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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: Should a woman have her own interests or should she only be interested in food and cooking? Shoul...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

Should a woman have her own interests or should she only be interested in food and cooking? Should she only be interested in the home?
What does anyone think about this? Please share your thoughts ladies and gentlemen. Are men in favor of a woman who has outside interests and wants to pursue those interests?

Are men happy when they meet a woman who has hobbies and interests or do they automatically think of redirecting her attention to him in every way? be honest...

A fine fellow here mentioned that when he heard the word independence from a woman, it had a meaning that struck a chord with him due to his experiences.

Please share and comment.. THANK YOU!!!

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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nov 15th 2012 new

Marian, I think that a man's interest in whether a woman is interested in things like cooking and homemaking is sort of a short hand litmus test way of saying, are you one of "those" women who only knows how to make reservations, because in our culture, so many women are...they have no skill and no interest in any of the "home arts" and for some men, this is just not acceptable, and they are trying to find that out. Maybe inartfully, but trying.

I think it is kind of the same as us wanting to know if a man has a job--providing is part of his role as husband, so you want to know if he is in a position to be that.

Part of woman's role is to care for family, so he wants to know if one cooks (or wants to cook).

Maybe it's premature, maybe it seems like trying to "confine" a woman to a role, but I do think that the skill set is something that most men should be interested in, at some point.

If I were a man, I would want to marry a woman who knows how to cook, or at least likes cooking. Also one who likes kids, is good with kids, keeps a decent looking house, knows how to juggle, etc etc etc.

Just like we would want to marry a man who has a job, can hold a job, has a few bucks saved away, knows how to stay on budget, can fix a car, etc etc etc.

And, of course, women should have their own interests, and a man should want her to.

Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) MaryAlice-97161 said: Why not both .... home and cooking, AND other interests, like needlework, or music, or...
(Quote) MaryAlice-97161 said:



Why not both .... home and cooking, AND other interests, like needlework, or music, or sewing, or painting, or interior decorating, or tutoring children, or otherwise volunteering?????



If a man cannot understand nor accept that she has other interests, then he's got a real problem -- and it's HIS problem .... don't make others' problems your problems. I've got enough to deal with, so I don't need anyone else to burden me with his problems. I'll listen and encourage him, but knock off the self-centeredness.



Hi, Marian!

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I think most of us hope to blend our interests as you suggest! THANKS for posting Lady Mary Alice! princess

Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: Marian, I think that a man's interest in whether a woman is interested in things like cooking and...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

Marian, I think that a man's interest in whether a woman is interested in things like cooking and homemaking is sort of a short hand litmus test way of saying, are you one of "those" women who only knows how to make reservations, because in our culture, so many women are...they have no skill and no interest in any of the "home arts" and for some men, this is just not acceptable, and they are trying to find that out. Maybe inartfully, but trying.

I think it is kind of the same as us wanting to know if a man has a job--providing is part of his role as husband, so you want to know if he is in a position to be that.

Part of woman's role is to care for family, so he wants to know if one cooks (or wants to cook).

Maybe it's premature, maybe it seems like trying to "confine" a woman to a role, but I do think that the skill set is something that most men should be interested in, at some point.

If I were a man, I would want to marry a woman who knows how to cook, or at least likes cooking. Also one who likes kids, is good with kids, keeps a decent looking house, knows how to juggle, etc etc etc.

Just like we would want to marry a man who has a job, can hold a job, has a few bucks saved away, knows how to stay on budget, can fix a car, etc etc etc.

And, of course, women should have their own interests, and a man should want her to.

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This is a great list of points Patricia!!!!

Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: Should a woman have her own interests or shou...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:

Should a woman have her own interests or should she only be interested in food and cooking? Should she only be interested in the home?
What does anyone think about this? Please share your thoughts ladies and gentlemen. Are men in favor of a woman who has outside interests and wants to pursue those interests?

Are men happy when they meet a woman who has hobbies and interests or do they automatically think of redirecting her attention to him in every way? be honest...

A fine fellow here mentioned that when he heard the word independence from a woman, it had a meaning that struck a chord with him due to his experiences.

Please share and comment.. THANK YOU!!!




YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!

Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) Kathleen-5781 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: Well, we should be able to bring those...
(Quote) Kathleen-5781 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:



Well, we should be able to bring those strengths and skills gained in this time alone into a healthy, carefully crafted relationship, and these skills are good to have. In my opinion this is just something women have to deal with today. You have not done anything wrong. How could it possibly be wrong?

Are we not supposed to work on ourselves while we hope to also meet someone?

What would be wrong with it?

I don't think being dependent is completely attractive to men today, either.

Just ask men who answered that "a woman should pay her own way on the date" because it helps to create balance and maintain it- on my interview in my profile here, why they said that.





Thanks for your thoughts Marian.. I agree that dependent relationships are not attractive.. I think first we need to put God at the center , make him our common interest .. then the rest should work out fine..

Do you think it is harder though, the older we get? Because we become more independent and set in our ways.. but I know with God all things are possible and good things come to those that wait.. Patience is important... We also need to have self control. I am saddened when you mentioned that men can find sex outside of marriage while us nice Catholics are waiting for someone to ask us out ... But reality is what it is.. we need to stand strong in our faith and not let the secular world get us down..


Prayers for all of us to be the person God created us to be.. unique and gifted in our own ways.. Help us Lord to find suitable partners that will help us carry out your will in our life. In Jesus name I pray

Kathleen

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Do I think what is harder?

