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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

08/20/2012 new

Praise God--He always gives us what we need just when we need it. Reading that post today was just what I needed. I have been struggling with the carrying water and chopping wood part of life since my husband died a year ago. In anticipation of a birthday party to honor his 80th birthday yesterday, I was forced to clean the house, which I had been avoiding for a few months. Today the house clutter and the clutter of my mind has evaporated. I even WANT to clean out the pantry today. I am getting back to following my own ideals of daily living, based on all the axioms my mom shared over the years: a place for everything and everything in its place; cleanliness is next to Godliness; any job worth doing is worth doing well. Those are the voices I have ignored for a year. Wallowing in my own loneliness, being somehow afraid to tackle the jobs Bob used to handle for me; even ignoring the bills a few times. Today, I feel like my real life is back. The kid and all her friends are all in school, I have taken the time to pray this morning and now I am going to tackle the pantry, where the potatoes are sprouting and the napkins are missing and the yeast has expired. Today, I take my life back. God bless you, Andrew, for your articulate expression of the ways to go on.

09/01/2012 new

Saturday night…late….outside the soggy warmth of Isaac keeps pushing back against the fall tumbling in from up north….twist of lime, one ice cube, a shot of sweet vermouth….

Do you feel it? It’s in the air; it’s a change in the air.

Oh wait….I forgot the soundtrack

www.youtube.com

I know this change….the fading summer, the cool nights, the foggy mornings. I’m feelin’ it.

I stood by the side of a river once, watching the wind blow through the trees, and I knew. I knew fall was fleeing before the north winds of winter. The leaves have already begun to turn here. I don’t just feel it, I see it. I smell it, in the air. Some forty times since that night by the river, I’ve listened to the wind in the trees, feelin’ it, knowing that winter was coming, knowing the darkness of the long night was not far away, knowing the cold that brings the deep silence of snow bound nights.

Fall is coming; bits and pieces are already here, despite the still warm days. More of autumn is on the way, and I must handle it with grace.

The “Men who pursue” thread has been interesting, if inconclusive. We live in a time of change. That old curse comes to mind, “May you live in interesting times.” Yes, we all struggle to adapt to a world undergoing great change. My iPhone has more power, in my hand, in my pocket, than the multi-million dollar computers I first used in college. We take it for granted that we can call anyone we like, anywhere in the world, any time we like, any time we like. I could pick up my phone right now, dial a number in Germany, and it would ring. When I lived in France, once upon a time, making a trans-Atlantic call was an ordeal of hours; you had to go to the post office, stand in line, wait for a phone booth, talk to an operator, wait for a fuzzy, barely intelligible connection, and talk quickly because the call was costing several dollars a minute.

The world is faster now. Perhaps too fast? Can we handle it with grace?

www.youtube.com

Are we trying to hurry our relationships? Or are we not wooing fast enough? I’m confused. Lately I have been recalling Thomas Pynchon…”We have to look for Power sources here, and distribution networks we were never taught, routes of power our teachers never imagined, or were encouraged to avoid... We have to find meters whose scales are unknown in the world, draw our own schematics, getting feedback, making connections, reducing the error, trying to learn the real function... zeroing in on what incalculable plot?"

I would like to know the plot, but it only seems to emerge in the rear view mirror, and at that point, all I can do is smile wryly and wonder at God’s grace, which is obviously at work in my life in spite of my own sloth, laziness, procrastination, and too often indifferent prayer life. I want to handle everything with grace, but often stumble, and stumble badly.

Isn’t that the challenge? To handle everything in my life with grace? I sometimes think God is a tease; He has given each of us the power to be saintly, but it requires the will and the desire to be saintly. And my fallen nature resists the desire to be saintly. Original sin is all about believing I don’t need God. Put another way, original sin is nothing but pride. If I could let go of a pride, I could be a saint.

So to be saintly, I must handle everything with grace.

I must handle irritating people with grace.

I must handle disappointment with grace.

I must handle death with grace.

I must handle even my minor hungers with grace.

I must handle my children with grace.

I must handle the chores of daily living with grace.

I must handle family responsibilities with grace.

I must handle physical pain with grace.

I must handle mental pain with grace.

