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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Amy-812495 said: While this is often misunderstood, the Catholic model of marriage is that the husband is the head o...
(Quote) Amy-812495 said:

While this is often misunderstood, the Catholic model of marriage is that the husband is the head of the family. So I think that when the man takes the initiative in dating, this provides the girl with a good idea of how he can fill that role.

And, besides, it just feels right to me to have the man initiate the relationship.

--hide--


I think a person has to do what they feel is right for them- whomever and wherever they are.

I think there are certain things a woman can do in certain settings such as ask a man to join her in some activity, if it fits well into the group or church or situation they are already a part of.

I once asked a man to drive me to a movie I was attending with a group. I offered to make him a quick dinner ahead of time and that was how we first went out. I still think it was a great thing to do. No regrets.

I have done a lot of this. It is not as comfortable now but I could woprk on my gumption and work through it again if I felt I had to. It just gets old after a while...

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: Stop it right now. There is nothing wrong with a woman initiating contact or driving...
(Quote) David-364112 said:


Stop it right now. There is nothing wrong with a woman initiating contact or driving ther relationship. People who adhere to hidebound and silly cultural norms which serve no moral or other purtpose are just being silly and . . . well, hidebound.

--hide--


Not a very enlightened response, David. I was raised in a culture where I was taught that I was not to call boys and being a lady required that I waited to be pursued. It was my culture. If yours was different, I honor that. And, I expect mine to be honored rather than insulted. Insults serve no positive purpose, David. However, insulting other cultures and mores do insure you will get emotional responses, which may be your real motive in throwing around such insults.


- Elizabeth

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Amy-812495 said: While this is often misunderstood, the Catholic model of marriage is that the husband is the head o...
(Quote) Amy-812495 said:

While this is often misunderstood, the Catholic model of marriage is that the husband is the head of the family. So I think that when the man takes the initiative in dating, this provides the girl with a good idea of how he can fill that role.

And, besides, it just feels right to me to have the man initiate the relationship.

--hide--


Excellent answer, Amy.


- Elizabeth

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: (Quote) Ithro-543226 said: David, it is not really silly. My moth...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

Quote:
Ithro-543226 said:

David, it is not really silly. My mother also told me the same thing! I think the only reason I could do otherwise was because we did not own a phone when I was in high school. The telephone company felt that there were not enough people, in this farm area... far away from the highway, to be worth its effort. I was allowed to call a boy because he asked me to accompany him to a banquet... and I needed to call with my answer. Even though we did not have a phone & I had permission from my mother... a lady visiting our house at the time... started to spread the rumor that I was out.."calling boys!" Girls who chased boys were called "fast"! And thereby not regarded as a good reputation by one's family as good "courting" material.

I have to admit though... that my daddy was not very pleased with this... he was not as worried about me as my mother! He told the lady off and banned her from our house because of her spreading lies or making something innocent seem something more.

I also admit though that I have approached males since I was in the 1st grade!! Yes, I wrote my first note to a guy when I was 6 years old! My Mother laughed at that one when she found it! She was harder on sexual things that she was on casual stuff. BUT, there were other people whom I know about had a fight, if their daughter approached a man... it was a serious thing...particularly the ones who considered themselves in the "genteel" society! They expected their daughters to be so desirous that there would be absolutely no reason for the girls to approach males! It was up to the males to pursue and fight to win the rights to visit these ladies. The ladies could flirt, but heaven forbid, if they did it too forcefully. I do not know if it mattered to the men... but maybe to their mothers... And if Mother had to be regarded highly by other mothers! The Girls in this were caught in the middle and it was really real to the point that there are still many ladies who still find it very difficult to approach men first! There are also men who brought into the same thing. Thinking it is silly does not mean that it is not real to some people, both men and women.

I guess because most of my friends in my life have been men since the time I can remember ... made me more daring than some... BUT, even with that, sometime... there are still men who seem to go along with the old Romance novel... that he is the one to pursue! So, see... it is not only the Old South... it is also from other countries, romance novels, and many things that re-enforces this. There is also that thing out there to tells us that there is so much female hormones out there in the water.... that the male is starting to change.... and when one is on CM and some very beautiful, kind and attractive ladies in almost all ways... stay here so very long without the men knocking down their doors! The ones who do contact men ... may get some response... but also may not get any further than the ones who do not... it makes you wonder. When one is on other dating sites... there is more contact from males, no matter who contacts! There is the question there ... "It this because sex outside of marriage, the driving reason?" Is the problem the Catholic Male? Is it the Catholic Female? Or is it our impatience? Or are we limiting ourselves like Dominick so greatly pointed out?

God bless, Ithro




Ithro You made so many great points and you reiterated that our moms did warn us and teach us this way. It is something not all of us were able to follow. I was nto able to follow it. If I liked a man I generally did something about it. I find it slightly more difficult to do at this age. It is also more difficult to make out what a man is like on the Internet. We just never know- so it is like a shot in the dark here, really at first.

