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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Cave In or Smart Move

Oct 7th 2012 new

When a person you meet tells you...he/she really means:

1. "I'm just dating, right now"

He is seeing others as well, not just you, although you are on the measuring stick, so you COULD be a possibility.

Cave In: Take it as it is and stay for the next insult.

Smart Move: Pick up your cell phone and pretend you are dialing your friend and say,while looking him/her straight in the eye, "Hey girl/dude, just exiting someone else's chance for a crappy future." And keep walking.

2. "I just wanna have fun!":

He/she has no intention of making you a permanent because all they wanna do is have FUN!

Cave In: Go have a fun time with this one-timer and hope you don't expect another date.

Smart Move: Tell him/her, "yeah me, too!" And walk away because they get bored easily and once the fun is over, so are you.

3. "My kids are important to me..."

Cave In: You think this is a sweet thing to say and believe how sweet and natural that he loves his kids and that makes him a great dad. You feel he would be great with your kids and therefore a great family man.

Smart Move: Think about the other side of the coin. Did he have to remind you that they only matter, not this date, nor you? FOCUS! Would he make a decent spouse, anyway to pin you as second in line? A good dad isn't going to remind his date that he loves his kids, 'cause eventually its going to show naturally. Dating talk tells it all, even on the first date. Next!

4. "I dont know..." You asked about where this dating scenario is going.

Cave In: I don't know is better than NO.

Smart Move: NO it isn't. I don't know means uncertainty and indecisiveness. He/she should be history when those words were spoken.

5. His/her profile has interesting statements and pics make him look as if he is the life of the party.

Cave In: You want to include yourself with someone who has interesting activities in his/her life because they make life an adventure!

Smart Move: They have to upsize themselves to attract dates. Most of those pics are taken when they did that activity ONCE. Ask him/her what they do for quiet or alone time.

6. "I'm busy alot"

Cave In: That is great! You are a self-made person therefore, you are a hard-working, worthy, productive person.

Smart Move: These words are telling you "I will make excuses when I get tired of paying for the dates." Ask, why are they ready to date if they are so busy?

7. You ask, "So when do I get to meet your friends/family?" He says, "in due time."

Cave In: You accept that he/she is right and that it WILL happen in due time.

Smart Move: If you have to ask that question in the first place, that means his family and friends are meaningful to you. But "in due time" means, not now and probably not ever because you don't fit the mold of the woman/man I would be proud to present to my family/friends.

more to come...

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Ana-840226 said: When a person you meet tells you...he/she really means: 1. "I'm just dating, right ...
(Quote) Ana-840226 said:

When a person you meet tells you...he/she really means:

1. "I'm just dating, right now"

He is seeing others as well, not just you, although you are on the measuring stick, so you COULD be a possibility.

Cave In: Take it as it is and stay for the next insult.

Smart Move: Pick up your cell phone and pretend you are dialing your friend and say,while looking him/her straight in the eye, "Hey girl/dude, just exiting someone else's chance for a crappy future." And keep walking.

2. "I just wanna have fun!":

He/she has no intention of making you a permanent because all they wanna do is have FUN!

Cave In: Go have a fun time with this one-timer and hope you don't expect another date.

Smart Move: Tell him/her, "yeah me, too!" And walk away because they get bored easily and once the fun is over, so are you.

3. "My kids are important to me..."

Cave In: You think this is a sweet thing to say and believe how sweet and natural that he loves his kids and that makes him a great dad. You feel he would be great with your kids and therefore a great family man.

Smart Move: Think about the other side of the coin. Did he have to remind you that they only matter, not this date, nor you? FOCUS! Would he make a decent spouse, anyway to pin you as second in line? A good dad isn't going to remind his date that he loves his kids, 'cause eventually its going to show naturally. Dating talk tells it all, even on the first date. Next!

4. "I dont know..." You asked about where this dating scenario is going.

Cave In: I don't know is better than NO.

Smart Move: NO it isn't. I don't know means uncertainty and indecisiveness. He/she should be history when those words were spoken.

5. His/her profile has interesting statements and pics make him look as if he is the life of the party.

Cave In: You want to include yourself with someone who has interesting activities in his/her life because they make life an adventure!

Smart Move: They have to upsize themselves to attract dates. Most of those pics are taken when they did that activity ONCE. Ask him/her what they do for quiet or alone time.

6. "I'm busy alot"

Cave In: That is great! You are a self-made person therefore, you are a hard-working, worthy, productive person.

Smart Move: These words are telling you "I will make excuses when I get tired of paying for the dates." Ask, why are they ready to date if they are so busy?

7. You ask, "So when do I get to meet your friends/family?" He says, "in due time."

Cave In: You accept that he/she is right and that it WILL happen in due time.

Smart Move: If you have to ask that question in the first place, that means his family and friends are meaningful to you. But "in due time" means, not now and probably not ever because you don't fit the mold of the woman/man I would be proud to present to my family/friends.

more to come...

