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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people under 45. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

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Sep 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Jenny-872030 said: You've been corresponding for a while when your Catholic Match dream guy or gal tells you tha...
(Quote) Jenny-872030 said:

You've been corresponding for a while when your Catholic Match dream guy or gal tells you that he or she is still living at home with mom and dad. How do you react?

Would you view this as a positive or negative?

Do you see it as an inability to be independent, or a smart way to save money?

Is there a certain age where you think it is just unwise to stay at home, unless a sick parent needs care?

Other thoughts?

Personally, I've been there. I lived at home for a year after I graduated from college, and didn't see a problem with it (at least short term). I know plenty of young adults who still live at home because it makes more sense financially, until they at least get out of debt. I know I did struggle a bit with being independent when I was living at home. I was under Mom and Dad's roof, so Mom and Dad's rules still applied. I couldn't go out without telling anyone where I was going. Now that I have my own place, I have really learned to appreciate the independence that comes with it.

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I moved back home for a few months when I was 26. I had just spent almost a year backpacking around Europe. I needed rest and also time to find a place and save up more money. It was a nice chance to reconnect with my parents. With this economy I wouldn't put too much thought into it...especially someone in their 20's or early 30's. If there is a weird mama's boy pattern you are seeing it might be different, but it is no indication of what someone will be in the future. I own my own house, car, decent job and have traveled all over the world...so it had nothing to do with my lack of independence or having poor financial judgement etc. If anything, people think I am too independent:o)

Oct 1st 2012 new

What sparked this question of living at home was an article I read on millennials (our generation) and how we tend to move back home after college and live at home longer than any other generation. I think it is an interesting observation! More than likely if I hadn't been offered a job at my current place of employment, I would be going on year four at home. Hey, I love my family! What more can I say? biggrin But I'm sure a time would have come down the road when I finally decided to embark on my own. Who knows when that would have been though? Many of my friends from college (at least the ones who aren't married) still live at home.

Oct 2nd 2012 new
Here's my take. I live with my 90 something grandmother. We live entirely separate lives, but my presence enables her to remain in the home she loves. I've been there when she's suffered serious accidents and I help her do those household things she has difficulty with these days. All in exchange for a free bed 30 minutes from work. Some might say that's mooching, but I would hope that my actions would suggest otherwise.
Oct 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) James-897226 said: Here's my take. I live with my 90 something grandmother. We live entirely separate lives, but my pre...
(Quote) James-897226 said: Here's my take. I live with my 90 something grandmother. We live entirely separate lives, but my presence enables her to remain in the home she loves. I've been there when she's suffered serious accidents and I help her do those household things she has difficulty with these days. All in exchange for a free bed 30 minutes from work. Some might say that's mooching, but I would hope that my actions would suggest otherwise.
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I definitely don't see anything wrong with this situation! Rather, I think it might be something that many people would find difficult to do.

Oct 2nd 2012 new
(Quote) Jenny-872030 said: I definitely don't see anything wrong with this situation! Rather, I think it might be some...
(Quote) Jenny-872030 said:



I definitely don't see anything wrong with this situation! Rather, I think it might be something that many people would find difficult to do.

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I think that economically, since 50% of college graduates are not able to find jobs after college (McDonalds is not a job for a college graduate), then moving back in with parents should be a way to conserve financial resources and help out aging parents. It should be a win-win situation. Maybe if your dating life is constricted by living at home, you should reconsider why you need to be out at 2am on a weeknight anyway...

I do not see a problem with the younger generation staying at home longer. It is tougher to make it in the world right now, especially with the job market the way it is. Perhaps, if more families lived together longer, then there would be more peace between the older and younger generations. But the pull of the secular world is great for many, and freedom from parental observation becomes worth it at any price, to be independent, to drink liberally and at will, and to engage in immoral behaviors over night. It is far better for the younger generation to lean a little bit more on parents or other family members than to lean on "friends" or others who may influence them poorly.
Oct 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) Jim-624621 said: I think that economically, since 50% of college graduates are not able to find jobs after college ...
(Quote) Jim-624621 said:

I think that economically, since 50% of college graduates are not able to find jobs after college (McDonalds is not a job for a college graduate), then moving back in with parents should be a way to conserve financial resources and help out aging parents. It should be a win-win situation. Maybe if your dating life is constricted by living at home, you should reconsider why you need to be out at 2am on a weeknight anyway...

I do not see a problem with the younger generation staying at home longer. It is tougher to make it in the world right now, especially with the job market the way it is. Perhaps, if more families lived together longer, then there would be more peace between the older and younger generations. But the pull of the secular world is great for many, and freedom from parental observation becomes worth it at any price, to be independent, to drink liberally and at will, and to engage in immoral behaviors over night. It is far better for the younger generation to lean a little bit more on parents or other family members than to lean on "friends" or others who may influence them poorly.
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To be honest, I don't think most people here are moving out because friends have influenced us poorly, or due to the pull of the secular world. I think everyone here has a diffrent set of reasons, but that they are based from a hopeful ambition to move closer to their goals. My reasons are: work and independance.

