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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

I would honestly like to know why men (and women) who are on here for the purpose of dating have not at least started their annullments. I've had 2 gentlemen (age/education/etc. appropriate) who are obviously interested (one wanting to meet after messages/phone calls), but who have not started their annullment and don't plan to in the near future. I don't know if the same holds true for divorced women on here. But, I just don't understand why someone who is divorced and wants to date and get into relationship with someone will not start their annullment process. (I had a similar situation with a gentleman in 2005-06 and it ended in heartbreak because there is no ultimate future for the relationship unless one wants to marry outside of the Church - which as a devout Catholic is totally out of the question for me).

So, please answer the question if you would, as to why not start the annullment if you want to date/etc.? (I'm not talking about those divorced persons who clearly state in their profile that they are looking only for friendship.)

Sep 12th 2012 new

I came on here in 2004 and didn't start my formal annulment process until 2006.. I was divorced in 1984.. It's called procrastination.. An affliction that many of us suffer from apparently.

Sep 12th 2012 new
My divorce was in 1989, my annulment was in 1998, it took me a couple of years to actually complete what I like to refer to as the healing book I wrote regarding my marriage. Thank God mine was approved.... biggrin
Sep 12th 2012 new
(Quote) Brenda-74660 said: My divorce was in 1989, my annulment was in 1998, it took me a couple of years to actually complete what I like to...
(Quote) Brenda-74660 said: My divorce was in 1989, my annulment was in 1998, it took me a couple of years to actually complete what I like to refer to as the healing book I wrote regarding my marriage. Thank God mine was approved....
--hide--


oops Divorce was June 1988 not 1989, typo.... scratchchin
Sep 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Brenda-74660 said: My divorce was in 1989, my annulment was in 1998, it took me a couple of years to actually complete what...
(Quote) Brenda-74660 said: My divorce was in 1989, my annulment was in 1998, it took me a couple of years to actually complete what I like to refer to as the healing book I wrote regarding my marriage. Thank God mine was approved....
--hide--



But at that time I don't think CM was even onsite, so I doubt that you were looking to date/get into serious relationship? My question is really about why gentlemen (and ladies) who are really looking for a "relationship" ( and not just friendship) haven't started their annullment, because obviously the end result of a relationship (that works) in the Catholic Church would be marriage in the Church. One gentleman said to me when I asked him is that he didn't know why he hasn't started his annullment (and had been divorced over 20 years)!

Sep 12th 2012 new
Maybe they are waiting to see if they really need one. People date without going through the annulment process. I remember my brother telling me that he was not meant to be alone, and the ink was barely dry on the divorce papers. He ended up falling in love with my sister's best friend who helped him get through his divorce. They got married outside of the church. Then a year later the annulment came through, so they got married in the church. I started my annulment, but then let it go for a couple of years. Now it's going to be ratified. I'm not sure what God has in store for me, but I want to be ready what ever it is.
Sep 12th 2012 new

The reality is that a person without a final Decree of Nullity is considered married to their former spouse in the eyes of the Church. We only become free to date/marry after the final Decree of Nullity is actually issued. That means that dating at any point in the annulment process before a final Decree, if it is indeed issued, would be seen as adulterous. If I am wrong about that, I hope someone clears it up, but I don't think I am.

I think a lot of people do not know that, or care to know that, as can be seen by the number of divorced people dating on this site.


Kathleen


Sep 12th 2012 new
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said: The reality is that a person without a final Decree of Nullity is considered married to their forme...
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said:

The reality is that a person without a final Decree of Nullity is considered married to their former spouse in the eyes of the Church. We only become free to date/marry after the final Decree of Nullity is actually issued. That means that dating at any point in the annulment process before a final Decree, if it is indeed issued, would be seen as adulterous. If I am wrong about that, I hope someone clears it up, but I don't think I am.

I think a lot of people do not know that, or care to know that, as can be seen by the number of divorced people dating on this site.


Kathleen


--hide--
Hi Kathleen. Many people have had counseling with their priests, who have suggested that they may, indeed, date. The reality is, if I'm still married to my ex, then I can continue having sex with him in the eyes of the church. Sex without the civil marriage and financial commitment of the marriage. That's better than getting an annulment, when I would not be allowed to have sex with anyone then. I know that sounds preposterous, but if I'm still married to the ex, we can have sex without further commitment. Just saying. I have met many men on here and have started meeting with them. All with the approval of my priest. As many people also have. It's all relative to the individual's frame of reference.
Sep 12th 2012 new
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: But at that time I don't think CM was even onsite, so I doubt that you were looking to date/g...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:




But at that time I don't think CM was even onsite, so I doubt that you were looking to date/get into serious relationship? My question is really about why gentlemen (and ladies) who are really looking for a "relationship" ( and not just friendship) haven't started their annullment, because obviously the end result of a relationship (that works) in the Catholic Church would be marriage in the Church. One gentleman said to me when I asked him is that he didn't know why he hasn't started his annullment (and had been divorced over 20 years)!

--hide--


I actually had my first date April 2005, several years after my annulment was final. For myself I needed to allow God to heal my heart.....
Sep 12th 2012 new
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: But at that time I don't think CM was even onsite, so I doubt that you were looking to date/g...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:




But at that time I don't think CM was even onsite, so I doubt that you were looking to date/get into serious relationship? My question is really about why gentlemen (and ladies) who are really looking for a "relationship" ( and not just friendship) haven't started their annullment, because obviously the end result of a relationship (that works) in the Catholic Church would be marriage in the Church. One gentleman said to me when I asked him is that he didn't know why he hasn't started his annullment (and had been divorced over 20 years)!

--hide--


At the time I applied for mine a Deacon at my church suggested if I wasn't engaged to get married again, it wasn't necessary. I wanted to know I was free to marry in the church if I found someone special...
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