Your post touched on so many things Ithro. The idea that a mother would gossip is just sad. But I bet it has happened. Your Dad was good to nip that in the bud! GOOD for him! As far as Mothers teaching daughters to stay back and be genteel because men would come, I just think this is sad and a fallacy.
Men generally do not approach unless a woman makes them feel comfortable- she has to be approachable, they say.

Phones are all the rage these days and kids have them in class and with them all day now- it must be as different as can be now!

For us, we have to exercise the best judgement on how bold to be with men. I too, have always had men friends and so I understand what you are saying Ithro.

I love your idea about the hormones in the water supply. I wonder if there is anything to that as far as what could affect behavior... hmmm

--hide--


I wrote "the idea that a mother would gossip is sad.." I meant the lady who was gossiping and yet I do not know if she her self was a mom. Recently my close relative found other moms who gossipped about their daughters and other moms daughters (not related to boys) and so maybe i assumed the lady was a mom. Perhaps she wasn't. BUT no I realize it was not your mom who did. This lady did this.

Aug 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said: Not a very enlightened response, David. I was raised in a culture where I was ta...
(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said:


Not a very enlightened response, David. I was raised in a culture where I was taught that I was not to call boys and being a lady required that I waited to be pursued. It was my culture. If yours was different, I honor that. And, I expect mine to be honored rather than insulted. Insults serve no positive purpose, David. However, insulting other cultures and mores do insure you will get emotional responses, which may be your real motive in throwing around such insults.


- Elizabeth

--hide--


the culture i was raised in was even more backwards than the one you grew up with, but i managed to surmount it. a woman can and should initiate contact. wny not?

Sep 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) Amy-812495 said: While this is often misunderstood, the Catholic model of marriage is that the husband is the head o...
(Quote) Amy-812495 said:

While this is often misunderstood, the Catholic model of marriage is that the husband is the head of the family. So I think that when the man takes the initiative in dating, this provides the girl with a good idea of how he can fill that role.

And, besides, it just feels right to me to have the man initiate the relationship.

--hide--


I think you are so right, Amy. When a man initiates a relationship, it shows that he is willing and able to take the lead. There has been a mix up between male and female relations that started with WWII when women started working in factories. But I think in the end all will work out well. Today we are finding that men and women are working together and the best relationships seem to not require one dominating the other. I'm from that generation that was taught that I not call boys. However, I was also taught to think and that I could be whatever I wanted to be. My husband of 34 years was a very intelligent man who was never threatened by my intellect, and I was happy for him to take the lead in our relationship and so glad he did. Otherwise, I would have never gone out with him.


While things have changed, I think not that much.


- Elizabeth

Sep 2nd 2012 new

Good question. No, she didn't teach me that. But, I'm more of an assertive personality, so I guess I kind of "test" it in men. I wouldn't want to marry a passive man, but then marrying someone of my temperament clashes too much.

Sep 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said: (Quote) Amy-812495 said: While this is often misunderstood, the Cathol...
(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said:

Quote:
Amy-812495 said:

While this is often misunderstood, the Catholic model of marriage is that the husband is the head of the family. So I think that when the man takes the initiative in dating, this provides the girl with a good idea of how he can fill that role.

And, besides, it just feels right to me to have the man initiate the relationship.



I think you are so right, Amy. When a man initiates a relationship, it shows that he is willing and able to take the lead. There has been a mix up between male and female relations that started with WWII when women started working in factories. But I think in the end all will work out well. Today we are finding that men and women are working together and the best relationships seem to not require one dominating the other. I'm from that generation that was taught that I not call boys. However, I was also taught to think and that I could be whatever I wanted to be. My husband of 34 years was a very intelligent man who was never threatened by my intellect, and I was happy for him to take the lead in our relationship and so glad he did. Otherwise, I would have never gone out with him.


While things have changed, I think not that much.


- Elizabeth

--hide--


I hope things have not changed that much.

Sep 2nd 2012 new

I was taught that a lady does not call men...


And I am not sure if it was/is a wise teaching... but I have found it as a useful guide in general!

I am outgoing, strong willed, and can be quite opinionated... at times... I can also be quiet and aloof when in that mood! (I make myself out to be wonderful! laughing laughing laughing ) I worry at times that I will dominate a man. And find men who do whatever I want or rely on me to be the initiator in communication or activities to be a turn off. I have used my mother's rule as a guide and indicator. If they are courageous laughing enough to contact me, call me, pursue a relationship with me, then I think the man might be able to communicate with me effectively and in a way where I won't feel like I am making all the decisions or dominating him. My brothers tease me about this! They pray that I find a man "who will put me in my place." They, of course, say this in a teasing manner and do not mean it in the derogatory manner as the phrase is intended. They want me to find a loving, holy man who happens to be of an equally strong will! eyepopping rolling eyes embarassed laughing laughing laughing

Sep 3rd 2012 new
Lol!!! I hear things like, You need a man who can handle you... Or, I see why you don't need a man. Lol Ummmmm..... Is there a support club we can join? Lol
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