I must handle everyone I meet with grace.

I’m back to feeling it, the deep foreboding of winter, preceded by the blue moon of early fall.

09/02/2012 new

My sermon was on grace today. The idea of grace is that it is freely given from above. Here's the thing, however. Often we spend so much time telling God what we need or want that we fail to see the mercies and grace we are being given. Often we fail to see grace until long after the gift is given. I know that it was a lightning bolt today.

I am certainly not living the life I thought I would be living. I can't exactly say that I am happy, but it is well with my soul and I am content. I know this, though, I have been carried by so many and I have received so many lightning bolts to include an unexpected job promotion/new job, my book being published, and friends that I never would have met or known without Phil's death. Grace, then, is playing out all around me. All I have to do is to wait expectantly and to fall into my faith during the hard times. Easier said than done sometimes, but I am waiting for the lightning bolts. I know God is not finished with me and that he desires for me to be happy.

09/02/2012 new

PS. Andy, I really like the writing on grace. Grace is a gift freeely given.


(Quote) Andrew-865848 said: Saturday night…late….outside the soggy warmth of Isaac keeps pushing back against ...
(Quote) Andrew-865848 said:

Saturday night…late….outside the soggy warmth of Isaac keeps pushing back against the fall tumbling in from up north….twist of lime, one ice cube, a shot of sweet vermouth….

Do you feel it? It’s in the air; it’s a change in the air.

Oh wait….I forgot the soundtrack

www.youtube.com

I know this change….the fading summer, the cool nights, the foggy mornings. I’m feelin’ it.

I stood by the side of a river once, watching the wind blow through the trees, and I knew. I knew fall was fleeing before the north winds of winter. The leaves have already begun to turn here. I don’t just feel it, I see it. I smell it, in the air. Some forty times since that night by the river, I’ve listened to the wind in the trees, feelin’ it, knowing that winter was coming, knowing the darkness of the long night was not far away, knowing the cold that brings the deep silence of snow bound nights.

Fall is coming; bits and pieces are already here, despite the still warm days. More of autumn is on the way, and I must handle it with grace.

The “Men who pursue” thread has been interesting, if inconclusive. We live in a time of change. That old curse comes to mind, “May you live in interesting times.” Yes, we all struggle to adapt to a world undergoing great change. My iPhone has more power, in my hand, in my pocket, than the multi-million dollar computers I first used in college. We take it for granted that we can call anyone we like, anywhere in the world, any time we like, any time we like. I could pick up my phone right now, dial a number in Germany, and it would ring. When I lived in France, once upon a time, making a trans-Atlantic call was an ordeal of hours; you had to go to the post office, stand in line, wait for a phone booth, talk to an operator, wait for a fuzzy, barely intelligible connection, and talk quickly because the call was costing several dollars a minute.

The world is faster now. Perhaps too fast? Can we handle it with grace?

www.youtube.com

Are we trying to hurry our relationships? Or are we not wooing fast enough? I’m confused. Lately I have been recalling Thomas Pynchon…”We have to look for Power sources here, and distribution networks we were never taught, routes of power our teachers never imagined, or were encouraged to avoid... We have to find meters whose scales are unknown in the world, draw our own schematics, getting feedback, making connections, reducing the error, trying to learn the real function... zeroing in on what incalculable plot?"

I would like to know the plot, but it only seems to emerge in the rear view mirror, and at that point, all I can do is smile wryly and wonder at God’s grace, which is obviously at work in my life in spite of my own sloth, laziness, procrastination, and too often indifferent prayer life. I want to handle everything with grace, but often stumble, and stumble badly.

Isn’t that the challenge? To handle everything in my life with grace? I sometimes think God is a tease; He has given each of us the power to be saintly, but it requires the will and the desire to be saintly. And my fallen nature resists the desire to be saintly. Original sin is all about believing I don’t need God. Put another way, original sin is nothing but pride. If I could let go of a pride, I could be a saint.

So to be saintly, I must handle everything with grace.

I must handle irritating people with grace.

I must handle disappointment with grace.

I must handle death with grace.

I must handle even my minor hungers with grace.

I must handle my children with grace.

