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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person?

Recently, I've been having some unwanted thoughts in this little brain of mine. I look at myself and think, "self, you're not too bad looking, right? Why then, are you still looking for a mate? Why do the men you find attractive not pay attention to you?" I've got some major "stinkin' thinkin'" going on, but it does pose an intriguing question.


Wouldn't look like to see yourself from someone else's perspective?

12/03/2012 new

(Quote) Erica-348721 said: I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person? <...
(Quote) Erica-348721 said:

I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person?

Recently, I've been having some unwanted thoughts in this little brain of mine. I look at myself and think, "self, you're not too bad looking, right? Why then, are you still looking for a mate? Why do the men you find attractive not pay attention to you?" I've got some major "stinkin' thinkin'" going on, but it does pose an intriguing question.


Wouldn't look like to see yourself from someone else's perspective?

--hide--

Realistically, yes and no. Sometimes I struggle with what I appear to be like (I especially have a complex about my looks sometimes). But you would get a different answer for every person you ask (depending on their moods and issues too). I would like to see myself as God sees me and how God envisions my future self to be so I can aspire to it.

12/03/2012 new

Rose, that's the important thing to remember. It's hard tho, being 25 I try envisioning my future life with husband and children, and I know I'm young, but it still makes me wonder. : )

Guess it really is all up to God - I know He will lead me to the right destination. I just wish I could have hints sometimes! ;-)

12/04/2012 new

(Quote) Erica-348721 said: I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person? <...
(Quote) Erica-348721 said:

I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person?

Recently, I've been having some unwanted thoughts in this little brain of mine. I look at myself and think, "self, you're not too bad looking, right? Why then, are you still looking for a mate? Why do the men you find attractive not pay attention to you?" I've got some major "stinkin' thinkin'" going on, but it does pose an intriguing question.


Wouldn't look like to see yourself from someone else's perspective?

--hide--


Well my problem is that I consider myself good-looking in the mirror, yet in pictures I don't. Maybe it's the lighting or something but I generally don't like how I look on camera. Which makes it rather hard to find pictures to put up on my profile. scratchchin But it's all about the confidence. If I feel good, I'm gonna look good.

12/04/2012 new

(Quote) Erica-348721 said: I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person? <...
(Quote) Erica-348721 said:

I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person?

Recently, I've been having some unwanted thoughts in this little brain of mine. I look at myself and think, "self, you're not too bad looking, right? Why then, are you still looking for a mate? Why do the men you find attractive not pay attention to you?" I've got some major "stinkin' thinkin'" going on, but it does pose an intriguing question.


Wouldn't look like to see yourself from someone else's perspective?

--hide--


Many reasons come together to create the end result of not being married yet. The main issue is opportunity. After that, all of the other categories answer as the reasons why someone is not yet married. Not every man we meet is looking to get married. Of the ones who are, how many have things in common with us? or would take an interest in us? I remember being your age and hoping I would meet a man to marry. No matter how many groups I attended and how hard I looked for young adult groups and in turn went to them, I met guys but not always men with whom I had anything in common.

Most young men in your age grouyp may not be looking to marry yet. But Keep asking these questions and do it out loud like this and someone who is eligible will DEFINITLY notice you. You are beautiful!

It is a pity that women think that beauty is what they need in order to find love but due to the laws of attraction, this is ..how ...we see it.

Do not focus on the woman in the mirror for now. Work on who the woman is inside and if this gets your attention, it should help remove the stinken thinken. Read good books and find interests that you will share when you meet someone special.

12/04/2012 new

(Quote) Erica-348721 said: I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person? <...
(Quote) Erica-348721 said:

I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person?

Recently, I've been having some unwanted thoughts in this little brain of mine. I look at myself and think, "self, you're not too bad looking, right? Why then, are you still looking for a mate? Why do the men you find attractive not pay attention to you?" I've got some major "stinkin' thinkin'" going on, but it does pose an intriguing question.


Wouldn't look like to see yourself from someone else's perspective?

--hide--
If you're on CM for awhile, that's exactly what'll happen..... wink

12/04/2012 new

(Quote) Erica-348721 said: I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person? <...
(Quote) Erica-348721 said:

I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person?

