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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Since coming here, I realized that I have been dragging my feet in finalizing my annulment documents. I have had one paragraph to type up for almost a year and I've simply sat on it. I admit, now, that it is simply fear. If I am not available for dating, then I can avoid the chances of making another mistake with my life. The second reason came up in another post recently, and that is abject fear of getting married again while I am still considered fertile. Yes, there are multiple reasons this scares me. I am wrong in both of these suppositions. I do know that I can not be fully open to whatever plans God has for me without taking the final steps. I have made an appointment with my tribunal rep to turn in the final documentation.

I am curious though. I can't possibly be the only person who stalled for any number of reasons. Anyone else?? heart

08/01/2012 new


Hi AnneMarie,

Oh I stalled for years. Partly due to misinformation given to me by my priest at the time of the divorce and partly because I had no

desire to be in a relationship. That has changed however. laughing I no longer see myself as being alone the rest of my life. lovestruck!

08/01/2012 new

(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: Since coming here, I realized that I have been dragging my feet in finalizing my annulment do...
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:

Since coming here, I realized that I have been dragging my feet in finalizing my annulment documents. I have had one paragraph to type up for almost a year and I've simply sat on it. I admit, now, that it is simply fear. If I am not available for dating, then I can avoid the chances of making another mistake with my life. The second reason came up in another post recently, and that is abject fear of getting married again while I am still considered fertile. Yes, there are multiple reasons this scares me. I am wrong in both of these suppositions. I do know that I can not be fully open to whatever plans God has for me without taking the final steps. I have made an appointment with my tribunal rep to turn in the final documentation.

I am curious though. I can't possibly be the only person who stalled for any number of reasons. Anyone else??

--hide--


I never got the chance to drag my feet. I think my ex went directly to the Diocese offices straight from the courthouse when the divorce was final. OK, maybe not directly, but it was quick. She may have done that because it was the last thing in my life she could control, but it really was a blessing. I was forced to confront everything I had lived with and the sense of relief when it was over was wonderful.


But I know for sure I would have stalled for fear of reliving the marriage.

08/01/2012 new

(Quote) John-666618 said: I never got the chance to drag my feet. I think my ex went directly to the Diocese offices...
(Quote) John-666618 said:



I never got the chance to drag my feet. I think my ex went directly to the Diocese offices straight from the courthouse when the divorce was final. OK, maybe not directly, but it was quick. She may have done that because it was the last thing in my life she could control, but it really was a blessing. I was forced to confront everything I had lived with and the sense of relief when it was over was wonderful.


But I know for sure I would have stalled for fear of reliving the marriage.

--hide--


Take it as a blessing I think. My divorce was so long ago I do not even have contact with many of the people that could/would serve as witnesses. I think part of the difficulty is in accepting my own part in all of it. There is no way any one person is to blame for a marriage not being valid, ending, whatever the case may be. In my case, I failed to recognize certain predispositions; I ignored other warnings. I could understand someone never doing this. There is such a tremendous amount of shame involved; i.e. "how could I not have seen this?"

Thanks heart

08/01/2012 new

(Quote) Deborah-550454 said: Hi AnneMarie,Oh I stalled for years. Partly due to misinformation given to me by my...
(Quote) Deborah-550454 said:


Hi AnneMarie,

Oh I stalled for years. Partly due to misinformation given to me by my priest at the time of the divorce and partly because I had no

desire to be in a relationship. That has changed however. I no longer see myself as being alone the rest of my life.

--hide--


I'm not sure what God has planned, only that I have to take the steps to clear my life for whatever he sets out for me. Part of my stall was money a BUNCH of years ago. Different diocese have different fee schedules; New York is incredibly high. As a single parent, it just was not happening. I just let it go for another 10+ years. Something else I'm not really proud of.

Thank you heart

08/01/2012 new

I dragged my feet for a couple of years. During my separation and divorce, I was involved in the Beginning Experience ministry, and that was all about working through the pain, grief & issues related to the bad marriage & the death of the relationship. It was like living the questions of the annulment, so I wasn't in any big hurry to pursue that on top of my work in the ministry. However, my ex married civilly during that time, and about a year into his new marriage, he pushed me into getting it done. As he said it, I was denying him being able to receive Communion at Mass by not getting the annulment (since all cause was on my side), and why be an even bigger rotten person that I was by divorcing him by continuing to postpone the annulment and keeping him captive and living in sin?

08/01/2012 new

(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: I'm not sure what God has planned, only that I have to take the steps to clear my...
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:



I'm not sure what God has planned, only that I have to take the steps to clear my life for whatever he sets out for me. Part of my stall was money a BUNCH of years ago. Different diocese have different fee schedules; New York is incredibly high. As a single parent, it just was not happening. I just let it go for another 10+ years. Something else I'm not really proud of.

Thank you

--hide--


Yes, the financial aspect of it was a factor. I am pleading poverty and happy to produce my tax forms from 2011, which is required. Another reason that it was easy to put off.... I didn't grow up Catholic. Wasn't baptized until I was 28 years old and I chose to become Catholic. I didn't know anything about annulments or the urgency of getting it done. My ex wasn't Catholic either, so my putting it off didn't have any bearing on his life.

I wonder if you made an appointment with yourself for finishing that final paragraph, I wonder if that would help. Set a day and time....maybe that would help in getting that last thing done. Kinda like going to the dentist...you know it's gonna hurt but that you'll be glad later on.

08/01/2012 new

(Quote) Deborah-550454 said: Yes, the financial aspect of it was a factor. I am pleading poverty and happy to produc...
(Quote) Deborah-550454 said:



Yes, the financial aspect of it was a factor. I am pleading poverty and happy to produce my tax forms from 2011, which is required. Another reason that it was easy to put off.... I didn't grow up Catholic. Wasn't baptized until I was 28 years old and I chose to become Catholic. I didn't know anything about annulments or the urgency of getting it done. My ex wasn't Catholic either, so my putting it off didn't have any bearing on his life.

I wonder if you made an appointment with yourself for finishing that final paragraph, I wonder if that would help. Set a day and time....maybe that would help in getting that last thing done. Kinda like going to the dentist...you know it's gonna hurt but that you'll be glad later on.

--hide--


I have a formation class with her this Sunday. I'm planning on making the appointment then. heart

08/01/2012 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: I dragged my feet for a couple of years. During my separation and divorce, I was involved in the B...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

I dragged my feet for a couple of years. During my separation and divorce, I was involved in the Beginning Experience ministry, and that was all about working through the pain, grief & issues related to the bad marriage & the death of the relationship. It was like living the questions of the annulment, so I wasn't in any big hurry to pursue that on top of my work in the ministry. However, my ex married civilly during that time, and about a year into his new marriage, he pushed me into getting it done. As he said it, I was denying him being able to receive Communion at Mass by not getting the annulment (since all cause was on my side), and why be an even bigger rotten person that I was by divorcing him by continuing to postpone the annulment and keeping him captive and living in sin?

--hide--


Somehow, this post just opens up all sorts of questions. I do understand the BE ministry feeling like a conflict. Retreat weekends complete suck me dry. Something I need to give some thought to, as well. heart

08/01/2012 new

I completed my 30+ page application only to learn the diocese now wants it all on a new 9-page form instead. Trying to make myself get started, especially because I've met someone who I think might make the perfect wife for me.

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