Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Selling Ourselves Short

07/22/2012 new

Hi Family,

In my blog I talked about this and wanted your feedback. I have such a loving spiritual family here I wanted to know suggestions on doing something that is very difficult.

As a divorced person I think my moral life and views on sexuality are what has changed the most since returning to the Church a year ago after a 9 year "Do-it-yourself Catholic Lite" experience that didn't work out so well.

When I came back to the Church I had been seeing a man every other Mondayas a casual sort of thing. I had asked him if we could put that on hold as I needed to search out my heart and see where I was going with my faith and morals and all that I believed in. I was in the divorce transition and much was changing. So I put him on th back burner in my life and we chat at lunch everyday on the computer. We haven't met and I talked constantly about the Church, my faith, morals, how life was going, the divorce, etc. He started going to his church (Prebyterian) after many years of absence and seemed to be changing too. I was thrilled for him. He had issues re: sex addition, lack of commitment, cheating on significant others, sex outside of marriage, the whole ball of wax. I was certainly no lily white woman in this area myself.

He had always said, "I will never love you, never commit to you, and if you push me to commit I'm gone." Enough said about that. Just giving you the groundwork.

This past week he has been sort of using some "sexy" humor and I'm seeing a restlessness in him. He then informed me Thurs that he wants to come up in mid-Aug for a "visit". I asked him what he meant by a visit. He said, "Well we can dinner, drinks, play trivia, and then "see what happens." Ok I'm 50, and I don't need it spelled out any clearer. I sort of waffled and didn't say one way or the other, partly because I was stunned. I always kept him on the back burner. He was my "security blanket" all this time "just in case". I realized I have always done this so I am no better than he is, believe me. I am positive God wants that "gone" so now I have to look at what's been simmering for over a year and deal with it. Friday he said, "So it's OK if I spend the night at your place?" I sort of stumbled around.

I am horribly lonely and I do get fearful. I even hear Satan with his "Oh you should go for it, you never know you might not get another chance....EVER." I laugh but that "time clock running out" thing is big with me. We are friends but given the comments, and the fact he has a significant other of 25 years that he has no intention of ending, says it all. I deserve more. He does too. I want to give out of love and be loved in return. I want to be more than entertainment. I want to do this God's way, not my way.

Have any of you run into this? Have you had someone who wanted to rekindle something and you realized you are just not that person any longer? I will end this within the next week, but I'm gathering my thoughts. I will have to email it as I think that's the best way. I will not meet up with him in person, that's just too dangerous. I have to walk this path now, I cannot deter from it.

Pray for me (and him too)

Lorrie

07/22/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: Hi Family, In my blog I talked about this and wanted your feedback. I have such a loving ...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

Hi Family,

In my blog I talked about this and wanted your feedback. I have such a loving spiritual family here I wanted to know suggestions on doing something that is very difficult.

As a divorced person I think my moral life and views on sexuality are what has changed the most since returning to the Church a year ago after a 9 year "Do-it-yourself Catholic Lite" experience that didn't work out so well.

When I came back to the Church I had been seeing a man every other Mondayas a casual sort of thing. I had asked him if we could put that on hold as I needed to search out my heart and see where I was going with my faith and morals and all that I believed in. I was in the divorce transition and much was changing. So I put him on th back burner in my life and we chat at lunch everyday on the computer. We haven't met and I talked constantly about the Church, my faith, morals, how life was going, the divorce, etc. He started going to his church (Prebyterian) after many years of absence and seemed to be changing too. I was thrilled for him. He had issues re: sex addition, lack of commitment, cheating on significant others, sex outside of marriage, the whole ball of wax. I was certainly no lily white woman in this area myself.

He had always said, "I will never love you, never commit to you, and if you push me to commit I'm gone." Enough said about that. Just giving you the groundwork.

This past week he has been sort of using some "sexy" humor and I'm seeing a restlessness in him. He then informed me Thurs that he wants to come up in mid-Aug for a "visit". I asked him what he meant by a visit. He said, "Well we can dinner, drinks, play trivia, and then "see what happens." Ok I'm 50, and I don't need it spelled out any clearer. I sort of waffled and didn't say one way or the other, partly because I was stunned. I always kept him on the back burner. He was my "security blanket" all this time "just in case". I realized I have always done this so I am no better than he is, believe me. I am positive God wants that "gone" so now I have to look at what's been simmering for over a year and deal with it. Friday he said, "So it's OK if I spend the night at your place?" I sort of stumbled around.

I am horribly lonely and I do get fearful. I even hear Satan with his "Oh you should go for it, you never know you might not get another chance....EVER." I laugh but that "time clock running out" thing is big with me. We are friends but given the comments, and the fact he has a significant other of 25 years that he has no intention of ending, says it all. I deserve more. He does too. I want to give out of love and be loved in return. I want to be more than entertainment. I want to do this God's way, not my way.

