Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Sep 13th 2012 new
(Quote) Cindy-534370 said: (Quote) Laura-857740 said: (Quote) Donna-83441 said: (Quote) Laur...
(Quote) Cindy-534370 said:

Quote:
Laura-857740 said:
Quote:
Donna-83441 said:

Quote:
Laura-857740 said: Hi Kathleen, thanks for your input. My priest stated it was ok to date as long as there is no possible way for my ex husband and I to get back together. That way the person i am dating is not standing between my ex and I and effecting the chance of reconciliation from occurring. Due to the horrific events that caused my marriage to end, I told him I would never return to my ex, he did the most hidious things a human being can do to another. Therefore, he said ok to dating. And yet I filled out annulment papers ONLY so that I may be married in the church again, not because I was concerned about adultery. My priest and the rest of the priests in my parish are excellent people. They all give an ok to dating with the stipulation that their can be no reconciliation possible. I do have the question out there and wondered...if people are have a civil law divorce, but no annulment...then they can continue having casual sex with no emotional attachment to the person, because through cannon law...they are still married.? That argument seems to stand true if I am still married according to the church.

I think the technicality is that there is nothing that directly says you may not date.. It says you may not marry in the Church without an annulment.. So many priests will say it is okay to date with the understanding that you cannot get married in the Church without a finalized annulment. The other thing to keep in mind is that in a lot of ways the most Conservative Catholics are drawn to CM because they see it as the best way to find a Catholic spouse and I've seen it written that the Forums draws out the most Conservative of them.. People who don't care quickly get bored with the conservativeism and go find a spouse on POF or Match..


Hi Donna, your comment is what I have heard from many, that there is nothing directly stating you cannot date. I guess that leaves it all to each their own.




No really you cannot date, you are only permitted to have a casual date, anything serious or beyond that is not permitted.

--hide--
If this argument was true, then that means the church has no problem with me having sex with my ex because we are " still married". Even though I'm legally divorced. It's the same side of your argument, not the opposite side. I do not plan on marrying until my son's future is made clearer to me. I'm thinking it will be a long time. If many priests are ok with us dating, I have a harder time that lay people could judge others for dating. Who among us is to say your going to hell, I believe in mercy and truly believe Jesus will forgive us, adulterous or not. My ex committed adultery while married, but I believe Jesus will save him from hell. And I hope the same for him because I hold no ill will over his act. That's practicing faith...if people don't want to get their marriage annulled, and not marry in the catholic church if they marry again, then I wish them the best. I will not judge them and say your going to hell committing adultery.
Sep 13th 2012 new
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said: (Quote) Laura-857740 said: Hi Donna, your comment is what I have heard from many, that there...
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said:

Quote:
Laura-857740 said: Hi Donna, your comment is what I have heard from many, that there is nothing directly stating you cannot date. I guess that leaves it all to each their own.

Dear Laura, in a way, you are correct. The details each person puts down about their family and marital history, on the annulment paperwork, is all to each their own, because we all have different circumstances.

When it comes to dating and marital behavior, however, it is not all to each their own. They are governed by things like Canon Law and Church Teachings. Each of us is subject to the same rules, e.g., without a Decree of Nullity, a person is seen as married in the eyes of the Church. Dating while married is adultery.

You can get confirmation of this here in the other threads on annulment. If you can't find the links, let me know and I will post them.

Kathleen

--hide--
Hi Kathleen, I hope your day is going well. By the way, nice picture! You look like you were having fun. Can you show me in the cannon law where it specifically states the you cannot date if divorced and not annulled? Not something that has to be implied, because as a researcher, I find that many different implications can be made for the same set of facts. Depends on the motive of the person making the implication. Any thing specifically stated about dating without an annullment? Thanks, Laurie.
Sep 13th 2012 new

(Quote) Laura-857740 said: If this argument was true, then that means the church has no problem with me having sex with my ex becau...
(Quote) Laura-857740 said: If this argument was true, then that means the church has no problem with me having sex with my ex because we are " still married". Even though I'm legally divorced. It's the same side of your argument, not the opposite side. I do not plan on marrying until my son's future is made clearer to me. I'm thinking it will be a long time. If many priests are ok with us dating, I have a harder time that lay people could judge others for dating. Who among us is to say your going to hell, I believe in mercy and truly believe Jesus will forgive us, adulterous or not. My ex committed adultery while married, but I believe Jesus will save him from hell. And I hope the same for him because I hold no ill will over his act. That's practicing faith...if people don't want to get their marriage annulled, and not marry in the catholic church if they marry again, then I wish them the best. I will not judge them and say your going to hell committing adultery.
--hide--
The Church always looks at things from many angles. Sex with your ex- is simply not a prudent thing. The Decree of Nullity does not even have to be looked at, although the fact that one is being sought further confirms that it would be imprudent to have sex with your ex.

