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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Nov 11th 2012 new

(Quote) Sue-685340 said: I have a 14 year old son who has ADHD. He lost his father (my sposue) to esophageal cancer at 1 1/2...
(Quote) Sue-685340 said:

I have a 14 year old son who has ADHD. He lost his father (my sposue) to esophageal cancer at 1 1/2 years ago, and this has been a part of our lives that shook us both down to the last neuron. Grief, loss, depression and ADHD symptoms hae followed him and depression for me since that time. He is in a residential treatment center, and making some progress, but regressed alot this weekend. Technology is an obsession with him (IPODS). I pray that he gets better and I am able to parent him, but there have been so many problems that are brought up from the past when battle (conflict) ensues. He held up a knife to his kneck today, and I was afraid he would really hurt himself. Please pray for my son and any advice for me what be really a blessing. Thank you for your kindness.

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I have to echo what Patricia has advised- please get help for both of you! I was a stepfather to an ADHD child who was too much for his schools and us to handle. This was back in the 1980's and early '90's. They know so much more now than they did then.

You have my prayers,

Pete theheart

Nov 11th 2012 new

(Quote) Sue-685340 said: I have a 14 year old son who has ADHD. He lost his father (my sposue) to esophageal cancer at 1 1/2...
(Quote) Sue-685340 said:

I have a 14 year old son who has ADHD. He lost his father (my sposue) to esophageal cancer at 1 1/2 years ago, and this has been a part of our lives that shook us both down to the last neuron. Grief, loss, depression and ADHD symptoms hae followed him and depression for me since that time. He is in a residential treatment center, and making some progress, but regressed alot this weekend. Technology is an obsession with him (IPODS). I pray that he gets better and I am able to parent him, but there have been so many problems that are brought up from the past when battle (conflict) ensues. He held up a knife to his kneck today, and I was afraid he would really hurt himself. Please pray for my son and any advice for me what be really a blessing. Thank you for your kindness.

--hide--
First of all, Sue -- we would like to welcome you to the CM forums. As you have noticed, it's a good place to bring your problems, seek advice, receive support, and much, much more. We hope you will join us often although I'm sure your time is limited.

You come here at a time of trouble. No doubt there will be someone who has expertise in situations such as yours. Patricia and Peter have offered sound suggestions for yourself -- try to find a support group for parents with a similar situation. The problem with ADHD is that people are different -- so is their response to treatment and medication. In some cases, particularly when in a treatment center, patients are overmedicated in an effort to keep them calm. This is not always successful and can produce some undesirable side effects. The problem is more complex because of the need to deal with grief and depression. Meds are complicated and often need to be switched to find something that is effective. As with many other problems, a patient might take a step forward, then 2 steps back. Progress and continuity are sometimes strangers. I'm aware of one case where the young man had his ADHD meds discontinued and his condition improved afterward.

Have you done any research online about ADHD? I'm sure there are reliable medical sources that might provide some insight, possibly comfort. There is probably some literature (books, booklets, etc.) written in plain English that may help.

Also, I'm wondering if your son has been examined by more than one person specializing in this field? I would think so, but, in the event he hasn't, it might be advisable. I'm sure you would prefer to have him at home with you if his condition becomes manageable. How is your son adapting in the treatment center overall? Is there some hostility on his part because he can't be at home? Is he allowed to have home visits occasionally, such as weekends and/or holidays?

Being a single parent is no easy task, as we are well aware. It's a tiring job even when everything is going as well as can be expected. Having a youngster with serious medical issues certainly adds to the burden.

For yourself, are you putting aside some "me" time? It's vital for your own well being. If your Church offers Eucharistic Adoration, you might feel a great relief from daily stress by having some private time with the Lord, communicating with Him (and allowing Him to communicate with you). It's a peaceful, warm atmosphere that many people find comforting.

Not being a single parent who has children at home, or having had experience with your son's problems, it's difficult to offer concrete advice. What I mentioned above is from observation of other families and how they manage their crises.

Let us know how you and your son are doing, ok? hug

Nov 11th 2012 new

Thank you Leon, your e-mail meant alot. Prayers are a wonderful gift we can give to each other. Already, the day has progressed and he is processing things better. It's not perfect, but who waits around in life for perfection. Thanks agian, Leon!

Nov 11th 2012 new

I agree, Patricia. We do have some supportive professionals, but will need to find others once he joins me back in the home and public school. Thank you for your prayers and supportive thoughts.

Nov 11th 2012 new

So you know about what havoc ADHD can cause. Thank you for your prayers and suggestions. I will be following up and getting additional professionals who are already scheduled this week. Thank you so much. It means alot when someone I don't even know has been through tough times with this deficit.

