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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

11/11/2012 new

(Quote) Peter-449116 said: Sometimes when the law doesn't go far enough no matter what you do, there are other options. ...
(Quote) Peter-449116 said:

Sometimes when the law doesn't go far enough no matter what you do, there are other options. Back in the 1980's my sister was pregnant with her son, and in a very abusive marriage. She was bedridden much of her pregnancy and her husband would bring women into their apartment. She was afraid of the consequenses if she went to the police. My mom secured her an apartment closer to her job. My two brothers and I then moved her and her things while her husband was at work. We waited until he came home and paid him a friendly visit convincing him to move on with his life and not to try to find my sister. No violence, just letting him know my sister had backup. Celia, I know your situation is quite different, and I have no idea if you even have brothers, but they can sometimes come in handy.

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Peter - I do have a big brother - 5 years older, lives 4.5 hrs away. See, it seems like it was part of the reason my ex moved us up here away from everyone before he froze all the accounts and filed for divorce.

Even with hi doing that, my brother still had movers arranged right sfter he filed and I found out he took my nmae off the accounts and then filed, my brother was going to pay for movers to just move mine and the kid's stuff to a place near him. It was all arranged, but then my ex had a restraint put on me where I could not take our daughter more than 100 miles away.

My only option then since he was being more horrible than ever was that I waited til he was out of town on business, arranged in advance and took the kids to a women's shelter. We stayed there, safely tucked away for a month, while my brother and parents researched, interviewed and paid for my attorney.

Towards the end, when there was lots of yelling being done at me and I was up here with the kids, my brother would have me call him when my ex started the ugliness, and hand the phone to him. My brother told him he would spend every last dime getting me away from him.


I hate to say it, but this has put my family through h-ll. My parents alone spent 3K buying a washer/dryer, furniture - stuff I did not get back until the court finally ordered it many months later. So, yes, I have a brother - I don't know what I would have done without my family's support.

11/11/2012 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: I've come to believe there are two sorts of men - protectors, and predators. God bless the men who l...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said: I've come to believe there are two sorts of men - protectors, and predators. God bless the men who live to love and protect women and children. For the other kind, they have their reward.
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Alice, at one point last year, I thought about that. I know he will have to answer for this one day. I suspect the judge then will be far tougher than the one in the court room.


But, at this point, ALL I want is some peace, and I feel like the only way to get that is via a permanent restraining order. I feel so guilty because he is the father of my sweet girl, but I know now I have to consider myself first.

I have a huge backyard, fenced, with a storage buiding in the back. I went tonight to get a few Christmas decorations out. I realized how strange it was that, I couldn't carry as much in my arms, because I had my 9mm pistol in one hand. I mean, who gets Christmas decorations out while carrying a gun? Really? But, what do ya do? I have been out back and turned around to find him standing there, so, what are my choices. Even if the court DOES order the restraining order this time around, a piece of paper doesn't stop someone.


So, do you pray for that sense of general safety to return, and, if so, if you still feel the need to carry protection, does that mean you don't trust God enough?


P.S. Tim - Thanks for the "brothers and sisters on CM" comment. That's sweet. :)

11/11/2012 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: So, do you pray for that sense of general safety to return, and, if so, if you still feel the...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:


So, do you pray for that sense of general safety to return, and, if so, if you still feel the need to carry protection, does that mean you don't trust God enough?

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Celia, I don't pray for feelings of safety, but for safety itself. And as I went another day without a run in with him, and another, and another, then there was more safety. I think, once the dust settles, you'll find that there will be fewer texts, calls, drop-ins, and the more distance you have, the safer you will be. Most guys just get tired of putting in all this effort to harrass. But don't trust feelings because they can trick you. Look at the facts. He shows up in your backyard without warning, then you're not safe. I hope you get the OFP and do whatever you need to do to BE SAFE. I hope the judge will ultimately let you move back with your family. I'll pray for that.

As far as trusting God, I think He provides for us. I don't think the fact you pack heat means you don't trust Him. You have a right to self-defense. For me, I'm not comfortable with guns because it escalates an already dangerous situation - I would rather try to escape and call 911 than confront my abuser with a deadly weapon. Everyone has a right to self-defense though and you have your child to protect while I am for the most part separated from mine. Very different situations. I'm just expressing my own opinion.

