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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people under 45. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

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Living at Home

09/26/2012 new

You've been corresponding for a while when your Catholic Match dream guy or gal tells you that he or she is still living at home with mom and dad. How do you react?

Would you view this as a positive or negative?

Do you see it as an inability to be independent, or a smart way to save money?

Is there a certain age where you think it is just unwise to stay at home, unless a sick parent needs care?

Other thoughts?

Personally, I've been there. I lived at home for a year after I graduated from college, and didn't see a problem with it (at least short term). I know plenty of young adults who still live at home because it makes more sense financially, until they at least get out of debt. I know I did struggle a bit with being independent when I was living at home. I was under Mom and Dad's roof, so Mom and Dad's rules still applied. I couldn't go out without telling anyone where I was going. Now that I have my own place, I have really learned to appreciate the independence that comes with it. smile

09/26/2012 new

There are far too many dynamics to consider to make a blanket statement, either positive or negative, but another factor to also consider is family tradition. In my family, prior to my generation, the children were all but obligated to remain in the family home until they married and contribute to supporting the family. Of course, economics played a part in this as well.


Now, contrast that with my generation. My mother, who was raising my brother and me alone after my father's passing (whose 25th anniversary I'm in rememberance of today), couldn't wait for us to leave the house, and even encouraged us to do so.



09/26/2012 new

I think my interpretation would depend on the intentions and reasons behind living at home. For me, it would not matter what age they were, but rather, what there goals were meanwhile. For instance: how much they were saving, how long they planed to stay, and if they had a realistic plan for moving forward. Sometimes life happens, and sometimes it makes sense to sacrafice for a little while so later you can put yourself in positon to capitalize. I more than understand that. I think their is nothing wrong with living at home if you do it with a spirit of self responsibility. However, I know many people from high school class who, eight years later, still live at home. One, has a loving relationship with her parents, and that is beautiful. She is one of the most prudent people I know, has almost finished paying off her student loans, and looks towards her parents as financial mentors, not as a financial crutch. That saitd, many of high school friends do not. If I felt someone were living at home to use their parents as a crutch, instead of being a prudent steward, than that would be unattractive. For me personally, a rule here doesn't fit; it would be more of a gut call based on the intentions and what I know of the other person.

09/26/2012 new

I agree with other posters, I think it depends on the circumstances. Especially in these economic times, there could be any number of factors on either side of the decision that prompted that situation. Is it they were/are recovering from a health issue? Are the parents/family member? Saving for a house? Or is it the responsibility/$$ aspect? Wouldn't be a deal breaker for me until I'd done some gentle question-asking.

09/26/2012 new

So far I think it is safe to say that everyone has agreed that the circumstances make a difference, and living at home can either be a good or bad thing. To possibly get some new thoughts, how would you view the following hypothetical situation?

The guy or gal you are interested in has been out of college for ten years. He or she has paid off all student, car, and other loans and has a good, steady job. He or she is still living with mom and dad (while contributing financially to cover rent) because he or she sees no particular reason to rent or buy another place.

Would this be an issue for you?

09/26/2012 new

I could understand if there was some mitigating factor, like taking care of a family member. But if there was no mitigating factor, I would not prusue that person.

09/26/2012 new

(Quote) Jenny-872030 said: So far I think it is safe to say that everyone has agreed that the circumstances make a differenc...
(Quote) Jenny-872030 said:

So far I think it is safe to say that everyone has agreed that the circumstances make a difference, and living at home can either be a good or bad thing. To possibly get some new thoughts, how would you view the following hypothetical situation?

The guy or gal you are interested in has been out of college for ten years. He or she has paid off all student, car, and other loans and has a good, steady job. He or she is still living with mom and dad (while contributing financially to cover rent) because he or she sees no particular reason to rent or buy another place.

Would this be an issue for you?

--hide--


No, to me that would be an indicator of maturity. Why take on the expense of buying or renting a home if you're happy and content where you are? It's not as though you're freeloading off of your parents - you're still paying your way and contributing to the betterment of your family while also squaring away your financial obligations. I actually have a great deal of respect and admiration for someone who chooses that path. Staying in your parents' home isn't without sacrifice - independence and privacy being the greatest of them.


It's all in your perspective as to how you view these circumstances, which is likely how you have been conditioned to think by the way others have judged you and the choices you had made in the past and continue to make in the present.


theheart

09/27/2012 new

Victor, I have to respectivly disagree with you. For me personally, with one notable exception, my friends that are still living at home, are living at home to delay taking responsibility for certin basic things. Now I understand that is not always the case, but almost every time I visit one of my old friends from high school, I can't help but notice, they allow their parents to do things that fustrate me. For instance: not preparing their own meals, not cleaning after their own dishes, not doing their own laundry, not contributing basic chores, not paying for their groceries, gas, car, student loan, car insurance, phone, excetera. I don't want to go overboard, but from what I see when I am at my friends homes with their parents, and then how they will describe it later over beers with other friends, the difference between their telling, and what I saw visiting their parents homes, is titanic. That does not mean they are bad people. I have known most since sunday school, and when they are ready, I think they will make caring mothers and fathers. But the last few years have been hard on everyone. And I can understand how someone can get into a rut, especially after losing their job. But, after seeing so many of my peers shift responsibility for what I think are quite easy things to square away, I would be very, very guarded about prusuing someone who fits Jenny's hypothetical senario.

09/27/2012 new

I think ones culture is very important. In my culture we just don't move out untill marriage, especially with girls. I also wonder if you're really independent and responsible when you live on your own. I find responsibility, independence and maturity in ones morals, values and intellect. It's just a roof over your head, doesn't make you immature. As for living with your parents and don't contribute to the household while you have a steady job, yes that's immature. Because your're missing the ability to put yourself in other peoples shoes, in my eyes it means their missing a thought of their own. I really don't think that living alone will help them develop one. I know to many people, especially men who live on their own let their mum do their laundry or still eat at their parents house etc.
I actually don't get why people want to run away from their family. I love it at home! It's always fun, loving, comfortable and I never feel alone. I wonder why I would ever trade it. marriage will be my next chapter in life and that is the point I truelly become a woman who will run her own houshold

09/27/2012 new

(Quote) Matthew-617971 said: Victor, I have to respectivly disagree with you. For me personally, with one notable exception,...
(Quote) Matthew-617971 said:

Victor, I have to respectivly disagree with you. For me personally, with one notable exception, my friends that are still living at home, are living at home to delay taking responsibility for certin basic things. Now I understand that is not always the case, but almost every time I visit one of my old friends from high school, I can't help but notice, they allow their parents to do things that fustrate me. For instance: not preparing their own meals, not cleaning after their own dishes, not doing their own laundry, not contributing basic chores, not paying for their groceries, gas, car, student loan, car insurance, phone, excetera. I don't want to go overboard, but from what I see when I am at my friends homes with their parents, and then how they will describe it later over beers with other friends, the difference between their telling, and what I saw visiting their parents homes, is titanic. That does not mean they are bad people. I have known most since sunday school, and when they are ready, I think they will make caring mothers and fathers. But the last few years have been hard on everyone. And I can understand how someone can get into a rut, especially after losing their job. But, after seeing so many of my peers shift responsibility for what I think are quite easy things to square away, I would be very, very guarded about prusuing someone who fits Jenny's hypothetical senario.

--hide--


Perhaps, Matthew, but Jenny was specific in the scenario that she offered and sought opinions over, and that was the basis for my response.


theheart

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