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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

You all have heard me talk about a great Christian singles e magazine called Boundless. They have a good article today called "Singleness Gut Check," talking about a book called "The Singlehood Phenomenon" by Drs. Beverly and Tom Rodgers.

Here the link:

www.boundlessline.org

And here is the very interesting list. Does anyone see themselves?

1. Skepticism About Love and Marriage

“I’d rather be alone than in a bad marriage.”

2. Lack of Faith in God’s Provision

“I’m not sure if I have a soul mate.”

3. Unresolved Issues From the Past

“I always seem to attract unhealthy people.”

4. Confusion About the Rules

“I don’t even know how to date.”

5. A Poor Understanding of the Purpose of Marriage

“I think being single may be an easier way to live.”

6. Fear of Getting Hurt

“I don’t want to be hurt again.”

7. Wanting the Perfect Mate

“I’m not a perfectionist; I’m just picky.”

8. Not Dealing with Prior Heartbreak

“I don’t want to feel the pain.”

9. An Unbalanced Focus on Career

“I want to be established before I get married.”

10. Concern That the Marriage Will Fail

“I don’t want to get divorced.”


Oct 11th 2012 new

You left out selfishness. So many people are focused on self rather than to love sacrificially.

Oct 11th 2012 new

That is very true. I admit Im guilty of some of those.

Oct 11th 2012 new

That is a pretty comprehensive list. Thank you for providing the link to the magazine. I am going to check it out.

Oct 11th 2012 new

I thought the comments after the original article were very interesting. I am reading Dorothy Cummings-MacLean's book, Seraphic Singles, and I would like to put forth one more reason that singles are not getting married and I am taking it her Preface:

"Not every woman who wants to get married gets married. This is the cold hard fact from which many of us run."

The author focuses on single Catholic women, but I would imagine that the same could be said for single Catholic men.

I suppose that it might be disheartening if one was to read the list provided, know that one does not fit the criterion of that list at all, and is still single.

There is only so much a person can do. If no one ever proposes, you cannot control that. If no one ever accepts a proposal, you cannot control that.

I know that there are many people who firmly believe in the idea that if you want something bad enough, you just have to put everything in to it, but in this case, we need to remember that we cannot control the behaviour, desire, feelings, or minds of other people. That is out of our control.


Oct 11th 2012 new

Colleen, I totally agree.

The two that resonate the most, that I think I see in people the most, are:

5. A Poor Understanding of the Purpose of Marriage

7. Wanting the Perfect Mate

I think the selfishness issue comes along in both of them. Marriage is sacrificial, and people don't see it that way. They think that marriage is supposed to "make me happy" not "make me holy."

And the forever search for the perfect person will always end in heartache.

I can't believe how many (and may I say, especially men) are 'sacrificing the very good on the altar of the perfect' every day. And how that will leave many alone at the end of that game.

The whole thing is very sad to me.

Oct 11th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: You all have heard me talk about a great Christian singles e magazine called Boundless. They have a g...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

You all have heard me talk about a great Christian singles e magazine called Boundless. They have a good article today called "Singleness Gut Check," talking about a book called "The Singlehood Phenomenon" by Drs. Beverly and Tom Rodgers.

Here the link:

www.boundlessline.org

And here is the very interesting list. Does anyone see themselves?

1. Skepticism About Love and Marriage

“I’d rather be alone than in a bad marriage.”

2. Lack of Faith in God’s Provision

“I’m not sure if I have a soul mate.”

3. Unresolved Issues From the Past

“I always seem to attract unhealthy people.”

4. Confusion About the Rules

“I don’t even know how to date.”

5. A Poor Understanding of the Purpose of Marriage

“I think being single may be an easier way to live.”

6. Fear of Getting Hurt

“I don’t want to be hurt again.”

7. Wanting the Perfect Mate

“I’m not a perfectionist; I’m just picky.”

8. Not Dealing with Prior Heartbreak

“I don’t want to feel the pain.”

9. An Unbalanced Focus on Career

“I want to be established before I get married.”

10. Concern That the Marriage Will Fail

“I don’t want to get divorced.”

--hide--
Do you think it would be appropriate to say that this shows how people/we have confused Christian standards with worldly understandings?

Oct 11th 2012 new

Pat,

Thank you for stating this so eloquently. Now as I see the two written together as you explained it, these do seem to be the most apparent reasons from what I have experienced. I'm sure being afraid of getting hurt, and some of the others stem from some type of dysfunction in their upbringning; which may have manifested into this selfishness or self focus. I've always believed that lack of love creates a self focus and it takes the grace of God over a long period of time to redirect oneself outwardly towards loving another individual unconditionally. It is a decision to love another, acting out on faith and trusting God. I agree it is very sad to me as well, and frustrating. I do notice it among men more so than women, but do know women who have fallen prey to this way of thinking as well.

Oct 11th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: 7. Wanting the Perfect Mate I think the selfishness issue comes alon...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

7. Wanting the Perfect Mate

I think the selfishness issue comes along in both of them. Marriage is sacrificial, and people don't see it that way. They think that marriage is supposed to "make me happy" not "make me holy."

And the forever search for the perfect person will always end in heartache.

I can't believe how many (and may I say, especially men) are 'sacrificing the very good on the altar of the perfect' every day. And how that will leave many alone at the end of that game.

--hide--

Re 7. Wanting the Perfect Mate.

To add my opinion, if people would just come down to earth, AND I DON'T MEAN TO SETTLE, and pursue people who are more on the same level physically (looks, age, weight, etc) instead of insisting on seeking potential mates of better physical appearance than themselves, I believe alot more relationships would at least get off the ground.

Oct 11th 2012 new
Pat, the list you gave seemed to show a lack of trust in God. I can understand why so many don't have trust in God because of the culture's efforts to remove God from the world. This lack of trust sends people in the wrong direction looking for the perfect mate.

JP II's Rgeology of the Body describes earthly marriage as the foreahadowing of the eternal marriage of God and His church. People are looking for perfection here instead of eternity. Through my life experiences I'd say the only one I saw myself in is how well does this lady understand God's role in the marriage?
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