Just my two cents. two cents

Kathleen

Sep 13th 2012 new
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said: (Quote) Laura-857740 said: If this argument was true, then that means the church has no prob...
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said:

Quote:
Laura-857740 said: If this argument was true, then that means the church has no problem with me having sex with my ex because we are " still married". Even though I'm legally divorced. It's the same side of your argument, not the opposite side. I do not plan on marrying until my son's future is made clearer to me. I'm thinking it will be a long time. If many priests are ok with us dating, I have a harder time that lay people could judge others for dating. Who among us is to say your going to hell, I believe in mercy and truly believe Jesus will forgive us, adulterous or not. My ex committed adultery while married, but I believe Jesus will save him from hell. And I hope the same for him because I hold no ill will over his act. That's practicing faith...if people don't want to get their marriage annulled, and not marry in the catholic church if they marry again, then I wish them the best. I will not judge them and say your going to hell committing adultery.

The Church always looks at things from many angles. Sex with your ex- is simply not a prudent thing. The Decree of Nullity does not even have to be looked at, although the fact that one is being sought further confirms that it would be imprudent to have sex with your ex.

Just my two cents.

Kathleen

--hide--
Not prudent, correct. But would be ok with the church if I'm still married to him. If it isn't logical, then the dating vs annullment issue would also not be logical and imprudent. Many angles, yes you are correct. God bless, laurie
Sep 14th 2012 new

(Quote) Laura-857740 said: Not prudent, correct. But would be ok with the church if I'm still married to him. If it isn't l...
(Quote) Laura-857740 said: Not prudent, correct. But would be ok with the church if I'm still married to him. If it isn't logical, then the dating vs annullment issue would also not be logical and imprudent. Many angles, yes you are correct. God bless, laurie
--hide--
No!!!!! It would not be okay with the Church. The Church teaches prudence as well as Canon Law. Prudence - and therefore the Church - would say that having sex with your ex is not a good thing, i.e., it is not prudent. If it is not prudent, it is not okay.

I say this out of concern for you.

Kathleen

Sep 14th 2012 new

Again, it gets back to each person's definition of "dating". The current societal definition nowadays, which includes Catholics to a large degree, implies that there will be some form of sex going on, at least after a certain point, wherever that point is. Of course, until annulment and re-marriage in the Church, that is to be out of the question. This of course, brings up the issue of where do you draw the line? This is where it can get tricky, and why it's wise to play it conservatively (non-political with a small "c"). Otherwise, each couple is forced to define what is "actual sex" or not, and so forth. Not that that can't be done, but you you can see the pitfalls, and after all we are all still regular people with hormones (however much are left smile ).
Hopefully, priests who approve dating in these situations are assuming or hoping that the dating is chaste, but it certainly can be problematic, if not dangerous territory.

It's kind of like starting a new serious relationship the day after the divorce. Is that really a good idea? We all need time to adjust, heal, renew, etc.
Of course, each situation has its own unique flavor based on how long ago the divorce was, are there current relationships, is an annulment started or planned, or in progress. The permutations can be many, but each person definitely needs some amount of time to go thru all the stages of grief and healing. The annulment and its healing and freedom is the part of the culmination of that process, which is why the Church in her wisdom requires it. It can be a little like confession, most of us really don't enjoy it or look forward to fessing up to our sins to another person, priest or no. But it always is a feeling of real relief and healing afterwards - hard but necessary.

Sep 14th 2012 new
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said: (Quote) Laura-857740 said: Not prudent, correct. But would be ok with the church if I'm ...
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said:

Quote:
Laura-857740 said: Not prudent, correct. But would be ok with the church if I'm still married to him. If it isn't logical, then the dating vs annullment issue would also not be logical and imprudent. Many angles, yes you are correct. God bless, laurie

No!!!!! It would not be okay with the Church. The Church teaches prudence as well as Canon Law. Prudence - and therefore the Church - would say that having sex with your ex is not a good thing, i.e., it is not prudent. If it is not prudent, it is not okay.

I say this out of concern for you.

Kathleen

--hide--
Thank you, Kathleen. See it seems prudence would also say you can date because you are not married anymore. I'm I married or not? Married allows for sex, no marriage does not. Just saying.
Sep 14th 2012 new
(Quote) Jim-872446 said: Again, it gets back to each person's definition of "dating". The current societal definition nowad...
(Quote) Jim-872446 said:

Again, it gets back to each person's definition of "dating". The current societal definition nowadays, which includes Catholics to a large degree, implies that there will be some form of sex going on, at least after a certain point, wherever that point is. Of course, until annulment and re-marriage in the Church, that is to be out of the question. This of course, brings up the issue of where do you draw the line? This is where it can get tricky, and why it's wise to play it conservatively (non-political with a small "c"). Otherwise, each couple is forced to define what is "actual sex" or not, and so forth. Not that that can't be done, but you you can see the pitfalls, and after all we are all still regular people with hormones (however much are left ).
Hopefully, priests who approve dating in these situations are assuming or hoping that the dating is chaste, but it certainly can be problematic, if not dangerous territory.

