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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Nov 11th 2012 new

Well, my initial advocate was very good at staying in touch and letting me know what's going on and what will happen next. However, now that the formal filing has been sent in to the local Tribunal I haven't received a response yet, but it's early in the process so maybe something will arrive soon. Hang in. Good things happen to those who trust in God and wait. Keep praying over this also nad maybe his decision will perfectly match yours.

crossfingers angel Praying

Nov 11th 2012 new

(Quote) Dana-782979 said: I'm meeting with my former pastor tomorrow to sign the initial paperwork and give it to him to...
(Quote) Dana-782979 said:

I'm meeting with my former pastor tomorrow to sign the initial paperwork and give it to him to get the process stared. Sometimes I feel like an annulment is a cop-out. I know our marriage was bad and we had significant issues since we started dating but I still struggle with this. Has anyone else felt this?

--hide--


I hope you can find some healing through this process and when the time unfolds in God's great blessing, you will come to see it as a chance for true love, true holiness, true marriage.


Blessings

Nov 12th 2012 new

I am frightened for if my former spouse finds out about the annulment ...if its anything how it was when I filed for divorce and he was served - it was something I would NEVER want to relive. The comments,the harassment, anger, coldness, from him and the anxiety I had. He has a TERRIBLE temper, which is why it took me YEARS ( probably 10 to actually do it and file). But then again, this is a man who DID not even represent himself in court nor hire an atty. So his bark is definitely bigger than his BITE.

I also have a question, is there any biblical reference to annulments? I dont really know the history, besides its more or less a tradition/practice of the Catholic Church. I know in my heart it is a much needed, yet long and dreadfully emotional process -yet it is for the betterment of our soul, regardless if we remarry or not.

I often wonder as well, that feeling of WAS IT REAL OR NOT? Yes, I had the ever- so - cliched Shot Gun Wedding and I know I have grounds for this annulment, but boy, I have such pain, doubts, aches, and utterly feel my insides just so fatigued and beaten up . Dark Nights a-plenty. This is becuase of all that has transpired in the past 4 years since the breakdown began. From constant problems with the children, from now unemployment on both me and my ex spouses end. From my recent illness (asthma) and from his recent near death experience which has left him severly injured where it impacts his ability to find work ( he survived a terible motorcycle , no helmet of course, accident in July on his 43rd BDay and had bleeding on brain, lacerated finger, which was found and put back on, broken ribs, broken arm, and a knee cap that blew out and they put back in! Plus other issues as well) ..I went to check on him in the hospital that night 1opm and his new GF had some words for me and wouldnt let me see him to quote her "There is no need for you to be here! He is my responsibilty now!" I was informed (by a stranger who foud where I lived and was a good friend & paramedic of my ex that he was in serious condition and in I.C.U. OF COURSE im gonna see how he is for the sake of his children !!! Who does this 30 yr old chic think she is!!!

That experience that he had, has SHAKEN the ground I walk on. I mean he is LUCKY to be alive, but it still really hasnt motivated him to be more involved in kids lives. Meanwhile, like alot of us moms out there, I am left to hold the bag. My oldest 2 teens have pretty much committed every possible deviance out there! and I Look to St Monica for refuge...with this type of suffering, it's hard to convince myself that this Divorce now Annulment is the right thing to do..

I mean, I understand the basis for what a person needs at the alter - and to understand what a sacramental marriage is. Even after I filed, he said to me, "Isn't this what marriage is? For better or worse?" and I continued with the process. I have guilt, because he didnt want it, it wasnt mutual yet his BEHAVIOR was completely unacceptable and he was not remorseful and most of the abuse was in the form of LIES. I mean it was all about not coperating with the divorce ( I tried for MONTHS to settle out of court, but according to him, "it was cheaper to keep her!" END QUOTE!!

It's just so depressing, I wonder if I would do things different, there is a Katy Perry song that hits home with me. "WIDE AWAKE"...one on the lyrics says-
"if i knew then what i knew now"...

Thanks for listening -
theheart

Nov 16th 2012 new

I want so bad to be annulled, but I hear stories here on CM which both scare and make me discouraged. It seems when I am making progress it gets halted. ashamed

Nov 16th 2012 new

(Quote) Daniel-634934 said: I want so bad to be annulled, but I hear stories here on CM which both scare and make me discour...
(Quote) Daniel-634934 said:

I want so bad to be annulled, but I hear stories here on CM which both scare and make me discouraged. It seems when I am making progress it gets halted.

