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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Have you told your children (when they are at least teens or young grown ups) about your choise to look for a new spouse and what do they say. Or you don't ask their opinion?

Do they approve, are they all for it ...?

Or do you rather keep it to yourself?

When do you intend to tell them that you are dating (again)?

Anybody who wants to share his/her experience? Thank you biggrin !

Sep 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: Have you told your children (when they are at least teens or young grown ups) about you...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

Have you told your children (when they are at least teens or young grown ups) about your choise to look for a new spouse and what do they say. Or you don't ask their opinion?

Do they approve, are they all for it ...?

Or do you rather keep it to yourself?

When do you intend to tell them that you are dating (again)?

Anybody who wants to share his/her experience? Thank you !

--hide--


Initially, I told my teens of my decision to join CM and that there was a real possibility that I would date. They both, had valid concerns about the safety of meeting someone online. It gave us a great opportunity to talk about internet safety, what information is okay to give out, meeting in public places, etc. Then they double-teamed me and reasoned that if it was okay for me to date serial killers, could they both set up a facebook account? I had a good laugh about that one!

I have only been out twice in the year I've been on CM, but have talked often with different members. Getting used to my lack of 100% attention to them has taken some getting used to. They have been rude at times during phone calls or don't want me to talk about the person I'm talking to. My daughter wants nothing to do with anything regarding my relationship with anyone and would prefer if I'd wait until she were out of the house. My son is pretty easy going and says he doesn't care one way or the other. It has been a slow process and it has to be, in order to respect their feelings. So, I gave myself a timeline of six years and fade in and out of CM as my emotions and schedule permits.


I figure that as they get older and show interest in having a boyfriend or girlfriend, their feelings and level of understanding may change. I think just having teenagers tends to scare most men off that view my profile. Will my children have to like my CM match? Yes, at this moment in time, they will. It's even harder to try to develop a relationship with someone at church. There are always a million questions about who somebody is or "What was that about", etc. I do leave it in God's hands. I realize I have to do the legwork, but when the time is right, He will see that all the pieces fall together.

Sep 23rd 2012 new

My daughter is 11 and while I take her feelings into consideration it is my choice as to whether I date or not. When I joined CM she was not told but I did not hide it either. When she realized what I was doing She rolled her eyes and said " really mom? Really??" She has asked questions and I answer them. It has just been her and I pretty much her whole life, so she sometimes struggles with the idea of sharing me. One day she will ask if I think I will ever get married and give her siblings, another day she will say she hopes I never find anyone. It has been harder the last 3 yrs since her relationship with her father has gotten so bad (due to something he did). I backed off dating for a while because she was struggling with anxiety.

Sep 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: Have you told your children (when they are at least teens or young grown ups) about you...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

Have you told your children (when they are at least teens or young grown ups) about your choise to look for a new spouse and what do they say. Or you don't ask their opinion?

Do they approve, are they all for it ...?

Or do you rather keep it to yourself?

When do you intend to tell them that you are dating (again)?

Anybody who wants to share his/her experience? Thank you !

--hide--


I joined CM a handful of years ago, so my kids might have been around 8, 10 and 12. I didn't tell them I joined, but I have taken them to quite a few CM events. I just let them know it was a community of Catholics. I didn't feel they needed to know more.


For the most part, I feel my adult life is private from my kids. They have enough to do, worry about, and enjoy in life, so I don't treat them as mini-adults, letting them know about any dating escapades.


My kids are now 13, 15, and 17 and I still keep my life fairly private, but I also think I do that because my ex is a complainer about life. He is very sure no one has as rough of life as he has. So when I took dance lessons two winters ago, I didn't share it with my kids. My ex "reacts" in odd ways to information about me, in a way that might have him hold the child support until the last day of the month or refuse to show up at one of my kid's events. (I know, unbelievably childish, but it is what it is. And no, I didn't cheat in my marriage or do anything else that would warrant such retaliatory behavior from him TEN years after our divorce). Now that they are older, where I probably could share things a bit more, I still don't. Mostly because if I am first getting to know a gent, I will most likely meet up with him on a weekend I don't have my kids, so there wouldn't really be a reason to let my kids know.


