Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

07/19/2012 new

(Quote) Linda-756196 said: Interesting. You are the first person to acknowledge that today might be hard. It is. I loved that Phil ...
(Quote) Linda-756196 said: Interesting. You are the first person to acknowledge that today might be hard. It is. I loved that Phil was a good father. We made such a good team. We raised our five children and then we were in the process of adopting two more when he deployed. He wanted to come home safely before we finished the process. Not one of my children is talking about the horse in the room. They were all so close to their dad. Since four are in the military, he was thier mentor. I like hiding in the shadows and being the strong family support. I was thrust into a very public place due to my family and Phil's story. I know that God is using the story. the remarkable thing is that I felt the nudgings of the Holy Spirit. I ran and I wrote. I blogged every day and I know that it will be my book. I am in the process mof editing. It is also interesting to see how falling into my faith has made a difference, but looking at how deep the pain ran, I am again thankful for the faith that carries me. I would love to meet you. Federal service is fickle. I am praying that God puts me where he wants me. I am ready to join the land of the living and to stop hiding out,...if that makes sense. I do not know if I will ever even have a date again, but I fall to my knees and praise God each and every day for my life and for a man that loved me well for 23 years.
--hide--


hug theheart
rosary
Linda, Elizabeth and all the members who are living life as a widow or widower; I can not know how any of your feel. I pray for all of you; and your families. I lost a husband and family through other life issues, and it was devastating.

Recently I lost my Mother from old age; and I thought I would be prepared for it. It has affected me in a way that I never thought.
I can not imagine loosing a life long spouse.

Hoping you find peace and comfort with new paths for your lives.

theheart rosary

08/02/2012 new

I have always been comfortable with being alone in myself. So on the one hand I miss my wife of 51 years terribly and on the other it does not bother me.

That could be because she noticeably had Alzheimer's and vascular dementia for the last three years of her life so that I was gradually adusting to her not being here in a very real sense.

But her being gone came home to me when I had taken the dog for one of her walks in the woods and was finally able to takes some pictures of an owl we had both seen before while walking the dog. As I came back into the house, I ran downstairs to download the pictures to my computer all the while yelling, "Mary, Mary come downstairs I have pictuers of the owl."

I related the story to my daughter and my reaction to it. My daughter look at me and said, "Dad, don't forget this is the first time in your whole life that you have actually been alone."

She was right.

Naturally I grew up with my parents and brother. When I went away to the seminary, I had the priests and all my fellow seminarians around me. Then I was back home until I went into the Army whereI had my fellow officers and men around me. Then, of course, I married and raised two children.

Suddenly, the prospect of being alone was not as easy for me as it had been all my life.

Of course, being here on CM, the question is - am I so "lonely" that I joined to find a wife to fill the hole?

I can honestly answer, that I am open to the idea but am not as a necessity to fill the hole my waife's passing left. If I were 20 years younger, I know I would follow a differnt course and enter a monastery.

I have absolutely no regret that I married and raised a family and would never have given up that for anything.

Nevertheless, there has always been a part of me that said that I had failed to follow the path I was created for.

08/03/2012 new

(Quote) Paul-866591 said: I have always been comfortable with being alone in myself. So on the one hand I miss my wife of 51...
(Quote) Paul-866591 said:

I have always been comfortable with being alone in myself. So on the one hand I miss my wife of 51 years terribly and on the other it does not bother me.

That could be because she noticeably had Alzheimer's and vascular dementia for the last three years of her life so that I was gradually adusting to her not being here in a very real sense.

But her being gone came home to me when I had taken the dog for one of her walks in the woods and was finally able to takes some pictures of an owl we had both seen before while walking the dog. As I came back into the house, I ran downstairs to download the pictures to my computer all the while yelling, "Mary, Mary come downstairs I have pictuers of the owl."

I related the story to my daughter and my reaction to it. My daughter look at me and said, "Dad, don't forget this is the first time in your whole life that you have actually been alone."

She was right.

Naturally I grew up with my parents and brother. When I went away to the seminary, I had the priests and all my fellow seminarians around me. Then I was back home until I went into the Army whereI had my fellow officers and men around me. Then, of course, I married and raised two children.

