Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Dec 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: you'll never be happy until you forgive and forget.
(Quote) David-364112 said:


you'll never be happy until you forgive and forget.

--hide--

I have been finding David's comments to be true in my life. God has been calling me to be looking more at myself and less at the wrongs others have done to me.

I am in the process today of helping my ex move in with her new husband, even though they will be moving my daughter 50 miles from me. At least she won't be burning rubber in my front yard anymore. LOL.

God Bless,

Will

Dec 5th 2012 new

When marriage vows are broken, there is something wrong, correct? It is until death do us part and if one breaks that then it is wrong. I believe that in our search to acknowledge our imperfections or 'contributions to the marriage' as they are called, and come to forgiveness of our ex-spouse, we can water down the idea that breaking vows is not right, and we have been betrayed. Christ expressed righteous indignation over the money changers in the Temple.


I don't want to bury facts. Betrayal happened to many of us on CM. We had made a lifetime commitment in front of God and man and we expected it to be permanent. We were not perfect spouses but there should have been no expectation of that. It is not fair but Jesus experienced betrayal as well and it is part of life and our Cross. I refuse to say it is okay what happened or make excuses for him bailing. I choose to move on and make the best of what God has allowed to happen to my marriage. He didn't want it either and He still loves my ex-spouse, I know, so with an act of will and compassion for him, I offer three Hail Mary's for him everyday. I feel at peace now about it but will never condone his actions or excuse them or assist him in his new life. Courteous, yes but condoning no. I pray he comes back to his Faith because, in Christian love, I want him to be in a State of Grace when he meets Our Lord.

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Daniel-634934 said: You have no idea how outraged I was a couple of years ago when I read on FB that another man was...
(Quote) Daniel-634934 said:

You have no idea how outraged I was a couple of years ago when I read on FB that another man was announcing his "engagement" to my wife despite the fact that the divorce was 2-3 months away. I did not see this person until after the divorce (and the marriage when the ink wasn't even dry on the divorce ), and I just had to laugh. This guy almost 20 years older than my ex, and looks almost like her father.

Even though the situation still annoys me I saw him in broad daylight when I returned one of my daughter to her moms house, and this guy has a gut hanging over his beltline not to mention that he is not an attractive man by any means. Don't most women usually trade "up" to get back at their ec spouses?

--hide--
Trade up? Aaahhh I never considered my husband ugly. He was handsome to me. how do I trade up from that? A different man will just ne handsome in HIS own way to me. My eyes will see the wonder of HIM! As far as character is concerned,as faith, or emotional stability, yes, I hope to be smarter about what I choose to tie my life to.

Dec 9th 2012 new

Daniel I am sorry for your pain. Divorce is not an easy thing. However, to have peace in your heart you need to forgive your ex wife. Not for her but for yourself. That does not mean that what she did was right and that by forgiving her you are saying it is ok. No it doesn't mean that at all. Without forgiveness you cannot move on. There is no room in your heart for love and hate to exist at the same time. You need to forgive so that you have room for love in your heart. Until then you cannot move on.

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Daniel-634934 said: David, I don't have the heart to return your post with ugliness because you are a positive i...
(Quote) Daniel-634934 said:

David, I don't have the heart to return your post with ugliness because you are a positive influence on CM, and your advice is very much appreciated. That woman's behavior emasculated me as a person, and I don't have a grace filled heart so I can't be happy for her not to mention that forgiveness won't be quick and easy.

What she did hurt the children much more than she did me, and for those who feel the need to be happy for her, and to minimize what SHE did why even bother to respond to this thread????

--hide--


Daniel re-hassing the past will never make the situation right and will inflict further pain on your children. David is right that forgiveness is the only way. Having an unforgiving spirit will only hurt you and your children. I have seen this in my own situation. Six years after the divorce my children have thanked me on numerous ocassions for being decent to their father. Being positive will help your children, it is an investment in their future (think of them). Good luck.

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Meg-920823 said: When marriage vows are broken, there is something wrong, correct? It is until death do us part and ...
(Quote) Meg-920823 said:

When marriage vows are broken, there is something wrong, correct? It is until death do us part and if one breaks that then it is wrong. I believe that in our search to acknowledge our imperfections or 'contributions to the marriage' as they are called, and come to forgiveness of our ex-spouse, we can water down the idea that breaking vows is not right, and we have been betrayed. Christ expressed righteous indignation over the money changers in the Temple.


