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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

12/05/2012 new

Thanks Ray. Writing this post and the responses - have made me aware of what my issue is. Sometimes grief is partly becoming aware of what we are feeling that is helpful. Praying hug thanks.

12/05/2012 new

(Quote) Andrea-368827 said: Thanks Ray. Writing this post and the responses - have made me aware of what my issue is. Someti...
(Quote) Andrea-368827 said:

Thanks Ray. Writing this post and the responses - have made me aware of what my issue is. Sometimes grief is partly becoming aware of what we are feeling that is helpful. thanks.

--hide--
Yes, Andrea -- realize that these feelings are normal and natural, so let them happen. Being aware is helpful to understand this. There is help through grief support groups. They are usually very helpful, and you will have a lot of support from others who have lost people close to them. Don't run away from your feelings -- embrace them, even though it is difficult to do that during times of sadness. Even that is natural.

12/05/2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: ...embrace them, even though it is difficult to do that during times of sadness.
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

...embrace them, even though it is difficult to do that during times of sadness.

--hide--


Good advice. There was a song I listened to that made me cry. (Sand and Water by Mary Chapin Carpenter.) I played it over and over again. I wanted the tears to dry up. They would never come when I wanted them, but rather at inconvenient or uncomfortable times. It certainly was not anything I could control. I was numb after the death and calm during the funeral. I see this as God's protection. The feelings can't be stuffed or ignored because they are too consuming. To fight it is akin to keeping poison in our system. Tears are a release.

Grief comes in waves. Sometimes its all about riding it out. Surround yourself with friends that can hold you. Unfortunately, you will have to walk through it. There are really no short cuts.

I don't think you should put any conditions on your grief, Andrea. To plan on crying at home and not at the funeral will frustrate you if it doesn't work out that way. Be patient, allow your emotions to just happen, give yourself time.


12/05/2012 new

Thanks Kathy. Yes, I agree. I just know I tend to short circuit the feeling naturally in public. But it'll do its own thing when the time comes. Maybe I'll be strong and so grateful or maybe sad. But I will let it be. Thanks for the song, I liked it.

Here is a song that came out around the same time my sister died, that I really like it. Although, its really a couple's song. It was popular.

I Miss You by Klymaxx

www.youtube.com

12/06/2012 new

Hi Andrea, Grieving is a normal process and go ahead and ball your eyes out. It might come up in the oddest of places during mass, the grocery store, the mall, wherever. Trust me, it is ok to cry and very normal. Don't worry about what people think, they know you are grieving especially during the funeral and burial, and if you break down in other places - who cares!

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your sister and commend your courage to help your mother.


God bless you Praying rosary theheart

12/06/2012 new

Thanks Cathy, a MN neighbor.

I think that's what I was asking for - public permission to change my habits in the future. And you all came through for me. sad is ok.

12/17/2012 new

(Quote) Andrea-368827 said: I lost a sister when I was 17, she was 26 - 1985. And I'm going to lose my Mother someday, s...
(Quote) Andrea-368827 said:

I lost a sister when I was 17, she was 26 - 1985. And I'm going to lose my Mother someday, she's had Alzheimer's for 11 years (I'm caring for her). (I'm doing very well and I am really glad to have the opportunity to give back to my mom. )

I'm not a widower but you know what I'm talking about. My question is about feelings.

Crying in public - is it best to hold it back as much as possible or allow yourself to be sad/cry at the burial? And be scared you won't stop if you start :)

I've handled all the stages of grief. But I haven't cried with other people around.

Try to suck it up or not? I know she'll be buried next to my sister and I think I will lose it, because I've still got tears pent up from the first round.

Has anyone else made this decision ahead of time? And how did it go?

--hide--

I've not made such a decision in my life and I've never stopped myself froom crying at a funeral, if that's what I felt like doing. Crying around other people doesn't bother me. I think a stoic showing or lack of feelings bothers me a lot more. I cry easily and I find that crying releases tension and stress, so rather than leave feelings pent up, I feel it''s better to allow yourself to grieve and cry, if you feel like it. There's nothing wrong with crying if a true emotion becomes rather overwhelming.



01/19/2013 new

My beautiful daughter makes the determination that she will NOT cry, but it has no effect what so ever on whether she does or not.
Emotions take hold and fly when you least expect Especially when you try to contain them.
hug
you are a beautiful woman Andrea! love is powerful and tears are just a sign of deep love.

01/20/2013 new

(Quote) Karen-712407 said: My beautiful daughter makes the determination that she will NOT cry, but it has no effect what so...
(Quote) Karen-712407 said:

My beautiful daughter makes the determination that she will NOT cry, but it has no effect what so ever on whether she does or not.
Emotions take hold and fly when you least expect Especially when you try to contain them.

you are a beautiful woman Andrea! love is powerful and tears are just a sign of deep love.

--hide--


Thanks Maria. And thanks Karen, so kind, thank you. I'll remember that.

02/02/2013 new

I didn't cry at my husband's burial. It was 10+ days after the death, and my husband was ill for several years, so much of the really emotional mourning was already past.


We did not have a funeral when he died -- because I didn't want to cry in front of the community and I didn't want to be forced to control my emotions either. And my kids were all in grade school, so I couldn't see putting them through all that.... Instead, we had Mass in our living room for the older kids, my sisters, mom and me. The burial was self, mom, and one sister, no kids.


I didn't cry for my mom or dad, either...but I think that was because they both were blessed with "happy deaths": all fences mended, all work completed, peaceful and accepting.


Wishing your family the same. Praying

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