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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Following on some of the discussions about everyone being too picky, I found three blog posts I wanted to mention:

1) www.psychologytoday.com

"The Myth of One True Love Per Lifetime

"Whoever said we only have one true soulmate?

"One of the greatest challenges I see people facing as they look for a lasting relationship is the misguided search for ‘The One.’ If you are single, ask yourself as you read this whether you truly believe there is one soul mate you’re destined to be with. Thanks to Hollywood films and the rabid Hallmark culture in which we live, we have been socialized to believe there is one – and only one - person with whom we truly belong."

2) dalrock.wordpress.com

“The one” vs “my one and only”

"One of the more toxic ideas in our culture is the idea of “the one”. This concept is the foundation for women’s sacred path to marriage; once a woman finds “the one”, everything will be right and honoring her marriage vows will be easy.

…….

"It isn’t just others whom women are fooling when they think this way; they are also fooling themselves. Looking for the one to marry and remain faithful to is actually feral female behavior dressed up as self discipline and morality. They have perverted the lifetime marriage concept of “my one and only” by substituting in the Lifetime idea of the perfect man. Due to their solipsism what they can’t see is this perfect man is essentially the same perfect man all of the other women seeking “the one” are looking for."

3) www.overcomingbias.com

"Why underestimate acceptable partners?

"The romantic view of romance in Western culture says a very small fraction of people would make a great partner for you, customarily one.

"Some clues suggest that in fact quite a large fraction of people would make a suitable spouse for a given person. Arranged marriages apparently go pretty well rather than terribly. Relationships are often formed between the only available people in a small group, forced together. ‘If I didn’t have you‘ by Tim Minchin is funny. It could be that relationships chosen in constrained circumstances are a lot worse than others, though I haven’t heard that. But they are at least common enough that people find them worthwhile. And the fraction of very good mates must be at least a lot greater than suggested by the romantic view, as evidenced by people ever finding them.

"So it seems we overstate the rarity of good matches. Why would we do that?"

Nov 7th 2012 new

many fearful people use these silly notions to prevent them from having to give ogf their hearts, to truly open up to another person. this way they can grow old wistfully saying they wished they'd met that special one, but that it wasn't God's will for them (make me hurl), when in fact they are thrilled and pleased tohave evaded the intimccy and self-giving necessary for marriage and parenthood. they get to rest in their own selfish fearful cocoon.

Nov 12th 2012 new

Wow, I don't think I ever really thought of it that way. Now you've got me pondering this. scratchchin Praying

Thank You rose

Nov 13th 2012 new

Cathy, I think you hit the nail on the head with this. In my own reflections over the last few months I realized that I myself have passed up a few who I was compatible with because I wanted to continue to pursue the person that I thought was "the one". Now I'm going to just look for someone who is a true practicing Catholic, has some chemistry with me and is attractive in my eyes. It is a shame that our culture and society advocate this and really feed it to people, and notions of “the one” along with the sexual revolution are probably the two biggest contributors to the increasing average age of marriage and the high diverse rates.

Nov 13th 2012 new

Too many people believe what they see in movies is representative of life, giving us soulmates, knights in shining armor, et. al. The search for The One then evolves into a quest for a Mr. or Ms. Perfect, who of course does not exist. If one is unable to separate fantasy from reality then it is best to avoid fantasies.

Nov 13th 2012 new

There is a difference between "being in love" and loving someone. The romantic notion of being in love fades, ebbs and wanes. It's not sustainable over the long term. Loving someone is comfortable. It feels right. It can grow if nurtured the right way. I can honestly say that I don't think I was ever "in love" with my late husband. However, I loved him with all my heart. Having had that love once in my life, I know that I can have it again. Was he my "soul mate?" I don't know if there is such a thing but he wasn't it. He was, however, a good match for me. We loved each other and raised 6 wonderful children. We accepted each other for what we were. We didn't try to change each other or pretend we were something we weren't - right from the day we met. He was my best friend and biggest supporter and I hope that I was the same for him.

I'm not looking for the butterflies in the stomach feeling. I had that back in high school. I'm looking for my next best friend. I don't want a carbon copy of my late husband but I do want that same feeling of love, friendship, companionship and acceptance that we shared.

He wasn't THE love of my life. He was A love of my life. I'm hoping to find the next one. However, if I don't, I'll count myself lucky to have had at least one.

Nov 13th 2012 new

I really like that third one. I like the concept of keeping focused on what will make me happy, but also being open to the fact that could be anyone, anytime, anywhere.

Thanks,

Will

Nov 13th 2012 new

Some people never stop looking long enough to have a relationship with just one..Then 30 years down the road they lament the one that got away.. On the internet it is way too easy to turn the page to the next set of faces..

Nov 13th 2012 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: Some people never stop looking long enough to have a relationship with just one..Then 30 years dow...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:

Some people never stop looking long enough to have a relationship with just one..Then 30 years down the road they lament the one that got away.. On the internet it is way too easy to turn the page to the next set of faces..

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and how sad that is Donna, we live in a "throw away" society. I hope I am not placed in the "last" set of faces.......................

Nov 13th 2012 new

(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said: There is a difference between "being in love" and loving someone. The romantic notion...
(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said:

There is a difference between "being in love" and loving someone. The romantic notion of being in love fades, ebbs and wanes. It's not sustainable over the long term. Loving someone is comfortable. It feels right. It can grow if nurtured the right way. I can honestly say that I don't think I was ever "in love" with my late husband. However, I loved him with all my heart. Having had that love once in my life, I know that I can have it again. Was he my "soul mate?" I don't know if there is such a thing but he wasn't it. He was, however, a good match for me. We loved each other and raised 6 wonderful children. We accepted each other for what we were. We didn't try to change each other or pretend we were something we weren't - right from the day we met. He was my best friend and biggest supporter and I hope that I was the same for him.

I'm not looking for the butterflies in the stomach feeling. I had that back in high school. I'm looking for my next best friend. I don't want a carbon copy of my late husband but I do want that same feeling of love, friendship, companionship and acceptance that we shared.

He wasn't THE love of my life. He was A love of my life. I'm hoping to find the next one. However, if I don't, I'll count myself lucky to have had at least one.

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