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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Taught By Our Mothers...

Aug 31st 2012 new

Yes, we were told by our mothers that "Girls do not call boys." TRUE! Do you think I listened? No. I am glad for the way I walked all over that. I am wondering were all the ladies here taught this from mom? Is it a Catholic way of seeing dating?

What were the men here taught from mom in this regard? Lets' discuss. I may try to reply to the last several comments in the locked thread too... wink

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: Yes, we were told by our mothers that "Girls do not call boys." TRUE! Do you think I li...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

Yes, we were told by our mothers that "Girls do not call boys." TRUE! Do you think I listened? No. I am glad for the way I walked all over that. I am wondering were all the ladies here taught this from mom? Is it a Catholic way of seeing dating?

What were the men here taught from mom in this regard? Lets' discuss. I may try to reply to the last several comments in the locked thread too...

--hide--


Stop it right now. There is nothing wrong with a woman initiating contact or driving ther relationship. People who adhere to hidebound and silly cultural norms which serve no moral or other purtpose are just being silly and . . . well, hidebound.

Aug 31st 2012 new

While this is often misunderstood, the Catholic model of marriage is that the husband is the head of the family. So I think that when the man takes the initiative in dating, this provides the girl with a good idea of how he can fill that role.

And, besides, it just feels right to me to have the man initiate the relationship.

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Amy-812495 said: And, besides, it just feels right to me to have the man initiate the relationship.
(Quote) Amy-812495 said:

And, besides, it just feels right to me to have the man initiate the relationship.

--hide--

Not for me. But I'm working at change.

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: Stop it right now. There is nothing wrong with a woman initiating contact or driving...
(Quote) David-364112 said:


Stop it right now. There is nothing wrong with a woman initiating contact or driving ther relationship. People who adhere to hidebound and silly cultural norms which serve no moral or other purtpose are just being silly and . . . well, hidebound.

--hide--

David, it is not really silly. My mother also told me the same thing! I think the only reason I could do otherwise was because we did not own a phone when I was in high school. The telephone company felt that there were not enough people, in this farm area... far away from the highway, to be worth its effort. I was allowed to call a boy because he asked me to accompany him to a banquet... and I needed to call with my answer. Even though we did not have a phone & I had permission from my mother... a lady visiting our house at the time... started to spread the rumor that I was out.."calling boys!" Girls who chased boys were called "fast"! And thereby not regarded as a good reputation by one's family as good "courting" material.

I have to admit though... that my daddy was not very pleased with this... he was not as worried about me as my mother! He told the lady off and banned her from our house because of her spreading lies or making something innocent seem something more.

I also admit though that I have approached males since I was in the 1st grade!! Yes, I wrote my first note to a guy when I was 6 years old! My Mother laughed at that one when she found it! She was harder on sexual things that she was on casual stuff. BUT, there were other people whom I know about had a fight, if their daughter approached a man... it was a serious thing...particularly the ones who considered themselves in the "genteel" society! They expected their daughters to be so desirous that there would be absolutely no reason for the girls to approach males! It was up to the males to pursue and fight to win the rights to visit these ladies. The ladies could flirt, but heaven forbid, if they did it too forcefully. I do not know if it mattered to the men... but maybe to their mothers... And if Mother had to be regarded highly by other mothers! The Girls in this were caught in the middle and it was really real to the point that there are still many ladies who still find it very difficult to approach men first! There are also men who brought into the same thing. Thinking it is silly does not mean that it is not real to some people, both men and women.

I guess because most of my friends in my life have been men since the time I can remember ... made me more daring than some... BUT, even with that, sometime... there are still men who seem to go along with the old Romance novel... that he is the one to pursue! So, see... it is not only the Old South... it is also from other countries, romance novels, and many things that re-enforces this. There is also that thing out there to tells us that there is so much female hormones out there in the water.... that the male is starting to change.... and when one is on CM and some very beautiful, kind and attractive ladies in almost all ways... stay here so very long without the men knocking down their doors! The ones who do contact men ... may get some response... but also may not get any further than the ones who do not... it makes you wonder. When one is on other dating sites... there is more contact from males, no matter who contacts! There is the question there ... "It this because sex outside of marriage, the driving reason?" Is the problem the Catholic Male? Is it the Catholic Female? Or is it our impatience? Or are we limiting ourselves like Dominick so greatly pointed out?

God bless, Ithro rose

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: Yes, we were told by our mothers that "Girls do not call boys." TRUE! Do you think I li...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

Yes, we were told by our mothers that "Girls do not call boys." TRUE! Do you think I listened? No. I am glad for the way I walked all over that. I am wondering were all the ladies here taught this from mom? Is it a Catholic way of seeing dating?

What were the men here taught from mom in this regard? Lets' discuss. I may try to reply to the last several comments in the locked thread too...

--hide--
Hi Marian, wave

Of course I was taught not to call "boys". I was raised in a "Southern Baptist" home, so this had nothing to do with Catholic teaching.

I think it was a generational thing. A "sign of the times", if you will. I certainly don't abide by those rules now. However, I'm still of the "old fashioned" mindset that, men are the leaders in a relationship/marriage.

