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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

What are the odds?

09/06/2012 new

My husband and I had such a wonderful relationship and I miss him terribly. We had our ups and downs but we were always there for each other. We had so much laughter in our relationship and now well..............I feel mostly empty. It's been a little over a year since he passed away and like a turtle I'm just beginning to poke my head out of my shell to try socializing again but at the same time I see so many break ups happening around me. My husband and I were together for 31 years. My question is, "What are the odds of finding a good relationship again?" Can it really happen twice in one lifetime? Sometimes I feel like why even try. What do you think?

09/06/2012 new

(Quote) Estrellita-895260 said: My husband and I had such a wonderful relationship and I miss him terribly. We had our ups a...
(Quote) Estrellita-895260 said:

My husband and I had such a wonderful relationship and I miss him terribly. We had our ups and downs but we were always there for each other. We had so much laughter in our relationship and now well..............I feel mostly empty. It's been a little over a year since he passed away and like a turtle I'm just beginning to poke my head out of my shell to try socializing again but at the same time I see so many break ups happening around me. My husband and I were together for 31 years. My question is, "What are the odds of finding a good relationship again?" Can it really happen twice in one lifetime? Sometimes I feel like why even try. What do you think?

--hide--


I had twenty-seven years with my first best friend. I wouldn't be here if I didn't hope to be able to find that again with my next.

09/07/2012 new
(Quote) Estrellita-895260 said: My husband and I had such a wonderful relationship and I miss him terribly. We had our ups and downs but ...
(Quote) Estrellita-895260 said:

My husband and I had such a wonderful relationship and I miss him terribly. We had our ups and downs but we were always there for each other. We had so much laughter in our relationship and now well..............I feel mostly empty. It's been a little over a year since he passed away and like a turtle I'm just beginning to poke my head out of my shell to try socializing again but at the same time I see so many break ups happening around me. My husband and I were together for 31 years. My question is, "What are the odds of finding a good relationship again?" Can it really happen twice in one lifetime? Sometimes I feel like why even try. What do you think?

--hide--


Hello Estrellita,

Yes.

I have read many times that the surviving spouse whose first marriage was happy has a much higher probability of having a happy marriage again.

The same is true for those divorced and annulled.....providing there has been counseling, etc.
09/07/2012 new

I have been married two times and widowed two times. You never love the same way twice. Nobody can ever take the place of your deceased mate. I have been alone for 9 years now, and I didn't really think I wanted to risk it again. The thought of going through that kind of pain again terrified me. It has only been in these last few months that I have opened myself up to the possibility that maybe I can do this again. I have dated some, but I have yet to meet someone that I would desire to spend the rest of my life with. I have prayed about this and I have reached the conclusion that if God wants me to be with someone, he will show me the way.

09/07/2012 new

(Quote) Estrellita-895260 said: My husband and I had such a wonderful relationship and I miss him terribly. We had our ups a...
(Quote) Estrellita-895260 said:

My husband and I had such a wonderful relationship and I miss him terribly. We had our ups and downs but we were always there for each other. We had so much laughter in our relationship and now well..............I feel mostly empty. It's been a little over a year since he passed away and like a turtle I'm just beginning to poke my head out of my shell to try socializing again but at the same time I see so many break ups happening around me. My husband and I were together for 31 years. My question is, "What are the odds of finding a good relationship again?" Can it really happen twice in one lifetime? Sometimes I feel like why even try. What do you think?

--hide--
Welcome to the forums,Estrellita.


Yes it is possible.We have the capacity to love again.Many widows have remarried.You are in a good place to help.Take it slow and see where God guides you.


All the best

09/07/2012 new

(Quote) Sherrill-anne-13557 said: (Quote) Estrellita-895260 said: My husband and I had such a wonderf...
(Quote) Sherrill-anne-13557 said:

Quote:
Estrellita-895260 said:

My husband and I had such a wonderful relationship and I miss him terribly. We had our ups and downs but we were always there for each other. We had so much laughter in our relationship and now well..............I feel mostly empty. It's been a little over a year since he passed away and like a turtle I'm just beginning to poke my head out of my shell to try socializing again but at the same time I see so many break ups happening around me. My husband and I were together for 31 years. My question is, "What are the odds of finding a good relationship again?" Can it really happen twice in one lifetime? Sometimes I feel like why even try. What do you think?


Welcome to the forums,Estrellita.


Yes it is possible.We have the capacity to love again.Many widows have remarried.You are in a good place to help.Take it slow and see where God guides you.


All the best

--hide--

Thank you everyone for your positive feedback. I guess last night I was having one of those nights. I will trust God to guide me and lead me, if it is his will that I should be married again, to someone I can find happiness with. Thank you so much and God Bless You :-)

09/08/2012 new

(Quote) Estrellita-895260 said: My husband and I had such a wonderful relationship and I miss him terribly. We had our ups a...
(Quote) Estrellita-895260 said:

My husband and I had such a wonderful relationship and I miss him terribly. We had our ups and downs but we were always there for each other. We had so much laughter in our relationship and now well..............I feel mostly empty. It's been a little over a year since he passed away and like a turtle I'm just beginning to poke my head out of my shell to try socializing again but at the same time I see so many break ups happening around me. My husband and I were together for 31 years. My question is, "What are the odds of finding a good relationship again?" Can it really happen twice in one lifetime? Sometimes I feel like why even try. What do you think?

