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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Men, have you been on the phone or in correspondence, be honest:

Do you remember to actually ask a woman questions?

Do you all realize that this can help in your CREATING A RELATIONSHIP with a woman?

I know that some of you may do this but I feel I must state this as an important factor in building a relationship and building a connection.

I have some guys who drop me a not now and then. It would take almost nothing to ask a question or two..

Have you ever been on the phone and dominated the call with your own narrative and not asked a question? Be honest..

As a woman of 55, I don't need to be coy, I feel I can bring this up and ask this question without penalty. I have endured enough situations, where they forgot to ask a scintilla of a question..
Comments?

LOCKED
Oct 7th 2012 new

Men,


Have you been on the phone or in correspondence, (be honest)
and in these moments what happens?

Do you remember to actually ask a woman questions?

Do you all realize that this can help in your CREATING A RELATIONSHIP with a woman?

Do you want a connection with any woman?

I know that some of you may do this but I feel I must state this as an important factor in building a relationship and building a connection.

I have some guys who drop me a note now and then. It would take almost nothing to ask a question or two..
Dropping comments into my lap just is not much to get a conversation going, you know?

Have you ever been on the phone and dominated the call with your own narrative and not asked a question? Be honest..

Have you ever felt a woman is interviewing you? JHave you ever thought that maybe you should ask her even one question back?

As a woman of 55, I don't need to be coy, I feel I can bring this up and ask this question without penalty.

I have endured enough situations, where they forgot to ask a scintilla of a question..
Comments?

LOCKED
Oct 7th 2012 new

The title of this is supposed to be



Men, Do you ask a woman questions?


However, I made a typo or two and I put "as woman"




As women we probably ask questions very readily.

Do You?

I have been on the phone or in a situation where I will just DIRECT the call by asking questions!

Has any one of you thought to ask even one question to a gal?


LOCKED
Oct 7th 2012 new

24 views but no response. ..... Chirp Chirp crickets....

LOCKED
Oct 7th 2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: Men, have you been on the phone or in correspondence, be honest: Do you remember to actua...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

Men, have you been on the phone or in correspondence, be honest:

Do you remember to actually ask a woman questions?

Do you all realize that this can help in your CREATING A RELATIONSHIP with a woman?

I know that some of you may do this but I feel I must state this as an important factor in building a relationship and building a connection.

I have some guys who drop me a not now and then. It would take almost nothing to ask a question or two..

Have you ever been on the phone and dominated the call with your own narrative and not asked a question? Be honest..

As a woman of 55, I don't need to be coy, I feel I can bring this up and ask this question without penalty. I have endured enough situations, where they forgot to ask a scintilla of a question..
Comments?

--hide--
Marian, We share the same observation here. I recently had been dating a lovely lady who lives nearby. We dated for about six months- she finally got tired of just going out- I'm one of those "nice guys" who is afraid of moving a relationship forward and I don't seem to learn that it just doesn't work. Probably too late in my case. In retrospect, I could see her disinterest toward the end. Women do ask questions more than we do, I don't know why (at least in my experience). I did encourage her to talk about her life, and I'm not one of those people who dominate conversations or talk over others, but I should have asked her what she sought in a relationship, where she prefers to live (city girl, country boy), faith questions- she was Episcopalian, but I suspect more agnostic, and so forth. She asked questions and knew a lot more about me than I did her. I guess I was so enamored of her I didn't want to rock the boat. Wasn't the first time I've been banished to the dreaded "Friend Zone!" weeping

LOCKED
Oct 7th 2012 new

(Quote) Peter-449116 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: Men, have you been on the phone or in correspon...
(Quote) Peter-449116 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:

Men, have you been on the phone or in correspondence, be honest:

Do you remember to actually ask a woman questions?

Do you all realize that this can help in your CREATING A RELATIONSHIP with a woman?

I know that some of you may do this but I feel I must state this as an important factor in building a relationship and building a connection.

I have some guys who drop me a not now and then. It would take almost nothing to ask a question or two..

Have you ever been on the phone and dominated the call with your own narrative and not asked a question? Be honest..

As a woman of 55, I don't need to be coy, I feel I can bring this up and ask this question without penalty. I have endured enough situations, where they forgot to ask a scintilla of a question..
Comments?


Marian, We share the same observation here. I recently had been dating a lovely lady who lives nearby. We dated for about six months- she finally got tired of just going out- I'm one of those "nice guys" who is afraid of moving a relationship forward and I don't seem to learn that it just doesn't work. Probably too late in my case. In retrospect, I could see her disinterest toward the end. Women do ask questions more than we do, I don't know why (at least in my experience). I did encourage her to talk about her life, and I'm not one of those people who dominate conversations or talk over others, but I should have asked her what she sought in a relationship, where she prefers to live (city girl, country boy), faith questions- she was Episcopalian, but I suspect more agnostic, and so forth. She asked questions and knew a lot more about me than I did her. I guess I was so enamored of her I didn't want to rock the boat. Wasn't the first time I've been banished to the dreaded "Friend Zone!"

--hide--


Peter! When I read your discourse somewhere here months ago about being in a relationship- I figured you were safely on your way. heartbeat
What you have shared here is that
1. men are afraid to move the relationship to the next level.
2.They feel that by asking questions they will rock the boat.