I don't want to bury facts. Betrayal happened to many of us on CM. We had made a lifetime commitment in front of God and man and we expected it to be permanent. We were not perfect spouses but there should have been no expectation of that. It is not fair but Jesus experienced betrayal as well and it is part of life and our Cross. I refuse to say it is okay what happened or make excuses for him bailing. I choose to move on and make the best of what God has allowed to happen to my marriage. He didn't want it either and He still loves my ex-spouse, I know, so with an act of will and compassion for him, I offer three Hail Mary's for him everyday. I feel at peace now about it but will never condone his actions or excuse them or assist him in his new life. Courteous, yes but condoning no. I pray he comes back to his Faith because, in Christian love, I want him to be in a State of Grace when he meets Our Lord.

--hide--

This is a very thoughtful post Meg.... and so true...

I think you're right on. David's right in that there is no peace till we learn to forgive, but we have to know what it is we're forgiving before we will have the grace to do so... It takes such a long time to heal from the devastation of divorce because It tears us to shreds... not a clean break that heals quickly. Those hurts must be examined, taken apart under the light of grace & prayer, & sometimes with the help of someone we trust in order to discover the truth... "The truth shall set you free"

I read an article about forgiving too soon under the guise of Christian principals. (Wish I could remember where) The danger is that when we throw a blanket on it saying, "Everything's OK", without realizing it's a deep betrayal we didn't deserve, the wound festers & turns inward causing all kinds of infection inside... depression, irritability, lack of trust, timidity, foggy thinking, addictions.... The list goes on & on... Forgiveness IS possible & necessary for the health of our soul. It takes prayer, the sacraments, the willingness to forgive & time... IMHO rose rose rose

Dec 10th 2012 new

(Quote) Debbie-514749 said: This is a very thoughtful post Meg.... and so true... I think you're right o...
(Quote) Debbie-514749 said:

This is a very thoughtful post Meg.... and so true...

I think you're right on. David's right in that there is no peace till we learn to forgive, but we have to know what it is we're forgiving before we will have the grace to do so... It takes such a long time to heal from the devastation of divorce because It tears us to shreds... not a clean break that heals quickly. Those hurts must be examined, taken apart under the light of grace & prayer, & sometimes with the help of someone we trust in order to discover the truth... "The truth shall set you free"

I read an article about forgiving too soon under the guise of Christian principals. (Wish I could remember where) The danger is that when we throw a blanket on it saying, "Everything's OK", without realizing it's a deep betrayal we didn't deserve, the wound festers & turns inward causing all kinds of infection inside... depression, irritability, lack of trust, timidity, foggy thinking, addictions.... The list goes on & on... Forgiveness IS possible & necessary for the health of our soul. It takes prayer, the sacraments, the willingness to forgive & time... IMHO

--hide--


I am so glad to hear you say what I came to believe, Debbie. One cannot throw a wet blanket on a betrayal. The anger will come out eventually. Anger is evidence, I was told, that something was very wrong--a secondary emotion. Once it is accepted and dealt with, then peace can come.

Dec 10th 2012 new

(Quote) Meg-920823 said: I am so glad to hear you say what I came to believe, Debbie. One cannot throw a wet bl...
(Quote) Meg-920823 said:


I am so glad to hear you say what I came to believe, Debbie. One cannot throw a wet blanket on a betrayal. The anger will come out eventually. Anger is evidence, I was told, that something was very wrong--a secondary emotion. Once it is accepted and dealt with, then peace can come.

--hide--

I've had to walk that same path.... Not at all easy, that's for sure.

But peace does come... and joy too! That was the real surprise... rose

Dec 10th 2012 new

Well, it could be worse. He could be 20-years younger, physically fit, and cute wink All joking behind, hope you find peace Praying rosary theheart

Dec 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Cathy-564420 said: Well, it could be worse. He could be 20-years younger, physically fit, and cute All joking behind...
(Quote) Cathy-564420 said:

Well, it could be worse. He could be 20-years younger, physically fit, and cute All joking behind, hope you find peace

--hide--
Thank you Cathy. Of all the responses to this post, yours was the best...lolwave

Posts 21 - 30 of 31