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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Dating with "baggage"

10/18/2012 new
I've read several forums on CM.......different topics, but several people refer to a single parent with children as an individual with "baggage". Well, I'm one of those with "baggage", but I prefer to call them blessings!!! I'm a 30 year old mother of 2 wonderful boys. I don't think of them as baggage at all of course, I'm their mom. I just don't like the term. Lately I've been wondering if my already having children in putting people off??? I've had lots of people view my profile, but not make the effort to contact me. I know I'm not everyone's "cup of tea", but surely I have something in common with someone. Lately I'm feeling that my being a single mother has put me in some mystery taboo land that shouldn't be approached. Anyone out there in the same boat?
10/18/2012 new

(Quote) Valerie-880801 said:I've read several forums on CM.......different topics, but several people refer to a single parent ...
(Quote) Valerie-880801 said:I've read several forums on CM.......different topics, but several people refer to a single parent with children as an individual with "baggage". Well, I'm one of those with "baggage", but I prefer to call them blessings!!! I'm a 30 year old mother of 2 wonderful boys. I don't think of them as baggage at all of course, I'm their mom. I just don't like the term. Lately I've been wondering if my already having children in putting people off??? I've had lots of people view my profile, but not make the effort to contact me. I know I'm not everyone's "cup of tea", but surely I have something in common with someone. Lately I'm feeling that my being a single mother has put me in some mystery taboo land that shouldn't be approached. Anyone out there in the same boat?
--hide--


Valerie,

I am totally with you on the dislike of calling children "baggage". I count my children as one of my biggest blessings. I am sure there are those who are not interested in helping to raise another mans children. I am equally as sure there are those out there who will consider your children a blessing and love them as much as you do. Keep faith! God has a man out there for you and your children. When the time is right everything will fall into place. Continue to pray daily.

And yes, I am in the same boat! Got a paddle? Know any good rowing songs?

10/21/2012 new

I wonder the same thing. Is having children the reason people don't communicate? My children, who I refer to as the cherubs (never as the luggage, though sometimes they do carry on:) are awesome. Anyone who has taken the time to get to know me realizes that. My first husband had a twelve year old daughter when I met him. There was never a question about her being part of his life. That was something so special about him. I knew first hand what a great father he was. I love having her in my life. She, too, is a real blessing.

I figure at my age, most people would rather plan their retirement versus putting two people through college. They don't know my plan for that because they haven't asked. Another thing I wonder is if they worry about gaining acceptance. Relationships take work to strengthen and it takes more when you are trying to gel into a family. I watch my son and am sad there is no man in our home to watch sports with him or teach him how to be a man of God. But as I watch him grow, I see him living the lessons of faith and refining an already great sense of humor, and I think it isn't him that is missing out, it is others.

I don't fret about the men who look and don't leave a message. I figure they just aren't ready for us, yet. Funny thing is, I dog sat this week and that little girl fit in with all of us. The owner who spends a lot of time away wants to give me her dog as she can't give it the attention she needs. We've already decided if she can give her up, we'll welcome her immediately. For the right man, it would be the same.

10/21/2012 new

I don't care for that term either. But I think something else to considered to be "baggage" is the drama we have have in our lives. That could be how things are with an ex-spouse. Like is there bitterness that affects the new relationship, custody disputes, legal and financial problems, etc.

I don't consider children to be baggage either and you are right, they are blessings! And now it goes both ways, there are lots of men who have either full custody, share, or are widowed raising children on their own.

Cat

(Quote) Valerie-880801 said: I've read several forums on CM.......different topics, but several people refer to a single parent...
(Quote) Valerie-880801 said: I've read several forums on CM.......different topics, but several people refer to a single parent with children as an individual with "baggage". Well, I'm one of those with "baggage", but I prefer to call them blessings!!! I'm a 30 year old mother of 2 wonderful boys. I don't think of them as baggage at all of course, I'm their mom. I just don't like the term. Lately I've been wondering if my already having children in putting people off??? I've had lots of people view my profile, but not make the effort to contact me. I know I'm not everyone's "cup of tea", but surely I have something in common with someone. Lately I'm feeling that my being a single mother has put me in some mystery taboo land that shouldn't be approached. Anyone out there in the same boat?
--hide--

10/21/2012 new

(Quote) Valerie-880801 said: I've read several forums on CM.......different topics, but several people refer to a single parent...
(Quote) Valerie-880801 said: I've read several forums on CM.......different topics, but several people refer to a single parent with children as an individual with "baggage". Well, I'm one of those with "baggage", but I prefer to call them blessings!!! I'm a 30 year old mother of 2 wonderful boys. I don't think of them as baggage at all of course, I'm their mom. I just don't like the term. Lately I've been wondering if my already having children in putting people off??? I've had lots of people view my profile, but not make the effort to contact me. I know I'm not everyone's "cup of tea", but surely I have something in common with someone. Lately I'm feeling that my being a single mother has put me in some mystery taboo land that shouldn't be approached. Anyone out there in the same boat?
--hide--
Don't be discouraged. If you think about it, your're sorting out the wheat from the chaff. Those who step forward will be more inclined to step into the role of a stepparent.