--hide--
What scares & discourages you about this, Daniel?

Nov 18th 2012 new

(Quote) Dana-782979 said: I'm meeting with my former pastor tomorrow to sign the initial paperwork and give it to him to...
(Quote) Dana-782979 said:

I'm meeting with my former pastor tomorrow to sign the initial paperwork and give it to him to get the process stared. Sometimes I feel like an annulment is a cop-out. I know our marriage was bad and we had significant issues since we started dating but I still struggle with this. Has anyone else felt this?

--hide--
yes, but the process goes through alot of hands. It is looked at on alot of levels. First my priest, then the deacon in charge of my case, then the tribunal wihich is more than 3 people, there are lot of people that have to look at all the information and all have to agree on the annulment. Pray for them. Pray for you. Pray for your ex. pray for your children if you have any. When it is all said and done. You will have learned alot about you, about annulments, and hopefully will have peace about whatever decision they give you. God bless you for trying to handle all the pieces of a broken situation.

Nov 18th 2012 new

(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said: i just submitted mine as well days ago. i am nervous. i have mixed thoughts as well. i even sti...
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said:

i just submitted mine as well days ago. i am nervous. i have mixed thoughts as well. i even still have strange random thoughts of asking him to move in my bsmt just to see if kids lives will make a difference since he bowed out and doesnt see them or support them etc.

i still talk to him occasional txt or call but nothing stable and he still wont give up where he lives etc and lives a very secret life.

its so hard, and i dont feel optimistic about the process - but again its in GODS hands or is it? I thought out marriage was in Gods hands. Now awaiting the results (may take years) of this annulment and being on edge if my ex gets word of this and then is even more irate upset and distant or potentially the opposite, becomes abusive somehow then steps its up with kids and manipulates them. i know i worry toooo much...

good luck keep me posted!

Peace

Rebecca

--hide--
I read all your posts here ad your relationship sounds alot like mine was. I told the deacon in charge of my case how scared I was about my ex. My ex also didnt have an attorney for the divorce, he didn't participate at all in the annulemrnt. They tried to contact him three times. I had mixed feelings about that. At each step of worry or concern, I poured my heart out to God that God would be in charge and help each step, help me, help my ex, help those reading the material. I prayed over nearly every question they asked me. I wanted to be as level headed and clear minded as possible. I did all I could do and I gave the rest to God.

Dec 5th 2012 new

(Quote) Dana-782979 said: Thank you, Dennis. I guess I don't know what the rest of the process will entail but it's ...
(Quote) Dana-782979 said:

Thank you, Dennis. I guess I don't know what the rest of the process will entail but it's finally started. Can I ask you a question? Do they give you any sort of confirmation that they received it? I let everything with my advocate and he is sending it in with the form he needs to fill out?

--hide--


My Advocate hand delivered mine to the Chancery and let me know he did.

Dec 5th 2012 new

(Quote) Daniel-634934 said: I want so bad to be annulled, but I hear stories here on CM which both scare and make me discour...
(Quote) Daniel-634934 said:

I want so bad to be annulled, but I hear stories here on CM which both scare and make me discouraged. It seems when I am making progress it gets halted.

--hide--


Hang in there, Daniel, and stay faithful. God will get you through this. This time is for growing but I know what you mean. Hand it all to God and trust Him. He loves you a lot.

Dec 5th 2012 new

(Quote) Dennis-805025 said: Well, my initial advocate was very good at staying in touch and letting me know what's going...
(Quote) Dennis-805025 said:

Well, my initial advocate was very good at staying in touch and letting me know what's going on and what will happen next. However, now that the formal filing has been sent in to the local Tribunal I haven't received a response yet, but it's early in the process so maybe something will arrive soon. Hang in. Good things happen to those who trust in God and wait. Keep praying over this also nad maybe his decision will perfectly match yours.

--hide--


I understand that the annulment investigation is to determine whether a Sacramental marriage ever existed. Were there impediments that prevented one or both from making a kmowledgeable, mature, life time commitment. If one has mental issues, is deceptive with himself and/or others, emotionally immature etc., then perhaps there never was a marriage. I liken it to a real estate sale in which the seller doesn't own the house but claims to. He can't sell it to you because he does not have that ability. Another example would be of a twelve year old making a lifetime vow. (Some adults are emotionally twelve years old although they may have learned to mask it.)

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