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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Nov 10th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: I don't think that those words mean that God will bring a mate into our lives if we do nothing...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

I don't think that those words mean that God will bring a mate into our lives if we do nothing but obey the commandments.

If I say to myself, "Well, there is no commandment to get married and so as long as I do all the things that are commanded, the right woman will be delivered by UPS (when I'm not home, of course ) even though I take no action to meet the ladies."

Wondering whether UPS will require that I sign for her or will just leave her leaning against the wall in the lobby,

John

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No John, you got it all wrong, what i quoted at first was a line from the Bible. God is very much involved in every aspect of our lives, incluiding marriage, but He wants us to seek Him first and to please Him first (by obeying the commandments) before even thinking about finding a spouse. When you concentrate to seek God first He will attend to your needs. Of course that doesnt mean one must not take action when it comes to meet the right person, on the contrary, we must make the effort for all the things that are worthwhile require so, but above it all, make ourselves worthy of our future spouses by striving to become the men/women God has intended us to be....and how can one achieve that?,why seeking His kingdom and obeying His commandments. All this i say it based in His word (Matt 6:33) and Psalm 37: 4-7.

Godbless.

Nov 10th 2012 new

(Quote) Anna-671172 said:No John, you got it all wrong, what i quoted at first was a line from the Bible. God is very much ...
(Quote) Anna-671172 said:

No John, you got it all wrong, what i quoted at first was a line from the Bible. God is very much involved in every aspect of our lives, incluiding marriage, but He wants us to seek Him first and to please Him first (by obeying the commandments) before even thinking about finding a spouse. When you concentrate to seek God first He will attend to your needs. Of course that doesnt mean one must not take action when it comes to meet the right person, on the contrary, we must make the effort for all the things that are worthwhile require so, but above it all, make ourselves worthy of our future spouses by striving to become the men/women God has intended us to be....and how can one achieve that?,why seeking His kingdom and obeying His commandments. All this i say it based in His word (Matt 6:33) and Psalm 37: 4-7.

Godbless.

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No, Anna. You got it all wrong. One principle of Biblical interpretation is that one verse or even several verses of scripture cannot be interpreted in isolation from the rest of the Bible. I will not interpret, but just mention a passage from the second epistle of Saint Peter, Chapter2, Verse 16 (2Peter 3:16), "There are some things in them that are hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other Scriptures."

Trying to keep things real,

John

Nov 11th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Even though the traits needed to gain the respect of men are not exactly the same as the qualities...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Even though the traits needed to gain the respect of men are not exactly the same as the qualities required to win the heart of a woman, is it unlikely that a man who hasn't earned the respect of men will possess the package of characteristics needed to capture the love of a woman?

This is what blogger Luke Ford ( http://www.lukeford.net) said to men in this regard on November 4, 2012?

If you don’t have a woman in your life, the primary problem is likely not in how you interact with women, but in how you interact with men. If you are respected and admired by other men, the women will come. If you’re not, they won’t.

What do you think? Is this the missing "link" to the "pink"?

Wondering whether shouting, "Amen, amen, amen", over and over will make women more amenable,

John

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I Think to gain the respect of either gender, you must first gain a strong sense of SELF RESPECT for without it, How would you recognize it's value, and appreciate the need for it's presence in all humanity ? Praying theheart pope

Nov 11th 2012 new

(Quote) Sheila-371804 said: I Think to gain the respect of either gender, you must first gain a strong sense of
(Quote) Sheila-371804 said:

I Think to gain the respect of either gender, you must first gain a strong sense of SELF RESPECT for without it, How would you recognize it's value, and appreciate the need for it's presence in all humanity ?

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Hi Sheila,

I haven't seen you for a while. Nice to see you again. Maybe I just see people who visit this room.

I'd agree with your view about the necessity for self-respect, but I was not trying to say that the respect of men was the root requirement (the one that comes before all other requirements) needed before a man was ready to seeking the heart of a woman.

