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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Sep 22nd 2012 new

I am definitely NOT looking for a prince or a 'perfect' man. He would be so very hard to live with or next to.

I just want one non-perfect man, who thinks I am adorable when I scream, because there is a spider or a centipede, or wants to help me recycle. I imagine we get into an argument or two and when I say "I am sorry, I was wrong because I am so darn stubborn.....", he forgives me, again.

Or he thinks I am cute because I put a love note in his lunch box, which I packed the night before. Or I sneak a Hershey's kiss in his jacket pocket. But I don't think about how he left the toothpaste cap off the tube, which is lying on the sink. Because I love him and consider him a gift from God. Someone, who God knows is good for me, to me and with me.

No I am not seeking, the perfect man, he doesn't exist and I am not a princess, which would be way too much pressure on me.

But the one I seek, wants to take things slowly, as I do. He wants to build a stronger and better foundation for a much better relationship, which will last a very long time. Because he knows if we go too fast, the relationship lacks strength and will crumble.

Slow, steady and sure with blinders off and faith on.

Good video.




Sep 23rd 2012 new

I have posted on this theme before and it gets me going …

While outside the devout Catholic community issues like promiscuity are resulting in fewer marriages, with sadly many fallen-away Catholics being subsumed by the so-called “values” of our secular culture, I do agree that the image of the “ideal” is an affliction that prevents many devout Catholics from marrying and finding some form of fulfillment in adult family life.

We all have our lists of characteristics that we are seeking. Fair enough. However, it is possible that our lists are preventing our own happiness. I have seen this over and over again on CM which I will paraphrase. There are fantasy ideals to the extreme all over the place.

So many men hold to this: “I want my future wife to stay at home to be with the kids.” So they avoid contacting any woman over 21 with a job regardless of the problems that age differences, maturity levels and life circumstances might create in a relationship. Oh, and I’m not sure how they think adult women are supposed to live cost-free and job-free while they wait for a man to marry them and pay all of their expenses. A job does not prevent a woman from becoming a mother.

The reverse of that, is that so many women think this: “I want a future husband who will spoil me because I deserve nothing but the best.” So they reject any man who has student loans, who is divorced/annulled with children, who works in a blue collar job, who doesn’t have an Ivy League education, who doesn’t have a fancy car, or who can’t afford a huge wedding that will be the social event of the year and on and on. A husband is not a lottery ticket to all of your “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” dreams.

Both men and women do this – “He/she is too short or tall, fat or skinny, bald, wears glasses, wears polyester, wears mismatched colours, wears socks with sandals, whatever...” If you see perfection when you look in the mirror, but only see faults when you look at others, you’re the one missing out on having a wonderful person in your life. Socks with sandals is not a mortal sin, nor an egregious act of disrespect. Get some perspective.

“I don’t want to move and I don’t want any LDRs because they are too difficult and expensive.” But you live in an area where there are few single Catholics. Granted, some people can’t move because of family responsibilities, or financial considerations. However, some could move or travel if they wanted to. You have to kind of wonder why people will have 37 pictures of their around-the-world vacations to 12 different destinations in their scrapbooks but don’t want to travel for an LDR. Don’t worry … your fantasy ideal will just show up in the next twenty minutes because you ordered him/her from McDonald’s and everything that you want just gets handed to you in less time than it takes to eat a greasy cheeseburger and you don’t have to do anything to make it happen.

I'll get off my soapbox for now ...

Sep 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Angela-374523 said: I have posted on this theme before and it gets me going … While outside the devou...
(Quote) Angela-374523 said:

I have posted on this theme before and it gets me going …

While outside the devout Catholic community issues like promiscuity are resulting in fewer marriages, with sadly many fallen-away Catholics being subsumed by the so-called “values” of our secular culture, I do agree that the image of the “ideal” is an affliction that prevents many devout Catholics from marrying and finding some form of fulfillment in adult family life.

We all have our lists of characteristics that we are seeking. Fair enough. However, it is possible that our lists are preventing our own happiness. I have seen this over and over again on CM which I will paraphrase. There are fantasy ideals to the extreme all over the place.

So many men hold to this: “I want my future wife to stay at home to be with the kids.” So they avoid contacting any woman over 21 with a job regardless of the problems that age differences, maturity levels and life circumstances might create in a relationship. Oh, and I’m not sure how they think adult women are supposed to live cost-free and job-free while they wait for a man to marry them and pay all of their expenses. A job does not prevent a woman from becoming a mother.

The reverse of that, is that so many women think this: “I want a future husband who will spoil me because I deserve nothing but the best.” So they reject any man who has student loans, who is divorced/annulled with children, who works in a blue collar job, who doesn’t have an Ivy League education, who doesn’t have a fancy car, or who can’t afford a huge wedding that will be the social event of the year and on and on. A husband is not a lottery ticket to all of your “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” dreams.

Both men and women do this – “He/she is too short or tall, fat or skinny, bald, wears glasses, wears polyester, wears mismatched colours, wears socks with sandals, whatever...” If you see perfection when you look in the mirror, but only see faults when you look at others, you’re the one missing out on having a wonderful person in your life. Socks with sandals is not a mortal sin, nor an egregious act of disrespect. Get some perspective.