Have any of you run into this? Have you had someone who wanted to rekindle something and you realized you are just not that person any longer? I will end this within the next week, but I'm gathering my thoughts. I will have to email it as I think that's the best way. I will not meet up with him in person, that's just too dangerous. I have to walk this path now, I cannot deter from it.

Pray for me (and him too)

Lorrie

--hide--


I had a person like this in my life. Unfortunately I was also married to him, but the years we weren't married were full of behavior that I shouldn't have been involved with. Shame over some of those years had me turning my back on church and God completely. It was so much easier to walk away than to admit how badly I was behaving. Being married to him didn't change a thing.

I can promise you this though. I will never, and I mean never, be with him behind a closed door. I will never be in a house/apartment, any where behind a closed door with him. I know what my limits are. It won't matter what he's done to me in the past, how much water is under the bridge. I won't put myself in a position that has proven to be a weak spot for me for so many years.

You are in my prayers whatever you decide. Much love heading your way.

07/29/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: I want to do this God's way, not my way.
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

I want to do this God's way, not my way.

--hide--

Amen, sister. Truthfully, my best advice is for you to read what you just wrote. It seems that grace has revealed to you that this visit has 'near occasion of sin' written all over it. It is possible that God has brought this temptation to you as a means of forcing you to contend with this situation. You have to discern how best to end or continue this relationship.

God bless

07/30/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: Hi Family, In my blog I talked about this and wanted your feedback. I have such a loving ...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

Hi Family,

In my blog I talked about this and wanted your feedback. I have such a loving spiritual family here I wanted to know suggestions on doing something that is very difficult.

As a divorced person I think my moral life and views on sexuality are what has changed the most since returning to the Church a year ago after a 9 year "Do-it-yourself Catholic Lite" experience that didn't work out so well.

When I came back to the Church I had been seeing a man every other Mondayas a casual sort of thing. I had asked him if we could put that on hold as I needed to search out my heart and see where I was going with my faith and morals and all that I believed in. I was in the divorce transition and much was changing. So I put him on th back burner in my life and we chat at lunch everyday on the computer. We haven't met and I talked constantly about the Church, my faith, morals, how life was going, the divorce, etc. He started going to his church (Prebyterian) after many years of absence and seemed to be changing too. I was thrilled for him. He had issues re: sex addition, lack of commitment, cheating on significant others, sex outside of marriage, the whole ball of wax. I was certainly no lily white woman in this area myself.

He had always said, "I will never love you, never commit to you, and if you push me to commit I'm gone." Enough said about that. Just giving you the groundwork.

This past week he has been sort of using some "sexy" humor and I'm seeing a restlessness in him. He then informed me Thurs that he wants to come up in mid-Aug for a "visit". I asked him what he meant by a visit. He said, "Well we can dinner, drinks, play trivia, and then "see what happens." Ok I'm 50, and I don't need it spelled out any clearer. I sort of waffled and didn't say one way or the other, partly because I was stunned. I always kept him on the back burner. He was my "security blanket" all this time "just in case". I realized I have always done this so I am no better than he is, believe me. I am positive God wants that "gone" so now I have to look at what's been simmering for over a year and deal with it. Friday he said, "So it's OK if I spend the night at your place?" I sort of stumbled around.

I am horribly lonely and I do get fearful. I even hear Satan with his "Oh you should go for it, you never know you might not get another chance....EVER." I laugh but that "time clock running out" thing is big with me. We are friends but given the comments, and the fact he has a significant other of 25 years that he has no intention of ending, says it all. I deserve more. He does too. I want to give out of love and be loved in return. I want to be more than entertainment. I want to do this God's way, not my way.

Have any of you run into this? Have you had someone who wanted to rekindle something and you realized you are just not that person any longer? I will end this within the next week, but I'm gathering my thoughts. I will have to email it as I think that's the best way. I will not meet up with him in person, that's just too dangerous. I have to walk this path now, I cannot deter from it.

Pray for me (and him too)

Lorrie

--hide--



I have walked in your shoes Lorrie. the day I decided to end the relationship with my best friend was the best day of my life. I do believe he was stunned by my comments to him that particuliar day but, like you, I wanted to bring God back into my life. He has moved to another state and will call about once a year to check on me and my mom's health. This guy holds a special place within because he was the first guy I met after my divorce which was 32 years ago and we have been close friends ever since. my friend has become a Catholic and is active in his church. He's been divorced three times, twice to his first wife Who I knew in high school.
Do what your heart is telling you to do...that' what I did and I'm much happier for it now.

Posts 1 - 4 of 4