Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

ashamed sad Praying sorry

I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will always see me in mass with my younger 2 children, age 10 and 12, and I just feel like I totally made a mistake divorcing their father . It has been a yr. since the civil divorce but about 3 years being estranged from each other and more or less separated. Stats show that kids who have a bio familiy intact do better it thier adult lives...

I feel like all I did was rip them off of a nuclear family. I had so many serious and valid reasons for the divorce, but the fact that their father IS not involved in their lives truly just makes me feel worse and worse with each passing mass. We did attend mass as a family most of the time and so naturally I have flashbacks - always in mass, and my younger kids are getting purterbed practically, always questioning : "Why are you crying Mommy?"

Im sure someone out there can relate.

Blessings..
Rebecca, Chgotheheart

Sep 16th 2012 new
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said: I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will always...
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said:



I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will always see me in mass with my younger 2 children, age 10 and 12, and I just feel like I totally made a mistake divorcing their father . It has been a yr. since the civil divorce but about 3 years being estranged from each other and more or less separated. Stats show that kids who have a bio familiy intact do better it thier adult lives...

I feel like all I did was rip them off of a nuclear family. I had so many serious and valid reasons for the divorce, but the fact that their father IS not involved in their lives truly just makes me feel worse and worse with each passing mass. We did attend mass as a family most of the time and so naturally I have flashbacks - always in mass, and my younger kids are getting purterbed practically, always questioning : "Why are you crying Mommy?"

Im sure someone out there can relate.

Blessings..
Rebecca, Chgo

--hide--
Offering my prayers

Praying hug Praying
Sep 16th 2012 new
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said: I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will always...
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said:



I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will always see me in mass with my younger 2 children, age 10 and 12, and I just feel like I totally made a mistake divorcing their father . It has been a yr. since the civil divorce but about 3 years being estranged from each other and more or less separated. Stats show that kids who have a bio familiy intact do better it thier adult lives...

I feel like all I did was rip them off of a nuclear family. I had so many serious and valid reasons for the divorce, but the fact that their father IS not involved in their lives truly just makes me feel worse and worse with each passing mass. We did attend mass as a family most of the time and so naturally I have flashbacks - always in mass, and my younger kids are getting purterbed practically, always questioning : "Why are you crying Mommy?"

Im sure someone out there can relate.

Blessings..
Rebecca, Chgo

--hide--
Hi Rebecca, sounds like your putting all the blame on yourself for the loss of your marriage. I'm sure your ex had something to do with the loss also. Realize, it's both who are at fault. But now the tricky part, you have to learn to forgive yourself first, then learn to forgive him, then you will have peace in your heart. You have to learn to do this soon , for your children's sake. Get help from others, if needed. But start soon, so you can heal. You and your children deserve it. I felt the same way in church. Especially looking around and seeing all the couples. I realized I'm not mourning for my ex specifically, I'm mourning having an intact family. Start forgiving yourself....YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Sep 16th 2012 new

hug Maybe talking with your parish priest and/or seeing a counselor will help you through this time. I also know many parishes have divorce programs you can attend that also help you through the grieving process.


I've been out of my marriage for about 10 years, and for us, it really was the best route even though the first few years were beyond tough. Eight years ago I moved us to Huntley and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made (had to resign and start over eyepopping). Great school system. Fantastic parish, with a thriving, strong parish life, especially for youth of all ages. Healthy community (people are friendly, always out and about exercising, with a friendly Hello). And I have family here, which has helped. Even though my ex has regular visitation (only from Saturday, late a.m. until Sunday evening, he didn't want much more), he's not really active in their lives. Hopefully, through our parish, boy scouts, big brother/big sister, living near my brother/his family, and the great community, I have helped to fill the void their father has created. It's the best we can do. But for me, staying in the marriage wouldn't have changed the kind of father he would be/is. Guess what I am saying is that time will help, healing will begin and at some point, you life won't be so tough. Praying hug

Sep 16th 2012 new
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said: I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will always...
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said:



I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will always see me in mass with my younger 2 children, age 10 and 12, and I just feel like I totally made a mistake divorcing their father . It has been a yr. since the civil divorce but about 3 years being estranged from each other and more or less separated. Stats show that kids who have a bio familiy intact do better it thier adult lives...