It's kind of like starting a new serious relationship the day after the divorce. Is that really a good idea? We all need time to adjust, heal, renew, etc.
Of course, each situation has its own unique flavor based on how long ago the divorce was, are there current relationships, is an annulment started or planned, or in progress. The permutations can be many, but each person definitely needs some amount of time to go thru all the stages of grief and healing. The annulment and its healing and freedom is the part of the culmination of that process, which is why the Church in her wisdom requires it. It can be a little like confession, most of us really don't enjoy it or look forward to fessing up to our sins to another person, priest or no. But it always is a feeling of real relief and healing afterwards - hard but necessary.

--hide--
Hi Jim. Thanks for your input. I divorced 7 years ago. My self esteem was actually heightened after the divorce because I remained faithfull despite horrific life changing issues going on. I became completely healed five years father and told my ex that I forgave him for his adultery. I bagman dating after that and have been with some wonderful people, but not enough to consider marriage. I started the annullment process and handed in the paperwork for a desire to marry in the church someday. I received no further revelations or healing while filling out the paperwork. The only thing I received from it was the fact that I was actually fully healed already. Now I am just broke.
Sep 14th 2012 new

(Quote) Laura-857740 said: Hi Kathleen, I hope your day is going well. By the way, nice picture! You look like you were having fun....
(Quote) Laura-857740 said: Hi Kathleen, I hope your day is going well. By the way, nice picture! You look like you were having fun. Can you show me in the cannon law where it specifically states the you cannot date if divorced and not annulled? Not something that has to be implied, because as a researcher, I find that many different implications can be made for the same set of facts. Depends on the motive of the person making the implication. Any thing specifically stated about dating without an annullment? Thanks, Laurie.
--hide--
Hi Laura, thank you for your compliment. I was at Glacier National Park in Montana with my sons. It was beautiful.

You asked: "Can you show me in the cannon law where it specifically states the you cannot date if divorced and not annulled?" No, I cannot, because nowhere in Canon Law where it specifically states that one cannot date if divorced and not annulled. That does not mean that dating without a Decree is okay, anymore than it means that unjustifiable hitting of another person is okay, even though it is not stated anywhere. Canon Law, and even secular law, does not work that way. Canon Law works on implications stemming from the Code.

You might find this helpful:

"Briefly put, canon law is the internal legal system of the Catholic
Church. Canon law has everything one would expect to find in a mature legal
system: laws, courts, cases, judges, lawyers, and so on. Canon law affects, to
one degree or another, virtually every aspect of Catholic life, sometimes much
more intimately than many people realize; other times, though, much less
directly than one might have otherwise thought." www.canonlaw.info

This might also be helpful: www.ewtn.com

Kathleen


Sep 14th 2012 new
(Quote) Laura-857740 said: (Quote) Jim-872446 said: Again, it gets back to each person's definition of "dating". The ...
(Quote) Laura-857740 said:
Quote:
Jim-872446 said:

Again, it gets back to each person's definition of "dating". The current societal definition nowadays, which includes Catholics to a large degree, implies that there will be some form of sex going on, at least after a certain point, wherever that point is. Of course, until annulment and re-marriage in the Church, that is to be out of the question. This of course, brings up the issue of where do you draw the line? This is where it can get tricky, and why it's wise to play it conservatively (non-political with a small "c"). Otherwise, each couple is forced to define what is "actual sex" or not, and so forth. Not that that can't be done, but you you can see the pitfalls, and after all we are all still regular people with hormones (however much are left ).
Hopefully, priests who approve dating in these situations are assuming or hoping that the dating is chaste, but it certainly can be problematic, if not dangerous territory.

It's kind of like starting a new serious relationship the day after the divorce. Is that really a good idea? We all need time to adjust, heal, renew, etc.
Of course, each situation has its own unique flavor based on how long ago the divorce was, are there current relationships, is an annulment started or planned, or in progress. The permutations can be many, but each person definitely needs some amount of time to go thru all the stages of grief and healing. The annulment and its healing and freedom is the part of the culmination of that process, which is why the Church in her wisdom requires it. It can be a little like confession, most of us really don't enjoy it or look forward to fessing up to our sins to another person, priest or no. But it always is a feeling of real relief and healing afterwards - hard but necessary.


Hi Jim. Thanks for your input. I divorced 7 years ago. My self esteem was actually heightened after the divorce because I remained faithfull despite horrific life changing issues going on. I became completely healed five years father and told my ex that I forgave him for his adultery. I bagman dating after that and have been with some wonderful people, but not enough to consider marriage. I started the annullment process and handed in the paperwork for a desire to marry in the church someday. I received no further revelations or healing while filling out the paperwork. The only thing I received from it was the fact that I was actually fully healed already. Now I am just broke.
--hide--
That's...."later". Not father...autocorrect does it again!
Posts 21 - 30 of 135