Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

09/19/2012 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: David's statement, while technically correct, may easily be misinterpreted. A sin is an...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

David's statement, while technically correct, may easily be misinterpreted.

A sin is an act. Being divorced is a state, so being divorced cannot be a sin. However, obtaining a divorce is an act -- and in some situations may be sinful for the person initiating the divorce.

... all valid marriages are sacramental and all sacramental marriages are valid.

--hide--

Jerry, I thought David's statement was very clear.

On obtaining a divorce - we cannot sit in a place of judgment regarding the state of soul of a person filing for divorce. Bringing this point up in this particular thread is not helpful at all. Many of us who had to leave awful situations feel horrid enough.

Finally, in defense of annulments - All invalid marriages are non-sacramental and all non-sacramental marriages are invalid! But validity is presumed until a judgment is passed from the marriage tribunal. Such an investigation and resulting decree cannot be issued unless a civil divorce has first taken place.



09/20/2012 new

Rebecca, I'm sorry to here about your struggles. I pray for you right now, I pray that God will be with you and straighten you. The he will give you courage in your trying times and that the Holy Spirit will be with you. All I saw was woman sent you notes maybe I'm the first man.
May the Lord bless you and help strighten and be with you.

09/20/2012 new

Mass is the best place we can go for healing. God is right there with us. Have you ever heard of the miricles of the eucharist? My favorite of these two miracles are the ones that happened in &00 in Lanciano Itally and the one in 1980s in argentina.. They were both living heart muscles but the neatest part I like is when they tested the DNA of the two miracle it was a perfect match.. So remember he is there with you. He is so great to love us and give us the oppertunity to bring him to others... GBU here are the links



www.therealpresence.org

houstonfranciscans.wordpress.com


May God Bless you all on CM and May he help us all find our matches

09/20/2012 new

Mass is the best place we can go for healing. God is right there with us. Have you ever heard of the miricles of the eucharist? My favorite of these two miracles are the ones that happened in &00 in Lanciano Itally and the one in 1980s in argentina.. They were both living heart muscles but the neatest part I like is when they tested the DNA of the two miracle it was a perfect match.. So remember he is there with you. He is so great to love us and give us the oppertunity to bring him to others... GBU here are the links



www.therealpresence.org

houstonfranciscans.wordpress.com


May God Bless you all on CM and May he help us all find our matches

09/20/2012 new

(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said: I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will ...
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said:



I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will always see me in mass with my younger 2 children, age 10 and 12, and I just feel like I totally made a mistake divorcing their father . It has been a yr. since the civil divorce but about 3 years being estranged from each other and more or less separated. Stats show that kids who have a bio familiy intact do better it thier adult lives...

I feel like all I did was rip them off of a nuclear family. I had so many serious and valid reasons for the divorce, but the fact that their father IS not involved in their lives truly just makes me feel worse and worse with each passing mass. We did attend mass as a family most of the time and so naturally I have flashbacks - always in mass, and my younger kids are getting purterbed practically, always questioning : "Why are you crying Mommy?"

Im sure someone out there can relate.

Blessings..
Rebecca, Chgo

--hide--



Rebecca,


I can relate. My ex was very uninvolved during the separation and divorce. My 21 year old daughter and 24 year old son have many hurts from what went on. However, if there is any way you can encourage the relationship it would be good. I even went to my ex-mother in-law and told her to please keep encouraging their dad to have contact. Every time he would do something nice with them or for them, I sent him an encouraging email telling him how much it meant to them and thanking him for being in their lives. I left everything open, any holiday if he wanted them I would give it up because I had the joy of being with them every day and he did not.


It has taken a long time but their relationship is getting stronger. My daughter just came back from 4 days of hunting with him, his girlfriend and her grandparents and had a good time. I even try to say nice things about the girlfriend because negativity there could cause strife in their relationship.


As hard as it is talk as kindly and positively about their dad as possible. Invite him when you can to participate in things and encourage and thank him when he does. [Then pray for reconciliation with the children and healing for all involved.]

Just my 2 cents, God bless you and your family.


I totally understand about being at church alone too. It is very hard.

09/22/2012 new

Dear Rebecca,

I would encourage you not to get your emotions at Mass and the flashbacks you are experiencing get in the way of your experiencing the Grace we all receive when we go to Mass.

We all have regrets Rebecca. Fathers active, in the lives of their children, definitely play a critical role in their developement. Of course , those fathers must be mature enough to understand that fatherhood is a life of service and mentoring to their children.

Crisis changes people Rebecca, Its the mega phone that God often must resort to, to "wake" us up and get our attention. Your ex may have grown tremendously through the ordeal of divorce. He may miss his children . Since it was you that filed for divorce and are now rethinking that , be the one to reach out to him .

Let him know how you are feeling and ask him if he has any regrets about the behaviors that led to the divorce. Ask him if he still loves you . Ask him if he has taken an examination of conscience . does he recognize the error of his ways?