I feel like all I did was rip them off of a nuclear family. I had so many serious and valid reasons for the divorce, but the fact that their father IS not involved in their lives truly just makes me feel worse and worse with each passing mass. We did attend mass as a family most of the time and so naturally I have flashbacks - always in mass, and my younger kids are getting purterbed practically, always questioning : "Why are you crying Mommy?"

Im sure someone out there can relate.

Blessings..
Rebecca, Chgo

--hide--
Praying hug
Sep 16th 2012 new

Rebecca,

I can relate. I've struggled with this myself. I tend to take the "responsibility" of our marriage ending on myself even though I tried my hardest and as my pastor said "he gave up". I believe you said their father is not involved in their lives right now? I don't know your situation but that says a lot about him. It's so hard living in a "married" world and have to feel like we have done something wrong. I've read that kids do well when they know both parents love and care about them and that the parents work together for what is best for the children. Don't beat yourself up and second guess yourself. Only you and God know your situation. I was struggling with reconciliation for a while and prayed daily (hourly) for God to show me to what extent reconciliation meant for us. After some very hurtful and heart-breaking discoveries God showed me that my ex-husband still struggles with many issues and reconciliation for us is to be civil, cooperative co-parents and that is it. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Divorce is messy, ugly and heart-breaking for all involved. I've cried my way through mass many times and understand how you feel. hug Praying

Sep 16th 2012 new

thk u ladies for your responses and prayers and words of encouragement...hug

Sep 17th 2012 new

Rebecca going to Mass can be hard. I have been divorced for 4 years and today...I could not speak or sing for fear of crying during Mass. Some days are harder than others. It does get easier with time. Count your blessings, and we have many to count! Ignore your kids when they get upset with the tears. Mine are 13 and 14. They wonder why I am crying or cry so easily sometimes. Usually we sit in the front row, I am not really able to see all the happy families around me. Today we sat back a few rows and every where I looked couples were holding hands or had their arms around each other. There was a baptism and tons of new babies at Mass. It is hard to tell what will get you sometimes! Blessedly today the choir did not sing the song I requested for my grandmothers funeral. I would have been a basket case for sure.

Sep 17th 2012 new

Rebecca God Bless you I pray you will find just the right person like my mother did. I had a wonderful stepfather till he died after 40 years as my father. He was a better father by far than my birth father who was a drinker.

Sep 17th 2012 new

(Quote) Cherie-872998 said: Rebecca going to Mass can be hard. I have been divorced for 4 years and today...I could not spea...
(Quote) Cherie-872998 said:

Rebecca going to Mass can be hard. I have been divorced for 4 years and today...I could not speak or sing for fear of crying during Mass. Some days are harder than others. It does get easier with time. Count your blessings, and we have many to count! Ignore your kids when they get upset with the tears. Mine are 13 and 14. They wonder why I am crying or cry so easily sometimes. Usually we sit in the front row, I am not really able to see all the happy families around me. Today we sat back a few rows and every where I looked couples were holding hands or had their arms around each other. There was a baptism and tons of new babies at Mass. It is hard to tell what will get you sometimes! Blessedly today the choir did not sing the song I requested for my grandmothers funeral. I would have been a basket case for sure.

--hide--
My children were between 3 and 18 when I was divorced. That was over 20 years ago now and I am used to going to Mass by myself. The children are grown and the youngest is 27 and a mother herself. Next month my newest two grandbabies Connor and Harry will be baptised together, they are cousins born 4 days apart. I live in a parish where people are older not many littlies and these days I barely notice couples. But it took time.

Posts 1 - 10 of 52