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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

At one point, I was contacted by a Divorced CM'er wanting to start a romantic relationship. I am Annulled. He had some great attributes, so it was tempting to become involved, even knowing it would go against Church Teaching. I eventually asked CM Staff about what appears to be a conflict between what is happening in the forums and CM, and the Church's Teaching. They said there is no conflict from a policy perspective, as can be found in CM's Terms of Use. I was led to this:

Terms of Use www.catholicmatch.com

3. Registration Obligations --- Please be aware that divorced members who are not free to marry in the Catholic Church are permitted to use CatholicMatch but not for romantic purposes.

.

I wonder how realistic it is to expect CM'ers (all of us) to abide by it and not pursue romantic purposes on a dating site.

Kathleen
Nov 1st 2012 new

It's called Free Will. Cm can give all the disclaimers in the world about divorced people not using the site for dating purposes.. But every individual still has free will to make their own choice.

Nov 1st 2012 new

That is the policy Kathleen, and what we are supposed to do. In the eyes of God, I am still married until such time as an annulment is granted. Unfortunately, not even all priests abide by this. I wish I had a dime for every time I have heard, "My priest said not to worry about the annulment unless I was ready to get married." If a person goes to their priest for guidance, and this is the information they are given, they don't believe they are doing anything wrong in dating.

I am by no means excusing anyone person's behavior or choices, but before we jump to condemn, it might be wiser to find out if they have even been given valid information regarding dating before annulment. Just a thought - and one I have had to refer to many times. heart

Nov 1st 2012 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: It's called Free Will. Cm can give all the disclaimers in the world about div...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

It's called Free Will. Cm can give all the disclaimers in the world about divorced people not using the site for dating purposes.. But every individual still has free will to make their own choice.

--hide--


That is true, Donna, but CM also does have the option of NOT allowing divorced without annullment people onsite (and I think Ave Maria Singles works that way although I've never been on it). Of course, then people could lie about it and it would drastically reduce the number of people onsite and thus reducing CM profits and the number of people we can match with or view.

I would suggest though that it would be good if CM admin. somehow made a little bigger deal about this (becaise many times when we sign up for things we read the fine print once or just skim over it and then forget about it). In fact, I said something about this to one gentleman who is long-time divorced (over 20 years) and has not started an annulment, but is pursuing women here (romantically) and he had no idea that he shouldn't be doing this (and I believe him when he said he didn't realize this).My guess from the number of contacts/views/conversations I've had with divorced men without annulments is that at least 80% of them are pursuing women romantically (and I suspect that it is more like 90-95%).

Nov 1st 2012 new

(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: That is the policy Kathleen, and what we are supposed to do. In the eyes of God, I am still m...
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:

That is the policy Kathleen, and what we are supposed to do. In the eyes of God, I am still married until such time as an annulment is granted. Unfortunately, not even all priests abide by this. I wish I had a dime for every time I have heard, "My priest said not to worry about the annulment unless I was ready to get married." If a person goes to their priest for guidance, and this is the information they are given, they don't believe they are doing anything wrong in dating.

I am by no means excusing anyone person's behavior or choices, but before we jump to condemn, it might be wiser to find out if they have even been given valid information regarding dating before annulment. Just a thought - and one I have had to refer to many times.

--hide--


AnneMarie, you are absolutely right about people being given incorrect information/counsel from priests. I've heard it, too. But, even more so, are the number of divorced men I've had contact with who never even once talked to a priest about annulment or if they should be dating, etc. (even after 20-30 years of being divorced)! And, all I can say, is what were they thinking to not even consult with a priest? It baffles me.

Good for you doing what you know is right, even though it must be very difficult for you.

Nov 1st 2012 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: That is true, Donna, but CM also does have the option of NOT allowing divorced without ...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



That is true, Donna, but CM also does have the option of NOT allowing divorced without annullment people onsite (and I think Ave Maria Singles works that way although I've never been on it). Of course, then people could lie about it and it would drastically reduce the number of people onsite and thus reducing CM profits and the number of people we can match with or view.

I would suggest though that it would be good if CM admin. somehow made a little bigger deal about this (becaise many times when we sign up for things we read the fine print once or just skim over it and then forget about it). In fact, I said something about this to one gentleman who is long-time divorced (over 20 years) and has not started an annulment, but is pursuing women here (romantically) and he had no idea that he shouldn't be doing this (and I believe him when he said he didn't realize this).My guess from the number of contacts/views/conversations I've had with divorced men without annulments is that at least 80% of them are pursuing women romantically (and I suspect that it is more like 90-95%).

--hide--


I came on CM in 2004..I was not annulled until Jan 2008.. I THANK GOD for having this website to give me support and encouragement as I made my way through that difficult experience and to allow me to meet the VERY BEST FRIENDS of my life, whom were all gone from here by the time my annulment was finalised.

Nov 1st 2012 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: I came on CM in 2004..I was not annulled until Jan 2008.. I THANK GOD for having this...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


I came on CM in 2004..I was not annulled until Jan 2008.. I THANK GOD for having this website to give me support and encouragement as I made my way through that difficult experience and to allow me to meet the VERY BEST FRIENDS of my life, whom were all gone from here by the time my annulment was finalised.

--hide--



Yes, it is wonderful that you made such good friends here, and I have too actually (all women friends).

But, I still think that CM Admin. could do more to emphasize the divorced men and women without annullments should not be using this site to find dates/romantic partners as they cannot pursue a relationship until they have their annulment.

I don't know of any men that are looking for just friendship (on this site or other sites). There are some men that say they are looking for friendship only, but in my experience, the vast majority of them are just biding their time until they can persuade you to date them (at least this has been my experience). Now, perhaps I could see friendships developing between people who get to know each other from the forums or CM events - this might happen.

By the way, why did all your friends leave the site - did they all get married or just get tired of looking?

Nov 1st 2012 new

Truth - it has not been particularly hard. I chose not to push forward with my annulment initially in order to truly grieve the marriage. I sought therapy to aid in that. I went back to Al-Anon, which I should have never stopped going to. I also returned to God, to church and focused on how to live. God drew me to one ministry that I've served in for about 18 months and next weekend begins a new chapter with a new ministry for me. Now that I feel like I would make better choices and truly believe that I have something worthwhile to bring to a relationship, I have put the annulment into motion.

When people ask if it's hard, my answer is very simple, "I love God much more than I miss dating." There are also days it would just be nice to have someone in my life to give me a hug when I have a hard day. Those days, I call my sponsor and we have coffee or spend some extra time with my grandson. Easy? It is as easy, or as hard, as we allow it to be. Thanks for the kind words though. Most appreciated. heart

Nov 1st 2012 new

Some got married, some found someone on another site, some got kicked off, some left to care for family members (aging parents), every reason there is. I still communicate with them on FB..


If you have a plan that Admin should follow to prevent divorced people from seeking a spouse maybe you could suggest it. People that are still legally married, but separated still sign on here by choosing divorced as their option.. CM covers themselves with the disclaimer..How do you suggest they do things differently? It's NOT on Admin, after all. It is on US as discerning adults to use our sensibilty to make decisions..Admin is not Mom and Dad and I don't want them to treat me like they are.

Nov 1st 2012 new
(Quote) Donna-83441 said: It's called Free Will. Cm can give all the disclaimers in the world about divorced people ...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

It's called Free Will. Cm can give all the disclaimers in the world about divorced people not using the site for dating purposes.. But every individual still has free will to make their own choice.

--hide--


Indeed.
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