Nov 11th 2012 new

Thank you for all of those great suggestions, Ray. We are doing many things you bring up and some additional items are going to


be considered. I'm not a huge fan of medications, so we try and keep him to a minimum. Looking into neurobiofeedback where he can learn to control his own impulses through biofeedback. Thanks so much for thinking of us!

Nov 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Sue-685340 said: I have a 14 year old son who has ADHD. He lost his father (my sposue) to esophageal cancer at 1 1/2...
(Quote) Sue-685340 said:

I have a 14 year old son who has ADHD. He lost his father (my sposue) to esophageal cancer at 1 1/2 years ago, and this has been a part of our lives that shook us both down to the last neuron. Grief, loss, depression and ADHD symptoms hae followed him and depression for me since that time. He is in a residential treatment center, and making some progress, but regressed alot this weekend. Technology is an obsession with him (IPODS). I pray that he gets better and I am able to parent him, but there have been so many problems that are brought up from the past when battle (conflict) ensues. He held up a knife to his kneck today, and I was afraid he would really hurt himself. Please pray for my son and any advice for me what be really a blessing. Thank you for your kindness.

--hide--

rosary Praying I'm so sorry you and he are going through this. I know what you are going through to some extent. My daughter had some severe emotional problems after our divorce, and during the marriage because the situation was just whacked out dysfunctional to say the least. I took her to the psychiatric hospital myself.

Just taking your child there is hard enough, much less seeing him/her threaten/want to hurt him or herself. And, on top of that, you're struggling to keep your head above water.

My daughter (only 9) had to stay for 3 full weeks. No kidding, it was that bad. My bet is that the techy stuff is more of an escape than anything else, like self medication, only with electronics.

After what she went through, I can tell you that the most important thing now is for you to stay close to your church, and take care of yourself. It sounds weird since he's the one in the treatment program, but you have got to take care of yourself, cause, if you go down, he's sunk. And, let the professionals do their job - they handle kids with issues all the time, so jus be his Mom. Let him know he is loved, and love yourself, too. Sure, stay informed, but try not to do like I did and get so worried and so involved that you neglect your own needs.


And, know that you have a whole group of folks here praying for you. If you ever feel the need to vent, you feel free to message me. Been there, done that - not fun, and you have people here to listen and support you.

Nov 12th 2012 new

(((Sue))) Mother Mary and myself are praying for you and your son...

May i suggest that you look for a prayer community? Attending one regularly could be a great support group.. I go to a Catholic Charismatic Prayer Community, aside from serving the Lord in Church Ministries.. When my ex left me and my son, I made sure that we soak ourselves in HIM for i knew we can only find healing in His Love.. His Spirit is our every day strength and source of Wisdom.

Bless you. Praying Praying rosary rosary

Nov 12th 2012 new

You are in my prayers. I lost my 21 year old son Chris to suicide two years ago this month and my oldest son battles with biopolar disorder daily. Know that God is with you always.

Nov 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Sue-685340 said: I have a 14 year old son who has ADHD. He lost his father (my sposue) to esophageal cancer at 1 1/2...
(Quote) Sue-685340 said:

I have a 14 year old son who has ADHD. He lost his father (my sposue) to esophageal cancer at 1 1/2 years ago, and this has been a part of our lives that shook us both down to the last neuron. Grief, loss, depression and ADHD symptoms hae followed him and depression for me since that time. He is in a residential treatment center, and making some progress, but regressed alot this weekend. Technology is an obsession with him (IPODS). I pray that he gets better and I am able to parent him, but there have been so many problems that are brought up from the past when battle (conflict) ensues. He held up a knife to his kneck today, and I was afraid he would really hurt himself. Please pray for my son and any advice for me what be really a blessing. Thank you for your kindness.

--hide--
Sue Im so sorry to hear what your going through. As a mother of four teenage boys I know it is hard. Nothing suprises me when it comes to teens,but for him to hold a knife at his throat,how frightening! This is a cry for help and he wants to talk to you about it,because your mom and your the only one left in his mind. Maybe the treatment center is the best for him right now,but he may feel your not within his reach. Its not all because he misses mom.He should talk to someone in the family,maybe a grandparent or a priest. They has miles of experience,dont judge and will pray with you. Finally, I would fully investigate the medicine he is on. This may be affecting his moods. My brother was diagnosed with "hiper activity" back in the 80's. My parents gave him ridalin,spelling? Anyway,almost immidiatly after, he laid on the bed motionless with his eyes open and this blank look on his face. Obviously the prescription wasnt right,thats just my experience.


I would also like to acknowledge you and the heartache your going through. Please do not get depressed! Remember your spouse and let yourself feel whatever comes to the surface. Pray for God to give you the strenghth,lift you up. Ask him to open your eyes and see where he guides you. Its shocking how quikly the Lord works. God bless you and your son. theheart rosary

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