Hi Mary...It does sound as though you have many doubts about your abilities and what you can do and you're trying to focus on a disability you have. It certainly doesn't make you 'abnormal' It sounds like you are a wonderful, caring person and I hope that everything you want to have for your future comes true.
Let me tell you--all women--all of us have many doubts about our abilities and just how much we can take on, but take it from someone that has lived already a long, full life, we're strong, we're capable and we can certainly do many more things that we imagined. I have seen some wonderful stories of women (and men) who have beaten all odds to do unimaginable things in life, even in the face of adversity and some with disabilities. You are CAPABLE! Having kids, a husband, a job, and so many chores and responsibilities is a daunting order for most of us and most of us think we cannot do it all.
Several years ago (actually during the decade of the 80's) I saw a great special show with veteran journalist Barbara Walters. She chose as a topic to discuss whether or not women could really do it all--she wanted to talk about this "superwoman" that everyone was buzzing about then. She talked about herself, her own experiences with having a full, very demanding career, a husband, or two, children, a household to tend, etc. and posed the question to all of us as to whether it could all be done well. At that time, I, like her, had a career (with lots of travelling), a husband, 2 kids and a household to run--and I did it all. I wasn't sure how well I was doing it all, but I was doing it, and I thought I was doing it as well as I could. Nobody was complaining, least of all me.
I was born into a very culturally traditional family, where the wife stays at home, cleans, cooks and takes care of the kids; however, I was not that type of person, I wanted more, had a good education and decided that staying at home doing chores and watching kids was not all that I wanted to do. So I embarked on a career, where I would say I was successful and I liked it. Things were never perfect, because they never are, but they were as 'perfect' and 'normal' and they were going to be and I took care of it all, with a lot of help, that is, from my husband, who was a wonderful, supportive man, who also worked very hard, was a good father, a great husband and we made it work.
Getting back to Barbara Walters, she continued on about all the good and the "bad" things in trying to do it all and concluded that based on the many interviews she'd done and based on her own experience, she said, that "women cannot do it all 100%, 100% of the time, and that someone or something had to give, or was going to suffer as a result of it. She proclaimed, "you can't have it all! You can't have a perfect husband, a perfect job and perfect kids, all at the same time! No one can! I pondered everything I heard her say on the show and then, and over the years I decided she was right, except that "perfect" is not necesarily what we all want, or are realistic enough to understand it is not possible, but things can be perfectly imperfect in your life, and it is still OK. My husband was happy, my kids were happy, my boss was happy and I was happy, so what was the problem? Actually, there was no problem, other than the fact that I had to work A LOT to make it all happen. I was always busy doing something, going somewhere, going out of town, and was just simply lucky to have been one of those people for whom there were no impossibles, have a type-A personality, and was terrible organized (I blame this one on my Sun sign, Virgo.) and had to be. I had everything and everybody on a schedule. I got up everyday at 5:00 a.m., made sure I had breakfast (good and nutritious) on the table, made sure my kids looked nice and clean and ate before going to school, I made them lunch and started dinner for that evening. I showered, dressed, put on some makeup and off I went. I made dinner menus in my household for an entire month, and every week I would go buy whatever I was going to need to make the dinners on the menu for the week. I taught my husband how to cook simple things and he always helped and often made dinner for us, gave the kids a bath, did laundry and made sure he too did his "fair share" of the work. I took my kids to school and then I went to work in a very busy, demanding and stressful job. When I travelled, which was very often, I cooked ahead of time on the weekends and froze the food, so it was ready to just warm up and eat, or I'd tell my husband that he was "on his own" Sure, it was difficult for everybody when I was gone, most of all me, because I always felt that I was forgetting something or neglecting something, but truthfully, the worst that I remember happening was that my little girl would be crying when I talked to her from out of town because her dad didn't know how to braid her hair and her clothes didn't match when she got dressed for school. My husband didn't like it when I wasn't there, bacause he had to pull "double duty" and do it all himself. Not an easy task. But he did it, and I did it and everything was "perfect". Today, my children are grown up and they are wonderful, productive, well educated people, both with masters' degrees. My son is married and has 3 children of his own and he often tells me "mom, I don't know how you did it all", "we can't do it." And, I always tell him, "sure you can" You do it the same way I did. You get up very early, and work very hard all day; if you're lucky you can get 4-5 hours of sleep and you can do it and make it work, one day at a time, with the help of God and everybody else you can.
And, by the way, Barbara Walters was right, you can't do it all, perfectly well, all of the time. Someone or something suffers from it. I suffered when I was out of town, in some unfamiliar city, in a hotel room, and I was by myself; my husband wasn't there with me. I was always guilt-ridden. My husband "suffered" because he had to do "double duty" and learn to cook, although he never learned to braid my daughter's hair. My kids didn't suffer because even though they missed me, they got along just fine, dad took care of them, read to them at night, played with them, fed them and everyone was happy. Yeah, my husband had to miss a few football and baseball games, but he lived. My kids grew up "normal", in a loving, caring environment, with two parents taking care of them all the time and making sure their needs were met and my husband and I had a solid, loving marriage for 35 wonderful years. I am not Ann Romney, nor would I want to be. She and her husband have millions of dollars; I had to work for a living, to ensure we had everything we needed. When my husband died 2 years ago, he and I had a lot of time to sit and talk to each other about our lives together. He told me that he would do it all over again, that he loved me and that I had made him a better man. I think we made each other better and told him so. I loved him, I miss him terribly and I, too, would do it all over again.
Don't be afraid and full of self-doubt. God has given you a great deal of strength and he's helping you along the way. You can do it; it may no be perfect, but it will be near perfect. So, go out and do it.