again (and DO is the essential word), I will be on a slow moving train and I will use resources to do marital planning. I do not, and I have never had, a big wedding. To me, it is the aspects above that cause me to take pause, but I do not see myself alone forever.
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07/15/2012 new
Very good question. For me, I suppose that it would depend on meeting someone that I wanted to risk it all again on. It is much more difficult at 51 than it was as a 20 year old. As a widow, I think about merging two homes, children, assets, insurance, military benefits, and jobs. I suppose that is why I know that if I do meet the guy again (and DO is the essential word), I will be on a slow moving train and I will use resources to do marital planning. I do not, and I have never had, a big wedding. To me, it is the aspects above that cause me to take pause, but I do not see myself alone forever.
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07/15/2012 new
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: There have been a few fun threads dealing with fantasizing about proposal/wedding/etc and dream house. The qu...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

There have been a few fun threads dealing with fantasizing about proposal/wedding/etc and dream house. The question I have here though is - for most of the over 55 crowd is this just a dream? I think more women are serious about finding a marriage partner/soulmate, but don't know the male point of view on this as much. On the secular sites, it appears to me that most men are just "browsing" so to speak. (Obviously I don't know what women are doing there). On this site, I've seen a couple over 55 men state they want to marry, but I haven't heard of many of the over-55 women ending up in serious relationships here leading to marriage.

I guess the real question I would ask then is do you really want to get married, and when do you see that happening? Are there obstacles that are keeping you from finding/connecting to that special someone? How much effort/energy are you putting into it? And, does it make a difference, if you are never married, divorced/annulled, or widowed?

More people in these older years are now widowed. And, although, I've talked to several widowers and even met/dated two in the last couple years, I get the impression that they are more "testing the waters" so to speak - not really ready or wanting to get into a serious relationship leading to marriage - perhaps still grieving their loss. Some have actually said that to me. So, Is that impression true or is it just the men I've talked to? (Obviously, I don't know what's happening with the women that are widowed.)

--hide--


Of course we do - if you want long term and healthy love, affection, and friendship. I don't think this can be found outside of marriage.

I had a big wedding the first time around and would never want that again. It was more for my parents. These days I am more concerned about quality over quantity and would rather spend less on a wedding and budget more for a honeymoon trip afterwards; without breaking the bank on either expense.

A loving married relationship; going to Mass together; a good savings account; a willingness to have a "wild sense of adventure" even if that's experienced within your home state... it's worth dating to get this.
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07/15/2012 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: There have been a few fun threads dealing with fantasizing about proposal/wedding/etc and dream...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

There have been a few fun threads dealing with fantasizing about proposal/wedding/etc and dream house. The question I have here though is - for most of the over 55 crowd is this just a dream? I think more women are serious about finding a marriage partner/soulmate, but don't know the male point of view on this as much. On the secular sites, it appears to me that most men are just "browsing" so to speak. (Obviously I don't know what women are doing there). On this site, I've seen a couple over 55 men state they want to marry, but I haven't heard of many of the over-55 women ending up in serious relationships here leading to marriage.

I guess the real question I would ask then is do you really want to get married, and when do you see that happening? Are there obstacles that are keeping you from finding/connecting to that special someone? How much effort/energy are you putting into it? And, does it make a difference, if you are never married, divorced/annulled, or widowed?

More people in these older years are now widowed. And, although, I've talked to several widowers and even met/dated two in the last couple years, I get the impression that they are more "testing the waters" so to speak - not really ready or wanting to get into a serious relationship leading to marriage - perhaps still grieving their loss. Some have actually said that to me. So, Is that impression true or is it just the men I've talked to? (Obviously, I don't know what's happening with the women that are widowed.)

--hide--

Well I certainly want to get married and I am very serious in trying to find someone. The problem I have been having at least as I see it is the majority of ladies my age be it here on CM or the secular sites are divorced. There's nothing wrong with this as I don't know the circumstance of the divorce and so I don't want to judge them, in fact, I am happy to meet someone who is divorced and develop a relationship with them and I more than willing to meet a never married or widowed provided there is a mutual interest in doing so. However, I don't think the reverse is true. I'm really starting to be convinced that the women here are not interested in a loving relationship that would lead to marriage with a terrific Catholic man especially one who has never been married or hasn't been in a long term relationship. Maybe I'm wrong.