If I became serious about someone, I figure I would already know if he likes to be around kids/teens. (If not, then he's not the gent for me) So the notion of seeing how much my kids "liked" the man would factor into things, but I'd also expect my kids to respect the choice I am making....becoming serious with someone, with the intent of it possibly leading to marriage.


The truth is, my kids are getting older and I will one day (not too soon, but it's just around the corner) be an empty nester, so I can't wrap all my choices, at least the more important ones, around my kids likes or dislikes. Though, I would still talk with them about how they feel about him and if, for some reason, there was extreme dislike, I'd have to learn why.

Sep 23rd 2012 new
I guess my situation is a bit different. Janna will be six in November. She never met her father and he has passed away. She is involved in my dating process, but I tell her we are going to meet a friend. I do not do this on a first date, but anyone who meets me needs to meet her sooner rather than later because of her high energy. She has scared a few guys off after we got more serious because she never stops. Of course at my age, most men don't even want to meet. And do not say that isn't true unless you are going to show up at my door with roses. I hear guys saying that there are plenty of men who would be willing to start a family at my age but it isn't them.

Janna has asked our handyman to marry me and be her daddy, totally mortifing for the two of us at the time. She asks me all the time when she is going to get a daddy. I keep telling her that it is up to God and he will take care of it. I tell her to pray for what she wants

So Janna wants me to meet men and go out on dates. She wants to go too and she would probably ask him to marry me.
Sep 25th 2012 new
My nine year old daughter would prefer I not date. The rest have told me they would like to see me happy. If that includes a GF or a wife, they dont have an issue with it. Details of the who did what etc dont matter at this point.
Sep 26th 2012 new

Thank you everyone for replying to my question. It is interesting how each of you sees this point.

Sep 29th 2012 new

A while ago I heard: when one gets married, one marries not only the other person, but also the entire family, at least the close one. When the children do not approve of the spouse difficult times appear at the horizon – that is if one is close to the own children (some people are not …).
Would you still marry that person because you love him/her? Would you risk losing or fights with your children and/or family?

Sep 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Andrea-850967 said: A while ago I heard: when one gets married, one marries not only the other person, but also the ...
(Quote) Andrea-850967 said:

A while ago I heard: when one gets married, one marries not only the other person, but also the entire family, at least the close one. When the children do not approve of the spouse difficult times appear at the horizon – that is if one is close to the own children (some people are not …).
Would you still marry that person because you love him/her? Would you risk losing or fights with your children and/or family?

--hide--



If I was happy, my children would come around. They are good kids, fair and are good judges of character. If they had valid concerns, I'd listen. It would still be my decision. My family accepts everyone with open arms. I don't think they'd even voice any of their concerns.

I would expect any relationship to take time. That has a way of allowing problems to come to light. If someone were looking to fall in love instantly, get married and sweep me off to another state, it's not going to happen. I figure I have another 47 years of living left. I'm not rushing into anything.

Sep 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: If I was happy, my children would come around. They are good kids, fair and are good ...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:




If I was happy, my children would come around. They are good kids, fair and are good judges of character. If they had valid concerns, I'd listen. It would still be my decision. My family accepts everyone with open arms. I don't think they'd even voice any of their concerns.

I would expect any relationship to take time. That has a way of allowing problems to come to light. If someone were looking to fall in love instantly, get married and sweep me off to another state, it's not going to happen. I figure I have another 47 years of living left. I'm not rushing into anything.

--hide--

I also wouldn't break up with my sons, they are lovely - good boys! Though I think one has to see also a bit in the future: they will lead their lives, probably not living around the corner, maybe be married and all that ... We parents also have a live we want to live - some have the vocation to stay unmarried, some to marriage ...

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