I think two people have to try harder to make something work, knowing they have carved out more independence while waiting. They each have to be more dedicated to making a relationship a priority and making it work!

Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: Marian, I think that a man's interest in whether a woman is interested in things like cooking and...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

Marian, I think that a man's interest in whether a woman is interested in things like cooking and homemaking is sort of a short hand litmus test way of saying, are you one of "those" women who only knows how to make reservations, because in our culture, so many women are...they have no skill and no interest in any of the "home arts" and for some men, this is just not acceptable, and they are trying to find that out. Maybe inartfully, but trying.

I think it is kind of the same as us wanting to know if a man has a job--providing is part of his role as husband, so you want to know if he is in a position to be that.

Part of woman's role is to care for family, so he wants to know if one cooks (or wants to cook).

Maybe it's premature, maybe it seems like trying to "confine" a woman to a role, but I do think that the skill set is something that most men should be interested in, at some point.

If I were a man, I would want to marry a woman who knows how to cook, or at least likes cooking. Also one who likes kids, is good with kids, keeps a decent looking house, knows how to juggle, etc etc etc.

Just like we would want to marry a man who has a job, can hold a job, has a few bucks saved away, knows how to stay on budget, can fix a car, etc etc etc.

And, of course, women should have their own interests, and a man should want her to.

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Pat, I once dated a gentleman who loved to cook, enjoyed it, and did it virtually every night (and wanted to). And, most of the men I know don't know how to fix a car,and many of them don't know how to stay on budget and haven't saved what they should. None of these things you are mentioning are a "man's role" or a "woman's role". Every individual, whether they be male or female, have their own unique talents and these don't necessarily conform to stereotypical roles from the 50's (and shouldn't). The only role within marriage that I think is reasonable is that the woman is the "heart" of the home and the man is the "head" of the home and I think that depends on how you actually define these terms. But, honestly, most women know how to nurture, express feelings, and communicate well. Most men know how to protect and provide for those they care about. But this has nothing to do with who cooks dinner or who fixes the car or who mows the lawn or who does the laundry. This is all something that can be negotiated based on both party's interests and skills. To expect a man to be able to do certain things just because he is the man in the relationship and/or to expect a woman to be able to do certain things just because she is the woman in the relationship is almost certainly dooming a relationship to failure. To make any assumption about anybody is a huge mistake. We must accept people as they are not as we think they should be! Then we can see if we are a good fit for each other or not.

I would be really interested in hearing what the gentlemen have to say about this!

Nov 15th 2012 new

I would tend to agree. The word "independent" can be such a loaded term. The argument goes: If you're independent, then you don't really need a spouse, yadda yadda ...

The reality is that as adults, we are independent to some extent out of necessity. A man may learn to cook for himself and do the laundry properly, and a woman may learn how to schedule oil changes for her car and make sure the heating and telephone bills are paid because those are necessary survival tasks. Then there are those single parents who do double duty, so some boys learn to play baseball because of their mother, and some fathers learn to put ribbons in their daughters' hair.

If I didn't change the oil on my car to show that I would like to have a husband, well, then my car's engine would probably seize up somewhere, and if it does on my way to a face-to-face, then I miss out on the chance of meeting the potential spouse, and I won't have reliable transportation! laughing

Maybe there's a difference between competent and independent, and someone who appears independent is just taking care of their life as best as they can. I suppose there's also a difference between making room or not in your life for a potential spouse. How easy do we make it for someone to see how they might fit into our lives? I suppose that is up to the individual.

Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said:Should a woman have her own interests or should she only be interested in food and cooking?
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

Should a woman have her own interests or should she only be interested in food and cooking?[/QUOTE]

I think this is like asking "Should a man only be interested in being a good husband and father or should he also have some personal hobbies?" The answer is obvious: do both not one or the other.

[QUOTE]A fine fellow here mentioned that when he heard the word independence from a woman, it had a meaning that struck a chord with him due to his experiences.
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In my experience the term "independent woman" can mean a wide range of things from "I am not so needy that you can't have interests of your own -- I'm not co-dependent" (good) to the other extreme of "I do things my way and you are just a (very secondary) addition to my life -- if you agree with me then fine, if not hit the road" (bad). I will say that of all the women I've met who called themselves that, there were more of the second than the first so I, too, am cautious.

It might be helpful for ladies who do put that in their profile to share why. Men, for instance, don't put that in their profiles.

Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) Eric-114571 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said:Should a woman have her own interests or should ...
(Quote) Eric-114571 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:

Should a woman have her own interests or should she only be interested in food and cooking?[/QUOTE]

I think this is like asking "Should a man only be interested in being a good husband and father or should he also have some personal hobbies?" The answer is obvious: do both not one or the other.

[QUOTE]A fine fellow here mentioned that when he heard the word independence from a woman, it had a meaning that struck a chord with him due to his experiences.



In my experience the term "independent woman" can mean a wide range of things from "I am not so needy that you can't have interests of your own -- I'm not co-dependent" (good) to the other extreme of "I do things my way and you are just a (very secondary) addition to my life -- if you agree with me then fine, if not hit the road" (bad). I will say that of all the women I've met who called themselves that, there were more of the second than the first so I, too, am cautious.

It might be helpful for ladies who do put that in their profile to share why. Men, for instance, don't put that in their profiles.

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If you have met the second type, they have ruined it for us who have interest of our own, but request that a husband becaome a full part of our lives.

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