--hide--

Wow, I haven't had to get to a Cave In/Smart Move place, maybe because I specifically spell out what I am looking for right in my profile, which I feel covers most of your 7 situations:



I am looking for someone who is ready to consider a serious, long-term relationship, one possibly leading to marriage. (I'm figuring between the "I am raising 3 teens" and the "m" word, I will lose many of you, lol!) Knowing I have teens, I need someone who can see them as the blessings that they are and is willing to stand by my side to provide the solid, Catholic role modeling that they need while simply doing fun things together. Since I seem to be a "works-of-service" type of gal, I'm looking for someone who is interested in doing volunteer work, possibly heading up a ministry or doing mission work at some point.


I also have that I would prefer to meet, as a first F2F, by doing some sort of volunteer work, so the issue of them paying or not isn't, well, an issue.

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Ana-840226 said: When a person you meet tells you...he/she really means: 1. "I'm just dating, right ...
(Quote) Ana-840226 said:

When a person you meet tells you...he/she really means:

1. "I'm just dating, right now"

He is seeing others as well, not just you, although you are on the measuring stick, so you COULD be a possibility.

Cave In: Take it as it is and stay for the next insult.

Smart Move: Pick up your cell phone and pretend you are dialing your friend and say,while looking him/her straight in the eye, "Hey girl/dude, just exiting someone else's chance for a crappy future." And keep walking.

4. "I dont know..." You asked about where this dating scenario is going.

Cave In: I don't know is better than NO.

Smart Move: NO it isn't. I don't know means uncertainty and indecisiveness. He/she should be history when those words were spoken.

7. You ask, "So when do I get to meet your friends/family?" He says, "in due time."

Cave In: You accept that he/she is right and that it WILL happen in due time.

Smart Move: If you have to ask that question in the first place, that means his family and friends are meaningful to you. But "in due time" means, not now and probably not ever because you don't fit the mold of the woman/man I would be proud to present to my family/friends.

--hide--


scratchchin Yep... and usually work in tandem.


theheart

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Ana-840226 said: When a person you meet tells you...he/she really means: 3. "My kids are import...
(Quote) Ana-840226 said:

When a person you meet tells you...he/she really means:

3. "My kids are important to me..."

Cave In: You think this is a sweet thing to say and believe how sweet and natural that he loves his kids and that makes him a great dad. You feel he would be great with your kids and therefore a great family man.

Smart Move: Think about the other side of the coin. Did he have to remind you that they only matter, not this date, nor you? FOCUS! Would he make a decent spouse, anyway to pin you as second in line? A good dad isn't going to remind his date that he loves his kids, 'cause eventually its going to show naturally. Dating talk tells it all, even on the first date. Next!

--hide--


Women over-analyze everything. This one quip about the man's kids is patently offensive to me as a father and as a man. Look at what you just said. How dare you?!?!?!

Oct 8th 2012 new

(((Ana)))

:-) Waiting for more!!

Awesome!!

Bless you!

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: Women over-analyze everything. This one quip about the man's kids is patently of...
(Quote) David-364112 said:


Women over-analyze everything. This one quip about the man's kids is patently offensive to me as a father and as a man. Look at what you just said. How dare you?!?!?!

--hide--



David, I agree with you. I found that one insulting as well. That is one of those things that I have said a lot. Plus if the man has kids I want to know they are important to him with words and actions.

And just because a parent says this does not mean that they will put their spouse second.

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: Women over-analyze everything. This one quip about the man's kids is patently of...
(Quote) David-364112 said:


Women over-analyze everything. This one quip about the man's kids is patently offensive to me as a father and as a man. Look at what you just said. How dare you?!?!?!

--hide--
I agree, David, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a man saying that his kids are important. Most of us who have kids at home, and even those with grown kids, may easily comment how important they are. Those of us who have kids at home know that they are part of the package. I could not have committed to a man who overlooked my foster sons. So, I think that a smart move would be to accept this as a fact and recognize that this man is dedicated to his kids. I see this as a plus and not a minus!

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Beth-621047 said: I see this as a plus and not a minus!
(Quote) Beth-621047 said:

I see this as a plus and not a minus!

--hide--


Why does it have to be either a "plus" or "minus" anyway? Why can't it just be right? I would never expect a gal to put me above her children. In fact, I'd be more wary of a gal who didn't say that, next to God, her kid(s) were the most important part of her life.

theheart

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Angela-893980 said: David, I agree with you. I found that one insulting as well. That is one of those th...
(Quote) Angela-893980 said:




David, I agree with you. I found that one insulting as well. That is one of those things that I have said a lot. Plus if the man has kids I want to know they are important to him with words and actions.

And just because a parent says this does not mean that they will put their spouse second.

--hide--


and here we thought the wicked stepmother was just a literary stereotype. why do some women resent a man's children from a previous marriage??

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Victor-544727 said: Why does it have to be either a "plus" or "minus" anyway? Why c...
(Quote) Victor-544727 said:


Why does it have to be either a "plus" or "minus" anyway? Why can't it just be right? I would never expect a gal to put me above her children. In fact, I'd be more wary of a gal who didn't say that, next to God, her kid(s) were the most important part of her life.

--hide--
Sounds like we agree, Victor, don't we? rose Opposite of right is wrong and wrong is still a minus in my book! scratchchin

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