This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.
Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola
So sorry, Tim. I'll pray for you too and all the divorced folks on this site. We need all the help we can get!
I had a conference with my attorney today and we are suing for civil and criminal contempt of court to get the orders enforced. If he won't listen to me, or my attorney or his that he needs to follow what the judge said to do, maybe he will listen with a second trip to court. I sure don't like doing this, though!
I'm glad you have the ability to do this, Celia. I'll be praying for a good outcome. Keep us posted.
Funny I just saw this and am feeling pretty low. I filed suit last week against my ex for willful criminal and civil violation of a court order. He did not pay for my COBRA lie he was supposed to, so I was without insurance and medicine for over a month, during which time zi accumulated over 80K in medical costs. Then, I don't qualify for regular insurance due to health issues so I have had to pay for high risk insurance at $666 per month. Then he didn't pay my daughter's medical bills - another 2K out of pocket.
Add to that he has shown up in my living room - just playing on my computer once when I came home (freaky bizarre), I had to go to a woman's shelter with my kids to get away from him last year, he is very atheist, he has callled me every name in the book and tried endlessly to control my life. So I am finally standing up to him, and my attorney is throwing everything he can at him legally. Today he filed a motion to not allow any contact by email, text or phone because he has also threatened to take my daughter from me. He also filed a restraining order and a modification to the parenting plan to eliminate all contact there except by third party. I have gotten 2 ugly texts from my ex so far today and one email he sent to all her teachers and doctors telling them not to change anything for her unless he reviews and signs it. He is a total control freak, and wants to still control my life even though he is the one who filed for divorce - I was trying to put up with him. On days like today when he is sending ugly stuff, it just feels like I am the only one in the world dealing with this. Oh, did I mention before he filed for divorce, he moved our family to a new city 500 miles from my family where we know hardly anyone? I sit here often alone, wondering how to fight this. Nightmares are a regular thing. Sure, I'm in counseling etc., but when someone is actively trying to control everything you do, and famiy is far away and he has made it so I can't move home, well, you feel pretty darned alone, and you wonder if one day he will win. I've always just done what he wanted so he is easier to deal with, but now that I am finally agressively standing up to him, well, things will get worse before they get better. I carry a gun and mace, and wonder if today might be the day it goes from verbal and all other forms of control to where he snaps and really does something. Yeah, really nice to wonder if your ex will be lurking in your backyard when you take your dog out, but that is how I am living right now. The only thing that keeps me going is lots and lots of prayer and my kids. Other than that, well, I'm kind of on my own dealing with this. All I can hope is that this time around, the judge his actions will speak for themselves and the judge will see him for what he is.
All I can hope is that this time around, the judge his actions will speak for themselves and the judge will see him for what he is.
Celia, I have lived this. You are not alone.
My situation did not turn out so well, but I'm not dead. I understand the control freak issue, and looking back I wish I had been stronger. Now is your time to be strong. Also be careful and prudent. File an OFP if you are afraid he'll do something. Perhaps work with your lawyer on finding a way to move back near your family. Agree to no phone, but email and texts are a very good thing. Print them! Try to work with him as you can. Avoid escalation! Be sure you have a safety plan for you and your child.
IMO, a gun for a DV survivor is a danger. He could use it against you. Please be careful.
This document from the US Bishops opened my eyes to what the Church teaches on the issue.
God loves you and your child, Celia. He will sustain and protect you. Trust in Him!
Same old same old for me, Tim. Ex has a new Ms. Right he's going to marry (he was going to marry the last few as well - it's complicated). But these Right Ladies, though disgusting, seem to keep him happily self-absorbed and not focused on "making someone pay" (usually me).
The kids are resilient. I am amazed by them. They know dad is nuts, they know he's sinful, but they've decided to band together and muscle through this. They are all doing well in school, sports, friendships, etc. They stay close to the Church, and to me.
I go through a heavy slump when I have to leave them. I worry. I grieve. I ache. Then I place it on the altar and somehow continue my life. He has also given me resilience. We'll find our way through in His Mercy.
Tim - than you for the prayers. Goodness, at this point, the more the better.
Alice, my ex never did anything "physical" - no hitting, no "classic abuse". It was given the term at the shelter of "psychological terror". He was just a control freak, and, while he can be extremely scary, he has yet to attempt overt physical harm. Now, I say that meaning "overt" - I won't go into it here but it was not provable.
The way I finally decide to aggressive persue legal action recently was that I was in church alone praying because of the stress associated with dealing with him. I feel like I try to be really nice and keep the peace by just doing everything "his way" for my daughter's sake. But, recently, doing things "his way" caused me to be without insurance, and I have some medical problems that makes it dangerous for me to not have the medicine needed,so I paid it our of my retirement just to "keep the peace". But, I really felt like God was giving me strong messages that it's time to stand up and fight and force him to follow the court order and not be so ugly.
The next day, I called my lawyer and said that I am finished putting up with this, had a meeting, told him about all the things my ex has said and done. By the time I was through, he had 5 contempt charges written to file and a restraining order. The first part has been filed - not the restraining order stuff. So, so far today, 4 texts, one email, and one phone call....from a guy I am not married to and don't even like.
I feel like, unless I do what I feel like God wants me to do by standing up to him, following this through and being very strong, I might have him hanging on for the rest of my life! And, really, I have everything else going for me - great kids, career direction, friends, and I'd like to find a great Catholic guy to love and who loves me to spend the rest of my life with. So, it's time to put him in his place - which is the past. I just don't see how I can do that without fighting like a pit bull in court to make him cut it out.
I'll check out your link, because I realky would like to see the Church's take on how to handle a person like this who is really out to do harm.
Psychological abuse is real abuse, and its scars go deeper than physical abuse. My bruises healed. But the feelings that accompanied them took a lot longer to fade. He may be feeling out of control right now and, for a control freak, that can trigger an escalation (hence the increase in unwanted communication). Yes, you are doing the right thing. Just beeeee careful, guard your personal info, don't let him manipulate you, and get that OFP filed if you are afraid of him! Prayers...