I must handle the chores of daily living with grace.

I must handle family responsibilities with grace.

I must handle physical pain with grace.

I must handle mental pain with grace.

I must handle everyone I meet with grace.

I’m back to feeling it, the deep foreboding of winter, preceded by the blue moon of early fall.

--hide--

09/02/2012 new

Bless you Andrew!!!

Thank you for sharing :-) biggrin

09/02/2012 new

(Quote) Loretta-867522 said: Praise God--He always gives us what we need just when we need it. Reading that post today was j...
(Quote) Loretta-867522 said:

Praise God--He always gives us what we need just when we need it. Reading that post today was just what I needed. I have been struggling with the carrying water and chopping wood part of life since my husband died a year ago. In anticipation of a birthday party to honor his 80th birthday yesterday, I was forced to clean the house, which I had been avoiding for a few months. Today the house clutter and the clutter of my mind has evaporated. I even WANT to clean out the pantry today. I am getting back to following my own ideals of daily living, based on all the axioms my mom shared over the years: a place for everything and everything in its place; cleanliness is next to Godliness; any job worth doing is worth doing well. Those are the voices I have ignored for a year. Wallowing in my own loneliness, being somehow afraid to tackle the jobs Bob used to handle for me; even ignoring the bills a few times. Today, I feel like my real life is back. The kid and all her friends are all in school, I have taken the time to pray this morning and now I am going to tackle the pantry, where the potatoes are sprouting and the napkins are missing and the yeast has expired. Today, I take my life back. God bless you, Andrew, for your articulate expression of the ways to go on.

--hide--


Liretta,

I want to say "Welcome back" to you for emerging out of the deepest sorrow of grief. I remember that moment. I announced to my kids that, "Mom was back." The fast food dinners were over. Chores would be done and we were going to live a normal life again. The overwhelming sadness that threatened to consume me was discarded. I needed to laugh again. I needed to feel joy, a sense of accomplishment, order and peace.

It's a big step, Loretta. Congratulations!

09/02/2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: Liretta, I want to say "Welcome back" to you for emerging out of the d...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



Liretta,

I want to say "Welcome back" to you for emerging out of the deepest sorrow of grief. I remember that moment. I announced to my kids that, "Mom was back." The fast food dinners were over. Chores would be done and we were going to live a normal life again. The overwhelming sadness that threatened to consume me was discarded. I needed to laugh again. I needed to feel joy, a sense of accomplishment, order and peace.

It's a big step, Loretta. Congratulations!

--hide--
Kathy, I think we all probably remember the day we decided to rejoin the world. For myself, I spent a year or more trying to figure out how the world continued to move forward, and I seemed stuck in my grief. I kept thinking, how can everyone go on as if nothing had happened. Well, truth be told, nothing had happened to the rest of the world, It was my world that had changed. I finally figured out that I had two choices.....either I move forward, or spend the rest of my life stuck in the overwhelming grief. I chose to move forward.

09/02/2012 new

biggrin

Bros and siss, bless you bless you!!

There is Wisdom in these posts.

I thank God for you all!!

09/02/2012 new
(Quote) Linda-624584 said: Kathy, I think we all probably remember the day we decided to rejoin the world. For myself, I spent a year or m...
(Quote) Linda-624584 said:

Kathy, I think we all probably remember the day we decided to rejoin the world. For myself, I spent a year or more trying to figure out how the world continued to move forward, and I seemed stuck in my grief. I kept thinking, how can everyone go on as if nothing had happened. Well, truth be told, nothing had happened to the rest of the world, It was my world that had changed. I finally figured out that I had two choices.....either I move forward, or spend the rest of my life stuck in the overwhelming grief. I chose to move forward.

--hide--


I think the same choice you faced is the one I have faced since losing my son. I remember the first time I actually laughed I almost felt guilty but it is a choice I make every day to get up and start a new day. I still have moments of sadness, but not as overwhelming as it was a year ago May..... angel

My prayers for all those dealing with the grief process whether it is the loss of a child or a spouse or another loved one you are missing today. rosary Someone recommended praying the Holy Spirit prayer when I am feeling overwhelmed. And I will admit that is my new favorite prayer!
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