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Linda-624584 said: Hi Marian, Of course I was taught not to call "boys". I was raised in a "So...
(Quote) Linda-624584 said:

Hi Marian,

Of course I was taught not to call "boys". I was raised in a "Southern Baptist" home, so this had nothing to do with Catholic teaching.

I think it was a generational thing. A "sign of the times", if you will. I certainly don't abide by those rules now. However, I'm still of the "old fashioned" mindset that, men are the leaders in a relationship/marriage.

--hide--


Due to my intuitive personality and my own way of thinking I was willing and did call boys. I think it was a wonderful opportunity for growth and I would not change it. I think people (women) (men) know what to do when they feel led and it does nto have to be all or nothing about calling or making some move.

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Ithro-543226 said: David, it is not really silly. My mother also told me the same thing! I think the only r...
(Quote) Ithro-543226 said:

David, it is not really silly. My mother also told me the same thing! I think the only reason I could do otherwise was because we did not own a phone when I was in high school. The telephone company felt that there were not enough people, in this farm area... far away from the highway, to be worth its effort. I was allowed to call a boy because he asked me to accompany him to a banquet... and I needed to call with my answer. Even though we did not have a phone & I had permission from my mother... a lady visiting our house at the time... started to spread the rumor that I was out.."calling boys!" Girls who chased boys were called "fast"! And thereby not regarded as a good reputation by one's family as good "courting" material.

I have to admit though... that my daddy was not very pleased with this... he was not as worried about me as my mother! He told the lady off and banned her from our house because of her spreading lies or making something innocent seem something more.

I also admit though that I have approached males since I was in the 1st grade!! Yes, I wrote my first note to a guy when I was 6 years old! My Mother laughed at that one when she found it! She was harder on sexual things that she was on casual stuff. BUT, there were other people whom I know about had a fight, if their daughter approached a man... it was a serious thing...particularly the ones who considered themselves in the "genteel" society! They expected their daughters to be so desirous that there would be absolutely no reason for the girls to approach males! It was up to the males to pursue and fight to win the rights to visit these ladies. The ladies could flirt, but heaven forbid, if they did it too forcefully. I do not know if it mattered to the men... but maybe to their mothers... And if Mother had to be regarded highly by other mothers! The Girls in this were caught in the middle and it was really real to the point that there are still many ladies who still find it very difficult to approach men first! There are also men who brought into the same thing. Thinking it is silly does not mean that it is not real to some people, both men and women.

I guess because most of my friends in my life have been men since the time I can remember ... made me more daring than some... BUT, even with that, sometime... there are still men who seem to go along with the old Romance novel... that he is the one to pursue! So, see... it is not only the Old South... it is also from other countries, romance novels, and many things that re-enforces this. There is also that thing out there to tells us that there is so much female hormones out there in the water.... that the male is starting to change.... and when one is on CM and some very beautiful, kind and attractive ladies in almost all ways... stay here so very long without the men knocking down their doors! The ones who do contact men ... may get some response... but also may not get any further than the ones who do not... it makes you wonder. When one is on other dating sites... there is more contact from males, no matter who contacts! There is the question there ... "It this because sex outside of marriage, the driving reason?" Is the problem the Catholic Male? Is it the Catholic Female? Or is it our impatience? Or are we limiting ourselves like Dominick so greatly pointed out?

God bless, Ithro

--hide--


Ithro You made so many great points and you reiterated that our moms did warn us and teach us this way. It is something not all of us were able to follow. I was nto able to follow it. If I liked a man I generally did something about it. I find it slightly more difficult to do at this age. It is also more difficult to make out what a man is like on the internet. We just never know- so it is like a shot in the dark here, really at first.

Your post touched on so many things Ithro. The idea that a mother would gossip is just sad. But I bet it has happened. Your Dad was good to nip that in the bud! GOOD for him! As far as Mothers teaching daughters to stay back and be genteel because men would come, I just think this is ssad and a fallacy.
Men generally do not approach unless a woman makes them feel comfortable- she has to be approachable, they say.

Phones are all the rage these days and kids have them in class and with them all day now- it must be as differnt as can be now!

For us, we have to exercise the best judgement on how bold to be with men. I too, have always had men friends and so I understand what yopu are saying Ithro.

I love your idea about the hormones in the water supply. I wonder if there is anything to that as far as what could affect behavior... hmmmmm

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: Yes, we were told by our mothers that "Gir...
(Quote) David-364112 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:

Yes, we were told by our mothers that "Girls do not call boys." TRUE! Do you think I listened? No. I am glad for the way I walked all over that. I am wondering were all the ladies here taught this from mom? Is it a Catholic way of seeing dating?

What were the men here taught from mom in this regard? Lets' discuss. I may try to reply to the last several comments in the locked thread too...



Stop it right now. There is nothing wrong with a woman initiating contact or driving ther relationship. People who adhere to hidebound and silly cultural norms which serve no moral or other purtpose are just being silly and . . . well, hidebound.

--hide--


Stop what? Posting a thread? Did you read what I wrote? I don't think you did.

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: Not for me. But I'm working at change.
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:


Not for me. But I'm working at change.

--hide--


I think you make a great point Lina.

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