--hide--


Oh, I think the odds are pretty good, Estrellita. I've seen this happen to several folks, but the ones that have made such an impression on me were my grandmother and her new husband of over 25 years. My grandfather died in his early 50s and after doing some pretty awful grieving my grandmother went on to marry a wonderful man. She died several years back and he is now 86. He says the happiest years of his life were with her, and we all saw this was true. They had fun together and were so obviously in love with one another. It was a great thing to see.


I know what it is to feel mostly empty, but because you have chosen to join CM, it looks to me like you have turned the corner. I took that turn last spring and I am glad I did. I have enjoyed meeting several nice gentlemen since then and am leaving the future to God, though patience has never been my best quality. Hang in there Estrellita...all in God's good time. hug


- Elizabeth

09/16/2012 new

I just joined CM because I'm trying to convince myself there is a 'rest of my life' worth having, that maybe lightning can strike twice.


My husband died two weeks before our third wedding anniversary, when our two boys were 20 months and 6 months of age. It's been almost two years now, my eldest son is three and asking, if his Daddy can't come back from heaven, why can't we just get a new one? I've told him it's not that easy, but... well, he's three.

I know for me, if I chose to get serious with someone and planned to marry him, it would hurt my husband's family. One of my sisters in law has actually told me that the family would turn their backs on me if I ever started dating again. How true, or sweeping a judgement that is, I don't know. What I do know though is, I can't allow other people to tell me how to grieve, how to love, how to live, so long as I know I am doing what is best for myself and my children.

Of course, that also means that any guy would also have to be deemed worthy of my children... it's a tall order!

So... I don't know how good the odds are, but I'm prepared to allow God the room to work, when and if He chooses to send another man my way.

09/16/2012 new

(Quote) Christiane-898493 said: I just joined CM because I'm trying to convince myself there is a 'rest of my life&#...
(Quote) Christiane-898493 said:

I just joined CM because I'm trying to convince myself there is a 'rest of my life' worth having, that maybe lightning can strike twice.


My husband died two weeks before our third wedding anniversary, when our two boys were 20 months and 6 months of age. It's been almost two years now, my eldest son is three and asking, if his Daddy can't come back from heaven, why can't we just get a new one? I've told him it's not that easy, but... well, he's three.

I know for me, if I chose to get serious with someone and planned to marry him, it would hurt my husband's family. One of my sisters in law has actually told me that the family would turn their backs on me if I ever started dating again. How true, or sweeping a judgement that is, I don't know. What I do know though is, I can't allow other people to tell me how to grieve, how to love, how to live, so long as I know I am doing what is best for myself and my children.

Of course, that also means that any guy would also have to be deemed worthy of my children... it's a tall order!

So... I don't know how good the odds are, but I'm prepared to allow God the room to work, when and if He chooses to send another man my way.

--hide--


I'm so glad you joined CM, Christiane. The road we have to travel after our spouses die is by far the most difficult road I have ever taken. But, God is with us and there is joy at the end of the tunnel. I was married 34 years...only a child of 19 when I married and a woman of 53 when he was gone. We were preparing for retirement and the world fell apart. I have likened my own journey with grief to a gauntlet..it has been painful and long but the only way out was to run toward God. If I had stopped, I felt like I would have fallen totally apart.


The first year, I just kept one foot in front of the other. The second year, I tried to find joy in life. The third year, I tried to get out more and force myself to do things with others. Each year I have tried to make a conscious decision to move forward. Now I have found balance and am enjoying life again, and you will, too. Yes, the rest of your life is so very much worth having and such a gift.


My favorite Bible verse is "All things work for good for those who love God and are called to His purpose." If I knew nothing about you except that you have those two beautiful children, that alone is enough to know you are called to God's purpose to raise those children adn therefore all things will work for good for you Christiane.


We all grieve differently and you just may be at a point that you are ready to smile again and look forward to the future. Good for you. I wouldn't be too concerned about your husband's family. They certainly aren't looking out for you or your family. Do what you think is best for you and your boys. I'll bet there is a nice young man out there who would just love to love you and your children. And, if your husband's family wants to maintain a relationship with your children, they will have to just get over it.


Hang in there, Christiane. Join us in the Women's forum. We have some very interesting discussions there. You'll find a lot nice men and women here, and the forums are a wonderful place to meet them. CatholicMatch is a unique Catholic community. Keep posting. You might check out the Singles and Under 45 forums, too.

God bless, Christiane.


- Elizabeth

09/16/2012 new

Oh, Christine....to be so young and yet you are so wise and mature! Good for you for not letting others tell you that you can't date...and that you are looking out for the best interest of you and your children.

As for me, it's been nearly 5 years since I have been widowed and my children are 14, 16, and 17. I know that I would like to marry again but I also know it will take someone very special...especially someone who can be open to having my kids part of his life and to love and except my youngest child who has Down syndrome....I know she is worth all the love God gives her and I give her but I also know it's a lot for someone to take on.

I wish all of us widows/widowers the best in being open to what God has planned for us.

Blessings,

Eleanor

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