“I don’t want to move and I don’t want any LDRs because they are too difficult and expensive.” But you live in an area where there are few single Catholics. Granted, some people can’t move because of family responsibilities, or financial considerations. However, some could move or travel if they wanted to. You have to kind of wonder why people will have 37 pictures of their around-the-world vacations to 12 different destinations in their scrapbooks but don’t want to travel for an LDR. Don’t worry … your fantasy ideal will just show up in the next twenty minutes because you ordered him/her from McDonald’s and everything that you want just gets handed to you in less time than it takes to eat a greasy cheeseburger and you don’t have to do anything to make it happen.

I'll get off my for now ...

--hide--
clap clap WOW!! You go, girl!! Way to tell it like it is!

Sep 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Angela-374523 said: I have posted on this theme before and it gets me going … While outside the devou...
(Quote) Angela-374523 said:

I have posted on this theme before and it gets me going …

While outside the devout Catholic community issues like promiscuity are resulting in fewer marriages, with sadly many fallen-away Catholics being subsumed by the so-called “values” of our secular culture, I do agree that the image of the “ideal” is an affliction that prevents many devout Catholics from marrying and finding some form of fulfillment in adult family life.

We all have our lists of characteristics that we are seeking. Fair enough. However, it is possible that our lists are preventing our own happiness. I have seen this over and over again on CM which I will paraphrase. There are fantasy ideals to the extreme all over the place.

So many men hold to this: “I want my future wife to stay at home to be with the kids.” So they avoid contacting any woman over 21 with a job regardless of the problems that age differences, maturity levels and life circumstances might create in a relationship. Oh, and I’m not sure how they think adult women are supposed to live cost-free and job-free while they wait for a man to marry them and pay all of their expenses. A job does not prevent a woman from becoming a mother.

The reverse of that, is that so many women think this: “I want a future husband who will spoil me because I deserve nothing but the best.” So they reject any man who has student loans, who is divorced/annulled with children, who works in a blue collar job, who doesn’t have an Ivy League education, who doesn’t have a fancy car, or who can’t afford a huge wedding that will be the social event of the year and on and on. A husband is not a lottery ticket to all of your “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” dreams.

Both men and women do this – “He/she is too short or tall, fat or skinny, bald, wears glasses, wears polyester, wears mismatched colours, wears socks with sandals, whatever...” If you see perfection when you look in the mirror, but only see faults when you look at others, you’re the one missing out on having a wonderful person in your life. Socks with sandals is not a mortal sin, nor an egregious act of disrespect. Get some perspective.

“I don’t want to move and I don’t want any LDRs because they are too difficult and expensive.” But you live in an area where there are few single Catholics. Granted, some people can’t move because of family responsibilities, or financial considerations. However, some could move or travel if they wanted to. You have to kind of wonder why people will have 37 pictures of their around-the-world vacations to 12 different destinations in their scrapbooks but don’t want to travel for an LDR. Don’t worry … your fantasy ideal will just show up in the next twenty minutes because you ordered him/her from McDonald’s and everything that you want just gets handed to you in less time than it takes to eat a greasy cheeseburger and you don’t have to do anything to make it happen.

I'll get off my for now ...

--hide--

Another strong and lovely lady's handkerchief woman clap clap without fear! Thank's Angela rose rose You get a Gold Star!

Sep 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Carolyn-896104 said: I am definitely NOT looking for a prince or a 'perfect' man. He would be so very hard t...
(Quote) Carolyn-896104 said:

I am definitely NOT looking for a prince or a 'perfect' man. He would be so very hard to live with or next to.

I just want one non-perfect man, who thinks I am adorable when I scream, because there is a spider or a centipede, or wants to help me recycle. I imagine we get into an argument or two and when I say "I am sorry, I was wrong because I am so darn stubborn.....", he forgives me, again.

Or he thinks I am cute because I put a love note in his lunch box, which I packed the night before. Or I sneak a Hershey's kiss in his jacket pocket. But I don't think about how he left the toothpaste cap off the tube, which is lying on the sink. Because I love him and consider him a gift from God. Someone, who God knows is good for me, to me and with me.

No I am not seeking, the perfect man, he doesn't exist and I am not a princess, which would be way too much pressure on me.

But the one I seek, wants to take things slowly, as I do. He wants to build a stronger and better foundation for a much better relationship, which will last a very long time. Because he knows if we go too fast, the relationship lacks strength and will crumble.

Slow, steady and sure with blinders off and faith on.

Good video.




--hide--

Caroly, you are absolutely right clap rose rose ...

Sep 23rd 2012 new

Thanks for sharing, Pat!

Sep 23rd 2012 new

Well spoken, Angela!