BTW, I still carry mace.

I do believe it will settle down. It takes time. hug Praying

11/11/2012 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: Celia, I don't pray for feelings of safety, but for safety itself. And as I went...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:


Celia, I don't pray for feelings of safety, but for safety itself. And as I went another day without a run in with him, and another, and another, then there was more safety. I think, once the dust settles, you'll find that there will be fewer texts, calls, drop-ins, and the more distance you have, the safer you will be. Most guys just get tired of putting in all this effort to harrass. But don't trust feelings because they can trick you. Look at the facts. He shows up in your backyard without warning, then you're not safe. I hope you get the OFP and do whatever you need to do to BE SAFE. I hope the judge will ultimately let you move back with your family. I'll pray for that.

As far as trusting God, I think He provides for us. I don't think the fact you pack heat means you don't trust Him. You have a right to self-defense. For me, I'm not comfortable with guns because it escalates an already dangerous situation - I would rather try to escape and call 911 than confront my abuser with a deadly weapon. Everyone has a right to self-defense though and you have your child to protect while I am for the most part separated from mine. Very different situations. I'm just expressing my own opinion.

BTW, I still carry mace.


I have 3 cans stashed various places. The gun issue is a shakey one for me. I know that HE does not own one, and does not have a clue about how to operate on - especially mine cause it has many steps. That being said, like I told my attorney, I definitely don't consider even that a big protection, because, really , the chances that I would ever in a million years fire a weapon at my daughter's father are essentially nil. My thinking though, is that he does not know that, so it serves as a mental deterant of sorts. I keep meaning to schedule more classed to get darned good at my shooting skils so I can fire a non lethal shot if ever needed.


One really good thing though - and I do always try to look for the good even in this situation - is that I may never have developed such a strong bond with my parish, or other Catholics in general had I not been put in this situation. I certainly do NOT think God caused this, but He always makes lemonade from lemons if we let Him, and that's just one really great thing that's come out of it. Another way that has happened is that, with my ex being atheist, and a lapsed Catholic who thumbs his nose at the Church and God, I can almost guarantee you that the one physical and mental place I am safe is at church, so believe me, I am there A LOT. laughing It's the on place I don't feel afraid. So, hey, being at church a lot means you wind up finding things to do, meet parish members - it's a good thing, really.

I will definitely let you know when we have a court date set. I emailed my attorney over the weekend after the lastest "alone in an isolated area" incident that I need something done in place this week for my sanity.


BTW - thank you for letting me vent about this. Getting Catholic input and just having somewhere where it is OK and said in an environment of likeminded people really helps so much.

I do believe it will settle down. It takes time.

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11/12/2012 new

I would suggest self defense classes too. I am going through some myself and at least it gives you a bit of a feeling of empowerment. Also, you may meet people around your new area and get more tied in. The class I'm going to is taught by a military man.

11/12/2012 new

The assault center is signing me up for self defense classes at the university. They do them a couple of times per year, and they are geared towards women - meaning those of us who are smaller.

11/12/2012 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: The assault center is signing me up for self defense classes at the university. They do them a co...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:

The assault center is signing me up for self defense classes at the university. They do them a couple of times per year, and they are geared towards women - meaning those of us who are smaller.

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Mine is a women's class as well but who better to teach it then somebody with strong military experience.

11/12/2012 new

(Quote) Marirose-887295 said: Mine is a women's class as well but who better to teach it then somebody with stro...
(Quote) Marirose-887295 said:



Mine is a women's class as well but who better to teach it then somebody with strong military experience.

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Where did you find your class? I went to a Taekwando place, but it did no good.

11/12/2012 new

Celia,


I was actually looking for a place to learn how to shoot a gun around my area. They also provide women's self defense classes.


11/13/2012 new

(Quote) Marirose-887295 said: Celia,I was actually looking for a place to learn how to shoot a gun around my are...
(Quote) Marirose-887295 said:

Celia,


I was actually looking for a place to learn how to shoot a gun around my area. They also provide women's self defense classes.


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Marirose,


I signed up for the carry permit class for Saturday, and the instructor is calling tomorrow so I can hone my skils just to have that feeling of empowerment. I am thinking once I am there and in class, I will ask for recomendations as to a place for hand/hand self defense.

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