For work, I get up at four in the morning, four hours earlier than my parents need to get up. Even when I am on vaccation visiting, and I sleep in several hours, I am still up before they are. (Trust me, I am not, and I don't think most the CMers my age, are up at 2am on a weeknight.) For me, there is no need to wake my parents up in the middle of their night when I can afford to be on my own.

For me, and I believe for many of the other sincere Catholics I am growing to know on the fora, independence is not about getting a ticket to imorality. Rather, it is about challenging ourselves, and putting ourselves in position to become the men and women we want to be. Doing the little things right, from learning how to save for retirement to being able to cook not using the microwave, is part of growing up, and building the habits that are the seeds of someday creating trust between ourselves and that other person we are on this site searching for.

Jim forgive me if I sound angry, that is not what I am trying to go for. Also, I more than understand if someone is staying at home because of economic considerations, or to take home of a loved one. But for the specific case Jenny outlined, based on my personal experiance, I would still prefer if they moved outside of their parents home.

Oct 2nd 2012 new
(Quote) Matthew-617971 said: To be honest, I don't think most people here are moving out because friends have influenced us po...
(Quote) Matthew-617971 said:



To be honest, I don't think most people here are moving out because friends have influenced us poorly, or due to the pull of the secular world. I think everyone here has a diffrent set of reasons, but that they are based from a hopeful ambition to move closer to their goals. My reasons are: work and independance.

For work, I get up at four in the morning, four hours earlier than my parents need to get up. Even when I am on vaccation visiting, and I sleep in several hours, I am still up before they are. (Trust me, I am not, and I don't think most the CMers my age, are up at 2am on a weeknight.) For me, there is no need to wake my parents up in the middle of their night when I can afford to be on my own.

For me, and I believe for many of the other sincere Catholics I am growing to know on the fora, independence is not about getting a ticket to imorality. Rather, it is about challenging ourselves, and putting ourselves in position to become the men and women we want to be. Doing the little things right, from learning how to save for retirement to being able to cook not using the microwave, is part of growing up, and building the habits that are the seeds of someday creating trust between ourselves and that other person we are on this site searching for.

Jim forgive me if I sound angry, that is not what I am trying to go for. Also, I more than understand if someone is staying at home because of economic considerations, or to take home of a loved one. But for the specific case Jenny outlined, based on my personal experiance, I would still prefer if they moved outside of their parents home.

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Matthew, I wasn't replying to you personally or talking to or about you. Sorry if what I said offended you in some way. Everyone has their own circumstances and they do what they can do. Moving out of the house is a rite of passage in western society, but young people are always in a hurry to get out on their own. If you are prepared for it, that is excellent. More power to you. There are many more who are unable to get out or are unprepared. Every circumstance is different

If you read what I said, I did not state that MOST people are moving out because friends have influenced them poorly. The CONTEXT in which I wrote that is that it would be better to stay home than lean on undesirables. You may have had good parents and a good family, and you were raised right, but most today, do not have that in their background as we clearly see from the increasing numbers of people taking long-term government assistance.

My youngest son, who is not much younger than you, gets up every morning and is at work by 2:30am. He works for UPS loading trucks. He never stays out until 2am either because he is responsible... but NOT ALL ARE.

So, I am not sure why you felt you had to go line by line through my post, but your world of experience is obviously limited because there are a lot of kids today who don't follow the rules, and it is unfortunate, and it doesn't seem to matter whether they are Catholic or not. You may not be heading down that road, and that is great, but there are many more who are. Living at home is a good thing for them if they can get their acts together before they leave home, and become a credit to themselves and society rather than a burden to it.
Oct 3rd 2012 new

Jim, I think there was a misundestanding; perhaps I could have phrased it better, but I was not angry or offended.

Oct 4th 2012 new

I would want to understand the reasons, whatever they are, but it's certainly no dealbreaker.

One of my best friends from college still lives at home. She's been graduated five years, has a great job, has paid off her student loans, lives a very independent life. She's spent months at a time housesitting elsewhere. But when not doing that, her parents like being close to their daughter. She likes being close to them. It helps everybody's budget. I don't see any problem.

I've mostly lived on my own lo these last seven years. But I'm a grad student, with all the attendant maladaptive (to anyone else, at least) life habits that tends to entail. There's no way I could make it living at home with the 'rents. I would view it as a credit to the discipline of anyone that could.

I will, of course, acknowledge that a good portion of the lives-at-home crowd don't exactly fulfill the gogetter stereotype in a whole bunch of ways. But some certainly do, and those happen to be the ones I know better at this point in my life.

Oct 4th 2012 new
I wouldn't view it as negative but would learn the circumstances first. It could certainly be the case that this person is just lazy and dependent but there might be a worthwhile reason. If you find someone like this just kindly ask them what their circumstances are. To me you just can't make a judgment until you learn the reasons. I lived with my parents until I was 22. My reason was so that I could save enough money to buy a house which I did at the age of 22. I was told by the real estate agent that my down payment percentage was the highest he had ever seen. At the rate I am going I could have my house paid off before I am 30. If your parents are okay with you sticking around for awhile and you are good with money you can make yourself very well off early in life. I would just recommend helping your parents as much as possible during this time.
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