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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

10/03/2012 new

(Quote) John-593352 said: I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even...
(Quote) John-593352 said:

I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even scare them off. In the past 3 years I have had major weight gain and my self esteem has plummeted. I am currently on the right track in correcting this. First and foremost by making my relationship with God better. Is it premature of me to be looking for a mate while going through such an issue or should I work my way through the issue and build my confidence up then find a mate? I guess in this case friendship will be more suitable( i may have answered my own question). Interested in what you guys have to say.

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John, I'm glad that you are encouraged by the support and experience of others who have had esteem issues. Just a guess, but probably everyone has had some esteem problems at one time or another, human nature being what it is. The problem is when it overwhelms us to a point where we don't function at our best and lose focus.

There's NOT one person who has posted here who should have self-esteem problems. They have shown themselves in the forums to have an excellent relationship with their Creator. As we all know, "God doesn't make no junk." We're created in His image. Tough to remember that occasionally, but it is true. Once people have built up a good spiritual foundation, other worldly matters fall into place.

You can certainly be thankful for your good qualities, which we hope you've thought about. What's good about yourself? Time to take inventory.

There will be others who relate their experiences and wisdom about how they overcame their problem. You would do well to re-read many of the excellent posts here to help lift your spirits.

By all means, let us know how you're doing. We'd like to hear about your progress, and continue to offer encouragement.

10/03/2012 new

(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: I'm positive someone said something about accentuating the positive! Thank you, Dan-baby!
(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: I'm positive someone said something about accentuating the positive! Thank you, Dan-baby!
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Yes -- someone did.....youtu.be

10/03/2012 new
(Quote) Ray-566531 said: (Quote) Dawn-58330 said: I'm positive someone said something about accentuating the positive!...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Quote:
Dawn-58330 said: I'm positive someone said something about accentuating the positive! Thank you, Dan-baby!

Yes -- someone did.....youtu.be

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My very favorite, Ray! Thank you. rose Did you know that Clint Eastwood recorded this one on the soundtrack for "In The Garden of Good and Evil"? It's a really good version. But I love Mercer's talent.
10/03/2012 new

(Quote) Ryan-900446 said: Low self-esteem will definitely cost you. Women like high self-esteem, perseverance, and positive thinkin...
(Quote) Ryan-900446 said: Low self-esteem will definitely cost you. Women like high self-esteem, perseverance, and positive thinking. They want you to be a man and be proud of who you are. They should want those things and you should want to give them a positive and happy you. You should have a positive outlook and make the best out of what you have and try hard to lose weight. The work that you put yourself through to lose and maintain your weight will pay off one way or another. I would tell you to make the best of what you have now and keep looking. Life is too short not to. You have to help yourself to improve your self-esteem with or without excess weight.
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Well said Ryan! thumbsup You've got to believe in yourself and not give up looking. When losing weight, you should do it for your health. Having confidence in yourself will help you find someone someday. Don't worry about making everyone happy and impressed because you can't.

10/03/2012 new

(Quote) John-593352 said: I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even...
(Quote) John-593352 said:

I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even scare them off. In the past 3 years I have had major weight gain and my self esteem has plummeted. I am currently on the right track in correcting this. First and foremost by making my relationship with God better. Is it premature of me to be looking for a mate while going through such an issue or should I work my way through the issue and build my confidence up then find a mate? I guess in this case friendship will be more suitable( i may have answered my own question). Interested in what you guys have to say.

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I think that low self-esteem could be an impediment because it involves negative thinking. If we are thinking negatively, then we probably aren't feeling real hopeful. And if we aren't feeling real hopeful, then we probably aren't going to go out of our way to take chances on meeting someone special. Of if we do come across someone special, we are likely to think they are too good for us & not want to waste their time.

In a spiritual sense, low self esteem could involve lack of faith, hope and trust in a higher power, that is God. If we think everything is on our shoulders and is contingent upon us, then of course, we have need to worry that we will not measure up.

And if we are all wrapped up in self-examination as to what we just know is wrong with us, how much attention do we have left for God who we are supposed to love with all our heart, mind and soul?

I read somewhere about a solution for the downcast is to worship God, because that involves lifting our eyes to heaven (away from ourselves & our perceived problems, so that they might be put into proper perspective). And we hope and pray that He will give us the strength to forebear.

10/03/2012 new

(Quote) Melissa-836977 said: I've often heard it say that you can not love another until you can learn to love ...
(Quote) Melissa-836977 said:

I've often heard it say that you can not love another until you can learn to love yourself. I actually just wrote a ton on this topic on here yesterday.

As far as waiting to work through a self-esteem issue before dating...that's tough to answer...I don't think I have one. Though, trying to use the affirmation from anyone else to assuage your feelings is not fair to the other person, will not help you in the long run, and will not create a healthy relationship. So, it's important to be honest to ourselves about our intentions. But, if we wait until we are perfectly happy with ourselves, we may be waiting forever because we all are flawed and that won't change. If we are constantly looking at one area, getting that under control won't make us happy. So many people think "if I only lost weight, I'd be happy" or "if I just found that special someone, I'd be happy" or "if I just made more money..." or "if I just knew how to pray better..." or...you get the idea. The problem is we can't control these things...sometimes we just have to learn to be happy with what we have.

We are also our worst critics. It's surprising what lists we have about our own issues that others simply wouldn't consider thinking about us. Yes, we can and should strive to be the best versions of ourselves...but that doesn't mean we can't love and be loved along the way. Because, we're never going to get there..perfection can only be found in God.

You know the saying "love is blind?" I don't believe that means we don't see things, or don't see clearly. What it means to me is that because love is a choice...we choose to see the real person. And, no, it's not easy. And a lot of people won't choose to see the real "us"...but it doesn't matter. The ones that don't choose to love you do not get to define you, either.

We are not numbers on a scale, hair styles, clothes, eye colors, handicaps, or even our interests. We are fearfully and wonderfully made in God's image. God is love. Therefore...we are supposed to be love. We are supposed to choose to love each other regardless of our faults but still encourage and help people to become their best...and we have to let them help us become our best.

Also...when trying to determine what to change about ourselves and what to work on approving...we have to be careful of the reason we are changing. Changing for someone else or what we thing someone else would want, isn't a good enough reason. If we try to use others as our measuring cup, we'll never be satisfied. We must listen to what we believe God wants us to do and to be. You are perfectly you...even with your imperfections. And, if you allow yourself to be open to love...love will find you, even if you don't think you are "good enough" for it yet. Because we are good enough.

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wonderful answer Melissa. Great thought and compassion went into your answer! Melanie

10/03/2012 new

Driving home tonight, I saw a Chruch sign that said:


"Jesus sees your worth even when others do not."


How true. Write this down and put it where you can see it often.

10/05/2012 new

(Quote) John-593352 said: I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even...
(Quote) John-593352 said:

I am wondering if low self esteem can ultimately keep you from finding "the one" or even scare them off. In the past 3 years I have had major weight gain and my self esteem has plummeted. I am currently on the right track in correcting this. First and foremost by making my relationship with God better. Is it premature of me to be looking for a mate while going through such an issue or should I work my way through the issue and build my confidence up then find a mate? I guess in this case friendship will be more suitable( i may have answered my own question). Interested in what you guys have to say.

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I think low self-esteem is an obstacle because love is not about receiving, it's about giving.


The good news is that you are already loved unconditionally by God, so you do have plenty of love to give. You just have to find it in yourself.


God bless!

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