Suddenly, the prospect of being alone was not as easy for me as it had been all my life.

Of course, being here on CM, the question is - am I so "lonely" that I joined to find a wife to fill the hole?

I can honestly answer, that I am open to the idea but am not as a necessity to fill the hole my waife's passing left. If I were 20 years younger, I know I would follow a differnt course and enter a monastery.

I have absolutely no regret that I married and raised a family and would never have given up that for anything.

Nevertheless, there has always been a part of me that said that I had failed to follow the path I was created for.

--hide--

Obviously, I need some instruction on how to post on forums. Sorry for failing to post below the [quote] line. It is never too late to follow the path you were created for, Paul. The best parish priest we ever had became a parish priest in his 70s.

08/04/2012 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said: Obviously, I need some instruction on how to post on forums. Sorry for failing to post be...
(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said:


Obviously, I need some instruction on how to post on forums. Sorry for failing to post below the [quote] line. It is never too late to follow the path you were created for, Paul. The best parish priest we ever had became a parish priest in his 70s.

--hide--

Thatr can only happen in a very hard up diocese.

Most priests are now retiring between age 65 and 70. Unlike in my youth when a priest worked at the job until he died or went to a nursing home.

Retired priests remain somewhat active with a title of Senior Priest with no adminstrative duties, and going from Parish to Parish to help out.

Monasteries are even more restrictive. The abbot at the trappist Monastery nearest to me will accept someone in their early sixties but only if they are in above average health and vigor. The average age in that Monastery is well up in the sixties. They have had to build and recently completed a special facility for their aged and seriously infirm monks.

I hope to get there for a retreat this fall. While there I may inquire but do not have much hope of a positive response.

That raises the question of why am I here on CM? The only answer I ahve for that is well if lightening should strike, I am not one to turn the opportunity down wave embarassed After all, one of the reasos I left the seminary in the first place, as young as I was, was that I liked the ladies.

08/04/2012 new

(Quote) Kayla-549130 said: I was widowed at 24! Boy, did I feel like the lone ranger. Thankfully, time does heal all wounds. I look...
(Quote) Kayla-549130 said: I was widowed at 24! Boy, did I feel like the lone ranger. Thankfully, time does heal all wounds. I look back and realize that I am really proud of myself for who I have become since that dreadful time in my life. I thank God for giving me strength to overcome many obstacles.
--hide--


It's been 18yrs for me actually.Thanks to God for all his rich blessings. theheart


We practically spent most of our adult life single with children.

08/04/2012 new

(Quote) Francis-872439 said: Elizabeth, it sounds as if you were widowed after your children left home. I don't know...
(Quote) Francis-872439 said:


Elizabeth, it sounds as if you were widowed after your children left home. I don't know if that would be preferable to still having some at home. How to make it less awkward? Perhaps it isn't on our end. Could it come more from the world? I've encountered very little out there that really supports or helps those who become widowed. I wonder if I feel awkward because others don't know how to deal with us. Through a grief workshop I took and a book they recommended for reading, it's often those looking in who don't know how to talk about the death of my wife. It's uncomfortable for them.

I guess too it is such a quick and huge change in ones life. It should be strange and unfamiliar, both for me and for them. Perhaps other widow(er)s who have been so longer could say it more truthfully, but it may only be a question of time, adjusting to the changes we never wanted.

--hide--


My 4 children were all grown and out of the house by the time my husband died. I think they were more afraid of me being home alone than I was. They were asking me to come and visit or they were visiting more often. biggrin My brother even took me hunting with him just to get me out of the house. It was refreshing. scratchchin So, I was very blessed to have family and friends watching out for me. Then God sent me another blessing - my sister moved in with me! The big house didn't feel so big anymore.

I think as far as ease in approaching someone about their loss - that depends upon how the widow/er treats it. And how one treats it (due to human nature) can't be written in stone. I watched my husband's illness take over, and we did our mourning together for 2 years interspersed with remissions and hopes for healing. Praying rosary Praying Unfortunately, it became a different "normal" if you will. It also became a relief when he died to see him not suffer anymore. So from the beginning it has been easier for me to talk about Dave, which has made it easier for others to talk to me about him.

