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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Die a Virgin?

11/25/2012 new
For those who have always been celibate ie never ever had sex - regardless of how old you are, do you ever worry that perhaps you'll die a virgin? is this a big concern for you, and how do you deal with this. And for the re-born virgins either by virtue of having gone through a divorce and now celibate or have had premarital sex and now celibate in keeping with the teachings of the church, do you fear never having sex again?..and for all who fit into the category above, how has this negatively affected your relationships in the past. I know it has been a deal breaker for some of the guys I've dated...hence why I'm here on CM. please share your thoughts. Thanks.
11/25/2012 new
Hoping this is not an "inappropriate" topic for CM...I am assuming we are all adults and will make comments that are honest and in good taste biggrin
11/26/2012 new

(Quote) Renai-414828 said: Hoping this is not an "inappropriate" topic for CM...I am assuming we are all adults and will ...
(Quote) Renai-414828 said: Hoping this is not an "inappropriate" topic for CM...I am assuming we are all adults and will make comments that are honest and in good taste
--hide--

Hi Renai,

I've had other divorced guys just want a relationship based on sex alone and I've turned them down. It gets me very frustrated because they feel that since I'm divorced and have kids I should expect less than I did when I was single and childless. My answer is always "no". Contrary to their opinion, I am worth more NOW than I was before the divorce. he believes I am capable of leading this motley crew and I won't let Him down.

I have everything I need. Unconditional love, fantastic children, and a God who has allowed me to survive divorce. A man at this point is an extra. Sure I would love to have companionship, but only if it is right for all of us. I would easily make the sacrifice of being alone for my children if it is God's will. He will give me the strength for whatever lies ahead.

11/26/2012 new

Wow, Carmen that is an awesome response!....I guess it helps somewhat if you have someone to live for - for instance your children. I'm not saying it's easier, it may even be more difficult for those who have had a life where there was a constant companion. I also think it would be easier if both people share the same views on sex...otherwise, the temptation is just too great. I pray to God too for strength, but sometimes one wonders what if I end up 80 and still a virgin wide eyed wide eyed wide eyed. I know of a friend whose dad was aghast because at 30, he found out she was still a virgin, he clearly suggested she reconsider her status, and attributed her being single to the fact that she wasn't putting out....this is her own father!!!.

11/26/2012 new

(Quote) Renai-414828 said: Wow, Cramen that is an awesome response!....I guess it helps somewhat if you have someone to live for - ...
(Quote) Renai-414828 said: Wow, Cramen that is an awesome response!....I guess it helps somewhat if you have someone to live for - for instance your children. I'm not saying it's easier, it may even be more difficult for those who have had a life where there was a constant companion. I also think it would be easier if both people share the same views on sex...otherwise, the temptation is just too great. I pray to God too for strength, but sometimes one wonders what if I end up 80 and still a virgin . I know of a friend whose dad was aghast because at 30, he found out she was still a virgin, he clearly suggested she reconsider her status, and attributed her being single to the fact that she wasn't putting out....this is her own father!!!.
--hide--
Renai, if you reach 80 and are still a virgin, how will that affect your chances of eternal salvation?

11/26/2012 new

I have actually never thought of it that way, perhaps because I'm still quite young. And even if I am to die young and unexpectedly, being a virgin till death would be the least of my worries. For the very few guys I dated in the past, it's been a precious value to them rather than a deal-breaker, probably because I've been very selective regarding guys I date. And if I happen to come across a guy for whom this is a deal-breaker, it is just an indication that he isn't the right person for moi wave .. his loss, not mine! rolling eyes

11/26/2012 new
(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Renai, if you reach 80 and are still a virgin, how will that affect your chances of eternal salvation?
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Renai, if you reach 80 and are still a virgin, how will that affect your chances of eternal salvation?

--hide--


laughing laughing laughing - Trust wise Ray to come up with that....yes, in the view of eternal life, that would not be so bad afterall...
11/26/2012 new
Great post Chuka, and you are absolutely right - his loss, not mine...and that has always been my view..yes, a few guys did value that as a virtue some not so much, and trust me when I say I do choose wisely, but for men who are not serious Catholics/Christians, though what endeared me to them was their intrinsic goodness, it was tough for them to compromise long term...yes for a while, they did, but when you are in a 4 year relationship, after a while, they begin to get impatient...so there! Thanks for your comments.

(Quote) Chuka-900164 said: I have actually never thought of it that way, perhaps because I'm still quite young. And even if I am to di...
(Quote) Chuka-900164 said:

I have actually never thought of it that way, perhaps because I'm still quite young. And even if I am to die young and unexpectedly, being a virgin till death would be the least of my worries. For the very few guys I dated in the past, it's been a precious value to them rather than a deal-breaker, probably because I've been very selective regarding guys I date. And if I happen to come across a guy for whom this is a deal-breaker, it is just an indication that he isn't the right person for moi .. his loss, not mine!

--hide--
11/26/2012 new
(Quote) Renai-414828 said: - Trust wise Ray to come up with that....yes, in the view of eternal life, that would not be so bad ...
(Quote) Renai-414828 said:

- Trust wise Ray to come up with that....yes, in the view of eternal life, that would not be so bad afterall...
--hide--


One other thing to add Ray, is that while I see and understand where you are going with your comment above, there is a human element we cannot ignore in all matters concerning sex. I don't see myself yielding to pressure, but at the same time, our humanity is real.
11/26/2012 new

(Quote) Renai-414828 said: Wow, Cramen that is an awesome response!....I guess it helps somewhat if you have someone to live for - ...
(Quote) Renai-414828 said: Wow, Cramen that is an awesome response!....I guess it helps somewhat if you have someone to live for - for instance your children. I'm not saying it's easier, it may even be more difficult for those who have had a life where there was a constant companion. I also think it would be easier if both people share the same views on sex...otherwise, the temptation is just too great. I pray to God too for strength, but sometimes one wonders what if I end up 80 and still a virgin . I know of a friend whose dad was aghast because at 30, he found out she was still a virgin, he clearly suggested she reconsider her status, and attributed her being single to the fact that she wasn't putting out....this is her own father!!!.
--hide--

Hi Renai, I never said I had a constant companion, lol, hence the divorce.

For those of us who have been married (especially with children) the perspective on sex is completely different. Honestly, it is not as important in the marriage as you would believe. More important is compassion, consideration, compromise. Sex means nothing without those. The connection during sex is not so much the physcial as the pyschological and emotional unity that comes when two people selflessly give of each other. It is a reward for humility to one another.

Many virginal saints have been able to achieve this level of fulfillment in their communication and humility to God, but also have the assurance of their eternal salvataion. In that sense, I am jealous of them.

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