(Quote) Angela-374523 said: I have posted on this theme before and it gets me going … While outside the devou...
(Quote) Angela-374523 said:

I have posted on this theme before and it gets me going …

While outside the devout Catholic community issues like promiscuity are resulting in fewer marriages, with sadly many fallen-away Catholics being subsumed by the so-called “values” of our secular culture, I do agree that the image of the “ideal” is an affliction that prevents many devout Catholics from marrying and finding some form of fulfillment in adult family life.

We all have our lists of characteristics that we are seeking. Fair enough. However, it is possible that our lists are preventing our own happiness. I have seen this over and over again on CM which I will paraphrase. There are fantasy ideals to the extreme all over the place.

So many men hold to this: “I want my future wife to stay at home to be with the kids.” So they avoid contacting any woman over 21 with a job regardless of the problems that age differences, maturity levels and life circumstances might create in a relationship. Oh, and I’m not sure how they think adult women are supposed to live cost-free and job-free while they wait for a man to marry them and pay all of their expenses. A job does not prevent a woman from becoming a mother.

The reverse of that, is that so many women think this: “I want a future husband who will spoil me because I deserve nothing but the best.” So they reject any man who has student loans, who is divorced/annulled with children, who works in a blue collar job, who doesn’t have an Ivy League education, who doesn’t have a fancy car, or who can’t afford a huge wedding that will be the social event of the year and on and on. A husband is not a lottery ticket to all of your “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” dreams.

Both men and women do this – “He/she is too short or tall, fat or skinny, bald, wears glasses, wears polyester, wears mismatched colours, wears socks with sandals, whatever...” If you see perfection when you look in the mirror, but only see faults when you look at others, you’re the one missing out on having a wonderful person in your life. Socks with sandals is not a mortal sin, nor an egregious act of disrespect. Get some perspective.

“I don’t want to move and I don’t want any LDRs because they are too difficult and expensive.” But you live in an area where there are few single Catholics. Granted, some people can’t move because of family responsibilities, or financial considerations. However, some could move or travel if they wanted to. You have to kind of wonder why people will have 37 pictures of their around-the-world vacations to 12 different destinations in their scrapbooks but don’t want to travel for an LDR. Don’t worry … your fantasy ideal will just show up in the next twenty minutes because you ordered him/her from McDonald’s and everything that you want just gets handed to you in less time than it takes to eat a greasy cheeseburger and you don’t have to do anything to make it happen.

I'll get off my for now ...

--hide--

Sep 23rd 2012 new

While I get his larger point (i.e., stop seeking "perfect"), I'm not sure I agree with this statement:

"Perhaps romanticism and physical attraction (which, of their nature, peak early and decline) are the problem. For all the “cruelty” of the arranged marriages of the past, they seem to have done better than those of our age where romantic feeling is main basis for marriage. (Regrading arranged marriages, the old song “I’ve grown accustomed to her face” comes to mind)."

Can any relationship/marriage work without some romance and physical attraction? So far in my experience, I would say no.

Yes, romance wasn't important in marriages in generations past. Most of those marriages may have been "successful" in terms of not ending in divorce, and maybe bringing children up in a two-parent home. But were many of them really successful in terms of being really happy and fulfilling? My guess is no. There is a reason why most people prioritise romance these days, and I don't think it has anything to do with romance novels......all things being equal, marriages where the couple are in love (not to be mistaken with infatuation and pure physical attraction) are better. Just like the most successful people professionally are those who love their careers.

What do you all think?



Sep 23rd 2012 new

....all things being equal, marriages where the couple are in love (not to be mistaken with infatuation and pure physical attraction) are better.
I guess this is partly the perfectionism he's talking about: what about seeking those marriages which are just good or decent?

But, if a couple is not in love (once again, I don't mean infatuation and insane physical attraction), can a marriage ever work? If you love your spouse only as much as you love our sibling, is such a marriage not a marriage of convenience going through the motions? Is romance not that extra something that facilitates spousal love? As a basic question, how do you have unitive sex with your spouse if you don't find them physically attractive?


(Quote) Kwaku-654846 said: While I get his larger point (i.e., stop seeking "perfect"), I'm not sure I agree w...
(Quote) Kwaku-654846 said:

While I get his larger point (i.e., stop seeking "perfect"), I'm not sure I agree with this statement:

"Perhaps romanticism and physical attraction (which, of their nature, peak early and decline) are the problem. For all the “cruelty” of the arranged marriages of the past, they seem to have done better than those of our age where romantic feeling is main basis for marriage. (Regrading arranged marriages, the old song “I’ve grown accustomed to her face” comes to mind)."

Can any relationship/marriage work without some romance and physical attraction? So far in my experience, I would say no.

Yes, romance wasn't important in marriages in generations past. Most of those marriages may have been "successful" in terms of not ending in divorce, and maybe bringing children up in a two-parent home. But were many of them really successful in terms of being really happy and fulfilling? My guess is no. There is a reason why most people prioritise romance these days, and I don't think it has anything to do with romance novels......all things being equal, marriages where the couple are in love (not to be mistaken with infatuation and pure physical attraction) are better. Just like the most successful people professionally are those who love their careers.

What do you all think?


--hide--

Sep 23rd 2012 new

Hi Pat..thank you for the great article..

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