There has to be the element of adventure and trust. When young this was I think much easier, we felt invincible, strong, lots of time to maneuver to what we wanted. With maturity we realize our limits and those seme to be closing in - when we renew prescritpion glasses, look at the scale, find a new ache or pain, etc.
My belief is that nothing ventured is nothing gained, but instead usually results in loss. I have met some really wonderful women on this site. It drew me back, even though I am too busy with my dad's cancer fight, a new hosue under construction, visitaiton/custody court actios, and other distractions.
Loss of a spouse can be very painful. In my case, my ex had a duel personality that i discovered only in the ast year of our union after many other painful discoveries such as the beatings of my children in my absence while at work. I loved the projected woman, but when I found that person was merely like a projection - and being confronted with the core, real person, it was devastating. I grieved loss for almost 2 years. FOr those who have had beloved spouses and lost them I will suggest what a visionary told a mother who lost her young son to cancer, "Do not be sad. Miguel is with you every day and he is very joyful in heaven." I do not have even that.
The good news is that I hope to meet someone that will love me and that I can love. The rest is similar to other people I have read in their profiles, chemistry, common interests, etc. This effort shall necessarily include many rejections, indeed I expect everybody but a few to reject me. So, remaining open and vulnerable is a consciencious effort, that runs counter to what I could have naturally and easily done regarding all women. I am searching the world for the woman of my dreams in a certain sense, but I know any marriage MUST include certian elements.
NOBODY wants to be a replacement. I can't and refuse to be a replacement or treat another that way. If another perosn comes into my life she shall be unique, special, and deeply loved. My past loves I do not try to suppress because authentic love is eternal - and I am ok with that. Others might not be.
Any marriage I am part of shall include God as participant and member of that marriage. I can't tell you how many hundreds of women I have seen on various websites who describe themselves as "liberal" or "very liberal" and have no relationship with God. They want to try the fairy tale movie thing repeatedly even in old age! They keep getting the same failed results! Harvard did a big study and found that couples that pray together daily have about 1 chance in 1500 of divorce, regardless their faith. Otherwise divorce is practically certain.
I expected and have found especially on this Catholic website, remarkable women. Many of them, while we don't have chemistry, have given me sound advice and prudent counsel, prayers and support. I love that capacity women have so much of and men often don't. But i especially love the heart of women and clear honesty I have seen in many profiles or in messages. Maria's comment is one clear example - so human and refreshing and so true.
Do not be discouraged. Do not discard the beautyof your relationship with your past spouse. At its best, that relationshoip was a gift of free will toward authentic love, which I think we will all find is always eternal.