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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people under 45. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

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09/27/2012 new

(Quote) Sally-894891 said: I know to many people, especially men who live on their own let their mum do their laundry or sti...
(Quote) Sally-894891 said:

I know to many people, especially men who live on their own let their mum do their laundry or still eat at their parents house etc.

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And I know many whose mothers actually go their homes, clean, prepare several days worth of meals, and do their laundry. I shake my head when I see that. I don't who's crazier: the kids, or their mothers! rolling eyes My mother even tried that with me, and even walked-out of my home on a few occasions when I wouldn't let her. She actually got mad at me! boggled She has since resigned herself to the fact that when she comes to visit me she's there as my guest (but still Mom!) and is not permitted to do anything other than relax, eat, and whatever. That said, she still gets mad at me when I'm unable to make it to a dinner invite. faint


theheart

09/27/2012 new

(Quote) Jenny-872030 said: You've been corresponding for a while when your Catholic Match dream guy or gal tells you tha...
(Quote) Jenny-872030 said:

You've been corresponding for a while when your Catholic Match dream guy or gal tells you that he or she is still living at home with mom and dad. How do you react?

Would you view this as a positive or negative?

Do you see it as an inability to be independent, or a smart way to save money?

Is there a certain age where you think it is just unwise to stay at home, unless a sick parent needs care?

Other thoughts?

Personally, I've been there. I lived at home for a year after I graduated from college, and didn't see a problem with it (at least short term). I know plenty of young adults who still live at home because it makes more sense financially, until they at least get out of debt. I know I did struggle a bit with being independent when I was living at home. I was under Mom and Dad's roof, so Mom and Dad's rules still applied. I couldn't go out without telling anyone where I was going. Now that I have my own place, I have really learned to appreciate the independence that comes with it.

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I think everyone is different. My daughter's company pulled all their jobs back to South America when my grandson was 18 months old. She made an adult choice and asked to move in with me to pursue a nursing degree. It works for us. There is an equitable split of chores. I get the benefit of seeing my grandson grow up and the adult company is good for both of us. It is not forever, but much better than her struggling and everyone suffering if she had kept her own place.


After college, I had two friends move home with their parents to pay off student loans before getting married to enter their marriages debt free. I also know many, many families in which the children, male and female, lived at home until marriage. It is extremely common among very traditional latin families and no one thinks twice about it. About ten years ago, I worked with a brother and sister, in their mid 30s, who both moved home with their mother. It took the financial strain off all of them, and as close as they all were, it was a great fit! Yes, they are Italian. I just don't think anyone could/should make a blanket statement or judgment without a clear understanding. heart

09/27/2012 new

I think it greatly depends on the circumstances, what their occupation is, whether they're contributing to the family or just sitting playing video games all day, and whether or not the parents mind. Now I could see it differently say if there were a family member they needed to help care for or if they lived on a farm and were helping manage the family farm or had some other good reason for living at home.

In the specific scenario you mentioned I probably would not be interested in that person. To me that says if they aren't ready to live independently then they may not be ready to have a serious relationship with someone, which could end in marriage and a family.

I moved out of my parents house when I was 19, while working full-time and paying my way through college. I realize this approach may not be for everyone, and I have older brothers that still live with my parents. I just think that if it's feasible and can meet your goals, then do it. It's great experience.

09/27/2012 new

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts on this topic.

I am a bit undecided on how the hypothetical situation I laid out above would affect any potential relationship, but I think I tend to agree with those who say that they would be a bit concerned if someone was still living at home that long without going out and proving that he can make it on his own. Ten years is a long time to be still living at home once someone is financially stable and able to start a life of their own. I think for me, maturity and leadership in a man are very attractive and it is much harder for me to see that if he is still living with his parents and not making any move to advance himself.

By no means am I saying this would be a deal breaker. It certainly would not be, but I think I would be a little concerned until I heard more details about the situation from him. Perhaps Mom and Dad really need his financial support, and he is "renting" from them to help them out in a way that is acceptable to them.

09/27/2012 new

(Quote) Jenny-872030 said: Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts on this topic.I am a bit undecided on how the h...
(Quote) Jenny-872030 said:

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts on this topic.

I am a bit undecided on how the hypothetical situation I laid out above would affect any potential relationship, but I think I tend to agree with those who say that they would be a bit concerned if someone was still living at home that long without going out and proving that he can make it on his own. Ten years is a long time to be still living at home once someone is financially stable and able to start a life of their own. I think for me, maturity and leadership in a man are very attractive and it is much harder for me to see that if he is still living with his parents and not making any move to advance himself.

