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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Just throwing this out there, but does it frustrate any of the rest of you when it is difficult to get to confession and adoration? I have two children. My daughter I could trust in the chapel while I go to confession, but my son needs constant supervision. He is adopted and has a Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. I could get him to promise to behave, but as soon as something catches his eye, that promise is as good as gone. I just always feel so guilty having to ask other families to help out so that I can get to these kinds of things (or worse yet - having to pay a sitter just to get to confession.... sitter costs keep me at home most of the time anyway...). It just doesn't feel rignt. Does anyone else have any single parent solutions?

11/05/2012 new

(Quote) Melissia-884521 said: Just throwing this out there, but does it frustrate any of the rest of you when it is difficul...
(Quote) Melissia-884521 said:

Just throwing this out there, but does it frustrate any of the rest of you when it is difficult to get to confession and adoration? I have two children. My daughter I could trust in the chapel while I go to confession, but my son needs constant supervision. He is adopted and has a Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. I could get him to promise to behave, but as soon as something catches his eye, that promise is as good as gone. I just always feel so guilty having to ask other families to help out so that I can get to these kinds of things (or worse yet - having to pay a sitter just to get to confession.... sitter costs keep me at home most of the time anyway...). It just doesn't feel rignt. Does anyone else have any single parent solutions?

--hide--
I haven't walked that mile in your moccasins, so these are only some thoughts that came to mind.

Confession, when you need it, is most important for your spiritual life. I'm not sure how old your son is, but if he's young enough, could he come with you to meet with the priest for confession? Many (if not most) parishes offer face-to-face confessions outside of the traditioinal confessional "box". If this could be done in a pries/pastor's office, perhaps your son could be given something to entertain him, play with or look at while you're speaking with the priest. I'm not sure if you would want your son to overhear what you and the good father might be saying.

Any close friends or nearby neighbors who can help out? Confession typically takes a short time unless there's a considerable travel time to get to your Church and back, or you need to have a discussion with your confessor. Any other single parents in the parish with whom you could swap baby-watching favors? If you don't know of any, perhaps this could be brought up as a parish need.

Adoration? The same possibilities could apply. Adoration isn't mandatory, and perhaps you could forego this spiritual act until your son is in a better position to be left alone. I don't like suggesting that because adoration obviously has such great meaning for you. It's a last resort idea.

There are probably other parents who have children with special needs or problems, and need to be watched constantly. If you and other parents in need could get together, perhaps a solution could be worked out.

Not sure what the cost of a babysitter would be for you, but it could be a tiny expense compared to the benefits you get from it. The same could be said of adoration.

I'm on the outside looking in on this one, and I'm hoping some single parents can come up with viable solutions for you. You seem to place a high value on your spiritual life and spiritual well-being that we would like to see it continue.

11/05/2012 new

(((Melissa)))

In my Parish, there are designated rooms for children and ushers are there to man the children.. Perhaps you could suggest the same to your Parish Priest.

My prayers are with you. Praying rosary

Bless you.

11/05/2012 new

There really is a simpler answer for me. My grandson will be five in December. He has been going to church with me since he was 2 1/2. I go to weekly face-to-face confession and he goes with me. He simply sits on my lap quietly until I am finished. This works for us. If I need a lengthy confession, or discussion, I make an appointment for such a time he is not with me.

As for adoration, take him, bring a quiet toy to distract and stop worrying. I've found that most people are much more tolerant and understanding of a rambunctious child IN church than having the same child not come.

Good luck! heart

11/05/2012 new

(Quote) Kat-881112 said: (((Melissa))) In my Parish, there are designated rooms for children and ushers are there to ...
(Quote) Kat-881112 said:

(((Melissa)))

In my Parish, there are designated rooms for children and ushers are there to man the children.. Perhaps you could suggest the same to your Parish Priest.

My prayers are with you.

Bless you.

--hide--
Many parishes have what they call "family rooms" for use during Mass. Adults will obviously be present or nearby. But does your parish offer these services during other times as well (during confession times, and adoration)? If so, your parish is to be commended.

11/05/2012 new

(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: There really is a simpler answer for me. My grandson will be five in December. He has been go...
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:

There really is a simpler answer for me. My grandson will be five in December. He has been going to church with me since he was 2 1/2. I go to weekly face-to-face confession and he goes with me. He simply sits on my lap quietly until I am finished. This works for us. If I need a lengthy confession, or discussion, I make an appointment for such a time he is not with me.

As for adoration, take him, bring a quiet toy to distract and stop worrying. I've found that most people are much more tolerant and understanding of a rambunctious child IN church than having the same child not come.

Good luck!

--hide--
This is a good approach, AnneMarie, and one I suggested earlier. The problem is that the boy's age wasn't given. There will come a point where, if he is present, he will absorb what's being said, and the results could be quite embarrassing. Even so, confession would still be more important than embarrassment.

Same with adoration -- find something to occupy his time. People want adoration to be their quiet time with the Lord; there could be some grumbling from a few people if that silence is disturbed, but the majority of people are understanding if there is just a minor disturbance. A parent needs to use common sense. Perhaps if her son become too unruly, she and the boy can leave the adoration chapel, and pray before the tabernacle in the main worship area. It would be on a temporary basis because the youngster will be growing up. A possibility?

11/05/2012 new

Agreed. With small exceptions, most are very understanding. We were all children, many of us had small children to deal with, and now grandkids. I don't worry about confession too much, or that my grandson will repeat things. God has pretty much decided that my life is to be an open book in the service of others, but again, a separate appointment for those issues is appropriate.

I have used penance as a tool with my grandson, as well. He was a beast in school a few weeks ago. Since he knows I go to talk to father about things I do wrong, he did the same. He told father all the things he had done wrong - including several that neither his mother or I knew - and they had a talk about being a good boy. Fr. Melvin now checks up on him every week, "Are you being a good boy?" Love it, the little man is VERY honest.

I think it's all in perspective. Penance isn't something that anyone should be afraid of, and it follows through the rest of our lives. If we are wrong, admit it, we say we are sorry to the person we have harmed, and we make amends - physically, financially and emotionally. It is never to early to learn those lessons. heart

11/05/2012 new

Thank you for all of your suggestions. My son is 7 and I really don't want him in the confessional with me. I also would prefer to have quiet time myself for adoration. Having him next to me in mass is already a huge distraction from the service (but we do go every week). I basically have heard most of your suggestions before, but asking for something and actually getting it are two different things. I did bring it up to the priest, only to be told that the reason there was not childcare during those times was due to insurance costs. I really need to find more single friends who have kids. There are not very many who actually attend church.

11/05/2012 new

My younger one is what keeps me on my toes - I have Adoration tomorrow and she is off school, so I am trying to figure out how I can go with her there for 2 hours. I just don't know, and where I live, single parent issues don't seem to be addressed at all. There are a few little weekend class things for annulments, or being a single parent over the holidays, but that is about it.

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