Recently, I've been having some unwanted thoughts in this little brain of mine. I look at myself and think, "self, you're not too bad looking, right? Why then, are you still looking for a mate? Why do the men you find attractive not pay attention to you?" I've got some major "stinkin' thinkin'" going on, but it does pose an intriguing question.


Wouldn't look like to see yourself from someone else's perspective?

--hide--
Looks ain't everything......It's the exterior part of you -- the shell.

What's inside the shell may be perfectly desirable, but because of each person's circumstances, the right person just hasn't been found yet. The world of dating has changed. People are also marrying at at a later age.

Perhaps the men who aren't paying attention to you aren't worthy of yours. That still puts you ahead of the game. If you need to spend time for introspection, try to find a quiet place and a quiet weekend to contemplate who you are -- your positive qualities; your not-so-positive qualities (not to worry -- we all have them); your goals, ambitions, wants, likes, dislikes....

Also -- are you in situations where you can meet people of the opposite gender? Some people aren't, at least in their own back yard. Several men your age are still settling into their careers and don't have romance and marriage in mind right now.

Patience.....is the key. hug

12/04/2012 new

I am much too hard on myself when looking in a mirror. It's as though I am looking in a giant magnifying glass & see every flaw. A few years ago, a wonderful old priest told me I was God's lovely daughter. That was such an uplifting thought that I have meditated on often. Women of every age, size, color, we are all God's lovely daughters! So stand a little taller, walk with happy footsteps, & imagine God looking at you with the greatest love you could ever know. I still look in the mirror & see my flaws, but I keep reminding myself that I am God's lovely daughter!

12/04/2012 new

That's hard to answer. As I spent alot of time struggling with my own perception of my appearance, the temptation to view myself as less than pretty frequently lurks around my mirror. I've pondered the same question as you - I enjoy kids, cooking, and football, I mean, what's not to like?! laughing Maybe, for those of us who struggle, this is a lesson in faith. Choosing to believe we are a wondrous creation by our great unseen God, or choosing to believe words from folks who aren't God. Shouldn't be such a hard question, but darn it -sometimes it is.

Praying for you! Praying

12/04/2012 new

(Quote) Erica-348721 said: I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person?
(Quote) Erica-348721 said:

I guess the more accurate question is, what do people see when they look at another person?
[/quote]
What people see when they look at another person is an icon of the most Blessed Trinity; especially so, if that person is masculine, feminine, or child.

Quote:

Recently, I've been having some unwanted thoughts in this little brain of mine. I look at myself and think, "self, you're not too bad looking, right? Why then, are you still looking for a mate?
[/quote]
Men typically require about 45 minutes of continuous exposure before the gears in their brains begin turning. I reckon it takes even longer for men of virtue and much, much less time for the men of little virtue to get their brains turning. In my experience nobody plots and plans more than a wolf on the prowl. In my experience they are almost never relaxed, always thinking, always guarding himself, always fashioning a half-truth.

[quote]
Why do the men you find attractive not pay attention to you?"


Oh, they are paying attention. Some men are more sly about it than others. Generally speaking, men know that they do not have to pay attention. One type of fella will not allow himself to pay attention so as to play off her insecurity. The other type of fella will not allow himself to pay attention so that she might carefully observe him, knowing that if he is being manly she will respect him.


[quote]
Wouldn't look like to see yourself from someone else's perspective?

--hide--

If I had the opportunity I hope it would from a saintly perspective of greater breadth, depth, and height, and not from the modern viewpoint which seems to put everything under the lens of microscope.



Additionally, there are two parishes in Peru, St. Mary and St. Valentine, that by all appearances are rather healthy parishes. St. Valentine piques my interest. It is not enough to find someone that is attractive to you. I would say it is a matter of learning to find what should be attractive to you.

You homework assignment is: First read about St. Valentine and then do a novena to him and ask him to send you a fella to have lunch with. Second, read and learn about the Eight Virtues as taught by our Tradition. Having knowledge of them is a very useful tool in evaluating the guys out there.


Here: www.newadvent.org

And, here: www.newadvent.org


Of pointed interest is the word 'mate'. Often it is useful to see what our words mean by looking to our ancient brethren. Mate is a proto-Germanic word meaning 'a person you have table fellowship with'. It is good to know that the word 'mate' is about proximity and not about sexuality, or as an old fella once said, "It's not about good feelings it's about responsibility."

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