By no means am I saying this would be a deal breaker. It certainly would not be, but I think I would be a little concerned until I heard more details about the situation from him. Perhaps Mom and Dad really need his financial support, and he is "renting" from them to help them out in a way that is acceptable to them.

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With as many opinions as there are possible scenarios, it'd be very difficult to form a single point of view. A general opinion, yes, but every life circumstance is different and unique to the person involved.


theheart

09/27/2012 new

I would ponder on what motivates & moves that person. What are their aspirations, their dreams, their ambitions? If it's just a lack of pure motivation in any direction, just happy to stick with their routine day in and day out, that might be a concern for me. Life is change, no escaping it! It is how we learn to deal with those changes, good & bad, that God uses to mold & shape us into the person He would have us be.

I agree with your other post, still not necessarily a deal breaker, but it would definitely be worthy of some "why" conversation!

09/28/2012 new

(Quote) Jenny-872030 said: Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts on this topic.I am a bit undecided on how the h...
(Quote) Jenny-872030 said:

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts on this topic.

I am a bit undecided on how the hypothetical situation I laid out above would affect any potential relationship, but I think I tend to agree with those who say that they would be a bit concerned if someone was still living at home that long without going out and proving that he can make it on his own. Ten years is a long time to be still living at home once someone is financially stable and able to start a life of their own. I think for me, maturity and leadership in a man are very attractive and it is much harder for me to see that if he is still living with his parents and not making any move to advance himself.

By no means am I saying this would be a deal breaker. It certainly would not be, but I think I would be a little concerned until I heard more details about the situation from him. Perhaps Mom and Dad really need his financial support, and he is "renting" from them to help them out in a way that is acceptable to them.

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Even with your senario I would be unwilling to make a judgement without learning more. My older brother (will be 37 in Nov) Still lives at home and has no intention of moving in the near future. At first, He stayed at home because he was just starting out in the world. Then our dad died 13 yrs ago. He stayed to help our mom. My brother is fanancially stable. Capable of cooking, Does his own laundry. Helps with cleaning and pays rent. So why does he stay? Because He has no good reason to move. Moving would leave mom alone and he would also lose the companionship of having another person in the house. If he ever meets someone and marries, then he will move. Until then this works best for everyone and says nothing negative about his character.

09/28/2012 new

(Quote) Jenny-872030 said: . . . He or she is still living with mom and dad (while contributing financially to cover rent) ...
(Quote) Jenny-872030 said:

. . . He or she is still living with mom and dad (while contributing financially to cover rent) because he or she sees no particular reason to rent or buy another place.

Would this be an issue for you?

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Yes this would be an issue. Even though he is contributing to the family, I personally want a man who can stand on his own. Living on your own forces you to develop certain coping skills that you can only learn through experience. There also appears to be a certain degree of laziness when you become comfortable with "where you are." How can you live up to your potential (spiritual, mental, maturity) if you do not have the drive to go out and tackle the world?

And as for helping the parents if they need financial assistance. Really? How much more does the man living at home increase power, water, gas (utilities), food and other "bills" that might be less if he weren't there? (Seriously, mom is definitely cooking his favorite meals!) He can still live on his own and help them out, even if it's just a small amount a month.

Just my 2 cents

09/29/2012 new

(Quote) Jenny-872030 said: So far I think it is safe to say that everyone has agreed that the circumstances make a differenc...
(Quote) Jenny-872030 said:

So far I think it is safe to say that everyone has agreed that the circumstances make a difference, and living at home can either be a good or bad thing. To possibly get some new thoughts, how would you view the following hypothetical situation?

The guy or gal you are interested in has been out of college for ten years. He or she has paid off all student, car, and other loans and has a good, steady job. He or she is still living with mom and dad (while contributing financially to cover rent) because he or she sees no particular reason to rent or buy another place.

Would this be an issue for you?

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Yes this would be an issue for me. Running one's own household is different than living with mom and dad even if you are contributing 'rent' (market rent or just a token? Are mom and dad going to evict you when don't pay on time?). I learned a great deal those first years I lived on my own - how to budget, how to shop for the week, how to cook, how to allocate money towards savings/retirement. It forced me to grow up in ways that I didn't need to while at home.

09/29/2012 new

(Quote) Eve-95142 said: Yes this would be an issue for me. Running one's own household is different than li...
(Quote) Eve-95142 said:


Yes this would be an issue for me. Running one's own household is different than living with mom and dad even if you are contributing 'rent' (market rent or just a token? Are mom and dad going to evict you when don't pay on time?). I learned a great deal those first years I lived on my own - how to budget, how to shop for the week, how to cook, how to allocate money towards savings/retirement. It forced me to grow up in ways that I didn't need to while at home.

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Yes...I agree with this!

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