Past a certain age, we all have what some people call "baggage". It may be children in the household, some elements of our past that we' rather forget about, medical problems, and a host of other things. My preference is to call this "history", not baggage. We all have a history.

It may be more difficult to find someone for various reasons. Some people might not feel comfortable stepping into the role of parent right away. Others might be considering the financial aspects of it and feel they can't afford an extra mouth or two to feed.

Single parents (men and women) face difficulties that are difficult for others to understand. They work extra hard to maintain a household, probably a job, and raising their children. On this site and elsewhere, I've often referred to single parents as living saints, considering what they go through.

Being a single parent is a special status in life. It may take a little longer for someone to step forward, but it will happen. Perhaps there are some men who review your profile and pass because of your built-in family, but this isn't always the case. There are countless members who spend a lot of time browsing just to see what's out there.

Be the best person and mother that you can be in the meantime. Hopefully, you have relatives or close friends for moral support -- they can help you keep up your spirits. For stability and a long lasting marriage, you will want to find that extra-special person. It can be worth the wait.

10/21/2012 new

Yes! I have had several people view my profile as well, but only a few make contact. I have talked to 4-5 times as many women friends as I have guys.

10/22/2012 new

(Quote) Cat-163322 said: I don't care for that term either. But I think something else to considered to be "baggage...
(Quote) Cat-163322 said:

I don't care for that term either. But I think something else to considered to be "baggage" is the drama we have have in our lives. That could be how things are with an ex-spouse. Like is there bitterness that affects the new relationship, custody disputes, legal and financial problems, etc.

I don't consider children to be baggage either and you are right, they are blessings! And now it goes both ways, there are lots of men who have either full custody, share, or are widowed raising children on their own.

Cat

--hide--
What you say is true, Cat. There are male single parents on this site (and everywhere else for that matter) who are encountering the same difficulties. See my comments about my own thoughts about single parents. I can't begin to imagine the difficulties they face.

Many of them are so worn out they can't even begin to find the time or energy to go out on a date, much less begin a relationship with someone.

Our crosses come in many forms, but so do blessings (the children). They may wear you ragged, but they are providing the incentive to keep you going and doing your best.

10/22/2012 new

(Quote) Valerie-880801 said: I've read several forums on CM.......different topics, but several people refer to a single parent...
(Quote) Valerie-880801 said: I've read several forums on CM.......different topics, but several people refer to a single parent with children as an individual with "baggage". Well, I'm one of those with "baggage", but I prefer to call them blessings!!! I'm a 30 year old mother of 2 wonderful boys. I don't think of them as baggage at all of course, I'm their mom. I just don't like the term. Lately I've been wondering if my already having children in putting people off??? I've had lots of people view my profile, but not make the effort to contact me. I know I'm not everyone's "cup of tea", but surely I have something in common with someone. Lately I'm feeling that my being a single mother has put me in some mystery taboo land that shouldn't be approached. Anyone out there in the same boat?
--hide--

I had been hearing the term baggage for about as long as I can remember, but I never realized just how much I hated it until I had entered into my first relationship with a single mother just prior turning 30. I would remember looking at her little ones - all under the age of 5 at the time - and feeling a tremendous amount of disgust that anyone - some of them single parents themselves - could even fathom using that type of reference towards a child.


theheart

10/22/2012 new

My child will never be baggage. No matter how hard things get, our children are the most precious gift we have been given. Some poeple just never understand that, and that is their loss. Having a child does sometimes scare potential dates off (for both men and women who are single parents) but in those cases it is better to say a prayer of thanks to God. If that was all it took to scare them off then they would never have been an asset to my life.

10/22/2012 new

I know exactly how you feel Valerie. I am in a situation where I have custody of my 13 year old son, and I get to have his sisters every weekend. Most guys my age have children who are out on their own, so I will have to be patient until I find that special person who is understanding. Not an easy task.

My prayers go out to you Praying hug

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