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07/15/2012 new
I think that the majority of us as VERY interested in meeting that one someone special in hopes that it developes into a relationship that leads to marriage. I personally do not want to get married just for the sake of being married, but feel drawn to explore possibilities. How exciting to entertain the notion the a faith based romantic love may be one's future!!! I believe that there are those who want to marry, plain and simple, for the sake of being married. To me that's a backwards approach and one with a lot of potential for disappointment.
LOCKED
07/15/2012 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: There have been a few fun threads dealing with fantasizing about proposal/wedding/etc and dream...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

There have been a few fun threads dealing with fantasizing about proposal/wedding/etc and dream house. The question I have here though is - for most of the over 55 crowd is this just a dream? I think more women are serious about finding a marriage partner/soulmate, but don't know the male point of view on this as much. On the secular sites, it appears to me that most men are just "browsing" so to speak. (Obviously I don't know what women are doing there). On this site, I've seen a couple over 55 men state they want to marry, but I haven't heard of many of the over-55 women ending up in serious relationships here leading to marriage.

I guess the real question I would ask then is do you really want to get married, and when do you see that happening? Are there obstacles that are keeping you from finding/connecting to that special someone? How much effort/energy are you putting into it? And, does it make a difference, if you are never married, divorced/annulled, or widowed?

More people in these older years are now widowed. And, although, I've talked to several widowers and even met/dated two in the last couple years, I get the impression that they are more "testing the waters" so to speak - not really ready or wanting to get into a serious relationship leading to marriage - perhaps still grieving their loss. Some have actually said that to me. So, Is that impression true or is it just the men I've talked to? (Obviously, I don't know what's happening with the women that are widowed.)

--hide--


Patricia, I just popped on to CM to post a new topic for this room, and see that you have started a thread which I think is very similar to what I was going to post! Here it is:


We, in the over-45 crowd, are on CM for the same thing in general that the under-45 crowd is here for: to hopefully find a spouse. Of course, there are exceptions on both sides of that fence. Some are here for friendship only, or for a social outlet of some sort, or a place to debate with other Catholics, or…. But let’s concentrate on the spouse aspect for now.

When we’re young, we have so much time ahead of us, and if we marry in our 20s, when we’re just starting adult life, we truly are building a lifetime with that spouse. We have been formed as people only to a certain level, and through that union we form with our spouse, we continue through the years to be formed into who we finally become at age 50 or 60 or 70.

Here we are now. Some of us have been married before, and through the years spent with that person, we’ve been molded to be a certain way. And we had grown our marriage a certain way, a way that took many years to shape. Some of us have not been married before, but life and relationships with others still molded us into who we are now. The older we grow, the firmer we typically get “set in our ways.”

When we’re young, with so much of our lives so much ahead of us, we tend to dream of a soulmate with whom we create a family and create a daily life of a sort that we want. The possibilities can seem endless. We are clean slates in a way, and our Book of Life has a great number of empty pages upon which any number of stories could be written. But by this age, many of the pages have been filled. So can we, should we, be
looking for a spouse in the same way, with the same hopes & dreams, that we did when we were young? Are we more looking just for a suitable-enough companion for our remaining years, dismissing that “soulmate” idea?

Let me put it another way. At 20, we may focus our sights a particular way, having a narrow scope of what we want or who we might choose as a mate. As we age, we may move from narrow to wider (like some of our waistlines?) in who we might be happy with as a mate.

For this age group, is this a perspective that eases the mate search or complicates it? How do you see this?



I find that I am torn on this myself. A part of me, the unfulfilled part, still wants a certain special "soulmate" that I might have wanted when I was young and never found. But I wonder at times whether I am being unrealistic or immature in that desire. Perhaps at my age it would be wisest to find more a suitable companion, which is different from a soulmate. Considering that point of how we get more "set in our ways" as we grow older, yet (hopefully) have grown wiser in other aspects of life--finding someone who hits a number of compatible points and who "agrees to disagree" on other points would be quicker to find than that elusive "soulmate". Doesn't the definition of marriage change to some extent as we grow older? Being past the point of creating children, marriage is no longer for procreation. So now, what is left but the companionship?

(There's more I wish to write, but the thoughts aren't allowing themselves to be shaped into words yet!)

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07/15/2012 new

Hi Pat;
I am over 57. Honestly, I am still grieving over my late husband, but recently I started to think that he doesn't want me to be alone and sad. I remember once he told me, he didn't want me to be like Francesaca (one of our friends who lost her husband 22 years ago and still grieving and forgot to live her life). I feel so sad when I go to church and other places where couples are holding hands, exchange peace with kiss and hug etc.
I did my soul searching, and decided to sign up with CM to find that special person. I do not want any big wedding or parties at all. I want to get marry in the Catholic church with God's blessings and lead a simple committed life for the rest of my life.

