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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Seeking "The Bad Boy"

Sep 9th 2012 new

We’ve all heard the saying, “Nice guys finish last,” but does that really hold true?

I’ve often found that many girls have an attraction towards “the bad boys.” More specifically, a man she can change, or make better. From what I’ve been told, they want to be the one girl a man cared so much about that he was willing to change his ways in order to be with her. She was able to show him what he was truly missing. If this doesn’t make sense, just watch the movie, “A Walk to Remember.” What girl doesn’t melt when she watches that movie? Maybe it’s that “the good guys” aren’t a challenge or they lack the excitement “the bad boys” offer? I once saw a t-shirt with writing on the front that said “Where did all the good guys go?” On the back it said, “You left them in the ‘friend zone.’”

On a website such as CatholicMatch, I would think that the comments above wouldn’t necessarily hold true, but recent conversations with mature, Catholic female friends have led me to believe otherwise. The desire to find someone with faults they could improve was still there.

We all want to find someone we can better, right? Isn’t that part of what makes us Christians? But does that put “the good guy” at a disadvantage in the dating world? Most of us highlight our strong attributes when building our profiles, but should the guys be highlighting their faults too? We all have them. When should we make them known?

I’m not really looking for a specific answer; I just thought it was an interesting discussion point. As much as I love feedback from anyone, I’m curious what my age group has to say.

Sep 9th 2012 new

I am one of those ladies who is really looking fwd to meet someone imperfect (I even wrote that clearly on my CM page). I never have any intention to improve him to be someone better as this is what I really want...someone who is a human...personally..so scarry to date someone who is smart, rich, very good looking, etc...it is more comfortable to date someone with flaws who does not bother about those things too much.

Sep 9th 2012 new

I am one of those ladies who is really looking fwd to meet someone imperfect (I even wrote that clearly on my CM page). I never have any intention to improve him to be someone better as this is what I really want...someone who is a human...personally..so scarry to date someone who is smart, rich, very good looking, etc...it is more comfortable to date someone with flaws who does not bother about those things too much.

Sep 9th 2012 new

It is an interesting point (and I do love the movie A Walk to Remember). First off, I think most women are by nature, nurturers. Think of the careers women tend to be attracted to (and I know there are exceptions, so I am not attempting to make a blanket statement, by any means...) - teaching, nursing, rehabilitation, counseling, and the incredible vocation of motherhood. So maybe there's an inherent desire to "fix" or improve. But to me there's also a big difference between imperfections and imperfections I need to fix. We are none of us perfect, we all have imperfections and quirks, and I expect that the man I marry some day will have imperfections of his own. But I am also wary of the "bad boy" or someone who has a lot of issues that I would need to "fix" - if he is not working on fixing them himself. I have seen too many relationships go south because a woman starting dating a man that she knew she would normally date, be it because of faith differences or personality issues, but convinced herself that she could change him. This is actually a path I don't want to go down, and part of why I joined CM, because I hope to find someone who is in a different place. Those are my two cents!



Sep 9th 2012 new

It's not a matter of bad boy are good boy. Lots of women are just attracted to strong men that don't act wussy and uphold there values. As long as you be yourself and are a strong man of prayer you should be fine.

It just so happens that many "bad boys" give off this strong tough aura but then they end up being the ones that women regret later and say "oh why did I get into that abusive relationship, why do I attract all the wrong guys" Becuase those type of men are everywhere in this culture of death. Strong Prayer is key, ask St. Rapheal to guide you.

A morally strong male that doesn't get all wishy washy. A man who doesn't give into temptation and upholds his values. A man who doesn't give up and can help her. To be the Knight in Shining Armor. This is what they want. I'm kinda into pshychology so I find this stuff interesting

But what one must work on is De-tachment, this will detach you from the world and attach you to Christ, this will destroy selfishness and allow you to be pure and loving. A level of cool indifference is important. Be strong, pray the rosary, and resist temptation. Be a manly man, a holy man, like St. Joseph. Praying for you all :]

Sep 9th 2012 new

That's one of my fave movies, too, but I don't think that she was chasing after him or seeking him to change him. To me, this wasn't a "good girl goes after the bad boy" movie. She was true to her character, and she didn't cave in to fit in. It's moreso that he saw her as a fresh of breath air and wanted to pursue her, even at the expense of losing his friends.


However, yes, some girls do go after bad boys to change them. They see it as a conquest, a challenge, and a huge self-esteem booster if he does change. Yet, usually he's just changing for a little bit, though, and then the girl's already head over heels. I see that as low self-esteem.

Sep 9th 2012 new

I agree with what Tony said about looking for a guy who will be my "knight" and fight for me. I am one of those girls who ends up liking the villian or bad boy in a movie/book but after further thought I realized what I am actually seeking is someone who is daring and a fighter. I look for someone unafraid of risking the opinion of others to be himself.

Sep 9th 2012 new

For me, this is 120% false of wanting a bad boy. Why? 9 times out of 10 you won`t change them because they are already set in their ways. A guy that is a bad boy typically has zero respect for women, is very selfish, has no morals, and usually participates in self destructive behaviors such as drugs and alcohol. I`ve seen it over and over again, and it almost never works. The girl is usually left frustrated, depressed, stressed out, and always worried because there is zero trust. Bad boys typically don`t stick to one girl and end up cheating too. None of it is good, this isn`t a movie, this is real life.

Sep 9th 2012 new

Get ready for a rant... rolling eyes Sometimes nice guys finish last because they don't do anything. Lots of "nice guys" are shy, socially awkward, suffer from a lack self-confidence, etc. For these and other reasons, they generally fade into the background and are left alone because girls equate their lack of action with a lack of interest. The "bad boys" are usually the loud attention-getting ones, the ones who are either self-confident, charismatic jerks who ask girls out as entertainment or who are charismatic but simultaneously extremely insecure and possesive and who ask girls out only as a way to validate themselves as "men". This may sound cynical, but I've seen it borne out over and over. Nice guys finish last because they hesitate and procrastinate and leave nice girls wondering where the heck they are. hissyfit Also, any girl who is seriously, intentionally looking for a human home-improvement project is either A. Naive or B. Controlling.


Alright, enough of the soapbox for today.

Sep 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Tony-760560 said: It's not a matter of bad boy are good boy. Lots of women are just attracted to strong men that...
(Quote) Tony-760560 said:

It's not a matter of bad boy are good boy. Lots of women are just attracted to strong men that don't act wussy and uphold there values. As long as you be yourself and are a strong man of prayer you should be fine.

It just so happens that many "bad boys" give off this strong tough aura but then they end up being the ones that women regret later and say "oh why did I get into that abusive relationship, why do I attract all the wrong guys" Becuase those type of men are everywhere in this culture of death. Strong Prayer is key, ask St. Rapheal to guide you.

A morally strong male that doesn't get all wishy washy. A man who doesn't give into temptation and upholds his values. A man who doesn't give up and can help her. To be the Knight in Shining Armor. This is what they want. I'm kinda into pshychology so I find this stuff interesting

But what one must work on is De-tachment, this will detach you from the world and attach you to Christ, this will destroy selfishness and allow you to be pure and loving. A level of cool indifference is important. Be strong, pray the rosary, and resist temptation. Be a manly man, a holy man, like St. Joseph. Praying for you all :]

--hide--


Wow - you are totally, where are the men like that.

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