I just meant to ask whether a man who did not have the respect of good men should first get that kind of respect before thinking that he has the qualities that an emotionally mature woman is looking for. Also I did not mean that a man who does not have the respect of men should seek that respect directly, but rather that he should develop the good habits, sometimes called virtues, that would have, as a side effect, the earning of the respect of mature men.

I meant that for a man to have the respect of other men was a good indicator, but neither the only indicator nor the best indicator, that he was ready to pursue the heart of a woman.

Wondering what eating hearty meals indicates, scratchchin eyebrow

John

Nov 12th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Hi Pat, Thanks for your take on the basic question of this topic. I join your claim ...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Hi Pat,

Thanks for your take on the basic question of this topic.

I join your claim that saying that a man is respected by other men is not the same as saying that he is an alpha male. I also agree with you that any man, and not just those able to rise to high levels of wealth, power and fame, can gain the respect of other men if he has moral traits such as honesty and hard work.

That was an interesting story especially the correlation between military service and honorable traits, which qualities, you note, won't hurt in the pursuit of a romantic relationship with a similarly mature woman.

Wondering whether I should join marching school immediately or maybe wait until next March,

John

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Perhaps when you get your "Marching" papers...... rolling eyes

Nov 12th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Hi Sheila, I haven't seen you for a while. Nice to see you again. Maybe I just see peop...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Hi Sheila,

I haven't seen you for a while. Nice to see you again. Maybe I just see people who visit this room.

I'd agree with your view about the necessity for self-respect, but I was not trying to say that the respect of men was the root requirement (the one that comes before all other requirements) needed before a man was ready to seeking the heart of a woman.

I just meant to ask whether a man who did not have the respect of good men should first get that kind of respect before thinking that he has the qualities that an emotionally mature woman is looking for. Also I did not mean that a man who does not have the respect of men should seek that respect directly, but rather that he should develop the good habits, sometimes called virtues, that would have, as a side effect, the earning of the respect of mature men.

I meant that for a man to have the respect of other men was a good indicator, but neither the only indicator nor the best indicator, that he was ready to pursue the heart of a woman.

Wondering what eating hearty meals indicates,

John

--hide--
Maybe a taste for other less delectible organs....

Nov 12th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: No, Anna. You got it all wrong. One principle of Biblical interpretation is that one verse or even...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

No, Anna. You got it all wrong. One principle of Biblical interpretation is that one verse or even several verses of scripture cannot be interpreted in isolation from the rest of the Bible. I will not interpret, but just mention a passage from the second epistle of Saint Peter, Chapter2, Verse 16 (2Peter 3:16), "There are some things in them that are hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other Scriptures."

Trying to keep things real,

John

--hide--
We need not concentrate on the specific passages mentioned by you or Anna. What's important is the overall message that is conveyed by the Bible (the Word of God). Do you see a conflict with what she stated and the message of the Bible? Is not what she said "real"?

Nov 17th 2012 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: The respect of what group of men? I think the characteristics of the group has bearing. A man migh...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

The respect of what group of men? I think the characteristics of the group has bearing. A man might be respected by his gang of Hell's Angels or of mobsters; this may be attractive to a certain group of women, and then "virtue" has little to do with it.

Even in a Christian circle, there are exceptions of sorts. As Christians are still sinners and imperfect, despite having traditionally honorable qualities, mistakes can be made. The "judging" (so to speak) group of men may not respect, or seem to respect, a particular man for some reasons that are not of the particular man so much as the reasons are a part of the flaws of the judging group. The group could have misinterpreted the man in some way, or they have unacknowledged prejudices or jealousies which have influenced their feeling toward the man.

The same, a group of men could have been fooled by a particular man, feel respect for him, and yet the man has qualities which make him much less than respectable.

It's all very complicated and confusing sometimes. I think all we can do is our best at the moment, know we'll make mistakes in judgment in both ways (not like someone good and like someone not so good), and we just go on.