Both good bits of information for us to know.
Guys note what peter shared...

Peter, Is there no way you can get back on board with this woman? Maybe she was not into Catholicism to the extent that you need? Perhaps due to that- she is nto the one for you? More comments?

You landed in the Friend Zone? You are sure?

Of course at this age we don't want to move too fast, assuming we know we should rush in- but we do need to discuss and check things out to see if there is any possibility---- YES.

This could be done by asking questions...

LOCKED
Oct 7th 2012 new
Hmmm.....crickets, Marian?

I think maybe men may not ask many questions, as they may not want to overstep and ask questions that are too personal, or may be deemed as not important to getting to know someone.

Also, I think the key to getting good and accurate information is to ask the person directly, and not others. We just have to trust that the individual will be honest with us. Much information for each indivudal is already given on their webpage here. Nobody wants to interrogate or be interrogated, drilled, or pumped for information, especially if the questions asked are too brash or invasive too early. Most everyone here knows that some questions will be part of a natural progression toward getting to know someone.

These are questions that I think are appropriate to ask

either female or male even if you don't know them well:

1. Will you vote Democrat or a Republican this election?

2. Are you currently regularly dating anyone?

3. What is your occupation?

4. Do your parents live with you or nearby?

5. Questions about views on Catholic issues

6. Questions about who the individual interacts with regularly

7. Questions about issues or hobbies that are important to the person

The questions that a person asks will tell a lot about the person.

The openess of responses will tell a lot about a person.

Everyone has to be careful about accidently hitting upon a raw nerve of the other. These are questions to probably avoid at first but will unfold probably, as trust is developed:

1. How long have you been unemployed?

2. Why did you miss mass last week?

3. Why did your last relationship not work out?

4. Any direct financial questions, e.g., what is your monthly income

5. Why did you not marry the person who you had a serious relationship with?

6. What, if any, medications do you take?

7. Why did you divorce, or your parents divorce?

8. How much do you weigh?

9. Why did you not finish college?

10. Are you gay? Bisexual?

11. How did your spouse, other family, die early?

12. Is there a reason why you are still single?

Some of the answers to these questions will unfold as the two build trust, but the trust must be built first.

Some questions that may be important to someone, can be asked in jest, such as

1. As far as lifestyle at home, would you say that you prefer to live:

a. Always clean and orderly home: everything has its place

b. Usually clean and orderly home, but a little relaxed if I am very busy

c. Moderately clean and orderly most of the time

d. A bit disorderly, but I can live with someone who is more orderly

e. Prefer a bit disorderly, and don't want anyone who will move my things

to places that I cannot find them when I need them

I mention this as an issue, as I find that people are very different regarding this issue. To some this issue is very important, to others not, and some are in the middle.

Hope I didn't step on any toes. This writing is not thinking of any one person in particular.
LOCKED
Oct 7th 2012 new
Also, I mention the orderly/disorderly living question, as it is also very subjective. Most people, I find, can and will joke about how they live.

For those of us with mothers who raised us in the 1950's and 1960's, and fathers too, this was a period in the USA that developed "neatniks." Most everyone, especially the Catholic, had a mother who was a housewife working at home raising children during some part of this period.

If a large part of your job is keeping a clean and orderly home, probably most would attempt to do it very good, unless of course there are many children at home, which makes keeping a neat and orderly home, nearly impossible.

What I have observed, is that the children from this period, either really do not want a "neatnik," around them, or are very used to having things kept neat and organized. boggled
LOCKED
Oct 7th 2012 new
Some of the questions that need to be asked, may seem trivial and unnecessary, but they do need to be addressed, as they may be very important for the two to get along or be able to live together peaceably.

The roles of both men and women in marriage can be so variable, that assuptions cannot be made.

For example, a past colleague of mine, who I do not know well,

told me that she and her new husband got a divorce after a year of marriage for the following reason. The reason appears to be very trivial, but it does create a question of assumptions of marriage roles. Neither is Catholic:

The issue was: Who would cook the meals for the couple?

Blinded by love

Both were in their 20's, and working toward their professional careers.

Both worked during the day and often late into the early evening.

Both were the star children of mothers who had cooked all of their meals, all of their lives. Both had parents who had catered to these star childrens' needs, and had invested into the childrens' lives.

Both had important careers that they wanted to invest their time into the development of the career.

Neither knew how to cook, as neither ever had to.

Both made serious assumptions about their marital roles going into the marriage. The question of who was responsible for cooking the meals became a serious issue that the couple could not resolve!
LOCKED
Oct 7th 2012 new
I just love how most posts in this topic, especially by the women, seem to have a very pointed sexism about them. They just generically say "men" as though all men share exactly the same qualities, personalities, skills, and weaknesses. We are not interchangeable, there may be similarities between the guys that you have corresponded with in a particular age bracket, but do not think or act as if all men are exactly the same because they are men. It's quite insulting. And just to prove my point and add some relevance to the topic; I usually find myself asking the most questions in my conversations on CM or elsewhere. For the record, there's nothing heated about this post, this is not written in anger or resentment, simply common sense and fair mindedness.
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