Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael
Scripture talks about being "equally yolked" to your partner. Seek the scriptures about marrying the unbeliever. Tons about this in both old and new testament.
Maybe seek the advice of a priest, or head of a marriage group at your church. I had a very good friend tell me this many years ago. My husbance believed in God, but was not 'active' in religion.
23 years of marriage and 2 children later, we were divorced. Many reasons for this, but ultimatly in my experience, it ended up at the root of it all, to us not being equally 'yoked".
Be open to the Lord's will even if the answer is hard. It may save you a lifetime of heartaches and regrets. On the plus side, God can also work miracles, so see if he is open to your faith, pray, and be open yourself to God's calling for your life.
Rosario, find out if he's inclined to become Catholic or what his inclination is. What was is past. Where is he going now? If there's no inclination, as disappointing as it is, it is my best advice to move on in your search. When you're playing for keeps, it's best to pick the scenario that gives you the best chance at long term success. Faith is a MAJOR criteria. Listen to your still, small voice that has cautioned you. -- Blessings to you.
Not being a 'catholic' is NOT the end of the world, so you don't need to worry too much! Looking at your age which is 5 yrs younger than my son, I'd say you have a lot of years left to make mistakes....or not! Since this is really bothering you, I'd suggest you seek advice from a non-denominational professional. "Professional" being the key word.
This is a matter of faith: the appropriate person to consult is a Catholic priest. And there is quite a bit to be concerned about: there is a very real risk to the faith of both the Catholic spouse and any offspring.
In case anyone hasn't posted this yet, here's what the Catechism has to say on mixed marriage (marriage to a baptized Christian who is non-Catholic) and disparity of cult (marriage to a non-baptized person):
1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a nonbaptized person) requires even greater circumspection.
1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. the spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. the temptation to religious indifference can then arise.
1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.135 In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage. This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage and the obligations assumed by the Catholic party concerning the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.
1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.
1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.
I have recently been in a struggle with the decision to move foward with a relationship. I started a friendship with a man 5 months ago and it has eventually turned into a very serious attractiveness. I would even go as far to say that he is "the one". The only problem is that he is not Catholic. He had a very hard childhood and grew up with no religion. As the case with many people in this country, he doesn't believe in organized religion. I know that I will not enter into any sort of commitment with a man who is not catholic because I choose to raise my children Catholic with my husband being the leader. But after much reflection and prayer, I can't help but believe that there is some reason for me to be in his life, and vice versa. I am very confused at this point and the decision on taking this relationship further needs to be made. Since I have this wonderful resource of Catholicmatch, I thought I would take a shot at it. Any suggestions?
I think you asked us for honest opinions babsed on what we know as Catholics. I think we gave you our honest opinions. Only you have control over your future. The red flags are there...
Rosario, when two individuals are very much in love with each other, many good things would happen in the relationship, and one of them is conversion. As much as possible do not rub on his skin the topic about our religion because the more you do that, the more he will rub off the irritation on his skin and probably becomes defensive. Just cool it down. Invite him into your world of Faith (How strong a Catholic you are makes you safe) Example, in a subtle way say you need his company during a baptism, or confirmation of a child of your friends, or you need a company during the Christmas mid-night mass. Just tell him, he doesn't need to be involved. I bet he will be observing on those ocassions. He has eyes and ears to feel himself around. When he realized that he needs you in his life and offers to marry you, then you can challenge his love by telling him you want a church wedding. If he agrees, the wheels of his conversion is beginning to move. He would be required to take RCIA, and in there, because of his exposure to our rites, he would understand the depth and beauty of our Catholic faith.
My daughter is dating a Buddhist, who before they met wanted to be a monk. She invites him to all Catholic rituals, baptism, confirmation, burials, Christmas, New Years, etc... and now he is beginning to understand our Faith. You are still young and you have all the time to know him. Wait until he proposed marriage to you, but in the meantime, give him a tour to your Catholic world. and be careful not to give in to temptations.
I think, Rosario, that all of here have a sincere desire that this man catch the light of the Holy Spirit and go through RCIA. Since he has not been brought up with any religious belief, it would be a wonderful gift for him. Many of the posts have reminded me of men in my church who have been active, but not confirmed. It is beautiful to see them make that move into full communion with the church.
In the homily yesterday, I heard about those who were not followers of Jesus doing good works. While this upset the disciples and he wanted them removed, Jesus instead said that if someone is doing good things in his name, they are for him and not against him. I think we all know wonderful people that are in different walks of faith. Father's homily was one of gratitude that we no longer live in a day where we would doubt that heaven holds a place for them as well. God breathes life into each one of us. If your friend has never been introduced to God, he will never know him. Take time to share it with him, but don't rush into a committed relationship without knowing his heart.
My husband was a cradle Catholic but did not attend mass regularly. It was a weekly battle to have my son come to mass with me because he wanted to stay home with dad. If my husband did not have the good sense to insist that my son go, I would have been heartsick. To me, marrying Catholic is the most important criteria for me. My kids are always testing me on my reaction to them marrying outside our faith. I tell them that ultimately it is their choice, but it is much easier when both of you share the same faith and are able to keep God at the center of your marriage.
I just want to throw in my two cents worth
2 Corinthians was NOT referring to marriage when speaking about being "unequally yoked". The scripture was speaking about people in general.
Most protestants use this as an "escape clause" when trying to justify divorce. There is no such thing.
I didn't mean to take away the main topic of this thread, and I don't have any advice. I do know that when a married couple is not on the same page spiritually then they are going to bear a much heavier cross.
God bless you
I'll speak for the other side. There is a devout woman in my church who married an agnostic. He not only agreed to help raise her daughter in the church, but also agreed that his children from his first marriage be raised within the church to the best of their ability (they live in a different state). Not only does he attend church with her, but the three of them sing in the choir. He began RCIA two years ago in discernment and has stayed with the program since. He is now a strong believer, not only in God, but in the church. They are waiting for the completion of her annulment and he will then be baptized and confirmed.
I realize that I belong to an extremely unusual parish, but he is the second member of our church that came in agnostic, or not quite sure if God was real, and is now a believer. There is a third who barely believed in God and is now a devout Catholic. Under the same priest, a family who practiced Wicca are now devout catholics who attend daily mass. None of us has all the answers, or knows completely God's plan, or how we fit into it.
All of that being said, I have dated Catholics and nonCatholics. At my age, I'm not going there. If God calls me to any type of relationship again, I would want it to be with someone who shares my faith. It is just entirely too much work to explain our church, the dogma and expect others of a certain age to change or accept what they see as radical ideas. I was willing to try at your age though.
Rosario, of course a non-Catholic can be the one. Who says there are not any other good, righteous people out there who are not Catholic? I've know quite a few extraordinary people in my life that were not. We are in this forum because our faith and religion are very important to each and everyone of us, but I for one don't feel that we're necesarily the "chosen ones". Where do you put Ghandi, the Dalai Lama, and many other spiritual leaders who have existed in our world, have lead worthwhile lives, cared for people and did good in their lifetime?
My religion and faith was important to me, so I chose a man in my life that was also Catholic and had my same values. I married in the Catholic Church and have tried to live a life doing good things. I spent 35 years of my life with this man and was with him until he died. If the hadn't been Catholic he would have still been a good man, good husband, good father and an incredibly good person that everyone loved. That would have still have made him "the one".