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Your right on an absolute scale, but not on a human scale. By a "human scale", I mean the way that most people would interpret words they hear. Someone following your style might hear someone say, "It's hot", on a day when the thermometer rose to 100 °F, but then correct the speaker with, "Not really. Absolute zero is −459.67 °F and the temperatures at the center of some stars is millions of degrees °F. Since we're less than a thousand degrees °F from absolute zero but millions of degrees °F from the highest temperatures in the universe, were actually very cold". Again this person is correct on an absolute, cosmic scale, but not on a human scale. Some of the verses in the Book of Proverb can be subject to this same absolute-scale criticism.

Another problem with this absolute style is a practical one, that it would require so many qualifications that in turn would require such great length that nobody would read it. Still a third problem would be that all those qualifications would make it hard to understand even though all the qualifications were intended to increase understand through greater exactness.

Nov 17th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Your right on an absolute scale, but not on a human scale. By a "human scale", I mean th...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Your right on an absolute scale, but not on a human scale. By a "human scale", I mean the way that most people would interpret words they hear. Someone following your style might hear someone say, "It's hot", on a day when the thermometer rose to 100 °F, but then correct the speaker with, "Not really. Absolute zero is −459.67 °F and the temperatures at the center of some stars is millions of degrees °F. Since we're less than a thousand degrees °F from absolute zero but millions of degrees °F from the highest temperatures in the universe, were actually very cold". Again this person is correct on an absolute, cosmic scale, but not on a human scale. Some of the verses in the Book of Proverb can be subject to this same absolute-scale criticism.

Another problem with this absolute style is a practical one, that it would require so many qualifications that in turn would require such great length that nobody would read it. Still a third problem would be that all those qualifications would make it hard to understand even though all the qualifications were intended to increase understand through greater exactness.

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Joan has a dry wit. Or she may have Asperger's syndrome. Someone who was not familiar with her, who heard one of her quips or observed a particular mannerism in her, might think she was rude or cynical or strange or a number of qualities that were misinterpretations of Joan---all based on one experience which was taken out of the context of Joan in her entirety. This person could then tell others they knew that Joan was "weird", and they, respecting the teller, would believe this about Joan, and Joan would be inaccurately judged against.

This is one example of the concept I had in mind by qualifying a group's "respect". I think it's a prudent way to live--not to quickly take some group's opinion unless you really are aware of your group, both the strengths and the weaknesses. I know my son is very mature for his age, and he has good observation skills and good judgment, but I won't always take his evaluations of someone or something at face value, because I know his life experience is too limited to always be accurate.

Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: When I think about men who have the respect of other men, it is because they are responsible, fun...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:

When I think about men who have the respect of other men, it is because they are responsible, funny and have a great deal of integrity. They help out and care about their friendships.

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Peace be with you. When I first got to this thread I was waiting for a comment like this. I'll write of my own experience. Those that desire to use and hurt others seek power of influence so no one will challenge, and the power can be used to remove threats. I have been described with those three adjectives and been to many groups of men and gotten much disrepect, and indifference by those with the "respect" of other men. Many times I would enter a group clique already with the admiration of several women only to be treated poorly by the "man" of the group; he felt I threatened him. [that is what I got from him talking one-on-one, somesort of verbal bout of dominace; quite sad]. The men with viture and the other good qualities, including women that were single have liked me once they gotten to know me. I know that women observe the interactions of men; I have learned that women as least subconsciously desire to dominate men through their man. One class of man that despises my presence is the play'r; since I do not fall under his charm and thus influence by him. Those guys want the respect of other men so to get near the females; it's that simple. Also, even if the play'r is identified the woman still want him around due to his attention that he gives them.

Me? I do not seek power or positions of influence. Those that do want one of two things: Power to hurt others or to protect others. The Lord is my protector; I submit to him. I would tell my daughters to seek a man who cares not of respect from his peers, but only the men of virtue and humility. Also, I have a dislike for women who crave that attention of the men with "respect"...something about self-love. I could write more.

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