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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) Ryan-900446 said: Low self-esteem will definitely cost you. Women like high self-esteem, perseverance, and positive thinkin...
(Quote) Ryan-900446 said: Low self-esteem will definitely cost you. Women like high self-esteem, perseverance, and positive thinking. They want you to be a man and be proud of who you are. They should want those things and you should want to give them a positive and happy you. You should have a positive outlook and make the best out of what you have and try hard to lose weight. The work that you put yourself through to lose and maintain your weight will pay off one way or another. I would tell you to make the best of what you have now and keep looking. Life is too short not to. You have to help yourself to improve your self-esteem with or without excess weight.
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Hi, Ryan. Welcome to the CM forums. As a newer member, you are fortunate to have found your way here. It's a good place to get to know people, plus share experiences, wisdom, knowledge and humor.

Join in often!!!

Oct 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) John-593352 said: I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even...
(Quote) John-593352 said:

I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even scare them off. In the past 3 years I have had major weight gain and my self esteem has plummeted. I am currently on the right track in correcting this. First and foremost by making my relationship with God better. Is it premature of me to be looking for a mate while going through such an issue or should I work my way through the issue and build my confidence up then find a mate? I guess in this case friendship will be more suitable( i may have answered my own question). Interested in what you guys have to say.

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Welcome to the club!

Oct 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) John-593352 said: I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even...
(Quote) John-593352 said:

I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even scare them off. In the past 3 years I have had major weight gain and my self esteem has plummeted. I am currently on the right track in correcting this. First and foremost by making my relationship with God better. Is it premature of me to be looking for a mate while going through such an issue or should I work my way through the issue and build my confidence up then find a mate? I guess in this case friendship will be more suitable( i may have answered my own question). Interested in what you guys have to say.

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Sorry to hear you're going through this difficult time. Low self esteem can not only impede our ability to find someone; it also makes it more difficult to keep someone.


Work on yourself, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I find that the more I change for the better, the better other people appear to me and I to them. I've suffered from terrible self esteem most of my life. In key situations I often hear a chorus of things that have been said to and about me over the past half a century and I stall or panic. Growing up my parents rarely had a good thing to say abou tme. During 20 years of marriage, my wife learned to beat that drum too. By the time I was 40, it nearly killed me. This is slowly getting better. Counselling, medical attention, and escpecially spiritual growth have helped this. But low self-esteem is a devil that will pursue me the rest of my life. I have to learn that these thoughts, the things that were said to/about me are NOT true. Someone special in my life is helping convince me of that. Sometimes I've nearly driven her off, not because of how I treat her, but because of how I treat myself. We must break free of this. Asking God to help me see myself as He sees me has helped the most.


Please address this now. Your life will improve.

Oct 2nd 2012 new

I appreciate everyone's replies and totally agree with many of your points. There just may be an underlying issue to the weight gain that needs to be discovered and addressed. One person has told me before that the weight gain could've easily come from a skewed self concept in the first place. So, a better spiritual relationship with God is imminent in all matters not just the one I'm currently facing. Focusing on the worldly problem just may be the problem! I also liked the suggestion that women like the fixer up guys lol. I just may need a lady to love me and fix me up wink. I know that I need to continue to progress in my relationship with God and I know it will work it self out. Thank you all for your time.

Oct 2nd 2012 new

Do the work and reap the rewards. God bless you in your journey. You are worth it. Jesus endured his passion just for you. He loves you immensely. THAT alone should help your self esteem.

Oct 2nd 2012 new
[quote] so true and I thank you for reassuring words!
Oct 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) John-593352 said: I appreciate everyone's replies and totally agree with many of your points. There just may be ...
(Quote) John-593352 said:

I appreciate everyone's replies and totally agree with many of your points. There just may be an underlying issue to the weight gain that needs to be discovered and addressed. One person has told me before that the weight gain could've easily come from a skewed self concept in the first place. So, a better spiritual relationship with God is imminent in all matters not just the one I'm currently facing. Focusing on the worldly problem just may be the problem! I also liked the suggestion that women like the fixer up guys lol. I just may need a lady to love me and fix me up . I know that I need to continue to progress in my relationship with God and I know it will work it self out. Thank you all for your time.

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May God continue to help you in your struggles. Don't ever give up. Persevere in prayer and remember God will do the melting and molding for you to be the person he created you to be. You are more than your body. You have a SPIRIT. May God give you strength to do all things with Him.

We all have problems whether they be health issues, personal flaws etc... because life is not perfect for anyone. Try to think of things to be thankful for no matter how small the gift may be. The gift of sight, the gift of hearing beautiful music, love shared by a smile, the sunshine and the rain. We have much to be thankful for even though we may not like the person we are. Our bad habits can be changed with His Grace.

Keep Seeking help from other Godly men and women and here on the CM Forums is a wonderful community to help.

May God Bless you today and give you strength with your weight problem. Praying rosary theheart


Peace and Prayers. And One day at a time. God Bless

Kathleen

Oct 2nd 2012 new

I would see a nutritionist and a medical doctor or two to see what is going on. This will give you the medical support you need . Then a counselor could help with other issues. You have to look at the whole person (your whole self) in getting healing. Targeting the Various parts can help heal various parts of you. The most important thing first is to get your physical health checked to see what is causing this weight gain since that can cause a serious medical problem. I think a nutritionist could help you lose the weight, along with an exercise program. We are made up of a number of parts or systems so you have to address this from many angles. It is worth it to address this! It is VERY Good that you asked about it here. theheart

Oct 2nd 2012 new

Hi John,

Can low self esteem keep you from finding the right person? Yes.

Should you not look? I don't know if I know the answer to that. I am pretty convinced that in a relationship both people are respnsible for their own "balance and momentum" meaning not to rely the the other person to keep you making the right decisions or to motivate/ give you energy. Obviously you need to keep up the process of conversion, but the question of when to get back in the ring and look. I would say do lot's of social things, push your comfort zone, and definitely don't ever beat yourself up- say good things about yourself. Two activities that really helped me were Eucharistic adoration and dance. In dance (I mean partner dancing like swing or ballroom, not that rave/club junk) no one is really looking there for a date, they just want to dance, and I found woman after woman, many of them very successful with good self esteem, valuing me for my manhood in my entirety. So that's really boosted my esteem, even when I knew they weren't interested in dating (perhaps even because I knew they weren't interested in dating) (though I have dated 2 or 3)

Oh, and welcome to the Fora!

Oct 2nd 2012 new

I do think low self-esteem is a factor in dating/finding a partner. If you can't love yourself, how can you love someone else? Or except love in? I used to have trouble with my self-esteem but somehow I powered through and now I am totally comfortable with who I am biggrin


I haven't found love yet, but I have found myself - I'm sure you will too!

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