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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Shy and awkward

11/20/2012 new
What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without sounding boring or too intense?
11/20/2012 new

Hi John,

You may be or think you are shy (introverted) and feel awkward but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are boring.

Here’s an example for you that often works for me. If you were sitting across the dinner table with someone, she would most likely be outgoing (extroverted) because the majority of our culture is. She probably would immediately begin the conversation (that’s her strength). You could then join in remembering your response to her comments is not boring. We all appreciate someone who hears us.

Or you could begin first by asking a question or two and listening intently (that’s your strength—remember that). The other person would undoubtedly pick up the conversation. In other words, speak to what has been stated or allow the other to respond to your questions or compliments. Practice is the key. If at first you don’t succeed…. If you are both introverts the pace will be slower, but neither will be too uncomfortable for long.

Good luck. God bless. Happy Thanksgiving.

11/20/2012 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without soun...
(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without sounding boring or too intense?
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John, before giving you my answer I viewed your profile and album. You really are a shy guy but not awkward. You are a good catch to a wonderful woman because of your values, your beliefs and you came from a model parents. I am sure you will follow the examples of your parents in regards to marriage. It will be a woman's loss if she ignores your messages of getting to know her. My guess perhaps is that the woman you choose does not know what she wants in life. Just pray that God will lead you to the right woman deserving of your love and loyalty. Do you love Music? Try this... Sing a happy song everyday. You will become alive and not boring. You are like my son in every way and he is able to find the right woman. He is a CPA and his wife is also an Accountant. When asked what attracts her to my son, she replied. He hums while he works and I love that attitude. She did not know at that time that my son is a DJ. (They found each other in the work place.)

11/20/2012 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without soun...
(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without sounding boring or too intense?
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Hi John, I do not think that being shy means you are awkward or boring. I used to be shy (well, I am still a bit!) a tip from me that has opened many doors is to smile. You do not necessarily need to say a lot as long as you are honest and show a smiling face. From a woman's point of view I much rather be with a man who may express himself with fewer but honest and direct words than with one with too many and empty ones. Still, try to show interest towards a woman (if such is your intention) otherwise she might confuse your shyness with lack of interest. Good luck! wave

11/20/2012 new

(Quote) Marie-731748 said: (Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkwar...
(Quote) Marie-731748 said:

Quote:
John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without sounding boring or too intense?



Hi John, I do not think that being shy means you are awkward or boring. I used to be shy (well, I am still a bit!) a tip from me that has opened many doors is to smile. You do not necessarily need to say a lot as long as you are honest and show a smiling face. From a woman's point of view I much rather be with a man who may express himself with fewer but honest and direct words than with one with too many and empty ones. Still, try to show interest towards a woman (if such is your intention) otherwise she might confuse your shyness with lack of interest. Good luck!

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Ask a woman to tell you about herself. Review the thread where I outlined a list of questions we should ask on dates. You may remember that thread from a month back or so? It is in this room and then I did a second thread-- but people seemed bored with the topic. The questions are there for you to ask. If you show interest in a woman- that will be great. Many men have dated me and not asked questions of me and I find that to be a little odd. If you are shy, it could be to your credit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For that reason- get her to talk and then pick up from what she says to you. If you are nervous while she talks, practice deep breathing before during and after a date. Deep breathing will help you calm down. If that does not help- try talking to a counselor perhaps? use the counselor interaction to help you work on your anxiety, nerves, get feedback and on rehearsing things to say/do/talk about on a date. Working on Social skills is a great reason to see a counselor.
If that does not appeal to you-Practice in some other way( with your sister?) or just practice write a script even. You have all of the qualities women here would love. Try as much as you can, to feel confident about that.

11/20/2012 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without soun...
(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without sounding boring or too intense?
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Have faith that you can do this. Date more casually for a while- date to make a friend- as a way to lighten this whole thing up.

11/20/2012 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without soun...
(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without sounding boring or too intense?
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I have to agree with Marian. If you have some questions (not too personal) that are of general interest, you can encourage your date to handle a good part of the conversation. If you will allow her to do that, she may compliment you on being a good conversationalist. It's happened. Be a good listener when she talks -- that can lead to additional discussions.

Try to keep your questions open ended so that the answer doesn't come out as just a one word "Yes", "No", or "Maybe" answer and that's the end of it. As you are talking you will become more engrossed in what she is saying that you will forget about your shyness (or a good part of it). A lot of us have experienced shyness at one time or another. It's not being shy that holds us back -- it's not confronting it.

Many women will actually think some degree of shyness is cute. The more you get out and talk with both men and women, the more at ease you will become in social situations. Try to focus on your date rather than yourself. Lose yourself in the moment. She is honoring you with her presence, and you are trying to show your appreciation.

As we've said before, be yourself. Pretending or faking to be something you're not will soon become transparent, and you'll lose more than you've gained. Even if you feel a little klutzy because of your shyness, there's nothing wrong with admitting it. Your date may surprisingly be very helpful under the circumstances (a definite plus for both of you).

Think about the little engine that could -- "I can; I can......" Yes, John -- you can.

11/20/2012 new

Another thought, John -- if you can arrange to go out in a small group, the conversations will be divided amongst you, taking off some of the pressure you feel. This may help in your situation. At least it can't hurt.

11/20/2012 new

Sometimes I think we can be our own worst enemy because we can be so critical of ourselves or self- sabotaging. I think many persons in the dating world believe they are shy and say awkward things to the opposite sex this may be based on many things perhaps from a bad habit of evaluating oneself negatively or maybe from feeling overly nervous about making a good impression. My advice is be your own best friend, when conversing with the opposite sex STOP evaluating what you are doing and saying... perhaps use a little mindfulness dating..LAUGH.. I think you can overcome some of your anxiety by laughing at the silly things, remember your date may be just as nervous as you are...BREATHE, try to relax and have fun, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. Last but not least PRAY, it doesn't matter how shy or awkward you are, if your'e respectful, considerate and act gentlemanly towards your date, she will respond positively to it, if not its her loss.

11/20/2012 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without soun...
(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without sounding boring or too intense?
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I would compare getting over shyness to learning how to swim. A person can never learn to swim without jumping into the water first.

Just the same way, a person stops being shy by throwing themselves into social situations until they no longer have that problem. Just keep plugging at it until it does not feel awkward anymore and just feels second nature to be social.

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