My parish has a berievement group who reached out to me, but I felt like I wanted to be left alone. Perhaps I missed out on some important insites, tools to help me move forward. But as I said before, I have a lot of friends and family who have been wonderful to me. heart

God's peace to all those who mourn,
Joanne

10/16/2012 new

Being single again after so many years of marriage is still very awkward to me. I am 63 and a little old fashioned, so all this business of meeting people on line and being listed as a commodity for people to chose from is very strange. Realistically, I have not dated anyone in over 40 years and I'm not sure what to say, or how to act.


I feel lonely often, but I am not needy. I would like to meet a nice man, for companionship and to go out to eat, coffee, etc., but I'm not desperate to find someone, or jump into marriage just yet. My husband passed away 2 years ago and I still miss him a lot. I don't want to meet someone and always be comparing this person with my husband. I'm not sure what expectations to have.


I still wear my wedding band when I go out, mostly out of habit, but I also realized recently that it might be a deterrent for someone to approach me, as they may think I am still married. Honestly, I don't know how to act single.

10/16/2012 new

(Quote) Maria-846262 said: Being single again after so many years of marriage is still very awkward to me. I am 63 and a lit...
(Quote) Maria-846262 said:

Being single again after so many years of marriage is still very awkward to me. I am 63 and a little old fashioned, so all this business of meeting people on line and being listed as a commodity for people to chose from is very strange. Realistically, I have not dated anyone in over 40 years and I'm not sure what to say, or how to act.


I feel lonely often, but I am not needy. I would like to meet a nice man, for companionship and to go out to eat, coffee, etc., but I'm not desperate to find someone, or jump into marriage just yet. My husband passed away 2 years ago and I still miss him a lot. I don't want to meet someone and always be comparing this person with my husband. I'm not sure what expectations to have.


I still wear my wedding band when I go out, mostly out of habit, but I also realized recently that it might be a deterrent for someone to approach me, as they may think I am still married. Honestly, I don't know how to act single.

--hide--


While I do not wear my ring in large part because I wore it during a marathon after Phil died and then almost lot my finger due to extreme swelling, but nobody wants to touch me with a ten foot pole. I left Colorado Springs because it was just too much after Phil died. He died a hero--assassinated, but the only people paying attention to me are icky. They are either too young or way too old. I am active and I just throw myself into my job, writing, and running. I didn't play the game well the first time. I certainly do not know how to do it now. I stand with you sister. I understand.

10/22/2012 new

(Quote) Linda-756196 said: How strange is it for you to be single after many years of marriage? For me, I just uncomfortable...
(Quote) Linda-756196 said:

How strange is it for you to be single after many years of marriage? For me, I just uncomfortable with the idea of online dating, yet I am lonely and I know that I have the capacity to love between the holes of my heart. I am extremely active. I find that men my age usually aren't or that they are broken in terms of having gone through nasty divorces and wanting me as an option. When they realize that my moral compass hasn't changed, we end up becoming great friends. In the military community that I still live in, I am considered old. Most men my age have retired long ago.

Is fifty all that old? I just feel like I straddle two worlds. A world in which there are widows/widowers who are much older, and then the military world where I am considered old. I don't know the games, how to date, or how to even send off available vibes. It scares me. I am wary now which does not help. I also walk the walk of a very public grief journey which means that whomever I am involved with will have to understand that I did love a military man well for 23 years before he was killed. I just wonder if there is anyone strong enough, committed to their faith, and who can laugh at the ludicrous nature of my life?

As I go to the states to visit my children, parents, and friends for the summer, I am thinking about these things because people are trying to "fix" me up or convince me to party with them. I am not that girl, but I am just so unsure of where to start and whether to trust the online thing. Maybe that is a terrible thing to vocalize on an online site, but most of you know that I joined for this group and we have been way too quiet lately. Advice?

--hide--

It feels very, very strange. My husband has been gone for 2 years and I still have a difficult time thinking he's not right here with me. We were together a total of 37 years, so it is very hard to suddenly find yourself alone after such a long time. I haven't dated in almost 40 years, and it's scary and don't really know what it's all about anymore.

Posts 21 - 29 of 29