Being a strong catholic I don't see or believe in anything else other than getting married to a strong catholic man like my late husband. I follow 7/7 of Church teachings. Idon't know whether I will meet anyone here in CT, but hope and pray for the right person. I am not against the divorced, because I am sure they had enough reasons for doing it. Eventhough I love children (have many neices and nephews), Iam afraid to get involve with someone who have kids at home, because either they may not like me or I don't know how to take care of them. I do not want to be a road block between the children and my future spouse. So I prefer somewone who is a widower, annulled or never married withut having kids at home.
If it is that God wants for me it will happen, if not I am learing to live alone with His grace. I am keeping every CM member in my prayers.
Philomena

LOCKED
07/15/2012 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: Patricia, I just popped on to CM to post a new topic for this room, and see that you have ...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:



Patricia, I just popped on to CM to post a new topic for this room, and see that you have started a thread which I think is very similar to what I was going to post! Here it is:


We, in the over-45 crowd, are on CM for the same thing in general that the under-45 crowd is here for: to hopefully find a spouse. Of course, there are exceptions on both sides of that fence. Some are here for friendship only, or for a social outlet of some sort, or a place to debate with other Catholics, or…. But let’s concentrate on the spouse aspect for now.

When we’re young, we have so much time ahead of us, and if we marry in our 20s, when we’re just starting adult life, we truly are building a lifetime with that spouse. We have been formed as people only to a certain level, and through that union we form with our spouse, we continue through the years to be formed into who we finally become at age 50 or 60 or 70.

Here we are now. Some of us have been married before, and through the years spent with that person, we’ve been molded to be a certain way. And we had grown our marriage a certain way, a way that took many years to shape. Some of us have not been married before, but life and relationships with others still molded us into who we are now. The older we grow, the firmer we typically get “set in our ways.”

When we’re young, with so much of our lives so much ahead of us, we tend to dream of a soulmate with whom we create a family and create a daily life of a sort that we want. The possibilities can seem endless. We are clean slates in a way, and our Book of Life has a great number of empty pages upon which any number of stories could be written. But by this age, many of the pages have been filled. So can we, should we, be
looking for a spouse in the same way, with the same hopes & dreams, that we did when we were young? Are we more looking just for a suitable-enough companion for our remaining years, dismissing that “soulmate” idea?

Let me put it another way. At 20, we may focus our sights a particular way, having a narrow scope of what we want or who we might choose as a mate. As we age, we may move from narrow to wider (like some of our waistlines?) in who we might be happy with as a mate.

For this age group, is this a perspective that eases the mate search or complicates it? How do you see this?



I find that I am torn on this myself. A part of me, the unfulfilled part, still wants a certain special "soulmate" that I might have wanted when I was young and never found. But I wonder at times whether I am being unrealistic or immature in that desire. Perhaps at my age it would be wisest to find more a suitable companion, which is different from a soulmate. Considering that point of how we get more "set in our ways" as we grow older, yet (hopefully) have grown wiser in other aspects of life--finding someone who hits a number of compatible points and who "agrees to disagree" on other points would be quicker to find than that elusive "soulmate". Doesn't the definition of marriage change to some extent as we grow older? Being past the point of creating children, marriage is no longer for procreation. So now, what is left but the companionship?

(There's more I wish to write, but the thoughts aren't allowing themselves to be shaped into words yet!)

--hide--


Very well thought out and thought-provoking, Lina. Although, as you said, marriage is no longer for procreation,still I think it's more than companionship - at least for me! I tried dating a gentleman who would have made an excellent companion, but there was no spark there - not even a tiny one. And, you know, I want that spark and I do want to create (not just fit into) a new life together with someone. Maybe I would feel different if I was 80, but then again I'm a fairly young 60 (I started med school to become a physician when I was 44) so perhaps I don't always "act my age", but then again I don't want to always "act my age". I want to not only share time with someone, but share the excitement of being in love with someone. Perhaps it won't quite feel the same as it did at age 20 or 30, but I think it has the potential to feel even better - as we both know ourselves so much better at this age, have accomplished much, communicate better, and now will be moving in to a time when we can focus on each other a bit more than we did when we were so busy with careers! I'm looking forward to this new adventure with someone very special!

LOCKED
07/15/2012 new

HE** YES I want to get married... I've been single 21 years now. If I wanted to SHACK UP with someone I can always find someone to do that with.. How ON EARTH can I answer when it will happen when nobody is ASKING????


It's the widowers here in our age bracket that are having success.. How can you say they are only testing the waters? I think it's the divorced and never married men that are testing the waters..

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