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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Oct 7th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: i spent the first 9 months of my life in the St Vincent De Paul Infant's Home. My original bi...
(Quote) David-364112 said:

i spent the first 9 months of my life in the St Vincent De Paul Infant's Home. My original birth certificate (i was issued a new on after the adoption became final) has my birth mother's name but no father.


so i am illiegitimate. and if any unctuous self-righteous git wants to make something of that, i'll rip the bark right off the ignorant jerk while "mama bear" watches.


our parish was in an uproar about 18 years ago because a single woman had a child and wanted him christened. the priest was fine with it, but the married women with young kids went rabid. so the priest threw a shower for the young single mother and invited all the yard dogs plus many other women of the parish.

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A fear bear warning! Please watch out for Mama bear, she is not going to stand by watch!!! Bear Aware! laughing

Oct 7th 2012 new

(Quote) Cindy-534370 said: A fear bear warning! Please watch out for Mama bear, she is not going to stand by watch!!! Be...
(Quote) Cindy-534370 said:


A fear bear warning! Please watch out for Mama bear, she is not going to stand by watch!!! Bear Aware!

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ROOOOAAAR! shocked surfing

Oct 7th 2012 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: (Quote) Cindy-534370 said: A fear bear warning! Please watch out for M...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:

Quote:
Cindy-534370 said:


A fear bear warning! Please watch out for Mama bear, she is not going to stand by watch!!! Bear Aware!



ROOOOAAAR!

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laughing Wow....Mama bear!

Oct 8th 2012 new

Hi Alice,


Whoever asked you if your children were illegitimate was an uninformed idiot. Your children are absolutely legitimate. I am sorry that you were in such a closed minded parish that someone said you could not attend mass without your husband. Divorce is still acceptable in the eyes of the church. It is not their favorite scenario, but the moral actions of the husband and wife after the divorce are what determine if a person can still attend mass and receive communion. My annulment took 3 years (because the diocese of Minneapolis/St. Paul is huge and I was waiting for the response of an expert in another state). The church I attend is not liberal by any means, but I never felt as though I was being looked down upon. I knew in my heart that I was living a good, Catholic life. Honestly, I think the way I am living my life right now is the best role model my kids could ever have for when they reach puberty and remember that I was strong enough to live up to the morals I promote.


That being said, Minnesota is now in the process of passing a Marriage Act that designates marriage as the union of one man and one woman. There has been a lot of talk about divorce in our church over the past few months and my 2nd grade daughter has been listening and asking a lot of question. I have tried to answer her questions as honestly and openly as possible without making her father sound like a horrible person (which isn't easy, his actions speak very loudly on his own). Even so, I tell my daughter that our family is stronger in God without her father. She has many other good men around her as her roll models (we live with my brother). Just today I told her that the divorce in our family was allowed by the church because it will help our family grow closer to God. I am surrounded with families that have both parents and I have to admit I am a bit jealous. But, I also know that I am doing the best I can with what God gave me and more important than finding a father for our family is raising good kids that don't go out and make the same mistakes that I did.


God forgives those who make positive changes in their lives to bring us closer to him. Sometimes it takes a divorce to bring us closer to him, and I think more people know that than don't. The next time someone questions you being a divorced Catholic with kids, tell them that they need to read their catechism a little more closely.

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said:   Lisa, is legitimacy simply a civil legal term or is it also eccles...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:

 


Lisa, is legitimacy simply a civil legal term or is it also ecclesial? I thought it was the former.

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Alice,

The Code of Canon Law does use the term "illegitimate" at times when referring to children, as in the chapter "The Effects of Marriage":

 

§2 (1138). Children born at least 180 days after the day when the marriage was celebrated or within 300 days from the day of the dissolution of conjugal life are presumed to be legitimate.

Can. 1139 Illegitimate children are legitimated by the subsequent valid or putative marriage of their parents or by a rescript of the Holy See.

Can. 1140 As regards canonical effects, legitimated children are equal in all things to legitimate ones unless the law has expressly provided otherwise.

The overarching acknowledgement is that children are a gift from God and should be regarded as such. - Lisa

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: Good priest. Give him a pat on the head and a priestly treat. Yes. Somehow, as my marriage...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:

Good priest. Give him a pat on the head and a priestly treat.

Yes. Somehow, as my marriage exploded, the ground shook at my very conservative parish and people whom I thought were friends shied away, shunned my children, and one woman told me I should not attend Mass without my husband.

It must have been the leopard-skin mini-dress.

I've since found a different parish and I have prayerful support and peace.

David, you get a

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thanks. human nature is unpleasant. i was thrilled to see the priest rub their self righteous noses in their own doo-doo by holding that shower. to the horror of the good matrons of the parish, he conducted the baptism with great fanfare at the high mass. the god mother was the queen bee of the parish, an older devout woman from italy who ran most parish functions with an iron fist. with this level of suipport for the unwed mother, the sort of youngish wives' nasty opposition shrivelled and withered. i was delighted and said so. of course, when my wife decided she'd be better off without me, old scores were settled in a concerted and particularly unpleasant manner. oh well.


how DARE that awful woman tell you to stay away from mass without your husband!! seen in the best light, some married women are very fearful of losing their husbands. divorced women and single mothgers give face to that fear so the good matrons believe they ought to be shunned and mistreated. seen in a less flattering light, . . . well, i won't go there.


no child is illegitmate. that is an anachronism.

Oct 8th 2012 new

Let me correct myself based on Lisa's post: Canon law uses the word "illegitimate so that status continues to exist, but it also erases the distinction between legitimate and illegitmate.


Why? Because all children are gifts from God. All have great potential. It is and unconscionably evil thing to tarnish a child for the misdeeds of the parents. That sort of attitude has no place in our Holy Church. None. Let the naysayers bleat and prattle all they like about marriage and values. All that is good and right. But NEVER punish a child for the actions of the parents.

Oct 8th 2012 new

Can I hear an Amen? Praying

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Melissia-884521 said: God forgives those who make positive changes in their lives to bring us closer to him. Som...
(Quote) Melissia-884521 said:


God forgives those who make positive changes in their lives to bring us closer to him. Sometimes it takes a divorce to bring us closer to him, and I think more people know that than don't. The next time someone questions you being a divorced Catholic with kids, tell them that they need to read their catechism a little more closely.

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Thanks, Melissia. Welcome to the fora! I am also in the Twin Cities. Yes, it has taken awhile for me to develop a thicker skin to let these things bounce off, but by God's grace, the slings and arrows are mostly misfires and very few strike the mark. When they do, God heals and I forgive. As David mentioned, there may be a fear of the issues in their own marriages, a fear of scandal, perhaps a little jealousy that I'm no longer steeped in the same misery. If such comments make them feel better - well, they have their reward. Hope that bit of gossip was worth it.

Oct 9th 2012 new

Thank you for the welcome biggrin

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