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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 2nd 2012 new
Hi John,

Yes, low self esteem can interfere with your search. It prevents you from seeing yourself accurately, and therefore it is more difficult for you to progress in a healthy relationship with someone else. You are absolutely correct that you need to work on your relationship with Christ first and foremost.

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. It wasn't until after I started seriously working on my spiritual life that I was able to be in the right mindset to successfully lose the weight. I did enroll in Weight Watchers as well, and it was quite revealing that the lessons on food directly translated to my spiritual and emotional health. God made the body and soul to exist in harmony. Self confidence and control in one area translates to many other areas.

Although I was on CM looking seriously for quite awhile, it wasn't until I was well on my weight loss journey that I met my CM gent. It was after I knew that I could maintain my weight loss and be independently healthy that God brought us together. It was very important to me that my future potential husband would respect that and would be able to exert the same strength. I knew that I was not strong enough to "fix" him and keep myself healthy at the same time.

So I have been lucky enough to meet a wonderful CM gent who is on the same journey. We can support/encourage each other, but we both know that we can do it on our own. It is possible. Good luck! Just keep praying for God to show you the right path.

Rae
Oct 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) Laura-695247 said: John, I good friend told me it is never the wrong time to meet someone! Although I am not...
(Quote) Laura-695247 said:



John, I good friend told me it is never the wrong time to meet someone! Although I am not sure if that is true during extreme life drama...(just after a death, breakup etc)...in general I think she is right. Stay open! You might meet someone in your weight loss struggle...cause we ladies are ALWAYS trying to lose a few pounds. And this may be a bit pathetic...but a LOT of women like fixer-up guys. Women wanna solve problems and help. It is our nature. It is true we often like those ultra self secure types too...but that can be a bit much....don't underestimate or pass over the women who want to get involved and help:o) Of all the things I can tell guys (women too)...good personal hygiene goes a LONG way....dress nice, get that hair cut- on the head and in the ears (ewww) ...look after yourself...I well put-together guy who might be a few pounds too heavy, if a lady feels some attractions, she won't even notice- I promise!

--hide--

Laura, men and women wat to fix and help....the crux of it is to find someone who actually can use our brand of help

Oct 2nd 2012 new

Hi John,

Of course, low self-esteem (whether it is due to weight, past relationship failures, other health issues, job troubles, childhood issues, whatever) can be an obstacle to giving and receiving love.

I think is important to try to grow and improve spiritually, emotionally, and physically throughout our lives. If you are having medical and weight issues, of course it would be a good idea to adress those issues.

But God loves you and you are worthy of love just the way you are now. Sure, work on your self-esteem and your weight and whatever issues you have going on (we all have SOMETHING that needs improving). But I don't think you have to sit on the sidelines until you have your issues resolved, because none of us will ever have our issues fully resolved. God loves us anyway, and our future mates will, too!


Shannan

Oct 2nd 2012 new

John
I so understand your dilemma. I too have been in a similar situation. I've been on a journey to lose weight, be healthier and a better me for about 3 years. Through it I've lost about 150 lbs, definitely gotten healthier, and changed so much about my life. One major thing is my relationship with Christ as it became Him that I relied on for perseverance through this journey and continue to do so.

My self esteem was in the toilet so to speak... but one thing I realized was that it was not the weight coming off that changed that. It was the realization that no matter what I look like on the outside it is the person I am on the inside that matters. It's my relationship with God and myself that matter.

I am sure I haven't really answered your question but my opinion is don't stop searching while you wait to be the person you think others want. We work on that always. Seek friendship. That's what starts first before anything more comes anyway... so maybe along the way you will find the true love of your life and it won't matter to that person what you look like anyway. They will fit you just the way you are inside and out.

Good luck and keep working at it. It's a tough road but one so worth traveling when it is all about improving you!

Melanie

Oct 3rd 2012 new

Wow it is truly amazing the love you all are showing. I thank you all and I can definitely take advice from each and every one of you. smile

Oct 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: Sorry to hear you're going through this difficult time. Low self esteem...
(Quote) David-364112 said:


Sorry to hear you're going through this difficult time. Low self esteem can not only impede our ability to find someone; it also makes it more difficult to keep someone.


Work on yourself, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I find that the more I change for the better, the better other people appear to me and I to them. I've suffered from terrible self esteem most of my life. In key situations I often hear a chorus of things that have been said to and about me over the past half a century and I stall or panic. Growing up my parents rarely had a good thing to say abou tme. During 20 years of marriage, my wife learned to beat that drum too. By the time I was 40, it nearly killed me. This is slowly getting better. Counselling, medical attention, and escpecially spiritual growth have helped this. But low self-esteem is a devil that will pursue me the rest of my life. I have to learn that these thoughts, the things that were said to/about me are NOT true. Someone special in my life is helping convince me of that. Sometimes I've nearly driven her off, not because of how I treat her, but because of how I treat myself. We must break free of this. Asking God to help me see myself as He sees me has helped the most.


Please address this now. Your life will improve.

--hide--
AMEN (TO THAT) BROTHER!! ( couldn't have said it better myself)!

Oct 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: I'm positive someone said something about accentuating the positive! Thank you, Dan-baby!
(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: I'm positive someone said something about accentuating the positive! Thank you, Dan-baby!
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You're welcome, Dawn! biggrin

Oct 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) John-593352 said: I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even...
(Quote) John-593352 said:

I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even scare them off. In the past 3 years I have had major weight gain and my self esteem has plummeted. I am currently on the right track in correcting this. First and foremost by making my relationship with God better. Is it premature of me to be looking for a mate while going through such an issue or should I work my way through the issue and build my confidence up then find a mate? I guess in this case friendship will be more suitable( i may have answered my own question). Interested in what you guys have to say.

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I think you should listen to God and see what he has to say. It sounds like you're angling towards friendship, but I do believe a person with low self esteem can date, but they can be self destructive in the effort, so caution is to be taken. I think a trap is to find your worth in the person you're dating and that's where I would suggest that you find your strength in God and make Him your foundation and build upon Him. I'd say keep working at growing in esteem and losing weight and date if you feel called.

Oct 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: Ray, thank you for always giving such helpful and welcoming answers to our new posters! You make us all lo...
(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: Ray, thank you for always giving such helpful and welcoming answers to our new posters! You make us all look good.
--hide--
Dawn -- you realize you look much better than I do.... biggrin

Oct 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: It helps that he's slightly cracked.
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:


It helps that he's slightly cracked.

--hide--
It's always such a pleasure to be flattered by you, Lina.... laughing

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