Is he apologetic and sincere in his desire to change by injecting awareness and kindness into his actions and behaviors from here on. If he says yes to these questions , a cordiall relationship with his getting reinvolved in the lives of his kids is a real possibility . Set the table for him Rebecca. Invite him to the table

When reminiscing, focus on celebrating what was good in the past and smile as you look to the future. Speak to your children of what you loved about their dad.
One day at a time Rebecca, God works in mysterious ways. Sometimes men don't realize what they had until its is gone.
I will pray for you , that you come to know and carry out God's will for you and your family

If their is anything worth fighting for it's family and thingsd of real value are never easy to attain. Sacrifice, forgiveness and courage are great building blocks ! Blessings to you Rebecca, keep the faith and be the example your children are in need of .

09/22/2012 new

Hi Rebecca,


Thanks for your honesty....
Above all, please know that you are NOT alone in the types of feelings you are experiencing.


I can appreciate what you are going through....and realize it is challenging.


I will offer a prayer up for you....


May God Bless and keep you.... rosary


Jim

09/22/2012 new

(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said: I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will ...
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said:



I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will always see me in mass with my younger 2 children, age 10 and 12, and I just feel like I totally made a mistake divorcing their father . It has been a yr. since the civil divorce but about 3 years being estranged from each other and more or less separated. Stats show that kids who have a bio familiy intact do better it thier adult lives...

I feel like all I did was rip them off of a nuclear family. I had so many serious and valid reasons for the divorce, but the fact that their father IS not involved in their lives truly just makes me feel worse and worse with each passing mass. We did attend mass as a family most of the time and so naturally I have flashbacks - always in mass, and my younger kids are getting purterbed practically, always questioning : "Why are you crying Mommy?"

Im sure someone out there can relate.

Blessings..
Rebecca, Chgo

--hide--

At my parish, I wonder if divorced (and not yet remarried) parents bother to come to mass, perhaps only because it is difficult. I hope that is not the case, since all families whole or broken are still united in the Body of Christ.

09/23/2012 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: David's statement, while technically correct, may easily be misinterpreted. A ...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

David's statement, while technically correct, may easily be misinterpreted.

A sin is an act. Being divorced is a state, so being divorced cannot be a sin. However, obtaining a divorce is an act -- and in some situations may be sinful for the person initiating the divorce.

It is important to keep in mind that the Church's primary concern is the spiritual welfare of all men and, ultimately, their eternal salvation. Thus, they reflect God's moral laws (the natural law), not necessarily our temporal convenience (i.e., what is easiest for us in this life).

Because of the risk of one or both spouses sinning against purity when the conjugal union is broken, either temporarily or permanently, there is a moral obligation to preserve that union whenever possible. In cases where this is not possible (which may be different than simply not desirable), especially where there is a danger to one or both spouses or the children, separations are permitted. Whenever possible, the separation should be temporary, during which time the spouses will work on correcting the problems that led to the separation and eventually reconcile. The Church does recognize that in some cases permanent separation, which may include a civil divorce for legal reasons, may be necessary; however, this option is morally valid only in extreme situations.

Obviously, when onespouse chooses to walk away from a marriage without just cause the other is not at fault for that decision: the innocent party is not morally accountable for that act.

A note on sacramental marriages:

For two baptized Christians, all valid marriages are sacramental and all sacramental marriages are valid.

When at least one spouse is not a baptized Christian, the marriage will never be sacramental (unless the person is subsequently baptized); however, it may be valid (i.e., a decree of nullity (aka an annulment) cannot be issued).

Valid non-sacramental marriages may, in some limited situations, be dissolved under the Petrine or Pauline privileges.

Valid sacramental marriages may only be dissolved if it can be proven they have not been consummated.

--hide--




In the end it is between the person and God. Thankfully he is more merciful that people.

09/23/2012 new

Rebecca,

I tried replying on my cell phone but eventually gave up... ah, small cell phone screens and "typing" don't work for longer notes...

First, you can't second guess yourself. I left an abusive marriage after six years of emotional and financial abuse, as well as some physical abuse that no spouse (man or woman) should have to endure. Being alone at nearly 40, with so much love to give, is absolute torture. I have, at times, second-guessed myself and even considered trying to rebuild a marriage with the ex. It will not happen, because she and I are totally different and she is unwilling to change. I have moved on, found the Catholic church, and pray for a fulfilling and happy life going forward. Your children's father's level of involvement in their lives is his own decision. Like you, I have almost come to tears during mass. Well, I did once, but that's just between me and you. ;-) Men don't cry, you know. <hahahaha>

At any rate, you are not alone in your struggle. Please don't second-guess yourself. Mother your children and find that man who will be a great dad and role model for your children since their father can't/won't. Prayers for you and your children...

Michael

Posts 31 - 40 of 52